


Denial

by TSVhide



Category: TwoSet, Twosetviolin, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:22:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 140
Words: 110,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22635877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TSVhide/pseuds/TSVhide
Summary: Eddy was more or less in shock now, looking and behaving like a deer caught in the headlight. He had to choose. To break his heart or lie to him. He looked at his older friend, who was silently crying into his hands on the couch. Almost too fragile to even look at. Eddy did love his friend, but as a friend. He wanted him to be happy, and to come back to be his former funny self. How could he possibly break his heart like this?
Relationships: Eddy Chen/Brett Yang
Comments: 34
Kudos: 117





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposted from Wattpad

The late afternoon sun etched it's way through the gap between the curtains of Brett's bedroom. This normally wouldn't be a problem for him, as he would usually be awake by now. He placed the pillow over his head and let out a groan. What did he do to make the sun hate him? The blanket felt like it was made of lead, weighing the otherwise productive violinist down. He should have been practicing by now. Or well, actually he should have been finished practicing by now, because it was now only fifteen minutes until his best friend would come over with today's take away dinner. He smiled slightly at the thought of dinner.  
Brett wasn't really sure why he didn't feel like practicing today. Maybe he was just tired? He had no real reason to be that tired though. Not this time, anyway. Sometimes he'd lie in bed and chat with Eddy on facebook all night about everything and nothing. Stuff like what makes Stradivarius superior or if they accidentally had created a new religion when they made up Ling Ling.   
Sometimes they discussed personal problems. Or well, mostly Eddy's personal problems as Brett claimed he had none. The latest of Eddy's problems they discussed was this girl they had taken a picture with while on tour, who Eddy appearently seemed to take interest in. Brett, for some reason, didn't like talking about that. It annoyed him, and he stayed away from the topic if he could. It made his stomach feel like it was turning inside out.

There was a knock on the front door, and Brett immediately knew who it was just from the sound of the knock. It was one light peck before he tried the door handle to let himself in. They had stopped waiting for the other one to open years ago, but still did the symbolic knock. Then Brett listened for the thump of his sneakers on the shoe rack. He had his own spot on the shoe rack, even though he didn't actually live there. It just made sense, you know?   
He crawled himself out of bed and put on a pair of jeans he had lying around on the floor next to his bed while listening to the sound of Eddy entering his home.   
"Hey bro!" he heard from the taller boy along with the distinct sound of his light steps into the living room.  
"Food delivery for Mr. Yang! You alive, mate?" Eddy asked from the other side of the house.  
"Mhm", Brett replied as he made his way to the living room with heavy steps sporting his usual deadpan face.

"Man, you look chewed up! Did you just wake up?" Eddy asked with a half-joking smile. Brett just grunted out a sleepy "Mhm" before grabbing his order from the plastic bag on the table. He dumped into the other end of the couch Eddy already was sitting in. They both started to eat in comfortable silence as usual, but Brett's mind kept making up stupid stuff that made him somewhat uncomfortable. It was mostly about Eddy.   
_How is it possible to eat so sloppily and still look so incredibly good?_  
Brett bit his tongue on purpose as the thought was forming. Stupid brain. His stomach made a twist, which caused him to shake his head slighly to make it go away, and of course Eddy noticed the small movement.   
"Something wrong, bro?" he asked, looking at his slighly older friendwhile trying to hide how much he worried about his older duet partner. "Did the shop mess up your order again?" Eddy wasn't really asking about the order, though.  
"Nah, all good" Brett replied, as usual, and Eddy knew the battle was lost. When Yang had decided not to talk about something, he was not talking about it. End of story.

The house felt empty as it always did after Eddy left. Brett's brain started bothering him again, because there was no longer distraction to keep busy. Brett would often joke with Eddy that he was the perfect distraction from practicing, but he really also was the perfect distraction from himself. After Eddy left, all of Brett's energy went with him. He was still on the couch he had sat down in hours before, but it felt unwelcome without Eddy there. Still he couldn't make himself get up.   
At some point he had gone from sitting to lying down on the couch. He couldn't remember when that happened. He took off his glasses and put them on the coffee table next to the empty take away boxes.  
 _You lazy scum, clean up the boxes already._   
The image of Eddy's sloppy eating sneaked into his brain and the stomach knot tightened. He curled up and held tightly around his legs   
"Leave me alone", he mumbled out loud to himself, feeling the tears pressing on. "It's not like that, stop."

He spent the night like this, and eventually fell asleep. The stomach knot never let go, though. He called it a knot, as if it was a pain. It felt more like butterflies, most of the time, whenever Eddy was around. Not in a gay way though. He just cared about his best friend, that's all. No gay people here, no sir. Besides, even if he was, then Eddy probably wasn't. Maybe bi, but he was definitly into girl judging from how he spoke about that fan they had met. With her stupid jokes that made Eddy laugh so dearly...  
He could never admit how it made him feel.


	2. Chapter 2

Eddy had decided to walk home tonight, even though Brett had said it could be dangerous. Pft, stupid, he could handle himself. Besides, it was just a few streets away. It had already become dark though, and as Brett knew, Eddy wasn't too fond of the dark. He had even offered to spend the night, but Eddy had said it was no big deal to walk home. Maybe he should have taken the offer?

He shivered slightly, but continued on his way. It was breezy, which he tried to ignore. Brett had offered to borrow a jacket, which was kind of sweet of him, but he already had like seven of Brett's jackets at his house, which was way too many. Didn't he need his own jackets?

Brett hadn't been himself lately, and it worried Eddy. Maybe he'd done something to hurt Brett? He couldn't think of anything, so he decided to think that Brett would probably tell him if that was the case. It had to be something else, but what? It wasn't like they had much time to hang out with other people, with filming and practicing back to back, and any other available time sleep was nescessary to put into the schedual. Maybe it was just the lack of seeing other people? They saw each other most of the day every day, so there weren't much time left for any social life outside their bubble.

Brett had been like this since... well, since the valentines video. Eddy hadn't thought much of making it, even though it was weird that people actually wrote that kind of stories about them. He tried to think of it as people showing their appreciation in their own ways, but he was extremely grossed out about that scene where they made out.  
After they finished filming, Brett had left suddenly, leaving Eddy to put away the camera and get the files sent over to the editors. It wasn't a big deal, except he didn't even say good bye before he left. That was the first sign Eddy could remember of Brett's strange behavior.   
He turned right into his street and got himself home safely.   
"No need to worry, Brett, I got this. I can handle myself.", he mumbled while turning the key in the lock and stepping inside.


	3. Chapter 3

The next time Brett checked the time it was four in the morning. The living room had become dark and quiet. Brett felt like a stone, both physically and mentally. Heavy. He focused on his breathing. Breathe in... and breathe out. Breathe in...  
 _Can't you breathe without concentrating? Pathetic._  
"Shut up" he mumbled to his nagging brain, as if it would help. He grabbed his phone and stared at the home screen. It was a picture of himself, the wonderful Hilary Hahn, and Eddy of course. It was a nice picture, and it should have reminded Brett of happy times filming the Ling Ling workout with Hilary. It didn't. Instead all he could think of was that stupid voice in his head. It told him how he wasn't worthy of being in the same picture as Eddy, let alone Hilary. He covered himself in the picture with his finger and looked at Hilary and Eddy. Finally a good and proper looking photo. Eddy was standing in between himself and Hilary in the photo, and Brett was asked by the photographer to stand closer to Eddy.  
The stupid voice, it yelled at him when he accidentally brushed too close to Eddy's hand, like he did right before the picture was taken. It also went ballistic when the stomach knot tensed up while he was thinking of how absolutely elegant Eddy looked while playing in proper concert attire. The way he moved his fingers, his concentrated look, the small flinch when his note was too slightly out of tune for Brett to hear, but just enough for Eddy's perfect pitch to pick up on, or his proud little smile when he took applause after playing...

Brett felt a small smile forming from thinking of Eddy, but as soon as he had realized it, the voice shot it down.  
 _Ew, he's your best friend Brett, not your boyfriend. He's too good for your talentless self anyway._  
He let out a sigh. The voice was right. What would Eddy think if he knew about what he had on his mind?  
Brett was still staring at his lock screen, lighting it back up every time it went dark, so he almost jumped five feet in the air when he got a notification. It was a messenger message from Eddy.

 _04:03_ **Eddy:** You up?

Yeah, why? **:Me** _04:04_

 _04:06_ **Eddy:** Can't sleep, I keep thinking of something...

At this point Brett's heart almost stopped. How many times hadn't he dreamt that Eddy would send him that message followed by "I think I love you, Brett"? He slapped his face lightly to snap out of it.  
 _Don't get your hopes up, idiot. It's not like that._

 _04:13_ **Eddy:** You still there?

Yah, sorry, what are you thinking about? **:Me** _04:15_

 _04:17_ **Eddy:** I'm worried about you, Brett.

Brett groaned at the message. He had said it a billion times at least: There was nothing to worry about! He was fine! If he wanted to worry about someone, it should be some starving children or something, not Brett Yang - Violinist and well known YouTuber!  
 _Please, don't flatter yourself. "Well known?" Hillarious._

There's nothing to worry about, I'm fine. **:Me** _04:21_

 _04:23_ **Eddy:** You know you can talk to me about everything, right?

Brett didn't know how to reply to that.  
"Not everything, Eddy", he mumbled to himself. He had never been good at discussing feelings, especially his own. How could he possibly explain to Eddy how he felt, anyway? And no, it was not like that, it was just some thoughts he had sometimes. How could he explain that every once in a while, he thought about doing boyfriend stuff with him even though it was obvious that Eddy had no interest in that? Why would even Eddy, an absolutely perfect person, be interest in a boring person like himself?  
 _Not to mention your bad looks and awful violin skills. You sure you shouldn't be playing viola, Brett?_

 _04:28_ **Eddy:** I promise you can tell me whatever it is, Brett. We're best friends, remember?

_Seen at: 04:29_


	4. Chapter 4

"Reply, stupid!" Eddy exclaimed after being left on read for a solid fifteen minutes. He pulled a hand through his dark hair in frustration. No way he had just fallen asleep, just no way! Eddy suspected he just didn't want to reply, that idiot. Didn't he realize he just wanted to help him? He was sitting in his bed with his comforter draped over his shoulders. It was too early for this, and he felt the tiredness in his face. He was too tense to sleep anyway now though, so he didn't bother to actually try.

After scrolling through the LingLing40hrs subreddit for a while he looked at the time. Six in the morning, and still no reply from Brett. Why wouldn't he talk to him? Eddy was frustrated, disappointed and annoyed. This didn't just affect Brett, it also affected TwoSet and the fans. And not to forget: It affected Eddy.  
Eddy got himself out of bed and un-ruffled his ruffled hair slightly. He grabbed the clothes he wore the day before and put them on. Once again he had to un-ruffle his hair after putting on his bumblebee t-shirt. He wanted something. Coffee, perhaps? Perhaps their coffee shop was open? He shuffled out to the front door, got on his shoes and jacket, and opened the door.

It was so damn cold. He shivered slightly when the cold air hit him right in the face, but coffee was still on. Maybe Brett would join him? He pulled out his phone.

Coffee? Usual spot? **:Me** _06:17_

 _06:23_ **Brett:** Sure.

Eddy beat Brett to the coffee shop. Not completely unexpected as he both lived closer and had already gone out the door and was walking while texting him. He sat down at their usual table. He'd wait for Brett to show up before ordering, so his coffee wouldn't get cold. Brett's coffee that was, as Eddy was planning to order for them both. He looked around the mostly empty coffee shop. Not many places were open at this hour, but they favourite spot was. How many coffees hadn't they had here after nights of brainstorming content ideas? How many morning coffees hadn't they had here before filming? The chairs at their favourite table should have had their buttmarks etched into them by now.

Eddy was a bit lost in his own thoughts when the café door opened and his duet partner and best friend entered, but turned his attention to him and sent him a smile as he approached.


	5. Chapter 5

Brett had really considered whether he should go or not. Eddy would probably just ask again and again until he gave in and told him what he'd been thinking about when he got there. He could never tell him that, he would be disgusted and never talk to him again. Then he would have nobody. Eddy was his everything, his partner in music and life.  
 _But not in love._  
"Shut up" he muttered under his breath to the voice as he rounded the corner just by the café, and got a strange look from a passing lady.  
 _Everyone thinks you're crazy, gotta stop talking to yourself before Eddy finds out, idiot._  
And again Brett knew the voice was right. It was stupid and annoying, but right. It's childish to talk to oneself, and Brett was not a child. 

He had to stop beside the door to breathe before going in.  
"Remember, he can't know. Don't let it show, don't act rashly, just don't do anything stupid."  
 _As if you can manage that, good luck._  
The sarcastic tone of the "good luck" from his not so kind inner voice didn't help his mental state, but he still opened the door and stepped into the as good as empty café. His hands were clammy, and he felt slightly unwell, but had still made the step. He went over to their table and returned Eddy's smile. Brett's smile was put on, a good fake. Brett thought of himself as good at faking, but he also knew that Eddy knew him too damn well.  
"Thank you for coming", Eddy said with relief in his voice. That took Brett slightly aback. If only he knew how close he was to backing out just a few minutes before.  
"No, sure, why wouldn't I?" he lied, avoiding eye contact with Eddy. He still hadn't found out how he always knew he was lying.  
Eddy bounced off his chair. "The usual, right?" he asked, grabbing his card from his pocket.  
"I can order myself, no worries." Brett started to get out of his chair too, but a soft hand placed on his shoulder held him back.   
"No, I got it today. The usual?" Eddy's voice was soft like butter, and it made Brett's mind go blank. That's how well they knew each other - down to the usual coffee order.  
"Okay", he muttered, feeling the blood rush to his cheeks. He followed the taller boy with his eyes as he went up to order. How could he be so awake at this hour? It was too early to even exist. Then he remembered that he himself was also awake at this hour. "What that boy gets me to do", he muttered silently. Hopefully silently enough for Eddy not to hear.  
 _Gotta be less obvious, stupid._

When Eddy came back they each had a sip of their coffee. Eddy leaned his elbows on the table.  
"I'm not sure what I was thinking, getting coffee this early", he said followed by a big yawn. "I just couldn't sleep, you know?" He pulled some of his hair away from his face, causing Brett's stomach knot to return.  
 _Damn that's hot._  
He shook his head slightly, partly in response to Eddy, before blowing air out of his nose. "Nah, man, it's too damn early. Why are we even up at this hour? Don't we have to be awake later to film another charades video?"  
Eddy's eyes widened. "That's today?! I thought we'd do that tomorrow!" he exclaimed before facepalming. "God, I should have tried harder to sleep."  
They laughed. This was just like the old days, just like it was before Brett's brain had decided to make up stupid thoughts about the taller violinist. For Eddy it was probably all the same as before. At least that was what Brett hoped for. No change for Eddy. No need to pull him down in the mud as well.

"By the way, we've got a ton of response on that valentines video. People went wild in the comments", Eddy mentioned, seemingly casually. Brett blushed again, but tried to hide it by taking a sip of his coffee.  
"Hadn't noticed", he said ehile putting his cup down, attempting his deadpan face with little success. He hadn't noticed much other than the links to the other stories the fans wanted them to read. He had even noticed himself clicking them, but then immediately closing the browser before he could read more than the first word. Then the voice usually would have a go at him.  
"Man, it's so weird that people are writing stories about us. I mean, sometimes they have some details I really wonder where they get from. It's just too realistic man." Eddy had a sip of his coffee while waiting for Brett's reply. Brett's mind was racing for the right thing to say, to not let Eddy on to what he was really thinking. Too realistic? What did he mean by that?  
"Yeah, it's too realistic, yeah..." Brett replied, but he was mostly still inside his head thinking about those links. What's the worst that could happen if he read just one? Or maybe just the ending of the one they had started in the video?  
"I mean, there seems to be a lot of people who... what's the word... ship us?" Eddy giggled after saying that out loud, just like he had in the video they made.   
"Isn't that weird or what?" Brett's cheeks went warm. It wasn't like that, he didn't like Eddy like that. It was just his stupid brain who thought about holding him... kissing him...  
The stomach knot tightened at the thought. He held his stomach and made a face as if he had a stomach ache. It wasn't far from the truth to call it an ache.  
"You alright, bro?" Eddy asked automatically when he saw his friend in distress, suddenly forgetting about the mention of shipping. He looked like he immediately regretted the question, though, and with good reason.  
"I'm fine, stop asking me", Brett snapped back at him, with immediate fear his secret would come out if Eddy continued asking. He too immediately regretted opening his mouth so harshly.  
"Dude, what the hell is wrong with you? I just worry about you, alright?" Eddy said flatly. He was tired of Brett's stupid worrying behaviour, and after several months of building up to this, he had enough. Couldn't this idiot just get that he cared about him?  
"There's literally nothing to worry about, so you gotta leave it alone man." Brett lied through his teeth, and Eddy knew it was a lie. Brett had never been good at lying about serious business, not to anyone but especially not to Eddy, and to Brett this was serious business.  
"Then stop acting so weird! It freaks me out man!" Eddy exclaimed, and the silence in the room was so intense you could probably hear it if a small spider ran across the floor. Brett just shook his head.  
"It's nothing with me, Eddy. Nothing." Eddy shook his head back at him.   
"You're lying to me. I know when you're lying to me, we're best friends!" Brett felt sick to his stomach now. Eddy couldn't find out. His mind was twisted, yes, but why did everything have to be so difficult? Why did his stupid brain decide to see Eddy like that? Why did he have to get that stupid tight feeling in his stomach every time he looked at him? Why did the world hate him?  
"Brett... you're crying..?" Eddy half asked half stated in a soft and much calmer voice.   
"Brett?" Brett hadn't noticed he was crying until Eddy pointed it out. Between some sobs he managed to whisper "Am not." He took off his glasses and wiped his tears on the sleeve of his hoodie and finally realized that he actually was crying. A lot.

"Dude, come here" Eddy whispered before getting out of his chair to hug his older best friend. Brett buried his face into Eddy's shoulder, sobbing like a child.  
 _Idiot, you're ruining everything!_  
The voice wasn't about to leave hin alone, and it made Brett cry even harder.  
 _He's gonna find out, he's gonna leave you. It's your own fault. Idiot._  
"Please Brett, tell me what's going on. Please", Eddy whispered in his ear, still holding the smaller boy tightly in his arms. Brett had needed that hug for a long time, judging from how tightly he hugged back.  
"I... I can't tell you Eddy... I..." Brett felt awful, but at the same time relief. All the emotions just came out of him at the same time. It had built up like a massive dam, and now it was overflowing.  
 _Don't tell him, you absolute moron. Don't you want to have him in your life still?_  
"Brett, you can tell me anything, anything you need", he assured the older boy, but he wasn't sure what could be so bad that he couldn't tell his best friend. Was he sick? He had been tired and out of it lately... maybe that was it?  
 _You're gonna lose everything, Brett. It's happening, and it's your own fault. Thank yourself._  
"Please make it be quiet, Eddy. Please..." he whispered. "Make it shut up, I can't handle it!"  
Eddy was confused, but wanted to understand.  
"Make what be quiet?" he asked while moving so he could look his friend in his eyes.  
"The voice", Brett whispered, as if he didn't want it to hear. His eyes were full of tears, they were running down his cheek.  
 _Makes you look like a child, crying like this._  
"Please, Eddy, make it stop."


	6. Chapter 6

After Brett's breakdown, Eddy had decided it was best to leave the café as it was never possible to know when fans would approach them. This was not the time for fans, seeing how fragile Brett was now. He had eventually managed to stop crying after what felt to Eddy like the longest hug ever, but it was obvious to Eddy that this was hanging in a thin thread about to snap like a overly used violin string at any pressure.

They were walking home now, to Eddy's house for a change. It was closer, and Eddy felt he could better care for his friend there. He didn't understand what was going on with his older friend, but he knew that some care was badly needed. They were walking in silence, except from some tiny sobs from Brett every once in a while. Eddy had tried to respond to those by placing a hand assuringly on his shoulder, but that only seemed to make it worse, so he stopped. The sun was getting up now, and their slow walk home was witnessed by more and more people as the world woke up around them. It was obvious to anyone who passed them that Brett was not feeling great, but nobody said anything.

Eddy brought his friend inside his home and lead him to the couch. "I'll get us some tea, Brett. Are you gonna be alright?" Brett just nodded, sitting completely still on Eddy's couch. Eddy hesitantly went into the kitchen to make some tea for the both of them. Tea was their comfort drink, and it had been since they met all those years ago. Any time any of them had a bad day, the tea would get them talking and helping each other out. He got some water boiling, got some tea bags and got some tea ready. He knew how Brett liked his tea, and he knew just how to make it right for him. They were in many ways just like an old married couple.

He brought the tea back into his living room, where Brett was still sitting in the exact same position. Eddy sat the tea in front of him and placed himself in the comfy chair so they could look at each other. He wrapped his hands around his own cup of tea to keep them warm, but Brett didn't do anything.  
"The tea is still very hot, so be careful not to burn yourself", Eddy said softly, but got no reply from the smaller man in front of him. It was as if he was frozen in time.  
"Please Brett, say something." Still no reply, and Eddy felt his heart drop. What could possibly be so bad that Brett couldn't talk at all to him? 


	7. Chapter 7

Eddy's couch was comfortable enough, but his entire body felt stiff. His brain was not happy with him agreeing to come home with Eddy, but Brett had overruled it knowing the consequences that would hit him. And they did.  
 _What the hell are you doing, idiot? Him bringing you tea doesn't mean he won't leave you as soon as he knows what you're thinking you sick pervert. He doesn't care enought about you to not be grossed out by your disgusting self, why do you think he ended the hug so quickly, anyway?_

Brett was sitting frozen on his friend's couch, listening to the voice breaking him down piece by piece. He didn't even notice that Eddy placed the cup of tea in front of him, or that he had sat down. He didn't hear what he said first, but the second time Eddy spoke, Brett felt a sting in his heart.  
"Please Brett, say something."  
The words echoed through Brett's mind. What could he possibly tell him? The truth? He would lose him forever, surely. Still, it would stop hurting Eddy if he finally told him and let him decide to leave, intead of keeping him in this awful situation where Brett was making him unhappy.  
 _Idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot. You're gonna lose all you have. Everything. TwoSet is going to vanish before your eyes, your best friend is going to leave you and you'll have nothing. Nothing!_

There was no way. He couldn't do it.   
_Gotta get your faking on, Brett, stop making him worry about you._  
"I'm fine, probably just stresssed out", he lied, putting on a fake smile. He tried to act natural, and sat up more properly. He grabbed his tea from the table and put his hands around the cup, as if he was trying to warm his hands on them. Eddy wasn't that easily fooled though, he knew it was an act. He could hear it.  
"Brett, I know it's a lie. Please, Brett, did I do something to hurt you?" Eddy's voice became a bit weak at the end of that sentence. If he had hurt Brett, he wouldn't even know what he'd do. Something must have happened during filming that day, during the valentines video. Eddy tried to think back, but he couldn't remember anything out of the ordinary until Brett left suddenly.  
Brett bit his lip. Technically, Eddy hadn't done anything to hurt him. He simply went about his ordinary life, being his perfect self.  
 _Perfect is a word for a gay boy, Brett. Are you gay, or what?_  
Alright! Not perfect then! Whatever. Did it even matter if he was gay, though?  
"You didn't do anything, Eddy", he assured the taller violinist. It wasn't a lie, and Eddy let out a sigh of relief. That didn't answer why he was acting so weirdly, though.  
"Then what is it, Brett? Why can't you tell me?" Eddy's voice was fragile and weak, and it broke Brett's heart.  
 _You're hurting him. It's your fault he's feeling bad right now._  
Brett hesitated for a moment. The silence was deafening, but it was soon replaced for Brett by his intense heartbeat thumping in his ear. It was as if a thousand bass drum players were beating as hard as they could in his ear all at once. He really considered it. Was he going to tell Eddy?  
 _Like hell you are telling him, coward. You couldn't tell a fly to get out of your face if it was murdering your family in front of you._  
"I've been... having thoughts", Brett said with an unsure voice, spiting the voice.  
Eddy tilted his head to one side, causing Brett's cheek to turn bright pink. "What about?" he asked curiously with a hint of worry in his voice.  
Brett hesitated. He looked at his friend, possibly for the last time. Or so he thought, at least. Eddy was truly the best man he had ever met. Always taking care of him when he was sick, helping him through practice blocks, they had even created the best job one could possibly have together! And now Brett was convinced he'd ruin everything with one little sentence.  
"About you", Brett almost whispered before closing his eyes and bracing himself for impact.  
 _You ruined it, he's gonna hate you. Well done, idiot boy. He hates you now, he's digusted by you and will probably just kick you out of his house, just wait and see._


	8. Chapter 8

Eddy's jaw almost dropped to the floor. That was it? He had been that scared to tell him THAT?  
"Why haven't you... said... before?" Eddy stuttered, not sure how to respond without hurting him. His mind was racing, his heart was racing. The only thing not racing was his words. The reaction he got from Brett was a shrug and him taking off his glasses and putting his head in his hands. Eddy suddenly realized what must have been the reason Brett didn't tell him. How many times hadn't Eddy said how 'grossed out' he was about the fanfiction? How many times hadn't he cringed at the shipping comments on their videos? Why would Brett tell him how he feel if he thought Eddy would be grossed out by it?

Eddy was more or less in shock now, looking and behaving like a deer caught in the headlight. He had to choose. To break his heart or lie to him. He looked at his older friend, who was silently crying into his hands on the couch. Almost too fragile to even look at. Eddy did love his friend, but as a friend. He wanted him to be happy, and to come back to be his former funny self. How could he possibly break his heart like this?

"Please don't hate me, Eddy", Brett whispered between his sobs. "Please." Eddy was preparing himself mentally. It was happening.  
"Brett... I could never hate you", he said while getting all teary eyed. Eddy was shaking with nervousness.  
"I... have had thoughts too... Brett..." Eddy lied convincingly. Brett had never been able to catch his friend in a lie the same way Eddy had, and Eddy was using that to his advantage now.  
"Wh...what?" Brett wiped his tears. "You mean...? But you said..."  
"I know what I said, I was... scared..." Eddy interrupted. His stomach tightned with guilt as he dug a hole it would be awful to dig himself out of.  
"Y...you mean...?" Brett said in complete surprise, getting his hopes up. Maybe the voices had been wrong all along?  
Eddy paused for a second, looked into Brett's eyes and took a deep breath. He felt the guilt of lying eating him up from the inside, but he'd do anything for Brett. To make Brett turn back into the Brett he really was. How different could could this be from being with any girl anyway? Eddy got out of his chair and over into the couch with Brett, keeping the eye contact all the way over to him. Brett's entire face was all red, his eyes from crying and the rest of it from the intense adrenaline and blood rush to his face. They were just centimeters apart now and Brett's breathing accelerated.  
"Does this prove anything to you?" Eddy whispered before pressing his lips against Brett's. He closed his eyes, imagined this to be just some girl, even though the light stubble on Brett's face rubbed against Eddy's face as they made out right there on Eddy's couch. Eddy felt awful for lying, but relieved that his friend had finally told him what was wrong.


	9. Chapter 9

Eddy's lips were so soft, like butter or silk. Way softer than Brett had ever thought. His heart was pounding. This had to be a dream, right? He felt unable to move. Eddy's soft, but slightly cold, hand was resting on his cheek, caressing his cheekbone with his thumb. Oh how he had wanted this, more than anything in the world. Now it became true.

When Eddy pulled away, the both of them was a bit out of breath. They were still keeping eye contact, still being just centimeters apart. Brett's eyes were sparkling with the sheer happiness he hadn't felt in weeks.  
"I thought you'd hate me", Brett whispered. "I thought you would think I was digusting..." Brett couldn't stop smiling at the thought that this was actually happening. It hadn't been wrong of him to think about Eddy this way all along.  
"Never", Eddy whispered back at him. Eddy's hand had went to rest on his friend's clothed forearm, still trembling vaguely. Brett placed his own smaller hand on top of Eddy's and he realized how cold it actually was.  
"Are you cold?" Brett asked before pulling his love closer to hold around him. He didn't notice Eddy's moment of hesitstion before giving in to the embrace.  
"I'm not cold", Eddy mumbled, resting his head on Brett's chest, getting buried in his hoodie.  
"But Brett... please, can we take things slow? I've never..." Eddy's voice trailed off. Brett rested his cheek on Eddy's head, still holding his arms around the younger. He wasn't put off by Eddy's words at all. Of course they could take it slow. Anything, as long as he knew Eddy would never leave him. Anything as long as Eddy didn't hate him.  
"Of course", Brett mumbled. "We'll do it at your pace, anything for you, Eddy. Anything."  
"And anything for you, Brett. Really anything" Eddy replied quietly.


	10. Chapter 10

Everything was weird since that evening. Or at least, that's how Eddy felt. They kept filming videos as usual, recording another LingLing40hrs and a Violin Charades. Eddy wasn't sure they could even use the recording from the violin charades because of how Brett looked at him, and how physical their relationship had become since... the lie. Ugh, Eddy knew it was his own fault for leading Brett on the way he had done, and now he wasn't sure how to fix this mess. He felt guilty every time he looked at Brett, seeing his eyes sparkle with joy, every time his cheeks turned a vaguely pink colour. This was not something Eddy could fake on command, obivously, and he wondered how long it would take for Brett to catch on to the obvious signs he was being lied to.

They had agreed on a 'date' at the café later that day, and Eddy was feeling anxious about it. Again he'd have to lie to Brett for hours on end, trying to make it seem like his only problem with holding Brett's hand in public was his fear of being outed as homosexual. He wasn't even homosexual, so he supposed it would only count as a half lie that he didn't want to be outed as one. Eddy had told Brett he wasn't ready for them to go public yet, and being the sweet soul he was he said he had no problems with it. He had squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek before he said: "We'll take it at your pace, Eddy. Always at your pace."

Eddy was getting ready for the 'date'. Was he to dress up for this? The new situation between them made him unsure. They had never dressed up to go to the café before, but now, with Brett thinking things were the way they were... Was this a nice shirt and nice pants-situation? Or could he just wear his regular denim jacket? Normally, if this was a date with literally anyone but Brett, he would ask Brett what he thought. Could he still do that? Stupid, this was stupid. Of course he could still ask, they were still best friends. He pulled out his phone.

Yo, what is the dress code for the date, bro? **:Me** _13:07_

 _13:09_ **Brett:** Whatever you're comfortable in, love x

Eddy almost puked at the reply. Too sweet, too innocent, too convinced. Worst of all: It didn't answer his question. He wasn't even sure why he cared so much, he was going to the café with his friend. It should appear as if he was going to the café with his friend. He chose the "I need to practice" times three t-shirt and decided on the denim jacket. He put on his white trousers and inspected himself in the mirror. 'Does the white trousers make me look gay?' he asked himself in his head, but shook his head at the thought. He had worn these trousers probably a thousand times before. If it made him look gay, then everyone would think he was already, so he couldn't care about that now.

He grabbed his wallet and phone and put them both in his pocket before heading out, even though he half expected Brett to pay since it was Brett who had asked Eddy on a date. That was common courtesy, right? He checked his hair in the mirror next to his front door one last time before opening the door and stepping out. 

He checked the time on his phone while making his way down the street. Still plenty of time, no worries. Brett was probably there already, judging from the excitement his entire body had beamed with when Eddy had agreed on the date. Eddy hadn't felt anything but guilt. Of course, he was happy for his friend, but it was eating him up inside knowing he was lying to him. This wouldn't work out in the long run, and Eddy knew that, but seeing his friend this happy made him put off telling him the truth. Stupid, but easy.

The café they were going to was the same one as Brett had his breakdown in, which felt weird. They hadn't been there since, and hopefully nothing had changed. Eddy grabbed the handle on the door of the café and stepped inside.


	11. Chapter 11

Brett was already sitting in the café, waiting for the love of his life to come for their first ever date. Even though he knew Eddy felt the same, he had still been nervous about asking. The only sadness Brett had in the situation they were in was that Eddy had been hesitant to show their love in public. Brett would never push him into doing anything he didn't want to. He would wait until his last breath to let anyone know, if that's what it took to be with Eddy forever.

Brett had dressed up slightly for the date, worrying he'd be too casually dressed compared to Eddy. Eddy always dressed nice, but Brett tended to go for the first hoodie he could find. He barely did a check to see if the colours he wore matched. Today, he had went for a dark blue shirt and some regular black jeans. He had spent ages trying to decide how many buttons of his shirt he would button, and was still considering it when Eddy entered the café.

Eddy was gorgeous, as always. Dressed in his blue denim jacket, which he always wore in Brett's mind. Except when he didn't... wear anything... Anyway, he was eyeing his love from the sneakers to the perfectly formed jaw and all the way up to how absolutely beautifully his hair fell on his forehead. He immediately got up and pulled out his chair for him. "Hey ba... I mean, Eddy", he beamed, waiting for him to sit down before getting his wallet. "The usual?" he asked. "My treat today, since you paid last time." Eddy had sat down on the chair Brett had pulled out for him, but looked around to see if anyone had noticed anything weird. It seemed the other people there was too busy with their own things to notice the two of them, much to Eddy's relief.

Brett got their coffees, and made the barista make a little heart in Eddy's. He was really trying to be the best he could for Eddy, knowing how lucky he was to have found the man he wanted to go through life with. When he brought back the coffee for Eddy he hid his face in his hands, and Brett couldn't help but think how cute it was that he hid his blushing.  
"You like it?" Brett asked in a low voice. It made him feel good to get a positive reaction from Eddy when he tried to be good with him.  
"It's... wow..." Eddy stuttered out, not really knowing what to say. Brett really deserved better than this, and Eddy knew that. He was touched knowing what lengths Brett would go for him, though.  
"Anything for you, you know", Brett smiled and lightly stroke the back of Eddy's soft hand, just barely so that it wouldn't look obvious to anyone who wasn't paying attention to their conversation.  
"And anything for you, Brett." Eddy forced a smile while the guilt took a bite of his heart.


	12. Chapter 12

The date went well for the circumstances, the circumstances being that Eddy wasn't able to properly act his part as it freaked him out whenever Brett touched him. He tried to play it off as them being in public, and him being not comfortable about that level of affection in public, but Brett wasn't THAT blind, right? He hadn't mentioned it while they were there, but the amount of physical affection had decreased every time he'd flinched or pulled away. He had to have noticed something!

They had gone back to Brett's house after hanging out at the café for a couple of hours. Still no mention of the affection thing from Brett. Eddy wasn't sure when the last time he had this much coffee was, but it was really making him all trembly and anxious. Brett had at some point gone over to eating cake, as the display counter had turned too tempting after a while. He had an oreo cake with vanilla ice cream, which was so good he told Eddy he just HAD to try it. Eddy thought he'd just grab a separate spoon, but Brett already offered him a bite from his spoon. It was obvious that Brett had intended to spoon feed Eddy with the cake as if they were in a sickening sweet romantic comedy. No thanks. Instead Eddy grabbed the spoon from him and took the bite himself. It was weird enough for him to eat from the same spoon as Brett, but he supposed after literally having Brett's lips on his own it didn't matter.

Still trembling from the coffee, Eddy curled up in one end of Brett's couch. His heart was beating fast, and in general he felt stressed out. Brett had gone to get them some snacks from the kitchen. His mind wandered back to the kiss. How Brett's light stubble brushed against his chin and how happy Brett had been after. His stomach tightened and his heart sped up even more. What had he been thinking? It must have been a moment of desperation for his friend to be happy. There was no doubt he cared deeply about his friend, that was for sure.

Brett returned with the snacks and sat down on the couch next to Eddy. They sat in silence, onlt hearing the sound from Brett's loud chewing of potato chips. Eddy took some time to look at his friend in the dim room. He wasn't bad looking for a guy at all, really. A bit short perhaps, but the rest of him seemed to be in proportion with his shortness. His hair looked so soft, and Eddy remembered the playfights they had when thry were younger where hair pulling and ruffling had played a huge role. Eddy could almost feel the softness im his palms still.  
"Whatcha looking at?" Brett asked with a small smile. He had caught Eddy looking at him, and he saw it as confirmation they were doing the right thing.  
"Well, you know, it's kinda hard not to..." Eddy said a bit matter-of-factly. He was facing towards Brett, with Brett being theonly other moving object in the room. It was hard to not look at him. He did realize, however, that what he said could be interpreted in a more romantic way than he had intended.  
"You're so sweet, you know" Brett smiled at him before reaching out to grab his hand. Instinctivly Eddy pulled his hand back before immediately showing his regret by biting his lip.  
"Oh eh... sorry, I didn't... uh... know..." Brett stuttered out before moving slightly further away from Eddy on the couch.  
'Shit', Eddy thought before moving closer to Brett again to correct his error.  
"Sorry, Bretty, I'm just not used to... this... you know?" he said silently. He was now sitting on his knees on the couch, just centimeters from touching Brett's thigh with his left knee. Eddy hesitated for a split second before grabbing Brett's hand and placing it between his own two. Eddy's heart was racing, but he attributed it to the coffee from earlier. Same went for the anxiousness, even though that might have been the guilt for lying.  
Brett's heart was racing too. 'Bretty'?  
"No, no worries, Eddy. I don't want you to feel pressured." Eddy couldn't help but thinking that Brett was truly a sweet man. He could probably charm anyone, make any girl feel like a queen, and yet he had decided he wanted Eddy, who was not able to give him anything near what he deserved. All Eddy had to offer was lies.  
"It's fine, Brett, as long as we're not... outside..." Eddy said, hearing himself as hesitating. Brett nodded.  
"No outside affection. Got it."


	13. Chapter 13

_He still thinks you're disgusting and you know it._  
Brett tried to shove the thought that alerted it's presence when Eddy pulled away.  
"Oh eh... sorry, I didn't... uh... know..." Bretty managed to say before moving himself slightly further away from Eddy. The voice needed to shut up. The only reason he'd pull away was because this was new to him. He just needed time.  
 _Time to find a way to get away from you yeah._  
"Sorry, Bretty, I'm just not used to... this... you know?" he said with his soft angelic voice. Just the sound of it so close made Brett's head spin, and his cheeks burn. And the nickname.'Bretty'. Sure, Eddy had used that nickname before in a joking manner, but this time it felt so sincere. So real.  
Eddy moved to his knees next to Brett. It was close ebough for Brett to feel the warmth of Eddy's body without them actually touching. Eddy took Brett's hand and held it between his soft palms. His long fingers covered Brett's smaller hand easily.  
"No, no worries, Eddy. I don't want you to feel pressured", Brett said while turning his head to look at Eddy. How tempting it was to just lean in and let their lips touch again, like they had the night they confessed how they felt.  
"It's fine, Brett, as long as we're not... outside..." Eddy said slowly, seeming to pick his words with care.  
 _He's embarrased of being with you._  
Again, Brett tried to shove the voice away again, but it had planted just a vague hint of doubt in his head. He nodded to Eddy.  
"No outside affection. Got it."  
Brett could understand Eddy's need to keep this hidden while it was still so fresh, but it was so hard when all Brett wanted to do was to scream out to the world how incredibly lucky he was to be able to hold this man in his arms.  
 _Wonder if he feels as lucky holding your disgusting self?_  
He flinched at the voice, causing Eddy to let go of his hand. Brett bit his lower lip and closed his eyes. Stupid annoying voice for making Eddy let go. Couldn't it just shut up and quit making him doubt Eddy? Eddy would tell him if something was wrong, they always talked about Eddy's problems. If he had any, he would tell him.  
 _Would he, though?_


	14. Chapter 14

Eddy spent the night at Brett's house. He even spent the night in Brett's bed. With Brett. He hadn't been able to refuse him when he was asked, being all curled up in Brett's lap, tired and warm and comfortable. Eddy told himself the crash after the coffee high was incredibly powerful, giving no credit to Brett's calming low humming and warm embrace.  
He had ended up in Brett's lap gradually as the movie they had out on went on. Eddy wasn't too into the movie, but Brett seemed to enjoy it so he didn't mention it. Him ending up in Brett's lap had started with Eddy falling asleep on Brett's shoulder. While this was a common occurrence, even before Eddy had lied to Brett, but Eddy's instinct to crawl into his lap to sleep more comfortably was not. "Just playing my part", he had tried to convinced himself, even thoughhe only half believed it.

Eddy was lying under the covers in Brett's bed, too tired to do anything about what he was wearing or even brush his teeth. Whatever, he would just brush them twice as good the next morning. He also knew that logic wasn't really making sense, but he was too tired to care.  
Brett snuck into bed, half waking Eddy in the process. He rolled around to look at Eddy, who was lying with his back towards him.  
"Eddy?" he whispered.  
"What?" Eddy mumbled tiredly back at him. All he wanted was to sleep. It was quiet for a few seconds before Brett took a deep breath.  
"Can I hold you?" he whispered, now suddenly really close to Eddy, breathing in his ear. He felt his neck hairs stand up and shivers going down spine. His heartbeat went sky high.  
"Sure", he mumbled, trying tk keep his calm, and he felt Brett move closer and sneak his arm around his waist. Eddy's stomach made a flip, but he wasn't too sure it was guilt he felt this time.  
Before he had thought much more about it, he fell into a deep, comfortable sleep in Brett's arms.


	15. Chapter 15

It took forever for Brett to fall asleep. Even though Eddy's slow breathing had a soothing effect on Brett, the voice in his head had decided not to leave him alone.  
 _He wouldn't have agreed to this if he wasn't so tired. You're taking advantage of him in a vunerable state._  
Brett considered letting go of Eddy, but every time he moved Eddy grunted in his sleep, moving closer to Brett. Was it possible to react like that while unconscious if he didn't want it himself?  
 _He just feels sorry for you. You don't mean anything to him._

Brett eventually managed to fall asleep, despite his brain acting up. It had been comfortable sleep, except for that once he woke up dreaming Eddy was getting out of bed. When he woke up he stretched out like a starfish in bed, like he always did. His bed was large, and he had plenty of room to do so. He had... plenty of room to do so? He quickly sat up.   
"Eddy?" he asked the empty room, while looking frantically around. Nothing.  
"Eddy, sweetie?" he asked again while reaching for his glasses. He put them on and got out of bed. Then he heard the recognizable 'bang' from the front door shutting slightly too hard. That got Brett moving. He half ran downstairs, only to find Eddy's jacket and shoes gone.  
 _Seems like he finally had the courage to ditch you, Brett._  
"Shut up, he probably just remembered something he had to do", Brett told the voice, while not really being able to believe it himself. What if he had pushed Eddy too far last night? Was that why he left?

Brett dumped into his couch and pulled out his phone. He looked at his background picture of himself, Eddy and Hilary Hahn, just like he had after the dinner with Eddy that time. Brett had been all flustered up in the photo. How could he not be when he was in the same photo as the two most awesome people in the world? Eddy had been the voice of reason during that entire filming, as Brett had only been requesting Hilary to play for them all the time. Brett liked when Eddy took charge.

Maybe he should text him? It could have been just an unexpected errand, or maybe he had forgotten about an appointment? He opened the messaging app and the conversation with Eddy. The last messages was the ones where Eddy asked what to wear. Brett hadn't even thought about what to wear until he recieved that message. He read a few messages back, but quickly scrolled back down and started typing.

Hey, you left? **:Me** _08:57_


	16. Chapter 16

Eddy had run off to a nearby park. He figured Brett might try an look for him for just disappearing like that like an idiot. The evening had gone perfect, Brett hadn't suspected a thing. What had bothered Eddy was his own reactions the evening before. In a way, he had seemed to... like it? He felt his stomach tighten from the thought. Or was it butterflies?  
So naturally, when he woke and found himself tightly wrapped in Brett's arms he had paniced. He felt an intense need to get out of there, as soon as physically possible. He snuck out of the warm embrace and sat on the edge of the bed.  
"Mm... babe..?" he heard from the bed behind him, and Eddy froze. Shit, had he woken up? He turned to face Brett, and was relieved to see that he had fallen back asleep. He got out of bed, realizing he was still fully clothed. He slowly opened the bedroom door, not to wake Brett, and tiptoed to the front door. He had almost gotten his shoes on when he heard Brett calling his name from the bedroom.   
"Eddy?"  
He knew he only had a split second to make the descision. Should he stay? He realized how hard it would be to talk himself out of why he had left so suddenly without telling him, but he would really freak out if he stayed.  
"Eddy, sweetie?"  
The straw that broke the camel's back. Eddy grabbed his denim jacket and rushed out the door, slamming it behind him. 'Shit', he had thought. 'It'll seem like I'm mad or something.'

Now he was strolling for probably the millionth time around the small pond in the park. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, but he knew who it was. What would he even say? Would he lie some more to him? Eddy couldn't bear lying more to his friend, and he knew damn well that was why he had paniced this morning. He knew that when Brett woke up, he'd have to lie some more. But was it really a lie anymore, given how he had reacted the day before?  
He kicked a small rock lying on the stone path going around the pond. He had tried to put his hands in the pockets of his white trousers, but they were too small. It was kind of cold outside, at least compared to how warm and comfortable it had been under the covers in Brett's arms.

After another few rounds around the small pond he decided to sit down on a white bench facing the pond. The park was quiet except a small duck family quacking away on the pond. It was funny how he even bothered to take notice of it, but the adult ducks were quacking a B flat. It felt a bit far fetched, but they reminded him of Brett. More precisely Brett playing the Sibelius B flat. He was always so prescise, the sound so clean... It was a show off part, for sure, but Brett seemed to do it with no trouble at all.  
Ugh, why did some stupid ducks remind him of Brett? He picked up a pebble from the ground and threw it in the ducks' general direction. Eddy was even more frustrated when he missed them and they still fled in panic. It was just like himself fleeing that morning. Stupid, stupid, STUPID!

He took his phone out of his pocket and looked at the message from Brett. Of course he wondered where he had gone. He thought they were a thing, and now Eddy had ran away without explanation.   
As he was reading the message from Brett for the third time, he got another message.

 _09:01_ **Brett** : I'm sorry if I went too far last night, please come back.

Eddy bit his lip and put one leg up on the bench, holding his arms around it and just staring at his phone. His eyes began to fill up with tears. Why had he been so stupid? Why did he lie to him in the first place? Sure, it was done out of love for the stupid boy, but it was clear it wasn't the smartest descision he had made. It had made Eddy lie to Brett, it had made him do things he wasn't comfortable with, and to top it all off it had made him doubt himself. He had recognized the butterflies in his stomach when Brett had wrapped his arms around him on the couch the night before. He knew them from the many crushes he had growing up. He had them when he had a fling with Gemma from school, he had them when he had his first kiss at prom, and now appearently he had them when lying half asleep in Brett's arms. Did he really have a crush on Brett?

The screen on his phone had gone dark while he himself was lost in his thoughts. He closed his eyes for a second and tried to imagine how it would be to actually be with Brett for real. He imagined Brett sitting next to him right there on the bench. In his mind, Brett was happy. They had been holding hands on the way there, and Brett had put his arm around him when sitting down. The thought of this scenario made Eddy happy. His phone vibrated in his hand, and he opened the message.

 _09:16_ **Brett:** Please talk to me, Eddy. I'll do anything.

Anything. That was the word that had gotten them in trouble in the first place, really. Eddy knew he had used that word when he had lied to him, and the word made him feel sick. He had to talk to Brett, but he didn't know what to say. Would he admit to the lie? And possibly destroy their friendship forever? Brett deserved to know. At the same time, was it really a lie anymore? Was it lying when he slowly started to want it? Want Brett?

 _09:32_ **Brett:** Please, Eddy.

Can you meet me at my house at 10? **:Me** _09:33_

 _09:34_ **Brett:** Of course. Anything for you, Eddy.


	17. Chapter 17

Brett was on his way to Eddy's house. It was a bit early, but if Eddy wanted to meet him it would be important, right? He felt nervous, not being able to decide where to put his hands. His jacket pockets? His jeans pockets? Outside his pockets? He tried all alternatives, but none felt right. He tried to convince himself that it wasn't anything bad Eddy wanted, but he wasn't able to believe it.

He got to Eddy's house ten minutes early, and did one knock on the door before trying the door handle to let himself in. Locked. Where was he? Had he not gone home after he left Brett's place?  
He felt a raindrop hit his cheek and instinctivly looked up. A large grey cloud was heading his way. Shit, Eddy, where are you?

And the rain was as bad as the grey cloud had promised. And Eddy hadn't shown up yet. It was still two minutes left until they had agreed to meet, but Brett was already soaked. He had tried to press himself under the small roof above Eddy's front door, but it didn't help much. He checkes the time on his now rain wet phone. 10:00. Come on Eddy! He was getting sick over here!

Then he saw Eddy. He was just as soaked as himself, if not even more. "Eddy!" Brett called out, and the younger boy tilted his gaze from the ground to face him. His eyes were all red and puffy from wiping away tears, and Brett followed his instinct to run over and hug him. Sure, that meant becoming more soaked, but he didn't care. Their roles had been reversed.


	18. Chapter 18

Eddy allowed the older boy to wrap his arms around him. He was mentally exhausted from all the thinking, all the confusion, all the emotions... It was nice to be back in Brett's embrace, even though they were both soaked.  
"Brett..." he mumbled into his shoulder, still feeling the heavy raindrops hitting them. He was really starting to get cold now, and from Brett's shivering he knew that he was cold as well.  
"We need to go inside, Brett, you're gonna get sick..." He didn't care if he himself got sick, it was he who asked if Brett could come in the first place. It would be his fault if Brett got sick. He took a firm grip of Brett's hand and gently pulled him towards the door.

When they got inside, both were dripping wet.  
"I'm sorry for making you wait", Eddy said silently while they were taking off their shoes. He was cold and nervous. He was going to tell Brett how things were, but it had to be the right moment.  
"It's fine, the rain wasn't that bad anyway" Brett replied, followed by a short laugh while making a point of wringing up the edge of the t-shirt he was wearing. Man, how much Eddy loved that joking side of Brett. He hadn't seen it in quite a while, because of all the emotional chaos they both obviously had been going through lately.  
"Do you want to borrow something? You look like a half drowned cat..." Eddy joked back, but his voice were shaking slightly with nervousness. They could still hear the rain drumming on the roof.  
"If you have something I can borrow?" Brett said softly while pulling some wet hair out of his face. His glasses were almost impossible to see anything through.  
"Of course", Eddy said before running off to his room to get something for both of them. For Brett he found the 'musician' sweatshirt and a pair of black sweatpants. He found a similar, but not the same, outfit for himself. Similar sweatpants, but a hoodie instead of a sweatshirt. Or... would Brett prefer the hoodie? He brought all the garments back to the living room where Brett was waiting.  
"Uh, I didn't know if... uh... hoodie..?" he stuttered out. Shit, he literally sounded like an actual idiot. The nervousness was taking over, way worse than their first ever concert as TwoSet. How would he even manage to say the words 'I lied to you, Brett' when it got to that?  
"Hoodie is good", Brett said assuringly, noticing how nervous the younger one was. What was there to be nervous about, anyway? Hadn't they established everything one could possibly be nervous about already?  
"I'll go get changed in the bathroom" Eddy said quickly before grabbing the sweatshirt he originally had intended for Brett and one of the pairs of sweatpants and almost running to the bathroom. He shut and locked the door behind him and looked at himself in the mirror.  
"It's gonna be fine, he'll forgive you, Eddy", he whispered to himself in the mirror. He was still nervous. He closed his eyes and tried to do some breathing exercises he had learned from the trumpet player while they made the "beginner vs professional"-videos. The exercises had helped him relax before concerts before, but this time they didn't help at all.  
"You'll tell him you lied at first, and then how it's no longer a lie. You got this." He didn't really believe his own peptalk. He was sure Brett would be hurt, that he would never talk to him again. He was sure he'd never feel Brett's arms gently wrapped around his waist again. He was starting to tear up again.  
"I'm sorry Brett, but I lied at first. I didn't mean to, I just..." he rehearsed quietly to himself in the mirror before trailing off. No, that was stupid. Try again.  
"I lied, but I think I..." Nope, no better this time. He still hadn't changed out of his soaking wet clothes. He had completely forgotten why he was in the bathroom in the first place. His tears were flowing down his face non stop now.  
"Brett, I..." Suddenly he was interrupted by a knock on the bathroom door.  
"Eddy?" he heard muffled from outside. "You okay? You've been in there for ever."  
Shit. Eddy hurridly wiped his tears and tried to clear his throat before answering.  
"Yeah, just hard to get out of wet skinny jeans" he lied, but a voice crack on the word 'skinny' exposed his lie.  
"I'll be right there", he continued, trying to sound more convincingly before Brett could say anything. He quickly started to change out of his dripping wet clothes and into the soft, warm sweatpants and sweatshirt while his heart ponded rapidly. He heard Brett's steps move away from in front of the bathroom door and took a deep breath. He turned to himself in the mirror again.  
"You got this, Eddy. Come on."

He immediately lost any courage he might have had left in his body the second he opened the bathroom door. Shit, what was he going to say? Hesitatingly, he slowly shuffled his way to the living room where Brett had made himself comfortable on the couch with Eddy's slightly too large hoodie and obviously too long sweatpants on. His hair was still wet from the rain, but he had wiped off his glasses so that he could see properly again.   
"Thanks for the dry set of clothes", he said while Eddy quietly sat down. Eddy was damn near another outburst or crying.   
"But why did you want me to come in the first place? You could have just come back to my place, you know?" Brett tilted his head vaguely to once side while asking without realizing it himself. Eddy facepalmed mentally. Why didn't he think of tthat in the first place?  
"Yeah, sorry, I just... just... I don't know." He lifted his legs into the couch, and avoided eye contact with Brett. He was desperately thinking about how to say what he was about to say.  
"Eddy, what's wrong?" Brett asked with worry in his tone. "Did I do something?"  
Eddy shook his head as a reply. "No, no... I did something, Brett. I'm also so sorry."  
Brett's mind went into overdrive mode now. Had he cheated on him? Did he find someone else?  
 _He finally realized how disgusting you are, Brett._  
Eddy saw Brett's panicky face and crawled closer to Brett.  
"Brett, please, hear me out, it's not..." Eddy's mouth was moving at 100 km/h, with words flowing out like a river. Brett's panicked face had it's attention completely on Eddy's eyes, even though they completely avoided meeting Brett's gaze. "It kind if corrected itself, even though I lied at first and well..."  
"Wait", Brett interrupted, feeling his heart sinking. "Lied? You lied?" Of course it had been a lie, it was too good to be true. Brett felt like an idiot, sitting there in this too large hoodie that smelled like Eddy. Helt felt like like an idiot for liking the scent. Of course it had to be a lie, because why would anyone, least of all Eddy, see him like that?  
Eddy could tell Brett was breaking down mentally, and he was really stressed out hy it. Shit, this was exactly what he wanted to avoid. This was why he had lied in the first place, and now he made everything worse.  
"Brett, I... I... lied at first, but... but then... then something changed, Brett, when, when you... held me..." Eddy was panicking hard, and the speed and stuttering combined in his voice reflected that.   
"Liar", Brett whispered, with his head tilted down. He was heartbroken, he was ashamed. How could he have been so easily fooled? And noe Eddy was making up another lie to make him feel better again. He really thought he'd fall for it twice?   
"Please, Brett, I... I really regret lying the first time... but... I wanted you to be happy... I... I thought... it would help... I was so worried, Brett, please..." Eddy was just barely able to force out the last word as he lost control of his voice. His tears were flowing as if someone had opened the tap.   
Brett bit his lip hard as he tried to find his voice back. "So, you pity me?" he whispered, sobbing between each word. In many ways he felt humiliated. He had offered himself and his deepest feelings for Eddy, and it had all been a lie.  
"I love you, Brett. Please, believe me." Eddy moved to sit on his knees next to Brett, just like he had right before their first and only kiss. He was so scared to lose Brett, he was so scared to lose his best friend over a stupid lie. He took Brett's face in his hands, and the shorter boy looked into the taller's dark brown eyes. They were desperate and honest, and the tears had made them red and puffy. Brett didn't know how to respond. The soft hands cupping his cheeks made it hard to think. Time stopped around them as they sat in silence looking into each other's eyes: One to find the truth, and the other to tell the truth.  
"Say it again", Brett whispered, examining the taller boy's eyes for hesitation. "If you really mean it, say it again."  
Eddy took a deep breath and leaned in so close to Brett that he could feel his breathing on his face. He trembled slightly, but he didn't hesitate for one moment.  
"I love you, Brett", Eddy whispered before letting their lips meet for the second time in their lives.


	19. Chapter 19

Brett was in heaven. He didn't think Eddy would move this quickly, and certainly wasn't expecting him to kiss him again. Eddy's lips were soft, slowly moving along with his like they were playing a duet. The butterflies in Brett's stomach were all over the place, making Brett move his hands to be placed on Eddy's hips.

_Are you sure he's not still lying, though?_

He tried to shove the thought to the back of his head and bury it. All he wanted was to enjoy this moment with Eddy. He felt Eddy's hand slide down from holding his cheeks to tickling his neck softly with the tips of his fingers. They were both breathing heavily now.

_He doesn't actually love you, he's a good liar, as you should know by now._

When the voice spoke this time, Brett pulled away from Eddy. His breathing was fast, and his hands were still on Eddy's hips where he was sitting on the couch. Their eyes were locked onto each others', but Brett's were filling with doubt. He bit his lip while really trying to see if Eddy was telling the truth this time.

_He's just trying to humiliate you more. Lead you on and dump you like the trash you are._

And all of a sudden, Brett's stomach knot had returned, and Eddy was picking up on it.  
"Brett..." he whispered softly. "Please tell me you don't think I'm lying." He was so close, their noses was almost touching. While Brett liked having him there, so close, he felt unsure. What if he was lying to him, after all, as not to hurt him?

_Of course he's lying to you. Nobody would ever like you like that, Brett._

Brett closed his eyes and pulled his hands back from the taller boy's hips.  
"I... I don't think I...?" Brett began to say, but he ended it sounding like a question. He opened his eyes and looked up at Eddy again. He could tell Eddy was fighting tears now, but his doubt wouldn't let go. Eddy removed his hands from Brett's neck, leaving it all cold.  
"How can I..?" Eddy asked, his voice weak and fragile, but Brett just shook his head.  
"I just... how could you, Eddy?" They were still close, but not as close as they had been. Brett didn't want to move further away, but he didn't really want to move closer either. He felt stuck in no man's land, and it felt wrong to walk in any direction.  
"Brett, please, it was out of love, because I care about you, because you... you're literally my partner in everything and... and..." Eddy lowered his head, feeling defeated. How could he possibly prove to Brett this was no lie?  
"And... when you... you were so patient? And kind, and sweet and... perfect... and..." His voiced trailed off. What was the point? He had ruined it now. He should never have opened his stupid mouth about this, and Brett would have continued on in ignorant bliss.  
"The heart in my coffee... nobody has ever done that for me before..." Eddy had realized long ago he was just rambling now. All his hope had left him, and he was more or less just listing the good things Brett had done for him now. How good Brett had been to him.

The heart in the coffee. He remembered that, such a small gesture that Brett had done. How could he be lying when he was remembering something as unimportant as that?

_He could be remembering it because he thought it was stupid, you never know._

"Eddy..." Brett said, more serious now. "I want to believe you, I really do, but..." There was a pause, and Eddy thought this was it. Brett didn't believe him. His heart sunk, and he felt like breathing was incredibly hard. If he were to play now, shaky bow would be inevitable.  
Brett took a deep breath before continuing.  
"But... sometimes... there's this... voice...? In my head...?" His voice was shaking, his hands were trembling and he was absolutely sure Eddy would laugh in his face and call him crazy.


	20. Chapter 20

Eddy's face went from sad to mostly confused.  
"What do you mean, voice?"  
Brett shook his head, immediately regretting telling Eddy. It was stupid, it was not real. It was probably just his own stupid thoughts playing him like an A string.  
"It's probably not important, sorry" Brett said quickly before moving his hand to hold Eddy's hips again.  
"Now, where were we?" he asked while the voice was telling him to back off.  
Eddy didn't respond to the hand placement.  
"Brett, what voice? What do you mean voice? Is it telling you what to do and stuff, what?" Eddy was really qorried about Brett now. Hearing voices was definitly not normal, and if Brett gad been hearing them for a while it would explain a lot.  
"It's nothing, don't worry", Brett lied, and Eddy knew he was lying.  
"Brett, I know you are lying. Talk to me, please!" Brett flinched at the word 'lying', but tried to hide it.  
"How do you always know I am lying?!" he half shouted back. How annoying wasn't it that Brett couldn't catch him lying to save his life, but Eddy could just tell? Was he literally completely unable to spot obvious lies, or what?  
"I just can, okay?" Eddy half shouted back. He had his ways, but if he told him the game would be over.  
Brett shook his head. "Tell me, please?" he said, ignoring the voice in his head still. It was mostly an annoying murring in the back of his head as long as he was able to distract himself.  
Eddy shook his head. "You tell me what's going on in that head of yours, Brett. I want to help you."  
Brett looked into Eddy's eyes, his absolutely beautiful eyes. The right shade of brown with large pupils in the dim light. His hair, still partially wet from the rain still, falling elegantly over his forehead. His entire body was expressing concern for the shorter boy, just like it had before the lie.  
Brett shook his head for probably the millionth time that day. The rain was still drumming on the roof above them, erasing the silence of the room.  
"It's... it's nothing, it just tells me when I do stupid things, you know? Like... like a filter for stupid ideas, you know?" It wasn't a lie, but from Eddy's reaction it didn't seem like it was as serious as Brett thought. Eddy leaned onto Brett, causing Brett to be forced down on his back on the couch with Eddy on top of him. Eddy rested his head on Brett's chest, listening for his breathing. Brett ignored the voice in his head and let Eddy use him as a human pillow or mattress. It was quiet for a long time before Eddy spoke.  
"Does the voice tell you I'm a stupid idea, Brett? Is that why you can't trust me?" He didn't look at Brett, just listened for any change of breathing. Breathe in... breathe out...


	21. Chapter 21

Brett looked up at the ceiling, not replying at first. In many ways, the voice had told him being with Eddy was a bad idea, but mostly because it seemed to want Eddy to be happy, just like Brett did. It had never actually said Eddy himself was a bad idea.  
He hesitated for a second before opening his mouth. "Not directly..." he said eventually, not daring to tilt his head down to look at Eddy, who had his ear resting against his chest. It was quiet for some time again. Eddy tried to think about what to say, but it was nice to just lie there and enjoy the moment.  
"I'm sorry for doubting you", Brett said silently, and Eddy listened to the low rumbling in his chest as he spoke. Brett wanted to trust him, wanted this all to be real.  
 _It's not real, he's lying to you._

"It tells me you're lying, Eddy. That this isn't real." He spoke with a calm voice, simply telling him what the voice said with hope that Eddy would understand. Eddy felt Brett's chest going up and down with every breath, and he could hear his heartbeat. It kind of sounded like it was beating a B flat, but it was hard to tell when he was being constantly distracted by the fact that Brett had started to run his availible hand through Eddy's thick, dark hair.  
"I don't know how to prove it to you Brett", he whispered. Had he spoken out loud, he wouldn't be able to get a word out. "I'm sorry this started out like this."  
Eddy, who was still lying on Brett's chest, lifted himself up on his hands, so he could look Brett in the eyes. His glasses didn't sit straight on, his hair was messy, and his cheeks turned a bright pink colour. "It doesn't have to end with this, Brett. Let's work it out, please." Eddy's voice was low in register, and his eyes captured Brett's.  
Brett felt a shiver going down his spine and butterflies in his stomach.  
"Yes, Eddy", he whispered, and Eddy leaned down to kiss him for the third time ever.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

Their lips almost touched. Brett could feel Eddy's breath on his face, his lips trembling with excitement, but then a loud screeching noise filled the air around them. It came from the table, more specifically from Brett's phone. It was ringing.  
Eddy sat up, straddeling the older boy beneath him and reached over to the table and gave it to him. Still lying down, he answered the phone.

"H..hello?" he said before clearing his throat.  
 _"Is this Brett Yang?"_ the voice on the phone demanded.  
"Yes, that's me. Who's c..." Brett was interrupted by a soft kiss on the left side of his jaw, but he tried to pull himself together. He cleared gis voice again.  
"Sorry. Who's calling?"  
 _"This is Gardner, current chief conductor of the Bergen Philharmonic Orchestra. I was wondering if that duo of yours, TwoSet Violin would be interested in a collaboration?"_  
Brett was not really sure if he actually would be able to what this mr Gardner was saying, because Eddy's hands sneaked under the hoodie he had borrowed from the taller violinist, caressing the soft skin of his stomach.   
"I'm sorry.. w...what orchestra did you say?" Brett asked, trying not to let Eddy distract him, and obviously failing hard. He felt his body react to it and breathed out slightly heavier than he normally.  
" _The Bergen Philharmonic, in Norway. We were hoping TwoSet Violin would play something with us, something serious for once."_  
Brett wasn't really sure what to say, and Eddy wasn't making it easy for him either. It wasn't describable in words how much Brett wanted this phone call to end so that he could get revenge on Eddy for doing this to him.  
"M..." He was quickly interrupted by the realization of where Eddy's hand was moving. He took a deep breath before trying to speak again.  
"Maybe... you could email the details so I can discuss this with my... partner?" he requested from mr Gardner. He was sure mr Gardner would hear the word "partner" differently from how Brett had meant it.  
 _"Certainly! Can I get an email adress from you, and I'll send over the details immediately!"_ the chief conductor requested, and Brett hastily gave it to him, eager to again be alone with his bo... Eddy. Alone with Eddy.  
 _"Alright, I hope from you soon!"_ Brett heard from the other end. _"Bye!"_

Brett hung up the phone and let out a moan. "Shit, Eddy", he gasped as Eddy's lips touched the now bare lower part of his stomach. His hoodie was pulled up to expose most of his stomach, and it was now covered in goosebumps.  
Eddy felt so good when Brett reacted the way he did, whimpering below him. He loved every centimeter of what he was seeing and experiencing so far. He was so in the moment, which was probably why he didn't expect Brett to suddenly turn them around. Eddy felt his wrists being pushed into the couch, and the older boy was now on top of the younger.  
"Oh sh.." he began to say, but was quickly shut up by Brett's lips touching his own. He tried half heartedly to escape Brett's grip, but gave up as soon as he felt Brett's tongue just beneath his ear followed by a his teeth softly on his earlobe. Eddy let a quiet moan escape from the back of his throat.  
"Shit, Brett, stop the tease already!" he exclaimed, even though his body had been screaming that for the past minutes already.  
"I'm getting my revenge", Brett said softly with a playful smile over his lips, before moving further down the younger man's body...


	23. Chapter 23

When Eddy woke up, it was the middle of the night. The living room around him was dark, all except a bright blue light coming from the large comfy chair. The light was lighting up Brett's face, as he seemed to think about something. In the dark room, Eddy could barely make out his bare, slightly contoured torso. He didn't seem to have noticed he was awake, so he took the opportunity to study Brett's behaviour when he thought Eddy wasn't looking.

Brett had been awake for a while, but as Eddy's sleeping figure was too beatiful to look at, he couldn't bear waking him up. He had covered Eddy with a blanket, as leaving him on the couch the way he had been left the night before simply was too tempting. He had for the most part been scrolling on his phone for the hours Eddy had been asleep, and he at some point he had recieved the email from mr Gardner.   
There were some details mentioned like what kind of money was involved and rehearsal dates and so on. One of the orchestra's sponsors had been very keen on making this concert happen, and so had arranged for all the funds to be covered.

Brett wondered if Eddy wanted to go to Norway with him with their relationship being so emotionally turbulent and all. It was just a few weeks away, which was unusual. Normally, large concerts like this would be planned ages in advance, but according to the email, the project the orchestra was planning to do couldn't go ahead after all. The kind sponsor had even offered to pay for hotel rooms for them a few days after the concert to check out the city!

Eddy's eyes were focused on Brett's small smile. What was he reading on his phone, to make him smile like that? He tried to see what he was looking at in the reflection of his glasses, but it mostly seemed like text.  
"What are you smiling about?" Eddy inquired as a half whisper, and Brett seemed to almost fall out of his chair in surprise.  
"You're awake", he replied with a smile. "How long have you been awake?" Eddy didn't particularily like that Brett avoided the question, but just shrugged it off.  
"A few minutes..." he mumbled while sitting up. He realized the only thing covering him was a blanket, and blushed. Pictures popped up in his head of what had happened earlier that day. Or was it yesterday? He wasn't sure, but he knew how gentle Brett had been, how soft his handshad felt against his skin, and how Brett was rough with him when he had asked him to.

His hand moved to touch the light purple and blue shade on his forearm where Brett had held him slightly too hard in the heat of the moment. Eddy knew he didn't mean for it to hurt, and Brett had almost cried from guilt when Eddy cried out in pain rather than pleasure. Good thing it was dark in the room, so Brett wouldn't see the bruise. No need to rip up his guilt, even less need for that when Eddy thought about how incredibly good he had felt just seconds before.  
"How long have you been up?" he asked Brett back while looking for his underwear among the dark vague shapes on the floor, who seemed to be piles of their clothes.   
"A few hours", he replied while scrolling back to the top of the email. He figured he'd let Eddy get some clothes on before discussing the concert with him, or well concerts. The orchestra always did one on thursdays and one on fridays, so there would be two.  
"Do you want some light?" Brett didn't wait for a reply before reaching out to turn on the reading lamp. Eddy's heart almost stopped for a second, but he regained his senses quickly enough to cover the bruised left arm with the corner of the blanket he was wearing.  
"Gah, too much light", Eddy said out loud and squinted as the lamp was turned on. "Can't see for shit now, mate. Officially blinded by this light." Brett laughed at the joke and quickly leaned down and found Eddy's underwear, which he had carefully removed earlier.  
"Here's what you're looking for", he said, throwing the colourful boxer at him. It hit him in the face.  
"Wow, nice aim", he said sarcastically, but with a joking smile. Now that the light was on, he could see Brett clearly. He had only bothered to put on the sweatpants Eddy had provided earlier. Judging from the second set of boxers still lying on the floor, that was the only thing he was wearing. Eddy bit his lip subtly at this realization as he pulled his boxer up over his thighs.

"But! I have good news!" Brett exclaimed with a large smile. He figured it would better to present it that way.  
"Please don't tell me you're pregnant, I'm not ready to be a father", Eddy joked, but quickly turned more serious. "What's the good news?" he asked in a cheerful voice while pulling the hoodie Brett had worn over his head. It smelled like Brett.  
"We've been asked to play with an orchestra in Norway, I think it was called Buhrgon or something, but it seems like a good deal we're getting." He handed his phone over to Eddy, who quickly read through the email. Every oncein a while, Brett could see Eddy do a small nod, or hear him confirm information for himself.   
"This looks good, Brett. Was this Gardner the guy you spoke to on the phone?" Brett got all flustered thinking about the phone call. How much had the chief conductor realized?   
_He probably knows you're a pervert for sleepong with your best friend, at the very least._  
Brett sighed as the voice presented itself.  
"Yea, that's him", he said before clearing his throat the same way he had during the call. This immediately brought back Brett's memories of Eddy's elegant, long fingers slowly sliding down his bare stomach.  
"I say we should go, it does say all expenses paid, right?" Eddy's smile was to die for, and Brett knew in that moment that he would do just that if he had to.


	24. Chapter 24

Eddy had never been this nervous about traveling before, and yet here he was on his way to Brett's house with his suitcase and violin. In his suitcase he had two sets of sheet music, the Navarra by Sarasate and some new piece by a local Norwegian composer. He didn't know how to pronounce the title properly, so he wouldn't try, and the composer's name was even worse. No need to ruin someone's name. The piece was nice to play, a bit modern for Eddy's taste perhaps, but appearently based on the Sarasate piece. The two would go well together at the concert.

He checked the time on his phone while strolling down the street. A few minutes still until he had planned to meet Brett at his house. They hadn't really been together the way Eddy wanted since that day, but Eddy had explained that for himself with all the rehearsals the two of them had needed for this concert before meeting the orchestra. The first few days of rehearsal, Eddy had tried to be close to Brett after packing their instruments, but he had pulled away, saying he was tired and needed sleep. He felt like an old married couple already, only three weeks into their... thing? They hadn't really referred to each other as being in a relationship yet, and especially not as boyfriends. But anyway, shouldn't the first few weeks be some kind of honeymoon phase?  
The rolling of his suitcase against the tarmac surface was annoying Eddy. It was another B flat. What was the deal with the B flats showing up everywhere, anyway? Did they live in some kind of B flat realm?

He got to Brett's house, knocked once, and let himself in.  
"Morning, Bretty!" he said loudly before listening for the older's movements around the house.  
"Here", he heard from the kitchen, and he followed the sound of his angelic voice. The sight of the older man forced Eddy to take a deep breath as to not immediately be all over him. His hair was messy, his shirt was baggy and the sweatpants he was wearing was obviously Eddy's.  
"I love it when you look so messy", Eddy admitted out loud while putting his violin case next to the suitcase on the floor. He himself had been all dressed for a while now in the usual denim jacket, a pink hoodie and the same white trousers he had been wearing for their first date.  
"Thanks, I'm very obviously behind in my preparations for our flight", he responded flatly. Eddy was slightly taken aback by the response, but attributed it to Brett being stressed about the flight. They only had half an hour until they needed to leave anyway, and Brett was cooking some eggs for breakfast.  
"Do you want some help with that?" Eddy asked before sneaking his arms around Brett's waist from behind and kissing his cheek. Brett immediately let himself out of his embrace and handed Eddy the spatula.   
"If you don't mind?" Immediately after handing over the spatula he ran up to the bedroom to get dressed, while Eddy was left to look after the eggs. It seemed Brett had made enough for both of them, which made Eddy smile to himself. He did care, he was just stressed out.


	25. Chapter 25

Brett didn't feel anything. He didn't feel happiness, he didn't feel sadness. He did not feel stress, and not really comfort either. Worst of them all he did not feel anything when Eddy was around. Except maybe some guilt. The only positive thing about this seemed to be that the voice for the most part shut up. For the most part. Except when Eddy showed some obvious signs of wanting to be with him more intimately, and Brett just didn't feel it.  
A good example of this was when he felt Eddy's arms sneak around his waist, and his soft lips against his cheek. This should have caused his stomach to turn upside down and his cheek to turn bright pink. Only four weeks ago that's what would have happened. But it didn't. And he felt somewhat guilty about it.

He knew when it started, but he didn't know why. It had happened gradually, when his happiness disappeared when Eddy left one night they had stayed at Brett's house. Then, his stress disappeared. He had been stressed about the concert in Norway, but suddenly he didn't really care. Whatever happened, would happen.  
He hadn't told Eddy about this yet, thinking he might be hurt if he knew about the lack of feelinhmgs towards him. Brett was sure he should have been feeling something, but he couldn't force it to happen either, so he pulled away from Eddy. It was a bit exciting every time he'd meet Eddy again after being apart. Maybe this time, he'd feel the butterflies in his stomach when Eddy's arms wrapped tightly around him? It hadn't happened yet though, but maybe the travel would ease up his brain a bit?

When they eventually got to the airport, they learned that their flight had been delayed. Eddy freaked out, because they would likely mias their connecting flight as well, but Brett couldn't make himself feel much as Eddy took the discussion with the poor lady behind the airline counter. She seemed stressed, probably from all the irritated customers she had to deal with.  
After zoning out of the conversation for a while, Brett came back to hearing Eddy's stressed voice talking loudly to the lady, who seemed to be answering as best as she could. Brett tugged on Eddy's sleeve to get his attention.  
"Eddy, it's fine. Let's just go sit down. I'm sure they'll do anything to get us going." He looked Eddy in the eyes, and they were sparkling. Brett knew his eyes appeared dead, but he didn't really have the energy to fake it.  
Eddy nodded and they went to find some place to sit in the busy airport. They had decided not to seem public just yet, but Brett could feel Eddy's hand brushing against his while they were walking. He knew he wanted him to take his hand, but Brett didn't feel like dealing with strangers staring right now, so he ignored it.

When they found a place to sit, Eddy immediately rested his head og Brett's shoulder. Brett let him.  
"Bretty?" he mumbled, while a group of people ran past them, probably to catch their flight. Brett followed them with his eyes, sporting his signature deadpan face.  
"Hm?" he answered Eddy flatly, as he didn't find the energy to do much more. He felt bad for sounding uninterested in what Eddy was saying, but it really took him so much energy to just exist.  
"Why won't you touch me anymore?" The sadness in Eddy's voice felt like a sting to Brett's heart. A feeling! Feelings was something he hadn't experienced in a long time, but this was definitly not the kind of feeling he wanted.  
"I am touching you now?" Brett suggested, even though he knew that was not what Eddy had meant. Sure, they were touching, but Brett had usually been the first to wrap his arms around Eddy, to lean in for a kiss, to caress his cheek. Eddy just sighed at the response and went quiet for a while. Brett didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything. He thought maybe that he should have, but what could he possibly say?  
Eddy was the one to break the silence, after a while.  
"Are you okay, Brett?" The question was innocent enough, but after all the years they had known each other, Brett knew that Eddy sensed something was up. He knew something was going on in his mind that he didn't talk about.  
"Do you want to have this conversation here?" Brett asked, raising an eyebrow and gesturing towards the other people at the airport who was sitting around them, walking past, talking to their fellow travelers. In general being busy.  
"If it would give me back my Brett, then sure", Eddy mumbled, but he didn't get any reply. 


	26. Chapter 26

Eddy must have fell asleep there, leaning on Brett's shoulder, because some time later he was woken by soft hand carefully caressing his cheek.  
"Eddy? You awake?" the older boy asked in a low voice. "The plane is finally ready, we gotta go." He yawned and sat up more properly. His neck hurt from bending it down to rest on Brett's shoulder, but it had been worth it. Eddy worried this would be the most intimate Brett would get with him for the entire trip. "Finally" he mumbled and gathered his things.

They got to the gate, where another airline lady explained how sorry she was for their wait, and that they had arranged for a different airline to function as their connecting flight from Amsterdam to Bergen. They had been lucky to find a flight with only one stop, instead of the usual two or three they had been expecting. On the other hand, they would spend a night at the airport hotel in Amsterdam due to the delay.  
Eddy was both excited and not excited about the night in Amsterdam. Maybe, when they had the entire night without anything they had to do, Brett would be able to relax and be the sweet loving Brett he knew and loved. The Brett he was experiencing now worried Eddy, and made Eddy feel like he didn't care about him anymore.

They sat down on the flight, and they were lucky getting the row to themselves. Brett's seat was the one by the window, but he offered it to Eddy.  
"I probably won't be much fun during the flight anyway", he explained it with. "You can look out the window to entertain yourself, or whatever." Eddy had almost expected Brett to take the aisle seat, but was positively surprised when he sat next to him in the middle seat.

The eighteen hour flight was long, and it felt to Eddy like they had been flying for weeks even though every time he checked the time it had only been another half an hour. Brett had fallen asleep in his seat, looking all peaceful and kissable. Eddy closed his eyes and imagined the best outcome he could think of for the hotel stay in Amsterdam.


	27. Chapter 27

The hotel was rather nice, and the reseptionist was very polite when she asked if they wanted two single beds or one double bed. Eddy hadn't known what to reply, but was assured when Brett had stepped up and said they wanted a double bed after a slightly too long and awkward silence. They got their keys and made their way to the elevator with their luggage.

Brett opened the door to the room, a nice and pale room with some colourful decor. Very modern, but it didn't feel very cozy. He pushed his suitcase into the large wardrobe by the entrance and made way for Eddy to come in as well. Brett's mind was completely blank, and he was for the most part ready to get some more rest even though he had been sleeping for most of the long flight. Immediately after the door was shut, Brett faceplanted onto the bed. He remained in the same position for a few seconds before kicking off his shoes and crawling properly into the bed. He noticed Eddy sitting down on the edge of the bed, but he didn't turn to look at him. He did feel awful for not engaging contact with Eddy, but his entire body felt heavy and tired ll the time no matter how much he slept.

Eddy kicked off his own shoes and took off his denim jacket before crawling into bed with Brett. It wasn't really that late, local time, but they had been awake for quite some time. He ended up just lying om his back and staring up at the ceiling. All he wanted in the world right then was for Brett to wrap his arms around him.

Brett turned to look at Eddy lying in bed. He felt awful, knowing Eddy missed him, but he couldn't make himself to fake feeling things. It was frustrating to feel so empty all the time, to know you were hurting people you cared about.  
"You wanted to know... something?" He chickened out halfway through the question he had intended to ask. His voice was weak ans full of guilt for his partner.  
"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, Brett. I'm sorry for pressuring you into doing stuff you obviously did not want to do." The apology sounded sad, resignated. He apologized for more than just making him talk about stuff.  
"It's not that I don't want to, Eddy" Brett sighed and sat up in the bed with his legs crossed.   
"I just... everything feels so... well, it doesn't feel much?" He relized the sentence didn't make sense, but Eddy's lack of reaction made him continue.  
"I love you, Eddy, I know that, but I don't... I don't feel it the same way I did, and I keep getting disppointed when I hope for it." Eddy didn't reply, only sniffed quietly to himself and turned his back against Brett. Shit, he had made him cry.  
"Eddy... please, I'm sorry, I..." The apology was real, but he couldn't promise to be better. Maybe Eddy simply would be better off without him as things were now?  
"Don't apologize, Brett", Eddy ordered him quietly, wiping a tear. "It's problably my fault anyway. It's because I lied at first, right? You don't trust me?" Eddy had been worrying about this for quite some time, that he had caused Brett's strange behaviour. "It's my fault, I'm sorry."  
Brett shook his head and madean efford to crawl over to Eddy's side of the bed. He sat behind Eddy, one arm holding himself up and the other hand was placed on Eddy's arm.  
"It's not your fault, Eddy", he said softly to the boy lying down with his back to him. "I just... I'm probably just stressed about this concert or something." He knew that wasn't it, but a small lie wouldn't hurt. Except Eddy knew he was lying.  
"I'm sorry for this", Eddy apologized again, but this time Brett felt a new feeling. Annoyance. He poked Eddy in the side, knowing how ticklish he was. Eddy shrieked and bounced up.  
"Oh stop it you", Brett said sternly and poked him again, making a similar reaction.  
"It's not your fault, really", he said with a small smile, the happiest he had both looked and felt in a while, and leaning over to poke him again, but this time Eddy caught his hand first.  
"You stop that", he giggled, loving this half playful Brett, even though it wasn't properly. "I'll get you back, I swear."  
Brett shook his head, and got that playful smile on his face that Eddy remembered from the playfights from when they were younger.  
"Don't you dare!" he said loudly, holding his arms out in front of him to protect him from the incoming tickle attack.  
"Watch me!" the younger simply replied as he launched the tickle attack on the smaller man, making him laugh and twist under him.  
"P...pleeeaaase!" he shrieked, all laughing and trying to stop Eddy from tickling him, and when Eddy finally stopped the tables turned quickly. Suddenly, Brett was on top of Eddy, holding his arms down on the bed by the wrists. Then he leaned down to him, their lips nearly touching.  
"You're so mean", he whispered playfully while he locked his eyes onto Eddy's. The sparkle in them danced over the warm brown. He felt Eddy tremble slightly under him, and that made Brett's stomach do a flip. A good flip. The kind he had hoped for would come to him when he was with Eddy.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW ish

Eddy saw the sparkle in Brett's eyes when they locked onto his, a sparkle he hadn't seen since the last time they had been intimate. Brett loved how his lips curved into a smile, a teasing one. He spent some time studying him, his bo...  
 _He has never called you his boyfriend. He's just playing with you.  
_ His friend.  
Unfortunately, Eddy, after waiting for this opportunity for the past weeks, was not patient enough for Brett's brain to argue. He took advantage of the loading process in Brett's brain, and rolled them over so he could be on top of him.

"Ouf shit man", Brett exclaimed with a tiny smile, feeling Eddy's weight hold him down. "Impatient with me?"  
"I've waited for weeks, Brett, I don't have time for your brain to process. Just feel it Brett, or stop me if you don't want to", Eddy whispered before leaning down to Brett and let his lips brush over Brett's. They moved slowly, but their breathing accelerated as if they were stressing on stage. Eddy felt a soft hand on his neck, pulling him closer to the gasping man beneath him. Then he felt the other of Brett's hands slide up his thigh before coming to a rest at his hips. This made him shiver with excitement. It had been too long, and Eddy thought they really didn't do this often enough. At least not often enough compared to how often Eddy wanted this to happen.

_He's just using you, Brett._

Brett attempted to shove his stupid brain aside to enjoy the moment. Eddy was right about it being weeks since last, and mostly his brain was at fault for that. His brain and his lack of energy to do anything, really.  
He felt Eddy move his hands to pull off Brett's hoodie, and he let him. The chilly air of the hotel room hit his bare chest, causing him to shiver slightly. Then Eddy slowly removed the pink hoodie and the t-shirt he was wearing and leaned down to kiss Brett again.

_He doesn't love you the way you love him, stupid. Actually, he doesn't actually love you at all. Just using you for this. 'I've waited for weeks', remember? He's just after this._

When Eddy pulled away from the kiss, he knew Brett's mind wasn't with them anymore. He felt Brett's mental absence in the way he moved, and it made him unsure of what to do. He got off from sitting on top of Brett, who was still absolutely gorgeous with his bare torso. Brett followed him with his eyes, also not sure what to do.  
"I'm sorry", Eddy said quietly after a while. They were lying close together in bed, but none of them actually taking initiative to be affectionate with the other, even though Eddy longed for it.   
"Don't be", Brett mumbled back. "It was nice." It had been nice, that wasn't a lie. His body had wanted this so bad, and it still did. His brain, on the other hand, seemed to think this was a bad idea. Brett thought there was a significant chance it was right, and went with it when Eddy stopped.   
Eddy sighed, sat up, and got his t-shirt back on. He didn't notice Brett's eyes on his back muscles as he did so. "It doesn't feel like you want this, Brett. It feels like I'm forcing you. I don't want to force you."  
"You're not forcing me, I want you. I just... it's just... you know?" Brett knew he wasn't making sense in the last part there, but he didn't know how to explain to this absolutely gorgeous and fantastic man he didn't actually feel anything at all, towards anything, for the most part.   
"Sure", Eddy said with a defeated tone to his voice before getting up and moving over to one of the two armchairs in the room. His body was still screaming for Brett's touch, but his mind had been put off by Brett's lack of mental initiative.

Eddy curled up in the chair which was turned towards the single window in their room. He could see planes take off and land a bit in the distance. It was beginning to get dark, and he felt himself go dark mentally as well. Brett insisted he trusted him, insisted that was not the problem. Then what was it that caused him to not want to touch him? Wasn't he physically attracted to him anymore? Had he done something wrong the last time? Maybe he wasn't good enough for Brett, in the physical sense? 


	29. Chapter 29

The night was long for Eddy, watching Brett sleep. All he wanted in the world was to wake up in his arms the same way he had done before running off to the park. To feel Brett's strong and safe arms wrapped around him, his breathing tickling him down the neck, his soft snore in his ear...  
But of course, it couldn't last. Eddy felt he knew the reason, but he didn't really want to speak it out loud to Brett. Brett wasn't physically attracted to him. He had been all loving and sweet until they were intimate, and then he gradually faded away. What other reason could there be?

The flight from Amsterdam to Bergen was long. Neither of them was able to sleep, even though the younger of the two badly needed it. Eddy tried his best not to do anything to make Brett uncomfortable, and Brett did everything he could to seem like he wasn't physically disgusted by him. Or that's what Eddy thought, anyway. They never held hands, they never hugged. Brett had tried to stroke Eddy's arm softly, but had eventually stopped in favour of watching a movie on the in flight entertainment system.

The landing at Bergen airport was smooth, and the captain said some words in Norwegian that neither of them understood. From the airport there was a 45 minute light rail ride to the city centre. Or bybanen as they called it here. Eddy had tried to pronounce the norwegian name for it, but had decided to leave it after a while. It was early evening, and the carriage they were in weren't even half full. Brett was lulled to sleep onto Eddy's shoulder around half way through the slow ride.

Eddy couldn't decide if he liked the light rail or not. On one hand, it seemed practical to have the transportation going through the city like that, but it was slow and it played music at every stop. Normally Eddy wouldn't mind music being played at every stop. The Norwegians had even made an effort to play different music at every stop, so it could be educational as well. It was a mixture of music Eddy recognized, and music he had never heard of before. The problem was that it was so out of tune, it was almost hillarious to try and figure out what it was supposed to be. When the light rail rolled into the station close to where Grieg had lived, the opening of his piano concerto in A minor started playing over the loudspeaker. Except it wasn't in A minor. It was B flat minor. Griegs concerto in... B flat?  
"Stupid B flat", Eddy muttered to himself, causing Brett to wake up. He sat himself up slightly and looking around, obviously confused. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.  
"Where are we?" he asked before letting out a big yawn. A quite tall, blonde lady with a backpack looked in their direction before looking back down at her phone, going back to being just another stranger.  
"The sign says 'Hooooop'", Eddy said, dragging the o of the word "Hop" viewed on the electronic sign inside the carriage. "Appearently, Grieg lived around here, or so I've heard." Brett just nodded at him before resting his head back on Eddy's shoulder. He sighed, and Eddy thought he was going back to sleep.  
"Eddy?" he heard quietly from the sleepy man who was using him as a human pillow.  
"Yeah?" he mumbled, expecting something trivial.  
Brett took a deep breath before continuing, having felt bad about it for almost twenty four hours now. "I'm sorry about last night, my brain told me you are just using me for... the stuff. The... you know?"  
Eddy hadn't expected that to blurt out of Brett in the middle of a light rail ride. Do Norwegians know english? Because the blonde lady sure was shocked at what she heard. Eddy felt his cheeks go all red when he noticed her staring at them, but as soon as he had noticed it, she looked away.  
"Oh uh... no, don't apologize Brett. C... can we speak about this when we get there?" He didn't get a reply, because as soon as he had managed to stutter the sentence out, he heard light snoring coming from the resting head on his shoulder.


	30. Chapter 30

The hotel room was nice, way too nice. It had a large bed, a seating group and best of all - a coffee machine. That would come in handy. The short walk from the end stop of the light rail to the hotel woke Brett up slightly, and he was packing away his clothes into a dresser at the end of the bed. They were staying for almost three weeks after all, and he didn't want to rummage around a suitcase whenever he needed something. He also did this to distract himself from his noisy mind.

Eddy didn't seem nearly as awake and excited, and had just thrown his suitcase onto a nearby table. He made himself comfortable in one of the chairs of the sitting group in their room facing the window. He watched Brett for some time in the reflection of the window before speaking.  
"Brett?" he asked, causing him to pause his folding of a pair of underwear. Why would he fold those, anyway? He never did that at home.  
"What?" he answered in a obviously fake upbeat tone. It was always so easy to hear when Brett lied. He had a method to tell, but telling Brett would probably be game over.  
"Can we talk?" Eddy's voice was weak, and his hands were clammy. He needed to know what was happening, and was quite relieved when Brett put down what he was doing to come talk to him.

"What do you want to talk about?" Brett asked while going over to sit in the other chair, even though he knew the answer and dreaded it. He felt like he was thrown back into the time before Eddy knew how he felt.  
"Just... us, you know." Eddy stared down at the bright orange carpet on the floor, forming a large circle of the sitting group. He didn't like having to talk about this. Brett just nodded as a reply, waiting for Eddy to start the difficult task.  
"I... I worry about... you..." Eddy stammered out, not really wanting to talk about what he was thinking. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second to better think about how to formulate the sentence before continuing. "That maybe you don't... don't wa...want the... the physical part... of a relationship with... with me...a...and..." He trailed off, biting his lip, hoping Brett would just understand what he meant.   
Brett didn't know what to reply, he wanted him not to worry, he wanted to feel amazing when Eddy held him tight. He just didn't feel it, even though it felt like he should be feeling it. All his emotions felt fuzzy, like they were wrapped in a thick woolen blanket.  
"And that you don't want that b...because... well, because... because you don't think I am physically attractive? Which I can understand, I'm not..."  
"You're the most attractive person I know, Eddy, both your body and your personality", Brett interrupted sternly, but lovingly. He felt awful that this was causing Eddy to even consider something like that. "Don't ever think otherwise, please." Eddy's cheeks turned bright red and a small smile to play on his lips. The sincerity of Brett's voice was too much to not smile about, he loved getting compliments from Brett. Still, he didn't feel completely convinced. Except... he wasn't lying?  
"There's just... I dunno, something wrong? I think? With my brain? It's telling me stuff again, that you're just using me and that you don't really love me, that... I don't know." Brett didn't know how to explain how he felt, or didn't feel, depending on how one chose to see it. He felt himself rambling, worrying about how this would seem to Eddy, worrying about hurting Eddy.  
"I just don't... how can I explain it? It feels like someone's put a mute on my feelings? I truly want everything to be like before, when it felt like a thousand butterflies or something went beserk in my stomach when you touched me, you know?" Brett took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes in frustration.  
"It's all just gone, and I have no idea why. I feel awful about it, which is the only thing I feel, really..."  
They sat in silence while Eddy tried to think of an appropriate response to what he was being told. It was obvious to him that he needed help, but where they were at the moment that wasn't possible. The room had gone darker as the sun set outside and the street lights illuminated the view of the square outside. There were lamps to light, but neither of them really bothered to get up and light them. 

Eddy's mind were going back and forth from blaming himself for Brett's emotional state and just wanting to hug him and tell him all will be fine.   
"Come here", he mumbled to Brett and held his arms out, signalling for him to come sit in his lap. Brett obeyed and ended up resting his head halfway on Eddy's shoulder with his forehead against the taller's long neck. Brett liked sitting like this, but it didn't cause his heart to race or cheeks to turn pink like he felt like it should. It simply felt comfortable.  
"I'll do anything to help you feel better, Bretty.", Eddy whispered while wrapping his long arms protectively around the smaller man in his lap.  
"Anything."


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

The next morning, Brett woke up in the large bed, all tucked in. When did he move to the bed? The last thing he could remember was falling asleep in Eddy's lap, listening to Eddy's steady breathing, feeling the vague sweet scent of Eddy caressing his nose. The sun sneaked in through the small opening in the curtain, making everything way too bright, which he thought was odd considering all he had read online about Bergen being a city of rain.

The room was quiet except the faint sound of the shower running, and he assumed Eddy was in there, all wet... and naked... The thought made Brett's stomach do a backflip. He loved the feeling of that, so he closed his eyes and imagined it. The hot water running down his slim body, tracing the contours as he shampooed his hair, his low humming trying to figure out the pitch of whatever made a pitch or singing a piece he was practicing...  
Brett was surprised when the voice in his head didn't tell him his thoughts were bad. It was completely quiet. Sure, he could still hear the echo of "he's not into you like that" chiming through his mind, but it wasn't nearly as demanding. Easy to shove away. He sat up in bed, realizing he was only in his underwear. When had he undressed?

The bathroom door opened silently to reveal a tall, handsome man wearing only a towel. Brett reached over to the bedside table and put his glasses on. Eddy's skin was still moist from the shower and his hair was all wet and ruffled up, probably after an attempt of drying it with a towel. Brett took a deep breath to try and calm himself, but his body didn't agree. He licked his bottom lip as he followed Eddy with his eyes when he went over to his suitcase. Oh, how much Brett loved feeling this again, with only the hint of the voice whispering how he was perverted in the back of his mind. It was so easy to block it out when it was so quiet.

"Hey, whatcha staring at?" Eddy said playfully and winked at the blushing man on the bed. Brett's heart was beating fast, and he looked away in embarrasment.  
"Oh uh... I just... uh..." he stuttered out, feeling the warmth in his cheeks. He heard the soft steps over the wooden floor, and the next thing he knew he had the taller one sitting next to him on the bed, sliding an arm around Brett's waist.   
"And here I was, worried you'd look away in disgust", Eddy mumbled breathy into his ear. The warm air traveling down the side of his neck made Brett shiver. He shook his head hard while biting his lip. The voice made a silent comment in the background about how he caused him to think like that, but Brett pushed it aside.  
"No Eddy, you're... oh my god... shit..." His small speech was interrupted by Eddy's lips trailing down his jaw, every once in a while leaving a small red mark he knew later would turn purple. He took a deep breath to try and say what he wanted.  
"No, you're... you're gorgeous, Eddy..." He gasped for air every second word or so, feeling Eddy's long fingers slowly run down his chest. He felt himself being pushed back into bed, noticing Eddy's towel slide off and onto the floor next to the bed. Their eyes met, and time seemed to stop. All that was in Brett's world right now was Eddy.

Eddy slowly leaned in to let their lips meet, feeling Brett tangle his hands into his hair. Eddy pushed himself closer against the smaller man under him, causing him to moan into the kiss and pull on his hair. He closed his eyes, really feeling how great this felt. He worried it would be long until next time, and he wanted to experience this as much as he could while he had it.  
Brett's hands slid down Eddy's body, leaving a trail of goosebumps before coming to a rest at his hips as they usually did. Except this time, the grip was tight, almost forceful. Desperate.  
"Shit, Eddy, please", he pleaded, motioning for Eddy to do something more as he had seemed to be leading the lovemaking until now. Eddy made a jokingly grumpy face.  
"Not happy with my services, are you, Bretty?" he said teasingly while leaning on his arms, who was resting on each side of Brett's head on the bed. He tangled his fingers into Brett's soft hair. He leaned down to his ear, so close his lips were almost touching it.  
"Why don't you take over, if you have complaints to make?" he whispered, and he felt the aroused man under him shiver.

In a split second, Brett's mind had went from begging Eddy to move faster to wanting to make Eddy beg for him to move faster. In a second or so, he had turned them around so that he was straddling Eddy. He was still wearing his underwear at this point, but it wasn't long until he had managed to sneak the dark blue boxer off as well. He held Eddy's arms down by the wrists and brushed his lips painfully softly against Eddy's.  
"We'll see who complains after this", he murred into his ear before slowly moving down his body with his lips, returning the favour of a small red mark at his neck.


	32. Chapter 32

"That was nice" Eddy mumbled happily, resting his head on Brett's chest, still a bit out of breath. He was a bit sore, especially around his hips and wrists, but in general he still felt the echo of the wave of pleasure Brett had caused him. He knew his neck was likely covered in light purple spots, but he didn't care. Brett's neck was all the same, and he was proud to have caused them.

"Mhm" was all Brett had to say about that statement. It had been good, definitly, the best Brett had ever felt probably. Seeing Eddy so vunerable and in so much pleasure caused by Brett was intoxicating. It was how he was feeling now that was the problem. Drained and exhausted. Not physically exhausted really, it just kind of felt like he had tried to do a music theory exam for ten hours straight. He leaned down to kiss the top of Eddy's head. The guilt was taking the place of the empty feeling that had sneaked up on Brett after they had finished. He knew he wasn't good for Eddy when he was in that empty emotional state. He needed some time to himself, desperately, but they had to go to rehearsal soon.

"We gotta go soon", Brett mumbled, still holding his arms around Eddy. Maybe he could get a few minutes to himself in the shower before getting ready? "Gotta get ready."  
Eddy shook his head and buried his face into Brett's chest. "Don't wanna", he complained, breathing in the scent of Brett. It was like a mixture of cinnamon and his deodorant. Not sweet, but definitly not a bad scent. Eddy liked it.  
"Imma hit the shower, can't turn up like this", Brett told the longer man who had up until then used him as a pillow and sat carefully up in bed. Eddy's head went from resting on Brett's chest to getting buried in a pillow. His hair was all messy, and Brett was sure his hair was equally messy. Eddy loved how the older man looked with his hair going all over the place, but he knew it was time to get ready for their first rehearsal.  
"May I join you?" he asked sweetly, watching him find a pair of his folded boxers in the drawer he had carefully placed them in the evening before.   
Brett was standing with his back towards Eddy as the question was asked, and he thanked any and all gods for that, because his face expressed how he really felt about that automatically. He really needed the few minutes to gather the energy for the rehearsal, gather the strength to pretend he was happy to see the sea of orchestra players he didn't know and to actually play his parts right.  
"Uh yeah, sure" he replied, putting on a smile before turning to Eddy. "Come on."

The two men went into the bathroom. Both were already naked, and Eddy's eyes wandered over this greek god of a man he was so lucky to have been intimate with just a short half an hour earlier. The shower was perfectly big enough for the both of them with a glass wall and a rainfall shower head. Brett turned it on and waited for the water to become warm before stepping in ahead of Eddy. He stood under the water and closed his eyes, listening to the sound of the water hitting the tiled floor he was standing on.  
 _Time to shred in front of an entire orchestra of professionals. Gonna be great!_  
The sarcasm was hard and mean, and Brett wasn't prepared for it. He let out a big sigh, but felt Eddy's arms wrap around him just seconds after. The rainfall shower head made this feel like a warmer version of that time outside Eddy's house, just seconds before Brett learned about Eddy's lie. He had thought about it later, and was mostly touched by the fact that the previously straight Eddy was willing to actually kiss him for him to feel better.   
_Kiss your disgusting self. You haven't improved much, I'm impressed at his ability not to puke every time he sees you._

After a few seconds of just standing there, wrapped in Eddy's arms, Brett stretched over to the small shelf in the shower to get some of the complimentary shampoo the hotel provided.  
"Let me help you with that", Eddy said sweetly, taking the tiny shampoo bottle from him. He took some in Brett's now wet hair and rubbed it in. It felt mostly like a head massage, but it didn't help Brett's mind relax at all. He closed his eyes again, trying to convince his mind everything was fine, but it really wasn't. His head was spinning, going around in circles about how bad he really was until he felt tears welling up in his eyes. Fortunately, the rainfall shower hid it quite well as the shampoo was washed out of his hair.  
"You okay, Brett?" Eddy asked in a concerned voice, recognizing the redness in Brett's eyes that would only show when he cried. He placed his large hand on his cheek, but Brett just turned away from him.  
"Yeah, I'm fine, just got shampoo in my eyes, that's all..."


	33. Chapter 33

The concert hall they were rehearsing and playing in was relatively small, but quite modern. Appearently it was recently built, and Eddy really thought it was funny how incredibly proud this city seemed to be of their great composer Edvard Grieg. It felt almost unfitting not to play a piece by Grieg in this place called The Grieg Hall, or Grieghallen in Norwegian. There was even a statue of the man himself outside the building, and of course they took a selfie with it for their instagram. Brett hadn't seemed all into it, but Eddy tried to convince himself it was because of the time difference from Australia still. He didn't really believe it, but if he were to perform anywhere near the level he was usually at, he had to lie to himself.

They unpacked in the wardrobe backstage, a shared wardrobe. Brett was completely quiet as he got his violin ready. Eddy studied him as he looked over his music, fingered a few bars silently on the violin and started tuning. Eddy could feel Brett's emptiness like an aura, like he could hear the voice in Brett's head in himself. It made Eddy feel bad too. All he wanted was for his boyf... his friend to feel better, to be alright. He unpacked his violin, prayed to Ling Ling that he'd remember the new piece they were going to play, and took a deep breath.  
"Ready?" he asked Brett, who just silently nodded at him. Time to face the orchestra.

The orchestra seemed kind, and they even applauded as they entered the stage with them. Mr Gardner shook their hands with a large smile.  
"Welcome, you!" he greeted in his british accent. The englishman leading the orchestra turned to face the musicians of the ensemble and speak to them about the last thing they had been rehearsing before the duo entered. Eddy took the time to see how Brett was, and he was absolutely not faking it well at all. It had to be obvious to anyone, right?

"Alright, shall we do the new piece from the beginning?" Gardner asked the two solists, and Eddy nodded in a reply without looking away from Brett. Brett lifted his violin and Eddy copied him. He felt the stares of the orchestra in his neck, felt how they must have noticed the small hickey poorly hidden under a shirt collar on both his and Brett's necks. He felt the tension before they started playing, and he heard the wrong note sound from his violin.  
Gardner stopped the orchestra and turned to him. Eddy's face turned all red, and he felt the basis for shaky bow coming up.  
"I'm sorry, a slight memory slip", he said and tried to laugh it away. Luckily, the orchestra played along and laughed with him. He felt Brett's eyes on him, which didn't help on the shaky bow-syndrome, but he nodded for Gardner to try again.

The break was most welcome when it finally came about. Eddy rushed to get his violin down in its case and he lied down on the couch of their wardrobe. He expected Brett to turn up any second now in the doorway, and was surprised when there was a knock on the door. He quickly sat up before answering.  
"Uh, come in?" It sounded more like a question, but the blonde girl he recognized from somewhere still opened the door and peeked inside.   
"Hi oh... oh my god, sorry to interrupt you on your break, I just..." She was stuttering, her cheeks flaring up a bright pink.  
"Oh, no don't worry. Come in, what did you want?" Eddy's voice was kind, the kindness he put on his voice when he spoke to fans. The blonde girl stepped inside, bending her head in an apology.  
"I'm just... I'm just a big fan of yours and... well.. was hoping you'd... you'd sign...?" She held out the score of the new piece they were playing. He took it from her and looked in his violin case for the marker they always used to sign stuff with.  
"So, what's your name then?" he said while browsing the selection of writing tools he had. He stood up and wrote his curly signature on a blank space of the front page.  
"Victoria", she replied, and giggled slightly when he gave her back the score. She studied his handwriting for a second before turning his attention back to him. Sure, she was tall, but Eddy was slightly taller.  
"And what are you doing here? You seem to be even younger than me, what are you doing here with the old guys?" Eddy's smile was sincere, and his nerves seemed to have gone. Unusual, as he normally was the awkward one when they met fans.   
"I am a substitute vioinist here, I usually play in the youth orchestra. I'll be playing this project only." Eddy thought she seemed nervous, but she was sweet and very polite when speaking to him. Not all touchy and weird like some fans. He nodded at her reply.  
"How old are you, if I may ask?"  
"22, I'm doing my second year studying music here." Eddy thought she seemed proud of her studies, and he thought she must obviously be very talented to subsitute in a professional orchestra in only her second year of studies.  
Then, Eddy remembered who he was really waiting for in the wardrobe in the first place. He looked at the clock hanging on the wall over the couch. Only fifteen minutes left of their break.  
"I'm sure you'll find Brett around here somewhere too, by the way, if you want to cheer him up a bit", Eddy said while looking behind her out the door, looking for Brett.  
"Oh, actually, I came for you", she said, her cheeks turning red again like they had when she first knocked. Eddy blushed too. He was used to all the girls swarming for Brett, not for him. "Uh, for your playing talents, I mean", she added and took a step back towards the door and smiled at him.  
"I guess I'll see you around?" Eddy asked with a smile, being his charming self.   
She nodded at him. "I guess you will", and then she half ran out the door, score in hand.


	34. Chapter 34

Brett stared at his tired eyes in the mirror of the public bathroom of Grieghallen. He shouldn't have let Eddy in the shower with him, he should have taken that time alone to gather energy. His hands were shaking slightly, and he felt like he couldn't breathe properly.  
 _You sounded so bad, you even threw Eddy off._  
He felt tears pressing on, but he held them back. The bathroom was large and empty, with many stalls. Hopefully, nobody would use this particular bathroom this break. He stared at the yellow painted doors repeating themselves into the room. He counted them in an attempt to calm down. One, two, three, four, fi...  
 _Standing on your break and counting bathroom stalls. Wow, truly a professional!_  
The voice's sarcasm made Brett bite the inside of his tongue hard, just to try and make it be quiet. He felt his heart rate going up, but there wasn't enough time left of the break to actually calm down.   
He started pacing up and down the relatively long bathroom, with mirrors on one side of him and yellow doors on the other. He counted them again. One, two, three, four, five, six, sev...  
 _You're really good at counting those doors, Brett! Best grade in kindergarden!_  
"Just shut up, will you?!" he shouted at the voice, hearing nothing but the echo of his own voice against the polished tiles on the wall. The silence after the ecgo went quiet made Brett hear a high pitched ringing in his ears, and he covered them to make it stop.  
"Be quiet, please" he sobbed, sliding down to the floor with his back against the yellow painted wall between two bathroom stalls. He was no longer able to keep his tears in check, and he felt the shaking spread from his hands to include his arms, his legs, his chest, his breathing. In a way, it felt like his heart was shaking instead of beating as well. Vibrating.  
 _Look at you, idiot! You're gonna fail so hard when you get back in there, and Eddy's gonna laugh at you. He's way better than you in all imaginable ways, but especially playing. He should dump you as his duet partner and find someone at his level._

Brett sat quietly and let the voice tell him how things were. He checked the time on his phone every once in a while, counting down the minutes to rehearsal start. It only made him feel worse, seeing the time pass. It passed so slowly, every minute felt like an hour.  
"Gotta get your shit together, man", he eventually whispered at himself as the time showed only five minutes left until rehearsal should start up again.  
"Gotta play your part, come on." He shakingly stood up, removed his glasses, took some water from the hands-free faucet and splashed it in his face. He checked if it was possible to see he had cried, and he was sure it was obvious to anyone.  
 _Everyone's gonna find out you're crazy._  
He put his glasses back on, attenoted to ignore the voice, but was still shaking slightly. His breathing was still not perfectly normal, but he was finally convinced he wouldn't pass out walking back to the rehearsal.  
"Come on", he said to himself and slapped himself lightly on the cheek before stepping out of the bathroom.

When ge got back to the wardrobe, Eddy was already ready with his instrument. Brett found his violin, but almost dropped it with his shaky hands.  
"Bretty", Eddy whispered to him, as if people would hear him call him a cute nickname and laugh in their faces. "Are you okay? Do you need something?" Brett knew that Eddy's worried eyes could tell everything was not okay, and he felt like an idiot for not being okay.  
"It's... fine", Brett croaked back, trying not to cry again. He closed hiseyes hard to fight it.  
"Brett..." Eddy began, but seemed to stop himself. He took a breath before continuing.  
"Do you want to cut the rehearsal short? They won't have to know it's because of you, I'll make sure. Do you want that?"  
Brett though about it. How would Eddy make sure it wouldn't seem like it was him? Surely everyone had noticed he was completely out of it before the break? He still chose to trust Eddy.  
"Yes please", he whispered, and Eddy went to find mr Gardner.


	35. Chapter 35

Mr Gardner was an understanding conductor. He saw Eddy's worried look and took him aside way before he had said as much as a word.  
"I feel something's up with your friend, that mr Yang", he had said in a kind voice, once they were no longer in hearing range of the orchestra. "Take the rest of the day off and come back strong tomorrow."  
Eddy had pleaded with him to say to the orchestra that it was Eddy who felt sick or something, as to not draw attention to Brett, and mr Gardner agreed, even though he was certain the musicians would only want the best for him. "They're very understanding people, you know."

Now they were walking around a small pond located in the city centre. It was very geometrically shaped, and Eddy wondered if it was completely man made or if they had just shaped an already existing pond. He looked at the beautifully planted flowers around the pond, the fountain in the middle of it, and how the clouds formed in the distance. It was nice to be out in the air, but he didn't know what to say to Brett, who was walking beside him and seemingly not taking in any of the beautiful sights they were passing.  
"Do you want to go back to the hotel?" Eddy asked him carefully, as they walked past a row of benches. He eyed up the tired looking man he loved, desperate for a clue of what could possibly help him. All he wanted right now was for Brett to be okay.

Brett shook his head. He didn't really feel like being in a confined space with Eddy right there and then, but he couldn't find a good reason he could give Eddy to be left alone either. Everything he could feel felt all wrong. He felt angry, he felt sad, he felt sick. He felt like he was about to puke any second, but he knew that wasn't the case. He forced himself to look at the pond Eddy had studied just seconds before.  
 _Wonder how it would feel to drown? Just curious..._  
He vinced slightly at the voice. No! He didn't want to know how it would feel, it would probably feel awful!   
"Bretty?" Eddy asked before grabbing his hand, having noticed the distress in Brett's eyes. He squeezed his hand to comfort him and tried to get eye contact with him. "What do you need? Let me help you."  
Brett thought it was nice that Eddy just knew he needed something. They had been best friends for so long, he could just tell when something was off. They were so in sync, so in tune with each other that the slightest change could be picked up by the other. He wondered how long Eddy must have known something was up before he figured out the truth - that he had a crush on him. It must have been obvious to Eddy, and Brett really had believed he could lie to him.  
"I don't know what I need", he mumbled back, feeling Eddy's thumb stroking the back of his hand. "I... I'm sorry..."  
"Shhh, Brett", Eddy said, pulling him into a tight hug. "Don't be sorry, you have nothing to apologize for. Shh..." Brett knew that this was what he needed right there and then, even though tears were flowing down his cheek. A nice, warm hug from Eddy under a large tree in a park in Bergen city centre.

The hug had lasted forever, or so it felt to Brett, and the clouds that had previously formed in the distance was now raining down on them. Eddy had lead the way back to the hotel, figuring it would be best for them to just talk and relax. They were both dripping wet as they entered the small apartment like hotel room.   
Eddy helped Brett out of his dripping wet coat and carefully hang it to dry. He followed Brett into the room, and got him out of the soaked shirt. Brett shivered slightly from the cold air hitting his bare, moist skin, but just stood there and let Eddy undress him.  
"Which drawer did you put your sweaters in?" Eddy asked while looking through the drawers, finding no sweaters. He checked the top drawer again, but was interrupted by Brett's low voice.  
"S...suitcase... no room..." His voice was weak, and Eddy's heart broke for him. He looked through the sweaters Brett had brought, but they were all the slim fit kind. Eddy decided against it and chose one of his own sweaters instead, knowing they would be a loose fit on the smaller man.  
"Borrow this", he said, and helped the smaller man into the way too large sweater. He helped him out of his wet jeans and into a pair of sweatpants. The second he was dressed again, Brett laid down in the bed. Eddy began changing into something dry himself. Brett held his arms out towards Eddy, shaking lightly, and Eddy immediately responed by crawling into bed with him.  
"Shh, I'm here" he whispered as he wrapped his long arms around him, letting him rest his head against his chest. He could only hope it would help, because he felt like nothing he did would make it better for Brett.


	36. Chapter 36

Brett curled up as close to Eddy as he could, hoping Eddy's touch would take away all the bad thoughts and all the negative emotions. He took a deep breath, drawing in as much of Eddy's scent as he could, hoping it would have an effect. Eddy's fingers slowly running through his hair, tickling him in the process, his slow breathing, calming presence. Nothing made any difference. Brett was still shaking vaguely, he still felt like breathing was difficult and he was scared Eddy would find out what the voice had told him at the pond. He'd have him admitted to mental hospital, for sure. That was serious, and it scared him that it had escalated to this.  
He closed his eyes, hoping to maybe sleep the bad mood away, but as soon as he closed his eyes the voice attacked.  
 _He'll leave you if you fall asleep._  
He threw his eyes open when the voice spoke, and his breathing accelerated along with his heart rate.  
"Bretty?" Eddy asked, leaning down to kiss his forehead. "What's going on?" His voice was calm, but worried, and it caused Brett's tears to start rolling down his cheek just like they had in the park. The taller boy patiently wiped away the tears with his thumb as they fell.  
"Talk to me, please", he begged, holding Brett tighter. "Please."  
Brett sobbed into Eddy's chest, his voice weak as he spoke. "Please don't leave me, Eddy. I'm sorry I messed up today."

Brett's voice broke Eddy's heart. It felt like most of the problems Brett had was caused by his presence, or worries about something Eddy might do. He worried he had caused Brett's problems with the lie. This had all started after they had been together, after Eddy had lied.  
"I'm not going to leave you Brett, not unless you want me to." Eddy spoke softly, tried to help his boyf... his friend feel better. He wasn't too sure it would work.  
"What makes you think I'd leave you? We've had worse days than this." He pulled some hair away that was falling into Brett's eyes, and Brett sighed heavily.

"It's... it's just... the voice?" he mumbled, feeling stupid. The stupid voice, making him look like an idiot in front of Eddy. He cursed at the voice in his head, but of course it didn't care. It seemed immune to any attacks from Brett, but still it was tearing the usually confident man down piece by piece. He didn't recognize himself at all. He reached up to wipe the remains of his tears himself with the sleeve of the sweater he was wearing. Eddy's sweater.

They just lied there in silence, Brett's mind calming down after speaking out loud about the voice being the cause of the day's distress. The silence was broken by Eddy's stomach growling loudly. He laughed slightly at it.  
"Sorry, I'm getting hungry", he said while stroking Brett's hair, and Brett just nodded. "Aren't you?" There was a pause before Brett responded by shaking his head. Eddy sighed.   
"We should get some food even if you aren't hungry though, it's been a while since our last meal." He didn't get any reply, but Brett let himself slide down onto the bed next to Eddy instead of being half on top of Eddy.  
"Y... you can... get yourself food... if you want", he said, his voice shaking. Eddy groaned mentally. How could he leave him when it was obvious he was needed there? His stomach growled at him again. He was really so hungry it almost hurt, but he didn't really want to leave Brett alone in this state.   
"I can bring some food back here for us? You don't have to eat it if you're still not hungry when I come back, but I just want you to have the option." He kissed Brett's forehead, and sat up. Brett just nodded and let Eddy go, even though he didn't want to let go ever. Eddy got out of bed and put on his still wet sneakers. For a second, he hoped the rain had stopped, but then he heard the raindrops hitting the window, blowing all hope he had.  
"Anything in particular you want, or should I just get something?" he asked, but Brett just shrugged. Eddy grabbed the umbrella provided by the hotel for the stay.  
"Alright, I'll be back as soon as possible. If you need me, just call, okay?"  
And then Eddy went out the door, leaving Brett to stare at the smoke detector in the ceiling.


	37. Chapter 37

Eddy felt awful for leaving Brett. As soon as the door was closed, all he wanted was to run back in there and hug his pain away. He felt guilty. Wasn't it kind of his fault Brett was feeling the way he was?

The rain was still pouring, and he soon realized the umbrella would do no good as the rain was more horizontal than vertical due to the wind. He looked around and realized he had no clue where he was going. He looked around the square, his back to the entrance of the mcdonalds lying next to the hotel. In front of him was some kind of kiosk, but apart from that he didn't find very interesting. It wasn't easy to see much anyway because of the rain and the wind. Maybe they'd have to do fast food today? Eddy didn't particularily like fast food.

"Eddy?" a familiar voice to his right said, and he turned to see who it was. The hood of a bright yellow rain coat revealed a smiling girl. "Are you feeling better?"  
Victoria's question took Eddy by surprise, but he quickly regained his posture and put on his polite smile.  
"Oh yeah, I'm just out to get some food for us. Brett fell asleep, so I thought I'd just do it." He switched his umbrella to his other hand. "You don't happen to know of any good take away places, do you?"  
Victoria's smile was the brightest Eddy had seen in a while, and it was contagious. A small break from the gloom in the hotel room, just getting food.  
"Of course! There's this great place for Italian, just up the street here." She pointed in a direction, but Eddy didn't really pay much attention to that. He saw her rubber boots matching her rain coat, and was fascinated by the fact she had bothered to match up her rain attire. "I can take you, if you want?" Eddy noticed she still had her violin case, so it wasn't unlikely she just came from the rehearsal.  
"Oh, sure, if you don't mind?" he answered, a bit flustered. She was sweet, and very friendly. Sure, she was a fan, and the rule said don't go with fans, but she wasn't like the crazy ones. He didn't worry he'd be kidnapped or anything if he went with her. He was larger than her anyway, so good luck with that kidnapping.  
"No worries at all, let's go!"

The walk was short, and the restaurant was cozy. Eddy had ordered some pasta dishes for Brett and himself, and Victoria had decided to get an Italian pizza to go. While they waited for the food, they sat down at a table sporting a red and white checkered table cloth. Eddy thought it was such a cliché, but Victoria had pointed out it was part of the feel of the place. He had agreed. Eddy thought she seemed way more confident now, than she had seemed in the concert hall. He hoped it was because he had made her feel welcome.

"Have you been to Bryggen yet?" she asked him, snapping him out of his thoughts andmaking friendly small talk like there were no troubles in the world. It fascinated Eddy how she switched to pronounce the name of the place in Norwegian, just like that. Sure, her English had a slight accent, but she seemed to be pretty fluent. And the switch? He wasn't sure he'd be able to do it that quickly in Chinese even.  
"Bryggen?" He tried to mimic her pronounciation, but failed miserably. "What's that place?" She laughed kindly at his pronounciation attempt, but didn't comment it. He blushed slightly.  
"You know, just the most well known place in all of Bergen?" Her laughter was contagious, just like her smile, and Eddy laughed with her. His mind had completely wandered off Brett now. It was just so easy to smile with Victoria.  
"I should probably go there, then", he said sheepishly, pulling some of his still wet bangs out of his face. "As a proper tourist, I mean."  
Victoria had placed her violin next to her in the seat of the booth she was sitting in, and now she leaned her arm lightly on the case. She had opened her rain coat, not to "die from heat", as she had put it, and the slight slit between the ends of her coat revealed she was wearing the same green dress as earlier.  
"I can take you, if you'd like. I mean, you don't really know me, but it could be nice." Her eyes met Eddy's, and he smiled a toothy smile at her.  
"Sure, we can go sometime. How about wednesday?" he suggested, not hearing his order being called by the chef behind the take away counter.  
"Sounds good to me!" she exclaimed, taking out a small planner from the left pocket of her rain coat. "After rehearsal?" Eddy nodded, taking only a mental note of it himself, while watching her write it down in her calendar.   
"Now get your food, or both of you will probably starve! Or worse, being forced to eat cold food!" She pointed towards the take away counter and Eddy bounced off his seat. He had to get back to Brett, he was probably waiting.  
"Oh, thanks!" He grabbed his food from the counter and stopped by their table again before heading out.  
"Do you want me to wait with you for your pizza, or..?" She shook her head, still with a smile. That contagious smile.  
"No! Cold food remember? You can figure out the way back, I'm sure!"  
Eddy nodded and laughed.  
"We'll see! Maybe I get lost?" She laughed while scribbling something down on a page of her planner. She tore the page out and gave it to him.  
"Call me then, I'll help you find your way back", she said while winking at him. The wink seemed only to be half joking. Eddy blushed and took the small piece of paper and placed it in his wallet.  
"I guess I'll see you Wednesday then!" he half stuttered and gave her a small wave as he went out the door.


	38. Chapter 38

Brett felt so much better when he finally got some time to collect his thoughts. He had done breathing exercises he found online, breathing with an animation he downloaded. They seemed to help. Barely ten minutes after Eddy had left, he had gone from a wreck to just a slightly reduced Brett. He could live with that.

Now all he wanted was to have a good time with Eddy when he came back. Have some food, enjoy each other's company, laugh a bit. It had been a while since they laughed together. Maybe they'd do a vlog kind of thing to put on youtube? That could be fun, and surely the fans would like that as well!   
He wanted to make the most of not feeling like utter trash, but Eddy was gone for what felt like forever. Ten minutes, twenty minutes, half an hour... Time moved incredibly slowly. Right now, he was simply bored. They were in a city they had never been in before, and Brett felt like he was wasting energy by just sitting around and not even checking it out.

Almost an hour had passed before Brett heard the sound of the key card in it's slot outside, and Eddy stepped in. He was wet from the rain, even though he had an umbrella. The bright red umbrella was placed back in it's stand.  
"Not much help in that, when it's raining sideways", he commented and laughed a bit. Brett couldn't help but wonder why he was in such a giddy mood. Getting food in the rain wasn't really something Brett found funny or even entertaining, but appearently Eddy did.  
"You're gonna get sick when you keep getting wet like that", Brett answered, but couldn't help it but smile a little. Eddy looked like a soaked cat, and Brett thought that was incredibly cute. Eddy seemed surprised at his partner's positive mood, but played along.  
"Will you care for me if I get sick?" he asked jokingly, and placed the food on the little glass table between the two comfy chairs.  
Brett laughed, a sound Eddy hadn't heard in ages, at least not a proper laugh. "Nah, you can care for yourself", he joked, sticking out his tongue at him before rolling out of bed. His hair felt messy, and he reached a hand up to try and do something about it while walking around the bed.  
"Pff, we both know how stressed out you are when I am sick", Eddy teased and kicked off his wet sneakers. Hopefully they were dry by tomorrow, or else he'd only have his concert shoes to wear for the rehearsal. 

Eddy thought back at the last time he was sick. They had been in the middle of a filming session at Brett's house when the first cough escaped.  
"Sorry, a bit sick", Eddy had commented to the camera, and Brett had shot him a worried look. He hadn't told him he had been feeling a bit off all morning, as not to worry him. A slight fever, probably, but nothing too bad. They had work to do anyway, and he felt up to fight through it for the team. Brett always over reacted when Eddy was sick.  
They finished the video, but after the camera was off Brett refused to do another. Typical Brett.  
"Bro, if you're sick you need rest!" he'd exclaimed, almost pushing the taller by to the couch in his living room. "I'll get you some tea and some soup, stay here!" Eddy insisting on being fine made no difference at all, and so he was covered in blankets, being served tea and some kind of special soup Brett said he'd always been fed when he was sick as a child. It tasted awful, but he wasn't in a position to refuse it.

"Yeah, I'll make you soup again", Brett said as a joking threat. Eddy lifted his hands in the air as if he was giving up.  
"Oh nooo, anything but the soup, Bretty!" Brett sat down in one of the armchairs and curled up in it. He loved the joking side of Eddy, loved seeing him smile. Eddy dumped down in the chair next to him. "Hope you like pasta, I found this Italian place. It was this or mcdonalds." Brett shrugged. He still wasn't very hungry, but he'd eat as not to worry Eddy.  
"I'm sure, if you picked it for me, it'll be fine", he said, not really meaning to sound so flirty, but still putting on a flirty smile when he saw Eddy's cheek redden at the comment. Eddy searched through the paper bag and pulled out a takeaway box. He handed it to Brett, who opened it and sniffed it.  
"Smells good, probably edible."  
And then they sat in silence for a while, just eating and listening to the rain outside. Enjoying each other's company. Brett felt better after getting some food, but still not at 100%. Maybe like 80%? Still far better than he had earlier. Even better now when Eddy was back, now that the voice had shut up for a while. He hoped it would last, and that he would be able to get through rehearsal tomorrow with no incidents.

Eddy finished eating first, and put the empty box down on the glass table between them. He fished out a small piece of paper from his wallet. It was curled into a ball. He opened it and looked at it before pulling out his phone and typing something.  
"What's that?" Brett asked, not really bothering to look. He was trying to get that last piece of pasta in the bottom of the box to stick to his fork.  
"Oh uh..." Eddy stuttered, but quickly regained composure. "Just the reciept, I was wondering how much it was. I'd say pretty good for the price." Brett nodded as a reply and stuck the last piece of pasta in his mouth.  
"I dunno how much it was, but it was good."


	39. Chapter 39

They were still in the chairs half an hour after finishing their meals, still watching as the world outside the window gradually got darker. Eddy turned off the sound on his phone before opening his messages, as to not give Brett a clue he was texting someone. He typed in the number Victoria had given him and hesitated for a moment. What would he even write? It couldn't seem like he was hitting on her, because he most definitly wasn't, but he thought she would be a cool person to know. You know, as a friend? He glanced over at Brett. Why had he lied about the number being a reciept anyway? He could just tell him it was her number, it would have been no big deal. They're just friends anyway. Not even friends, just acquaintances really. He started typing.

I found my way, in case you worried! -Eddy **:Me** _19:22_

 _19:23_ **Victoria:** Good to hear! Really had me worried there ;)

Eddy stared at his screen for a few seconds before locking his phone and placing it in the pocket of the hoodie he was wearing. Brett turned his head to look at him, and Eddy expected him to say something- He was confused when he didn't.  
"What?" Eddy asked, curious to why Brett was staring at him like that, laughing nervously. Why would he be so nervous, anyway? His mind wandered to the message he had sent Victoria. Was he staring because of that?  
"Oh uh... you just... some sauce from the food..." He stood up and walked over to Eddy.  
"May I?" he asked, waiting for permission sit down in Eddy's lap. Of course Eddy let him, and immediately Brett used his thumb to remove some sauce from the side of Eddy's mouth.   
"You're such a messy eater, you know that?" His voice was teasing and low, almost like a murr. Hadn't they already... done this? Just this morning? What was going on? Eddy wasn't complaining, oh no, just curious to what made Brett so interested in this.  
"I just... save it for later, you know?" Eddy responded with a half joking smile. He snuck his arms around Brett, pulling him closer. 

Brett laughed softly at his response, pulling some of Eddy's still wet hair from his face, locking his eyes onto Eddy's. He had an intense need to just be with Eddy, enjoy the stable mood he was in and feel everything for once. Not like it had been in his very reduced mental state, where it felt like he was using Eddy just to confirm he was in a good mood. The only thing that really held Brett back at this very second was the fear he would take a turn for the worse afterwards, like he had the last time and the time before that.  
He leaned in, almost touching his lips against Eddy's. Eddy's warm breath caressed his jaw, making him shiver slightly. It was nice sitting in his lap like this, being taller for once. To have Eddy reach up to him, not the other way around. It felt empowering.  
"Bretty", Eddy whispered, his eyes half closed now, waiting for the kiss that seemed to take forever to come. "Don't be such a tease. Kiss me already."

But Brett just smiled, brushing his lips against Eddy's. "What? Are you not happy with my services?" Brett teased in the same way Eddy had just that morning, and Eddy responded with a groan. "That's just funny when I say it", he complained, letting his hands slide under the hoodie that Brett was wearing. His hands were cold, and he tried to warm them on Brett's stomach. He leaned down to Eddy, finally letting their lips touch. The spark between them in that moment was intense, and Brett couldn't help but to tangle his fingers into his lover's hair to hold him closer.

Then, he felt something vibrating. Or heard, was more correct. He pulled away, still flustered from the kiss. He looked around confused. Neither of them usually had their phones on silent?  
"Sorry, it's probably mine", Eddy mumbled and pulled it out of his pocket just in time to see Victoria's name disappear from the screen. One missed call. Seconds later he recieved a text message.

 _19:42_ **Victoria:** Hey, a friend of mine is hosting a party, and I was told to invite you! Call me if you're coming!

"Who was it?" Brett asked softly, pulling one hand out of Eddy's hair to straighten his glasses and letting the other one slide down to play with the soft hairs on his neck.  
"Uh, one of the violinists in the orchestra", Eddy explained, measuring his words before speaking out loud. "Appearently a friend of hers is hosting a party, and we're invited."  
Brett furrowed his eye brows. "A party? On a monday?" Eddy shrugged as a response.  
"She's a student, so I guess it's not that weird?" he mumbled, thinking of a way to get Brett along with this. He didn't really think of Brett as a "party person". Brett nodded and leaned in to place a kiss on Eddy's jawline.  
"So, are we going?" he asked, slightly excited, obviously having no clue about what awaited.


	40. Chapter 40

They had to take the light rail to get to the place of the party, having discovered on the way there that appearently it was impossible to buy alcohol anywhere in Norway after 8 pm. One of the workers in a shop they had passed called Kiwi, which they had laughed about thinking of the flightless bird, had explained to them how the laws worked. They had decided to go to the party anyway, if anything just to see how a student party went down in Norway.

Appearently they were going to a place called Fantoft, and the party was held in the common room of one of the student housing blocks there. They got of the light rail at the correct stop and Victoria had met and followed them back to the party. She was obviously tipsy, but not drunk.   
"Don't worry about being older", she had said, even though nobody had mentioned it. "The oldest student at the party is like 30 or something." Brett didn't really take to Victoria the same way Eddy had, but she seemed alright enough, and he trusted Eddy's instinct.

They got in the common room and was greeted by some sort of loud party music everyone seemed to know the lyrics to. They weren't playing it excessivly loud, which both Brett and Eddy apprechiated, as they both needed their hearing the following day.  
"You haven't brought any alcohol? Don't you guys drink?" Victoria had asked Eddy, followed by a giggle. She was taller than Brett, easy. Probably a good five centimeters at least, but just slightly shorter than Eddy. Her blonde hair was in a tight ponytail that flowed in light waves down her back. Brett thought that she must be used to getting her way through flirting, but he threw the thought away as a likely bad judgement of character. Eddy seemed to find her alright, after all.  
Eddy shook his head at the question. "The shops wouldn't sell us..?" He spoke loudly, trying to speak over the music, standing closer to Victoria so she could hear him.  
"I have some Swedish Cider, if you want?" she suggested, even making a point of offering to Brett as well. Brett sent her a thankful smile, as staying at this party with nothing to drink wasn't very tempting. They got a can each from Victoria and opened it. She also got one for herself, even though she was way ahead of them drinking wise.  
"Cheers!" she said, and the three bumped their cans together.

It wasn't long before Brett started to feel the alcohol work in his brain. He hadn't had a drink in a while, which probably did not help either. He got talking to a group of students who studied music with Victoria, among them a tall, big and blonde guy who said he played classic saxophone. He looked pretty much like every viking you could imagine as he had a relaitvely good beard going. His name was appearently Christoffer, but to call him Chris. They spoke for a while, and he gave Brett some beer when he had finished the Swedish Cider.   
Eddy was out on the dance floor, really feeling the harmonically depressing music playing. The bass was intense, but not loud. Brett even met a few fans at the party, some who studied music and some who didn't, while Eddy was downing his fourth can of cider. Brett kept an eye on him, but the conversation with the group was interesting, and gave Brett some ideas for future videos on their channel. After a while, Victoria had mentioned to Brett she was heading home, and to look out for Eddy as he was getting quite drunk. Brett brushed it off. Eddy had been drunk before, and would always seek out Brett if something were to happen. He still kept an eye out though.

"Brettyyy", he heard a sweet voice behind him say in a slurred voice after a good hour of enjoyable chatter. He felt Eddy's arms entangle him from behind, and Eddy's breath was reeking of alcohol. He couldn't help but laugh a bit at how incredibly cute he was when drunk, but they weren't official yet. Had they been, Brett would have kissed him despite the alcohol breath.  
"What is it?" he laughed, not really sober himself. The group around him also laughed with them, watching the tall drunk guy sloppily hang off the shoulders of their new friend.  
"Can we go home now, Bretty?" he mumbled in his ear, in a silly attempt to avoid the group hearing, but they all heard. "I'm tireeeeed... and we have rehearsaaaal...."  
Brett checked the time on his phone. 22:57. "Come on Eddy, it's not even late yet. We're having a good time here..." he said, gesturing towards his newfound friends. He hadn't felt this normal in ages, speaking to some actual people who weren't Eddy for once.  
"But Brettyyy..." he said, halfway falling as he tried to walk around the chair Brett was sitting in. Brett caught him. "I don't wanna go back myself all alone with nobody... What if I get KIDNAPPED or RAPED Bretty?" He made an emphasis on "kidnapped" and "raped" to exaggerate the potential risk. Brett wasn't convinced though, as he had just been told rape was relatively rare in this area by some of his new friends.  
"I'll walk you home, if you'd like. I live not too far from the city centre, and was heading home soon anyways", Chris suggested in a kind voice, moving his look from Eddy to Brett in search of confirmation. Brett thought about it for a few seconds. He felt like he knew Chris, and he had spoken to Eddy as well, so Eddy would know who he was. He felt safe Chris would take good care of him, even in his drunken state and nodded in confirmation.  
"Sureeeee" Eddy said, grinning widely. "But doooon't stay late Bretty!" he said as he leaned slightly onto Chris who had gotten out of the couch he had occupied to take over the task of supporting Eddy. Not nearly in the same way as he had done with Brett though.  
"No worries, Eddy. I'll be back in an hour or two myself. Get some sleep and stay safe." He gave Eddy a quick hug before watching Chris help him put his shoes back on, as they had been kicked off at some point, and head out.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //This is where the rape/non-con warning applies.//

Eddy had noticed the glances Chris had sent him all evening, interpreting them as friendly looks of concern as they often corresponded with whenever Brett also was looking. Had they been talking about him? He didn't know, and he didn't bother to ask. He'd just ask Brett when they got back to the hotel. Brett had told him to slow down his drinking several times, but everything was just so GREAT. Why slow down when you could have all the fun in one night, right?

He wasn't really that disappointed when he leaned onto Chris to get his shoes back on. Sure, going home with Brett would be fantastic as he felt convinced he'd be able to seduce Brett right now, but he had promised to come home soon. He'd just fix himself up a bit and be ready for when he returned.   
He almost fell over like seven times before actually getting somewhere with getting his shoes on, and walking without supporting himself onto Chris or someone else was impossible. They said their goodbyes to the party, stepped out in the chilly air outside and somehow managed to get the more than unsteady Eddy onto the light rail and placed next to Chris in a seat. He felt the impossibly large man place an arm firmly around his waist, and he giggled drunkenly.  
"Are you flirting with me or what?" he had joked, and Chris had laughed quietly to himself, tightening the grip slightly.  
"Maybe I am?" he had grunted, and Eddy thought he joked, and laughed. His drunk mind didn't notice that Chris didn't laugh.

The light rail had almost put Eddy to sleep when he was woken up by Chris at the last stop.  
"Come on, sunshine, time to go" he had said, a bit sternly and pulled Eddy up from the seat by the arm. The light rail cart was mostly empty, and so was the park surrounding the end stop of the light rail as well.  
"Waaiiit relax Chrissss..." Eddy giggled drunkenly, getting dizzy when he was stood up so quickly. He didn't notice how hard Chris held his arm until they were well into the park. Was this even the right way back to the hotel? He wasn't really sure where he was, but he recognized the large pavillion they had passed on their way to rehearsal earlier.  
"Chris... ouch... where.... where going?" Eddy mumbled, suddenly regretting taking the last shot he had been offered just a few minutes before they left. The tall man didn't reply and just dragged him on, towards a large bush of some kind.

He was propped forcibly up against some kind of light post partly hidden between the leaves of the bush, still with Chris' hard grip on his upper left arm. It was dark, as the light post didn't seem to be working. This was the time when Eddy noticed how few people were around, a fact that had slipped his drunken mind up until this point.  
"Just be quiet, and it'll be over quickly" Chris grunted at him before forcing his tongue into Eddy's mouth. Eddy's eyes widened in shock, his heart was beating fast, and he tried to push the larger man off of him. He couldn't. The alcohol made him weak and clumsy, and he was no match to the threatning man towering over him. He felt tears were welling up in his eyes as panic set in. "Please", he pleaded, but to no avail. This couldn't be happening.


	42. Chapter 42

When Chris finally let him go, Eddy had somehow found his way back to the hotel. The staff almost didn't let him in, because he was in such a state, but was eventually allowed on the condition he would go straight to bed. Eddy collapsed onto the bed crying his eyes out. He felt so dirty, so guilty, and his body hurt. Chris hadn't been able to do whatever he wanted properly due to Eddy's will to fight back, and gave up after a few violent attempts. He felt the pulsating of the bruise forming on his upper arm as he tried to take off his ripped shirt. His hands were shaking, and the tears just wouldn't stop flowing down his cheeks. He had to get himself cleaned up before Brett returned. He couldn't see him like this. It would break him.

His head was still spinning from the alcohol and the adrenaline when he finally was able to get undressed and stumbled his way to the bathroom for a shower. He got a glimpse of himself in the mirror and discovered his lip had a small bleeding cut, and his right hip looked clawed up with three long streaks of red going down towards his groin area. He let a finger follow the longest streak, but winced at the touch.   
The hot water from the shower helped his shaking slightly, but didn't calm his racing mind. How would he explain this to Brett? Would he even believe him? He didn't feel like his mind was making much sense, but he knew he had to speak to Brett sober if at all.

When Brett returned, he found Eddy sleeping in their shared bed. He was wearing a long sleeved hoodie and long sweatpants, and Brett couldn't help but think he'd be way too hot sleeping like that. He sat down in bed next to him and placed his hand carefully on his upper arm, jumping when Eddy suddenly pulled away from his touch with a gasp.  
"Sorry" Brett mumbled. "Didn't mean to wake you." His speech was a bit slurred, but not nearly as bad as Eddy's had been when he left. He felt more sober than Eddy had seemed too.  
"You'll melt in all those clothes, Eddy" he said caringly, but Eddy shook his head hard at him. No way was he taking of any clothes.  
"Am cold... cold outside..." Eddy mumbled, trying to keep his tears from flowing again. He pulled the comforter further up above his head, just in case Brett could see any of the physical marks left on his body. He didn't want him to see or know, not now. Not ever. He couldn't know.

Brett allowed him, assuming he'd wake up eventually and remove the excessive clothes. He grabbed a glass provided by the hotel and filled it up with water. He left it on the bedside table for Eddy to find when he woke up. The party hadn't been that exciting after Eddy left anyway, as most people started to head home or out to party on. He probably could have gone with Eddy after all, but that didn't matter. At least both of them made it back safely.

Brett slipped out of his party clothes, didn't bother with brushing his teeth, took off his glasses and crawled into bed next to Eddy, carefully placing his arm around his waist. He fell asleep, thinking about the rehearsal tomorrow, hoping it would be better than the last one.


	43. Chapter 43

The walk to the rehearsal was dreadful, and it took every ounce of strenght Eddy had not to cry as they walked past the pavillion. Just the sight of it brought him back to the night before. He felt guilty, and no matter how much he had scrubbed in the shower that morning he could still feel Chris' hands all over him, his back pressed hard against the metal of the lamp post. The tickling of the leaves of the bush he was hidden in. The headache was awful, but for that he faulted himself for accepting any alcohol last night. The headache wasn't the only thing he faulted himself for. When he woke up that morning and felt an arm around his waist like a dead snake he immediately felt like puking. He knew, logically, it was Brett's, but the guilt and the flashbacks were too much for him and he had rushed to the bathroom, tears threatning to flow as he fell to his knees and puked into the porcelaine throne.

At the rehearsal, he felt Victoria's look drilling into the back of his head. She had tried to approach him during the break, but he didn't really feel like talking to anyone. All he wanted was to curl up in bed and hide from the world, hide from Brett, hide from the images of the large man towering over him. Here at the concert hall there were no places to hide. There were always people around, no matter how far you went to avoid them. All the unknown people around made him unsure and anxious, worried someone would pull him aside. Worried it would happen again. He tried to stay within sight of Brett without actually talking to Brett to feel safer, which was hard because every time Brett spotted him he would come to talk. What would he even say to Brett about his strange behaviour? That he had allowed something unspeakable to happen? He tried to act normal, but everything felt wrong and his arm hurt. He had looked at the bruise in the mirror that morning, and it looked like his arm was stained purple. It gave him shaky bow during playing, and his mind gave him shaky voice while conversing. Everything felt shaky, all the time. It probably didn't help that eating reminded him of Chris' tongue being forced into his mouth.

Brett had noticed Eddy's strange behaviour. The first few hours he thought he might just be hangover from the day before, but when he kept jumping every time someone touched him slightly he realized something was not right. Luckily, Brett's mood had remained stable except for some annoyance over the thundring headache he had from being hangover himself, so he had the mental capacity to worry about Eddy. The voice in his head was loud and clear, though, but Brett managed to ignore it for the most part even when it tried to tell him Eddy was acting weird because of him. 

Eddy wouldn't tell him anything. He kept repeating "everything's fine, nothing has happened, don't worry" in a loop before disappearing for Brett again. The only time he was able to see Eddy during this rehearsal was when they were playing together. What did he even mean by "nothing has happened"? He seemed fine when he went home from the party, a bit sleepy when Brett eventually got to the hotel perhaps, but seemed to be just drunk and tired. Then out of the blue, this morning, he was acting all strange all of a sudden.

"Hey, Brett?" he heard from the door of the wardrobe. He had been pacing around after the rehearsal was done, not really knowing what to do with himself. He turned around and saw the tall blonde girl, Victoria. She had the same worried look as Brett, which didn't make Brett feel better at all.  
"Yeah?" he asked, already knowing what she wanted.  
"Do you know what's up with Eddy?" Her soft voice sounded worried. "He won't talk to me, and I'm not sure if I did something wrong or something... Did something happen after I left the party?"  
The conversation was cut short by mr Gardner entering, with the same worried look Victoria had earlier. Victoria was given a sign to leave him and Brett for a second, and she obeyed him. He was the conductor after all. Gardner shut the door behind him and signalled for Brett to sit down on the single couch in the room. He did, and waited for the conductor to speak. 

"There seems to be something going on with the two of you, Brett. First of all: Are you feeling better?" Brett was taken aback. How did he even know about how he had felt? He wasn't supposed to know, Eddy had promised not to tell.  
"Hey, I have eyes, alright?" he said as if he could read his mind after studying his face for a second. "Are you feeling better?"  
The conductor, who was obviously older than Brett but not really OLD as you would imagine conductors to be seemed kind and caring. Brett didn't feel worried about telling him, really.  
"Yeah, thanks" he said, actually meaning it. He felt okay himself, but he was worried about Eddy.  
Gardner nodded. "That's good, everything sounds better when the musicians are feeling good about themselves. When they are alright, you know?" Brett nodded, not really able to argue with that logic.  
"But what is up with mr Chen's arm?" Garden asked all of a sudden, confusing Brett. He furrowed his brows.  
"His... arm, sir?" he asked. Nothing was wrong his his arm that Brett knew of? Not that he had noticed, anyway. And he would know if something had happened before the party at least, seeing as they had been... together...  
Gardner's answer snapped Brett out of his thoughts. "It's as if it hurts him to play. He won't tell me anything, but he wasn't like this yesterday. Try and figure it until tomorrow, yeah?"  
Brett just nodded. He felt like the way they acted was very unprofessional, and he would be very surprised if they were ever asked to play with a professional orchestra again after the events here.   
"Let me know if there's anything you guys need. I sense something's up, and I prefer my solists happy and thriving." Mr Gardner gave him a friendly wink before getting out of the couch and leaving Brett to his thoughts.


	44. Chapter 44

Eddy stopped at the large open concrete space called Festplassen across the road from the small park with the second statue of Edvard Grieg and a large music pavillion. Brett turned around when his partner stopped and saw that he had started to hyperventilate. His eyes were wide, staring at something behind Brett, and his hands shook even more than they had during the rehearsal.  
"Eddy?" Brett asked before taking a step towards him and stretching an arm out to rub his upper arm. Eddy evaded the touch.  
"Don't touch me!" he almost screamed at him with tears flowing. Brett recognized the panic in Eddy's shifting eyes, but didn't know why he suddenly reacted like this. He followed his terrified stare to the pavillion, but that only confused Brett even more.  
"Eddy, love, what's wrong?" he said softly, taking a careful hold of Eddy's shaking hand. Eddy let him, but it felt like he wanted to pull away from any touch. "Breathe, Eddy, I'm here. Breathe with me, come on." Brett's voice were calm and assuring, but Eddy just cried harder. After a while, he held Eddy's hand softly and lead him to a concrete bench nearby. He had him sit down, and sat down with him.  
"Shh, love..." he whispered and hugged him. He felt Eddy struggle to try and get out of his grip, but he held on, eventually feeling him settle down in his arms. The younger boy was still shaking slightly in his arms, but his crying stopped and his breathing became calmer. He kissed his forehead lightly.  
"What's wrong, Eddy? Please tell me..." he pleaded, but that only caused Eddy to cry again.  
"I... I'm... I'm so sorry... I..." Eddy stuttered out, and Brett had a quick flashback to that time at the café when he had been in Eddy's position.  
"Why are you sorry, Eddy?" Brett mumbled, still with his calming low voice. He wiped away some tears from Eddy's face with his thumb, ignoring the stares of a passing group of old ladies in colourful rain coats. He tried to assuringly stroke his upper arm again, but he flinched at the touch. "And what's wrong with your arm?"

"I... I shouldn't have... drunk so much... I..." Eddy sobbed and hid his head in Brett's chest. He didn't notice the raindrops' slowly increasing rythm as they hit his back. Brett's arms were comforting, but he felt guilty for using him to feel better. He didn't deserve to feel better after he had let... let... it... happen. He shouldn't have had so much to drink, he shouldn't have allowed Chris to take him home, he should have shouted for help or fought harder or...  
"Did something happen on the way back?" Brett's voice was calm, but Eddy was sure it wouldn't be if he told him what had happened. He felt his hand shaking again, taking a handful of Brett's sweater and curling it into a ball in his palm. The memory of Chris' body pressing against his struck his brain like a lightning.  
Eddy opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out but another sob. He tried again. "P...please... don't hate me", he whispered and felt Brett hold him tighter.  
"Eddy, I could never hate you. I love you. Please, what's bothering you?"  
"H...he... Ch... Chr... Chris..." Eddy stuttered out, and immediately felt Brett's mood shift from soft and worried to angry.  
"What did he do?" Brett demanded, but that did nothing but open the flow of Eddy's tears again. Eddy felt the shift, and Brett's arms didn't feel as comforting anymore.  
"Eddy, what did he do?" he demanded again, softer this time, taking Eddy's face carefully in his hands. Eddy could feel the slight tremble of Brett's hands, knowing he was trying not to show his anger. He had never seen Brett angry like this before. Annoyed, sure, irritated, sure. Angry? Never.  
"I... he..." Eddy stuttered, not sure how to explain. He felt like the world was staring at them, even though it was probably only the pidgeons who cared about their presence. "He t... touched... me... like that... I..." Eddy admitted, voice shaking. He was certain Brett would hate him now for letting that happen, that he had lied again and that it was his fault for even getting them to the party in the first place. Brett didn't respond at all, only disappearing into his own mind.  
"I... I'm sorry, Brett... I shouldn't have... drunk..." Eddy sobbed silently, searching Brett's eyes for the building hatred he likely felt towards him.


	45. Chapter 45

Brett didn't know what to respond. His head was spinning from learning this fact, and just the picture that appeared in his head made him sick. His Eddy, forced to... with... The guilt hit him hard. It was him who had let Eddy go with Chris when he had been in no position to make that descision himself. The responsibility was his.  
"I... I'm sorry, Brett... I shouldn't have... drunk..." Eddy continued, but Brett didn't really understand a word of what he was saying anymore. Why was he apologizing, though? Brett felt the guilt eat him from the stomach and out. Several seconds passed before Brett even found the muscles of his face back.  
"I... why are you apologizing, Eddy?" he eventually managed to make his mouth form, even though his voice didn't really obey him, breaking up at several points. Eddy's face was still resting heavily in Brett's hands. Brett noticed the trembling of his lower lip, the light pink streak on it. That hadn't been there before the party, and it surely hadn't showed up during the party either. Another ingredient was added in the potion that was Brett's emotions. Anger.

"Please don't be mad at me, Brett.. please, I'll do anything, I... I'm sorry..." Eddy rambled on, feeling Brett's anger radiate from him. It scared him to see the older man like that. Brett tried to calm himself, knowing Eddy could sense it, but no matter how hard he tried it still murred way down in his stomach along with the hint of guilt. For the most part he was angry at Chris, but also at himself. He should have looked after Eddy. He should have been there with him, making sure it didn't happen.  
"I'm not mad at you, Eddy, I'm not..." He wanted to kiss him, just to prove it, but he was scared it would hurt him or make him panic again. "Please, let's go back to the hotel, Eddy. It'll be fine, I'll take care of you." A nervous glance over his shoulder towards the pavillion hinted to Brett that something was up with that place.  
"Let's go around the park", he suggested, and Eddy nodded, following Brett's lead back to the hotel.

Eddy felt unsure of how to act like Brett now, not really sure he actually wasn't angry at him. He wanted to make it up to Brett, so he could feel okay again. To not feel so gross. He wanted it to be Brett's gentle hands touching him, not Chris'. He wanted the taste of Brett's lips on his, not the stench of Chris' beer.  
So as soon as the door was shut behind them in the hotel room Eddy pushed Brett against the door, pressing his lips desperately against Brett's. He felt tears pressing on when Brett just stood there in shock, not responding to him at first. All he wanted in the world was for Brett to love him again. He wish he hadn't told him, that he'd been able to force his emotions into a jar and lock it, just so that Brett would kiss him back in this moment. He pulled away, eyes sparkling with tears.   
"I..." he began, feeling his heart drop into his stomach. Brett just stood there, looking into Eddy's sad eyes, completely in shock. What on earth had just happened?  
"Do you... are you sure you want...?" Brett finally managed to say after a few seconds of silence.  
"Please", Eddy whispered, letting his tongue run over the pink streak on his lip. "I... I want it to be... you... your hands..."  
Brett lifted his hand up to the taller boy's cheek and wiped away a single tear making it's way down his cheek. "Shh, Eddy, don't cry" he said in a low and calming voice.  
"If you're sure you want this. There's no need to prove anything to me, Eddy." Eddy didn't hear Brett's words as clearly anymore. His mind was telling him Brett just didn't want him anymore, that he thought he was disgusting. Why would he want to touch something as dirty and gross as him anyway? He felt like he wanted to scrub his skin off. He took a step back from Brett, head bent to fix his eyes on the floor.  
"I'm sorry, Brett, I didn't mean for... for this to... to... for him to..." He dumped down on the bed and hid his face in his hands. He was lost for words. He didn't feel like sorry covered it, but he couldn't find a closer word either. He felt like the world crashed around him, like the ground crumbled beneath his feet.  
"Eddy..." Brett sighed before sitting down next to him. He put an arm around his waist, causing Eddy to flinch slightly, even though he tried to surpress the automatic response. It felt like a snake was sneaking around him, but he tried to overrule his mind's screams.  
"Please, Brett, I am so sorry, I didn't mean for it to happen, he... he made me... he touched... I tried to stop him... he just wouldn't..." Eddy was interrupted by a deep kiss. He tasted the hint of the coffee Brett had during the break on his lips as they moved together with his in a perfect duet. The pink streak stung, but Eddy ignored it wanting to feel all of Brett. To belong to Brett again.


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

Eddy's hands were tembling slightly when he lifted them to grab a hold of Brett's sweater. Their lips were still moving in sync and their breathing was laboured. Brett wanted to let Eddy lead the way, worried he'd cause another outburst of panic or trigger memories Eddy did not want. He allowed himself to be pushed onto his back in the bed with Eddy on top of him. Brett's hands wandered slowly from Eddy's waist down to rest on the waistband of his trousers, but stopped there waiting for his next move. Eddy groaned in slight frustration.  
"You're so... careful", he mumbled against Brett's lips before moving to kiss along his jawline, touching one of the now faded hickeys he had made on Brett's neck the last time they were together like this. This caused Brett to exhale heavily.  
"I just..." he breathed, trying to pull himself together to continue under Eddy's touch. "Shit... I just want you to feel... safe..." Eddy stopped what he was doing for a moment, as if processing what he had just been told. Then he leaned down to Brett's ear, lips brushing softly against it as he spoke.  
"I always feel safe with you, Brett. Always." Brett's heart rate was going up, and his cheeks felt warm. Eddy's breath caressed his neck beneath his ear giving him goosebumbs, and he let his smaller hands slip under Eddy's loose t-shirt. It lifted slightly and in combination with the slight slipping down of his trousers revealed three angry streaks going down his hip. Those had not been there last time. 

Eddy pulled Brett's sweater over his head and let thre kisses move down from the hickeys on his neck. Brett tangled his fingers into his lover's soft hair, feeling his body react to Eddy's soft lips making butterfly kisses down his stomach. He stopped before coming all the way down and rolling over to rest on his back next to Brett on the bed. Brett was still gasping for air.  
"Shit Eddy, you're such a tease..." he moaned, trying to catch his breath. Eddy turned his head towards Brett. "I want you to touch me, Brett... I want to be yours again..." he said softly, attempted seductivly, but the desperation in his voice made it sound more like a plea.

Luckily, Brett wasn't hard to convince, and moments later he was straddled over the long body helping it out of the white t-shirt with the bumblebee on. The bruise on Eddy's arm was bad. Brett wasn't sure he had seen a bruise that bad ever in his life, and it went all the way around his upper arm like a black and blue armband. He let his finger very carefully run over the bruise, but he retreated his hand when Eddy winced.  
"Sorry, love" Brett whispered, quickly touching his lips against Eddy's. Instead he softly let his finger trace Eddy's jaw all the way to his chin with his index finger before going down to follow the shape of his left collarbone. Eddy's slight shiver beneath him as he moved down his chest, over the hint of abs and down. He closed his eyes and exhaled heavily with a slight whimper, and Brett absolutely loved having this effect on Eddy.

Brett noticed some more bruises around the younger boy's inner thigh when he got as far as getting his trousers off. Clear blue spots, clearly in the pattern of a hand larger than Brett's attempting to keep his thighs apart. They were not as heavy as the bruise on his arm, but they were clear signs of a struggle. He also realized how far down the three screaming red streaks starting on his thigh went, and the guilt came back to Brett.  
 _You should have been the one to follow him home. You allowed this to happen._

Eddy's small impatient wiggle of his hip snapped Brett back to the real world. Brett showed the voice's concerns into the depths of his mind and ignored them.  
"Please Brett... take me back... belong... to you..." he whimpered incoherently while clumsily attempting to open the button on Brett's trousers with shaky hands. Their lips met again, but Brett stopped the kiss to say something important. He leaned in and breathed hot air on Eddy's ear before humming in a low seductive voice:  
"You never stopped being mine, love."


	47. Chapter 47

The night arrived sooner than they expected, and Brett fell asleep holding Eddy securely in his arms. Neither of them had bothered getting dressed when they finished, so after a quick shower the two of them cuddled up in bed. Brett's light snores was not what kept Eddy awake, but rather the need arising from the back of his mind to scrub his skin. His plan hadn't worked. In his mind, Brett would make love with him and erase the bad feeling he had of Chris' hands on his body. The only problem with that plan was that he could still feel it. He could still feel the cold metal of the lamp post pushed hard against his back, the taste of Chris' beer breath, the scratch of Chris' nails down from his hip to his groin, how his legs were forced apart so he had better access to a place Eddy only wanted to share with one man, and that man was not Chris. He felt tainted, and unworthy of the pleasures Brett had given him just a short hour earlier. He felt unworthy of the man who had done everything he could imagine to prove that he still loved him. Every touch had been with so much passion, every kiss deeper than ever before. Brett was his safe place, but he didn't feel like he deserved him.

His phone lit up on the bed side table and he sneaked out of Brett's warm embrace to look at it. Brett grunted when he was moved, but was calmed down again when given a pillow to replace Eddy. He opened the notification on his phone.

 _23:42_ **Victoria:** Hey, are you okay? Was worried about you today. Did something happen?

No, I'm fine. Don't worry about it. **:Me** _23:44_

 _23:45_ **Victoria:** U sure? I feel like it had something to do w the party, and I feel bad about it possibly being my fault...

_Seen at 23:46_

Eddy didn't reply to that message.. It was nobody else's fault but his. He shouldn't have drunk at all, he knew how vunerable he was when he was drunk. He shouldn't have let Chris take him home. He should have stayed with Brett, his safe harbour.

 _23:49_ **Victoria:** You still up for seeing Bryggen tomorrow, then?

Do you mind if I bring Brett? **:Me** _23:51_

 _23:53_ **Victoria:** No of course you can bring Brett! He'll love Bryggen as well! Meet up after rehearsal?

Sure, see ya then! **:Me** _23:55_

Eddy sighed in relief as he put away his phone. He had panicked slightly just imagining going anywhere without Brett at the moment. He swapped the pillow he had given Brett for himself again, trying not to flinch when Brett's tight embrace embraced slightly too tightly around his bruised arm. A small voice in the back of his mind told him he deserved the pain, and Eddy agreed with it.


	48. Chapter 48

The rehearsal went fine for once. Brett had gone back to his flat emotional state, but it didn't prevent him from playing okay. In a way, it helped him, as he was able to focus completely on the music and not on his three billion other thoughts. Most of his extra energy was spent keeping Eddy afloat through the day, as he had been near a new breakdown that morning. Brett hadn't known what else to do other than hold him and telling him he'd be there, and that he'd protect him if he was nearby. Brett knew that if Chris was around, he very likely wouldn't be as brave as he wanted Eddy to think he was.  
Eddy's arm still hurt, causing his movements to be a bit stiff and therefore his playing a bit off. It got to him that he let the thing with Chris affect his professional life, but he couldn't help it. He tried to lie to himself, saying he played bad because it physically hurt, but mentally he wasn't really there either. He looked forward to seeing some of the sights around town with Brett and Victoria, to get his mind onto something else, someone else.

During the break he decided to let Brett know about the plans as well, as he hadn't even thought of telling him yet. He just assumed he'd come like he always had while they were on tour. They were sitting in one end each of the large leather couch in their wardrobe, sipping a coffee each, trying very hard to seem like friends and not as boyf... uh... lovers?  
"Hey, Brett?" he asked while sipping the way too hot coffee from the styrofoam cup. The coffee stung on the healing cut on his lip.  
"Yeah?" Brett's voice was as dead as the deadpan face he was sporting. He hadn't bothered to do much about his hair that morning, and Eddy still recognized it as the hairdo made by their... intimate session.  
"Victoria has invited us to see a famous place here in Bergen today. Wanna come?" Eddy kind of already felt he knew Brett would say yes, and was shocked when that wasn't the case.  
"I'm sorry, Eddy, I'm not feeling to great today. Unless you need me there, of course." He added that last bit, because he knew there was a chance Eddy wouldn't feel great about going with him not being there.  
"Oh", was all Eddy said for a while, feeling his heart sink down into his stomach with disappointment. He had really wanted to share that experience with him, but he couldn't exactly make him go either.  
"If you don't need me there?" Brett asked, eyeing up Eddy's disappointed face. Eddy shook his head.  
"No, no... it's fine, I'll have Victoria there, but... maybe you could... be available... like on the phone? If I... change my mind?" He looked down into his now lukewarm cup of coffee. He was embarrassed to be so dependant on him.  
Brett nodded. "Sure, if it'll make you feel safe." The rest of the break was quiet except for the occational slurping of some coffee or humming of that one catchy part of the new piece.

After rehearsal ended Eddy watched Brett leave the concert hall without him as he waited for Victoria. His heart sped up slightly, knowing he was completely alone in the large now. He knew Chris went to school just by the concert hall, and it felt awful to know he could be just around any corner.  
He almost jumped three meters straight up when he felt a light tap on his bruised arm, breathing in harshly. It was both because he was surprised, but also because it still hurt to touch it.  
"Oh shit, sorry! I didn't mean to scare you!" Victoria said apologetically in her slight Norwegian accent. Eddy tried to breathe to calm his heartrate again.  
"No no, it's fine... I'm just so easily scared, you know..." he tried to lie, but he didn't feel like the lie was well hidden. Victoria either didn't catch him lying, or at least didn't call him out on it.  
"Brett isn't coming?" she asked, and Eddy shook his head.  
"Nah, he isn't feeling great, appearently."  
"Shame, he's such a cutie" Victoria said, followed by a laugh and Eddy laughed with her, even though he didn't particularily like that anyone else called Brett a cutie.  
"Let's go then?" she suggested and the two of them went out the door of Grieghallen.


	49. Chapter 49

Eddy barely managed to avoid the park on their way to Bryggen by making up some excuse about he wanting to explore a different way. Victoria had giggled about it.  
"You're so adventurous! No wonder you call yourself Eddy Adventure on instagram!" she said sweetly, and Eddy couldn't help but blush. He wasn't that adventurous anyway, really. 

As they rounded the corner of a old grey brick building he could smell it. The unmissable smell of fish and salt water.  
"Oh man, that's intense", he commented, but got a confused look from Victoria.  
"What do you mean...?" she started but then she realized it. "Ohhh, you mean the fishy smell! I'm so used to it, I didn't notice!" And then she laughed that sweet laugh of hers. Eddy thought the way she laughed was cute. It wasn't put on or anything, just when she thought something was funny she reacted naturally to it.

They passed a building that Eddy thought looked like a small version of Grieghallen, and he could see a bunch of old wooden buildings on the other side of the harbour. It was sunny out, but it was nearing late afternoon. There were a lot of people out, some who Eddy thought must be tourists.  
"You know, it's very nice to sit here in the sunset", Victoria commented and gestured to a dark wooden bench. Eddy shrugged. Maybe it was nice?  
Victoria, seeming completely unaffected by Eddy's absent mind, pointed at the old wooden buildings across the harbour.  
"That's Bryggen over there, by the way. Where we are right now is the famous Fish Market." Eddy nodded, feeling a bit stressed about all the people moving around them.  
"Is there somewhere quiet we can just sit?" Eddy asked, feeling uneasy about all the people he couldn't keep track of visually. His mind brought up the image of Chris, how he'd be in the crowd, how he'd sneak up behind him...  
He felt Victoria's soft hand on his forearm, and he realized how tense he was.  
"Yeah, come", she said, taking his hand and dragging him towards the wooden buildings. He didn't resist it, but his mind wandered to Brett alone in the hotel room. Was he alright?

She dragged him in between the old wooden buildings he had seen from the other side of the harbour just minutes before, and suddenly all the sounds from the city and all the people disappeared. It felt quiet, as if they had stepped inside, but the light peeked down between the tops of the houses. The floor they were standing on went from being asphalt to be wooden. The planks creaked where they stepped, and they felt like they had been there since the dawn of time.  
Victoria hadn't let go of Eddy's hand, and Eddy didn't pull away either. It felt a bit awkward holding hands like this, but he thought maybe this was just a Norwegian thing? The alternative didn't hit him. Victoria's cheeks were slightly pink, looking at Eddy instead of at the narrow space between the buildings.  
"There's a... bar... that's not so crowded...?" Victoria suggested, seeming slightly flustered. This made Eddy feel unsure of what to do. Sure, she was like... a fan? Maybe that would be why?  
"Uh... sure?" he said and let her lead him to the bar, still hand in hand. He didn't notice the fake click sound of an iphone camera from the end of the alley.


	50. Chapter 50

The smoke detector had a tiny red light on it. The tiny red light would blink, and Brett had discovered it would blink approximately ten times a minute. There was also a B flat coming from the airconditioning system. He had discovered that apart from the bathroom, the best place to practice was right by the window acoustic wise. He had played through their repertoir a few times, and had even tried out the first violin orchestra part. It was actually quite hard, giving him new respect for the players who had learned this just for the two of them to shine in front of them.

He had just put down his violin when his phone lit up. Up until now he had been absolutely fine, a bit more lazy than he normally was for the time of day probably. A bit bored, maybe, but he knew he could just go find Eddy whenever he wanted if it got too bad. He had looked up Bryggen on google maps, and it was just a short walk from the hotel. Maybe five minutes. The notification on his phone was a twitter notification. TwoSet was mentioned in a tweet, nothing unusual really. He opened his phone without going to twitter, not really feeling like responding to tweets.  
He scrolled through LingLing40hrs for a while before yet another notification ticked in. Instagram this time. They had been mentioned again, but this was still very normal. Usually he didn't even notice notifications like that on his phone, but they seemed very noticable today. Maybe he was just bored, and that's what made them interesting?  
He contonued scrolling down LingLing40hrs before deciding to check out new posts on the subreddit. The imagination of some of their fans really impressed Brett, and he wanted a laugh now. Maybe he'd go find Eddy after, even?

The first few posts were pretty good. A few memes, someone posting their ticket to the concert, an old picture of Brett... And then, there was a picture of Eddy. "Eddy has a girlfriend?" the title said. He was wearing the same clothes he had put on that morning in the picture, his hair still ruffled from when they had... been intimate... He didn't seem to know the picture was being taken, which struck Brett as odd. Victoria was in the picture too, but she was a bit blurry. Probably moving. Was this someone stalking the two of them? Should Brett be worried?  
Wait... were they... holding hands? Brett couldn't really believe his eyes as he zoomed in on the picture on his phone and straightned his glasses. They were, weren't they? His heart sunk down to his stomach. No no, there had to be another explanation. Maybe Eddy had been scared, and she was comforting him in his place? In that case, he should be thankful for her taking care of him, right? That had to be the explanation... Right? Eddy wouldn't betray him like that, right?  
 _Once a liar, always a liar, right?_

Brett didn't want to believe it. He simply refused. This wouldn't have happened if he had come with him. He wanted to see Eddy. Now. He called him up, and got through to him after a few rings.  
"Hey Bretty, what's up?" Eddy asked with that angelic voice of his when he picked up. Brett didn't hear any extra sounds coming through the phone other than his voice. Was he indoors?  
"Hey... was just wondering if we could... uh... meet up? Got a bit... uh... boring... staying around in the hotel..." He didn't want to accuse Eddy of anything, but he needed to see him. To ask about it. To be assured it was nothing, that they hadn't done anything else.  
"Of course! We're at this bar inside one of the wooden buildings on Bryggen... you know where it is?" A bar? That explains the indoor-feel to the sound.  
"Yeah, I'll come to you then. See you soon!" Brett tried to sound normal, but the picture had etched itself onto Brett's brain. Eddy wouldn't do that to him, right?  
"See ya." He hung up and dragged himself off the bed and put on shoes. He really hoped his gut feeling was wrong. He pulled out his phone to look at the other notifications, the tweet and the instagram post. He opened the tweet.  
"Lucky girl!" the text said, followed by the same picture. The picture made Brett question himself. They weren't really exclusive, so he couldn't really confront Eddy even if they were a thing, right? They had never mentioned each other as boyf... He couldn't even say it. Just the word made his stomach flip with excitement. Imagine if they were?  
 _He'd choose her over you anyway. You're lucky he'd even touch you in the first place._  
Brett sighed and put his phone in the pocket of his trousers without having noticed the username at the top of the tweet. He headed out and went in the vague direction he had seen Bryggen being at on google maps earlier.


	51. Chapter 51

"Brett?" Victoria asked Eddy, to confirm she had understood the conversation right. He nodded.  
"Yeah, he's coming over." He noticed a few notifications on his phone, and made a mental note to check them out later.  
"Oh, is he?" She seemed to try not to appear disappointed as she had a sip from the drink she had gotten herself. She had gotten the same drink for Eddy, and he had sipped it slightly but left it mostly untouched on thr table, still not really comfortable with alcohol after what had happened. He felt bad about it, though, as she didn't know.   
The bar was quite nice, although Eddy thought the prices were outrageous. Victoria had laughed when he mentioned, explaining that all alcohol were this expensive here. And also offered to buy him a drink. He had tried to say he didn't want one, but she insisted. There were large, comfy couches to sit in and it felt more like a living room than a bar, really. He was seated across from Victoria with a small table between them. The couches seemed really old, Eddy noticed, and the music playing over the loudspeakers felt a bit like elevator music. 

"So, what's up with the hickeys? Who's the lucky one?" Victoria asked out of the blue, and Eddy's face turned all red. He knew Chris hadn't left any hickeys, so that left only one option. Eddy was not sure if Brett wanted him to say.  
"Uh... well... uh... it's kindof a secret..." he stuttered out, covering the most obvious hickey on his neck with his hand. Victoria gasped.  
"No wayyyyy nooo, really?" she exclaimed, having realized who it must be. "Is it Br..."  
"Shhhh!!!" Eddy silenced her loudly. "It's kind of not official yet, alright?"  
"What's not official yet?" he heard a familiar voice say behind him before dumping down on the couch next to Eddy, beer in hand. Eddy blushed probably even harder at Brett's arrival. Victoria couldn't help but squeal to herself.  
"Oh my god" she muttered under her breath, and Eddy couldn't help but think her inner fangirl monster came out in that very moment.  
"Did I show up at a bad moment? Should I leave?" Brett was only half joking, the picture of Eddy and Victoria holding hands popping up in his brain.  
 _Did he ask her to be his girlfriend or something?_  
Brett made a face when the the voice spoke, which probably was visible to the people around. Nobody commented it though.  
"No, no!" Eddy said quickly, biting his lip hard, feeling the sting of his light pink streak. "It's just... uh... she kind of... uh... found out?" His hand went up to touch the hickey on his neck again, and now Brett's face turned as red as Eddy's was.  
"Guys, really, I had a thing for you Eddy, but you guys are seriously meant to be together, alright? This is great!" Victoria said to a duet of "shhh!" from the other side of the table.  
"B...but we're not official, okay? You can't tell anyone, Victoria" Eddy stuttered, struggling to find the words. He didn't notice Brett's face falter slightly at the "not official"-part. He knew they weren't official, but he didn't really know why. Or well, he knew, but he didn't understand why.  
Again they didn't notice the tiny sound of a video recording on an iphone being stopped, and the tall shadow step away from the doorway.


	52. Chapter 52

They had finished their drinks, Eddy being slightly lightheaded by suddenly dipping into the heavier alcohols. Victoria had gone earlier to catch the light rail to get to her place, and now they were walking back to the hotel together. Victoria had promised not to tell anyone what was going on between them. What was even going on between them? The sun was setting as they passed the fish market, and Eddy spotted the bench Victoria had pointed out to him earlier.  
"Wanna sit for a bit?" Eddy suggested, seeing the sun setting in the distance. The light outside was bright orange, and he trusted Victoria on it being a nice spot for a nice view.  
"Uh, sure, if you want", Brett answered and went with him to the bench. There weren't a lot of people out now, which Eddy appreciated.

They sat down, and Eddy felt the strong urge to take Brett's hand. He didn't though, especially as he felt the uncertainty of Brett's movements. He could tell he was thinking of something he was not saying.  
"Bretty? What's wrong?" he asked, hand moving slightly closer to Brett's resting on the bench.  
"Nothing, nothing's wrong", Brett lied, and Eddy sighed. He could tell, of course. Like he always could.  
"You know I can tell you're not being truthful, Brett. Is it something I have done?" Brett didn't really know what to reply. Surely he must have seen the pictures too, by now?  
"Have you... checked your phone... within the last hours?" Brett asked him, trying to focus on the ships far up the harbour. He couldn't look at Eddy in that moment. As if on cue, Eddy took out his phone. The notifications were still there, as he hadn't looked at them. He opened the first one, the twitter one and was met with a picture of himself and Victoria holding hands. He also noticed the username, which Brett had not seen.  
"B...Brett... is... is that?" he stuttered, eyes widening in fear. His look moved from the phone, to Brett and back to the phone.  
"Yeah, it's a picture of you and Victoria, alright. I just... I didn't know what to think and all..." Brett replied, not realizing what Eddy had spotted.  
"Brett! See who's posted it! It can't be!" He pointed at the username, and Brett looked at it on Eddy's phone. He felt a stab of guilt in his stomach. He should really have been there.  
"ChristheSaxy... it must be him, right?" Eddy's voice went up a fifth, feeling the panic set in. He had been close enough for him to take that photo, close enough to... to...  
"Shh, Eddy, I'm here alright?" Brett said, taking a hold of Eddy's hand. He didn't care what other people thought there and then, he needed Eddy to calm down. "Eddy, look at me, look at me..."  
Eddy's hands were shaking, his breathing accelerated into a semi hyperventilating and he felt tears pressing on.  
"H... he... he could have... Brett... he..." he stuttered out, looking around at the few people around them, looking for Chris. Hoping he wasn't there, but he just didn't feel safe without checking.  
"But he didn't, Eddy, and I'm here now. Don't worry, okay?" Eddy's phone played the notification sound again, and he opened it.

The video playing on twitter was of himself and Victoria, at the bar. Replaying the scene where she asked about the hickeys from somewhere behind Victoria. Both watched in silence, watching as Brett entered the frame from the other entrance, beer in hand.  
"What's not official yet?" Brett said on the video, and both of them realized they had been found out. They knew there were tons of fans who were not stupid and who would know what they were talking about, even though they didn't say it explicitly. They also could see that the video had been seen many times already. The comments below reading "Breddy confirmed" or "just make it official already!".   
"He was there!" Eddy said loudly. "He is following us! Brett! We're never safe!" Eddy shot up and looked around. He couldn't see anyone but the middle aged Chinese lady selling fish at the Norwegian Fish Market. Brett took his hand and pulled him back on the bench.  
"Hey, Eddy, it's alright." It wasn't alright though. He felt exposed and he didn't really feel safe in the location they were at. He was just keeping calm for Eddy's sake.  
"Let's go to the hotel, okay?"


	53. Chapter 53

Brett had really struggled to get Eddy to walk back to the hotel with him. He had struggled to get Eddy to calm down, and he had struggled to let him sleep. Brett could feel his mental energy being drained, and he dreamed of a nice shower where he could just get some alone time, but Eddy had finally fallen asleep in his arms and he didn't dare to wake him up. Brett had thought about what he felt about them being kind of public now. Did that mean they were boyfriends now? It crossed his mind that maybe Eddy wasn't ready for something like that. He would wait until the end of the world for Eddy, but... it would really tear on him.

Brett had also struggled to get Eddy out of the relative safety of the hotel room to get to the concert hall the next day. He kept making up excuses, that he wasn't feeling well, that his arm hurt more today than yesterday, that he felt the musicians were judging him, that his hair wasn't right. All the excuses he could possibly think of. He eventually admitted he just didn't feel safe going out, but after minutes of promises from Brett they would be fine he finally went. And it turned out absolutely fine. They got to Grieghallen, and the rehearsal went for the most part as planned. As Brett had expected, there were some whispering among the musicians. The composer of the new piece showed up, a young guy, probably just a year or two younger than Eddy, introducing himself as a recent graduate of the local music school, the same one Victoria and Chris went to. They spoke for a bit about the impressive work the composer had done, and got some directions for how he wanted it performed. A nice guy, really, but a bit too eccentric for the two of them.

The walk back to the hotel went around the park, as usual. Brett caught himself wondering where in the park it had happened, since most of it was quite an open space. Where could it have happened, anyway?  
"What are you thinking about?" Eddy interrupted, but Brett just shook his head as they rounded the park corner.  
"Nah, nothing", he lied, trying to seem casual. Eddy sighed, obviously not buying it. He never did, anyway.  
"Brett... you know I can tell you're lying..." he said, looking away from Brett and pretending to study some of the features of the building to their right.  
"I'll tell you if you tell me how on earth you can always tell I'm lying", Brett said, poking Eddy in the side. He squeeked.  
"Dude! Don't! You know I'm ticklish!" he laughed, and Brett felt his heart jump out of his chest hearing Eddy's laugh. Oh, how much he loved that.  
"I swear, when we get back I'll tickle you if you won't tell!" Brett jokingly threatned, and Eddy's laugh filled the air again.  
"Nooo! Brettyy! That's unfair!!" He ran ahead of Brett. "You can't catch me anyways!" he laughed and ran towards the hotel with the violin on his back. Brett ran after him, also laughing.  
"Won't need to, I have the key!" he yelled after him, trying to keep up with his shorter legs.


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

Eddy half screamed when he got as far as the door to their room. Brett had the key, and was definitly coming for him.  
"Nonono!" he shouted and laughed as he saw Brett round the corner from the elevator, completely out of breath but still ready to tickle Eddy. Eddy curled up, trying to defend himself from the incoming attack. Brett trapped him against the door and started poking him lightly on the stomach, causing Eddy to twist and squeal and try and get away.  
"No no! Please, Brett!" He laughed between every word, trying to catch Brett's hands as they hit soft spot after soft spot on his stomach and his ribs. Eventually Brett let him go and put the key card in the slot to open the door with a grin.  
"Don't you like being tickled, Eddy?" he teased while putting down his violin. Eddy stuck his tongue out to him.  
"It's just not fair because you're not nearly as ticklish as I am!" Eddy argued and placed his violin next to Brett's. Brett made a pretend motion as if he was going to tickle Eddy, and Eddy jumped.  
"You stop that right now, Yang!" he said loudly, trying to sound serious while he was still giggling.  
"What'cha gonna do about it, eh?" Brett said, poking Eddy again with a huge grin, but Eddy wasn't planning on getting tickled any more. In a swift movement he had Brett with his back against their bathroom door and Eddy standing over him with an attempted seductive smile, but he was still half giggling in fear of getting tickled more.  
"What if I were to do THIS about it, hmmmm?" he said in a silly voice before leaning down to let his lips meet the shorter boy's for a few seconds before separating them again. Brett felt his cheeks warm up, and he felt all the control he had just a tiny minute ago disappear. He looked up at the slightly sweaty tall man towering over him.  
"Well..." he mumbled, all flustered. "It works..." Eddy placed his hands softly around Brett's face before leaning down to kiss him again, this time biting his lower lip playfully and letting his tongue explore. Brett let his hands slide down from Eddy's chest, where they had been resting up until this point, and down to his waist where he pulled him closer. Eddy's lips moved away from his and went down his jawline, ending up by his ear where he bit his earlobe playfully. Brett inhaled sharply while sliding his hands around his waist to rest them in Eddy's back pockets. One of Eddy's hands traced the circle halfway around from the top of his Ling Ling 40 hours-t-shirt and ended up resting on the front of his trousers. Brett couldn't help the moan that escaped his lips and he closed his eyes, feeling his knees going weak from Eddy's touch.  
"E...Eddy..." he whimpered, pushing his hips towards the hand touching him way too lightly, but that only caused the owner of the hand to pull it away, much to Brett's frustration.  
"I think you are a bit selfish here, Yang, letting me please you like this without getting anything in return..." Eddy whispered in his ear, exhaling hot air against the soft skin on his neck. Brett's eyes were still closed, and he let his tongue run over his lover lip. They tasted like Eddy.  
"It's... it's because... because you paralyze me... when you..." he stuttered out, and tilted his head back when Eddy pressed his lips against Brett's neck. He forced his hands to move from Eddy's back pockets and around to unbutton his trousers, attempting not to go to close to the three fading streaks on his hips. Eddy exhaled heavily and leaned his weight on his forearm against the bathroom door over Brett's head. Brett took the opportunity to tilt his head up high enough for his lips to touch the underside of the taller boy's jaw while he pulled his skinny trousers down just enough to be able to sneak a hand down his stomach and further down.  
"Shit..." he heard the taller boy mutter under his breath, eyes closed. Brett loved getting a reaction from him, and so he moved his hand to cause another reaction. He didn't get the same reaction this time. Instead Eddy grabbed a hold of his waist, maneuvering him to the queen sized bed they shared and had the both of them lay down.  
"I need you now", Eddy whimpered, pressing his lips hard against Brett's. The lust of the kiss was overwhelming, breathtaking. It was only breached to get some more clothes off, to be even closer to each other.  
"I love you so much", Brett said in an exhale before feeling Eddy's lips on his again.


	55. Chapter 55

The cuddling after was Eddy's favourite part. He loved feeling the caressing of Brett's fingertips on his back, to hear Brett's slow and calm breathing, to feel the scent of his lover all over himself and the sheets they were on.   
"Bretty?" he mumbled, head resting on his chest. It was funny how their roles reversed after they were done. "Will you tell me what you were thinking about?" The silence was deafening while Brett tried to figure out to say. He sighed before speaking.  
"It's just... the park... I can't wrap my head around what happened to you..." Brett's voice trailed off, and he leaned down to kiss the top of his head. "We don't have to talk about it, I don't need to know. I just thought maybe you'd feel better if we talked about it."  
Eddy bit his lip, trying to shove away the images from that night that popped into his head. He still felt guilty for not being more careful. Or maybe if he had just had some more to drink he wouldn't remember anything of it at all?  
"I'm sorry I'm being difficult about it", Eddy finally said, but could feel the shift of Brett's mood.  
"Why do you keep saying that? It's not like it's your fault..." Brett's voice was worried but calm still. Eddy didn't know what to say. Of course it was his fault.   
"I should have been more careful", he tried to say but was interrupted by Brett.  
"I! Should have been more careful! Sending you off with a stranger just like that? I should have been there with you, and it wouldn't have happened." It was quiet for a while, neither of them knowing what to say after that. They heard the B flat from the airconditioning system in the background and a police siren outside.  
"You couldn't have known, Brett." Eddy was the one to break the silence, and he realized what he said could apply to himself too. He got it confirmed too when Brett muttered "Right back at you" under his breath.

"So, what are we going to do about the... the video?" Brett eventually asked, having dreaded the question. What if they weren't what he thought they were? Did he read too much into Eddy's words and actions?  
"I don't know... I suppose we have to say something about it, make a video or something..." he sighed. "What would we even tell them, anyway?"  
Brett straightened his glasses and leaned his head back on the pillow. "I was hoping you had the answer to that, honestly. What is... this?" He gesticulated to themselves, but Eddy just giggled.  
"Well, I know what THIS is..." he said, turning his head to kiss Brett's collarbone. "THIS is a greek god's body, no doubt." He grinned that joking grin, looking up at Brett the way he always did to confirm Brett thought it was funny too. Brett's face turned red, but he couldn't help but laugh a bit.  
"You're funny, Eddy, real funny", he mumbled and kissed his forehead. "No but seriously though..." Eddy sighed, uncertain of what to say.  
"I mean, I wouldn't mind being your boyfriend", Brett said, feeling his face turn redder than a stop signal. His heart rate went up to fifteen beats per second, or at least something around that.  
 _What a stupid way to ask someone to be your boyfriend. You really expect him to say yes to that?_  
"Well... I mean, I wouldn't mind being your boyfriend either..." Eddy said, probably equally flustered as Brett. The looked at each other for a second before letting their lips meet in a kiss. Brett was the one to pull away with a smile.  
"I guess we know what to say then?" he said, feeling a warm feeling spread in his body. Eddy was really his boyfriend, unbelievable! How long hadn't he dreamt of this? How many times hadn't this moment happened in his dreams?  
"But we don't really have time now, do we? The concert's in like two days..." Eddy said, thinking practically. Brett's mind was nowhere near anything practical, he wanted to scream to the world how much he loved Eddy and to just let everyone know he was taken.  
"Uh yeah, I guess..." Brett said, slightly disappointed. "So we're still a secret, then?"   
Eddy sighed slightly. "I mean, it's probably... better to wait until we have made... an announcement, right?" he half asked half stated. He didn't exactly want to keep it a secret either, but he tried to think what would be best for the channel and for their lives further ahead than what they wanted right there and then.  
"You're probably right, we'll go with that, then", Brett said, not really able to hide his disappointment.  
"You sure that's fine, Brett?" Eddy asked concerned and lifted his hand up to caress Brett's cheek.  
 _You know he's just embarrased of being with you._  
"Yeah yeah, sure", Brett said, but Eddy knew he was lying.


	56. Chapter 56

Today was thursday, first concert was friday. Then a rehearsal on monday before the concert on tuesday. They both thought tuesday was a weird day to have a concert, but appearently students were available on tuesdays to come and listen. Then finally the last concert was the following friday. That was the latest they would have to wait to make the video, to tell everyone. Brett was counting down days. Sure, they could probably fit it in during the weekend, but he didn't want to get his hopes up. Maybe Eddy wanted to practice or just wasn't feeling up to it. You'd never know with him.  
 _Or he'll put it off forever because he doesn't actually want to be with you._

"Hey, Bretty, can we just try that last bit on the new piece? I think my B flats are too flat..." Eddy asked him during the break. Bretty. He loved being called that by Eddy. He had to find a good nickname for him as well soon.  
"Sure, lov... I mean Eddy..." he said, blushing. He kept forgetting he couldn't call him "love" outside of the hotel room, but Eddy just snickered. He took his violin from the small table next to the couch and quickly checked the tuning.   
"Alright, from where?" Brett asked, and got a singing reply to tell him where it was.   
"You know, just the.." he said and sang it. Brett loved hearing Eddy sing, always in the right key of course. He pretty much loved everything Eddy did, really.   
_He doesn't care that much about you, though. Get used to it._  
Brett tried his best to ignore the voice as they played together the last few bars of the piece. Eddy had his eyes closed, concentrating on hearing the B flats he was so worried about. Brett on the other hand couldn't help but listen to the comments the voice in his head was making. Every time he thought about a nice feature Eddy had, like how incredibly elegant his wrists looked when he played, or how he liked the way his hair fell on his forehead, the voice shot him down.  
 _Yeah, he's gorgeous. Way too good for you. Why would he find you attractice anyway, being nothing but a nobody compared to him? It's all just a lie._

"Yeah, I think I'm good now. Thanks", he said, smiling that incredibly beautiful smile of his. The one that made Brett melt into a puddle on the floor.  
"Anything for you", he said, completely focused on Eddy's smile. He only snapped out of it when Eddy spoke again.  
"We're not in the hotel now, Bretty", he half whispered before quickly looking around for anybody else's presence and going over to him to kiss him on the cheek.  
"But I can't wait to get there..." he whispered softly in his ear, giving Brett the chills, before going back out to socialize with the orchestra for the rest of the break.


	57. Chapter 57

They had decided to work against Eddy's anxiety and go out for a quick drink that evening. As "friends" of course. They had chosen a different bar this time, a bit further away from the hotel. As the evening progressed, the bar seemed to turn more into some kind of night club, with some music being played over the loudspeakers and people moving to it on a small dance floor. The two of them felt slightly too old for the crowd there, but didn't feel like going elsewhere either. Eddy was only halfway through his first drink while Brett had just ordered his third beer.

"I'm so nervous about the concert, I just want to practice", Eddy said, knowing it was mostly his anxiety about being out in public who was talking. It was making up excuses to go back to the hotel and not feel like he constantly had to check the crowd for Chris.  
"I don't know if practicing more is smart. Gotta avoid injuries, you know", Brett pointed out as the beer was put down in front of him, and he thanked the person who came around with it.  
"And I want to... be close to you..." Eddy's anxiety tried, making up a new excuse. This excuse wasn't a lie, though. He really did. Brett's cheeks gradually turned into a bright red colour, even visible in the dimmed bar.  
"I want that too, but we really should try and not spend all day in the hotel room you know", Brett said, taking a large sip of his beer. Eddy sighed.  
"I'm just stressed. What if he's around again? What if it happens again?"  
"You know it won't. I'm here and I won't let it happen, alright?" Brett's honest eyes met Eddy's scared look, and Eddy calmed down.  
"Thank you, Bretty", he said with a tiny smile. He didn't know what Brett's plan would be if Chris showed up, as he would be crushed to dust by the large man, but he knew Brett really wouldn't let anything happen.

After Eddy's second drink and Brett's three beers and two drinks they headed back to the hotel. Brett felt the effects of the alcohol, and he knew it would be way easier to walk back if he could just hold on to Eddy. He didn't though, and almost tripped over a small curb on the sidewalk.  
"Shit", he mumbled, but he caught himself before actually falling. He felt Eddy grab a hold of his arm to keep him steady.  
"You okay there?" Eddy laughed, sneaking an arm around Brett's waist to keep him steady. Surely, being too drunk to walk could count as an excuse, right? Brett's smile was too adorable to not do it anyway.  
"Yeahhh, thank you for watching out for me" he said, wanting to kiss him but didn't. He loved to be held like this, and he loved Eddy's laugh. The cold breeze caused the two of them to shiver slightly as they entered the square the hotel was on.  
"I can't wait to be able to kiss you in public", Brett mumbled while they walked past a fountain depicting some sailors, Eddy responded by holding him tighter. Of course he was looking forward to that too, but they really had to make the video first. It would be best that way. And even when they finally published that video they should be careful with showing too much affection in public, as homophobes still existed.  
"But it'ssssss fiiiiiiine as long as I get to love you real properly when we are alone", Brett mumbled quietly into his ear with a drunken flirty tone. Eddy felt goosebumps appearing on his arms. They were right by the entrance to the hotel, but Eddy wasn't sure he wanted to wait until they got up to their room.  
"I'd love that", Eddy giggled, leading the drunken boy to the elevator.


	58. Chapter 58

The night had been nice. Really nice. Today was concert day with a dress rehearsal later that day and the concert in the evening. Eddy felt so much more ready today than he had the last few days. He felt more confident, and his arm didn't hurt nearly as much anymore. His bruises was fading along with his worry that Chris would hurt him again. Sure, he had filmed his conversation with Victoria, but he hadn't seen him since. Besides, him filming them turned into something good as they would go public as a couple as soon as they could get around to make that video. He could call Brett his boyfriend! Just thinking the words "boyfriend" and "Brett" in the same sentence gave him butterflies.  
Brett was not feeling great this morning. He was definitly not used to the amount of alcohol he had consumed the evening before, and the nausea and the headache were awful. Eddy had gotten him some water and offered to get something to eat for the two of them, which Brett was grateful for.  
Eddy had gone out with a mission. Something simple would be great, and after some searching he found a sandwich shop in a mall not too far from the hotel. He ever recognized a familiar word on their menu: "Toast". He loved to have toast while hangover, so he betted on the fact that Brett did too and got them a toast each, and appearently there was soft drinks with the toasts. He didn't complain, even though he found soft drinks to be a bit weird with something like toast.

Meanwhile Brett was still in the hotel room. He was feeling awful both physically and mentally, really. Sure, last night had been absolutely amazing. He had never felt that good ever, really. His brain didn't agree on the fact that he had deserved such an amazing night, though. It had decided the nausea was well deserved after that.  
He was lying in bed, waiting for Eddy to return. All he wanted was for Eddy to distract him from himself. He needed to be okay today for the concert. He did not want to disappoint Eddy.  
 _You're nowhere near as good as he is, so good luck with that._  
He sighed when the voice in his head spoke. He knew he wasn't as good as Eddy, and probably never would be either. Eddy disagreed with him, though. He had mentioned it to him once, that he wish he were as good as him, but Eddy had just laughed at him. "You need to get a grip, Yang, you're way above me in skill level. But you're cheating, because you've had one extra year to practice", he had said. This was before they were a thing, while Brett was still trying to hide his crush. Or well, he didn't really know it was a crush yet then, but still.

Eddy unlocked the room door and stepped in. The smell of the toast filled the air, causing Brett to gag. The nausea was really bad, and freshly melted cheese wasn't ideal.  
"I uh... brought some toast?" Eddy said, suddenly unsure of how good an idea it had been. He too was wary of smells around him when he felt nauseous.  
"Thank you, it's probably good", Brett forced himself to say, swallowing once as a response to the nausea. Eddy took off his jacket and stuck it on a clothes hanger in the closet by the door.   
"How are you feeling, love?" Eddy asked and walked over to the pale boy on the bed. "Any better, or only worse?" He checked the glass of water he had given him that was now put on the bedside table, but it seemed almost as full as it had been when he filled it from the tap earlier.   
"I'd say about the same, physically", Brett said, thinking about how his brain had started to act up again. That mean voice...  
"You should try to get some water down, you're probably dehydrated", Eddy said with concern, not taking note of the 'physically' part of Brett's response. Brett nodded.  
 _He doesn't care what's going on in your brain._  
He reached out to grab the glass of water while taking a mental note of the voice's input.


	59. Chapter 59

This was it. The dress rehearsal had went perfectly, which kind of scared the two of them. A perfect dress rehearsal usually meant a bad concert, and they did not need a bad concert. Brett's mind was not completely in the game, but the quick kiss from Eddy backstage before heading out to the stage snapped him out of his spiral of self doubt and back to reality. It was so public, just out in the waiting area where the tech crew might walk past, where the employees of the concert hall had their break room. It caused Brett's already nervous heartrate to speed up slightly more and his cheeks to turn red. He felt a sheepish smile form on his face.  
"Good luck, love", Eddy whispered to his shorter duet partner before they stepped out the double doors and onto the large wooden stage to a thundrous applaus.

The concert went great. They hadn't played a serious concert in forever, and this was just the break from the comedy acting they needed. Brett couldn't help but to peek over at his absolutely wonderful boyfriend's focused face every once in a while. He was too beautiful not to look at all dressed up in concert attire with his hair still slightly messy from all the nervous ruffling of it earlier. Brett hadn't told him, simply because he thought it looked too good on him.  
Eddy had also peeked over to Brett every once in a while, but nothing that took away from the music. In a way, he was able to put everything aside when he played, unlike Brett who just poured his feelings out in his playing. Eddy could tell he was thinking about something, just by listening to his playing. He knew him well enough for that.

After the concert they were rushed to mingle with the audience in the entrance area of the concert hall as that was usual with this orchestra. Of course, this applied to all the members of the orchestra and Victoria quickly found Brett and Eddy.  
"Hey guys, awesome job in there! Bra spilt!" Eddy gave her a confused look.   
"What was that last thing?" he asked while laughing slightly. The crown buying wine from the bar was pretty loud, so he thought he just misheard her.  
"Bra spilt! It means well played in Norwegian!" she said, smiling widely. "You thought you'd get to spend almost three weeks in Norway without learning any Norwegian, didn't you?" The last part was obviously a joke, but Brett jumped into the conversation.  
"Okay okay, say it again slowly", he requested from Victoria, who did as she was asked. Brett furrowed his eyebrows while thinking about how to form his mouth to repeat what she had said.  
"Buhhrrrrraahh.... job-ah..." he tried, followed by Victoria's light laugh.  
"Well, almost..." she said and looked over to Eddy. "You wanna try?"  
Eddy shook his head. This crowd was a bit too much for him right there and then. "I think I'll go to a slightly quieter place, but you practice your Norwegian, Brett! Might turn into a viking any time now!"

Eddy walked off, leaving the two of them to their sudden Norwegian class. He got a few compliments on his playing as he passed through the crowd, both from the audience and from the fellow orchestra members. He got to an open space a bit away from the crowd. He could still hear the chatting from the orchestra, but they weren't all around him like they had been. A few people walked past him to get to the toilets, but most people were using the ones on the floor above.  
Suddenly, he was pushed against the concrete wall behind him, hitting his head in the process.  
"Ouch..." he mumbled breathlessly, as the air had been knocked out of him. He felt the weight of a large body pushing against his and alcohol breath on his face.  
"Damn, have anyone told you how sexy you are in that suit?" Chris said in a threatning voice, having a large grin plastered on his face. Eddy looked up at the large man towering over him. Why was he here?  
"Your playing was nice today", he murred softly into his ear, causing Eddy to turn his face as far away from him as he could. That only made Chris grab his face with his large rough hands.  
"Hey, look at me when I'm talking, hot stuff." His voice was stern, and Eddy didn't dare to do anything but what he asked him to. He wanted to scream, but not a sound came out. Chris' strong fingers were squeezing his cheeks hard, and it hurt. Tears pressed from Eddy's frightened eyes, and in that moment he begged for someone to walk past, someone who could get him out of this.  
"I think we didn't get to finish the last time we were together..." he commented while forcibly opening the top buttons of Eddy's shirt, causing the buttons to pop.  
"Please stop", Eddy squeeked, unable to move as his face still was at the mercy of Chris' hand. His head was spinning, and everything felt unreal. He never should have wandered off on his own.  
"I don't think I will", the taller man responded harshly through his teeth, before forcing their lips to meet and made Eddy taste the whiskey he had downed before the concert.


	60. Chapter 60

"I swear if you tell anyone about this, your prescious Brett gets it. Understood? We don't want that do we?" he threatned before leaving Eddy there, crying. Why him? Why couldn't he just leave him alone? His suit was ruined, and he sunk down against the wall with his head in his shaky hands. The sobs were quite loud, and a group of old ladies sent him a concerned look as they walked past him to get to the toilet. Why couldn't they have been there just five minutes earlier?

He didn't have it in him to get up. He knew getting up meant facing Brett, having to lie to him even though it wouldn't work and he would find out what happened anyway. He wiped away the sticky liquid from the side of his mouth, but the sight of it on the back of his hand made him cry harder and gag on reflex in the same way he had earlier. Why him? He didn't even know the guy, why was he so obsessed with HIM? he just wanted to sink into the ground and disappear.

Brett started to get worried when the audience and the orchestra for the most part had left and he still couldn't find Eddy anywhere. Where was he?

_He's probably left without you._

He cursed at his mind. That couldn't be it, he just felt it. Something was off. He hadn't even been back in the wardrobe to pack his violin properly. The first thing he tried after doing the general sweep of the area was to call his cell phone, but of course that just rang in the wardrobe. He checked back on the stage, backstage and all the places he knew of they had access to in the back but didn't find him anywhere. He was sweating from stressing around in his concert suit, a matching one to Eddy's. He went back out to the entrance area, but could only see an old lady and a security guard by the entrance. They both spoke Norwegian, so he couldn't really understand what they were saying. He turned in his spot to try and see somewhere he hadn't looked yet, and almost jumped three meters straight up when a careful wrinkly hand touched his arm carefully.

"Excuse me, young man", the old lady who had been talking to the security guard said in a thick Norwegian accent.

"Uh, yeah?" Brett responded, his mind not really present anymore. Where was Eddy?

"You played really well tonight, I must say. But it doesn't seem your friend agrees with that verdict..." She looked over towards the public wardrobe and toilet area.

"My friend... have you seen him? Do you know where he is?" Brett asked, trying to be polite to the sweet old lady in front of him, even though he just wanted to shake the information out of her and run.

"Of course! He's just around there!" she said, pointing in the direction she had been looking earlier. "Please tell him from me I think he played fantastically! He seemed to need to hear that, but I didn't want to bother him..." Her Norwegian accent made the word "fantastically" sound foregin, but after a few moments of thinking he managed to understand what she had said.

"Yes, I will. Thank you so much for coming and listening!" Brett said, taking a step towards where she had pointed out Eddy had been.

"Why of course! Had to see my granddaughter play, you know! Now run along to your friend, he needs you I think."


	61. Chapter 61

When Brett came around the corner, Eddy was still sitting on the floor sobbing. Eddy knew this would be bad, that everything would be ruined now. He hated lying to Brett, his boyfriend, but he had to. He had to protect him.  
Brett slid down on the floor next to him and put his arms around him. He didn't ask any questions, just held him. Eddy hid his face in his hands to avoid him seeing his probably marked cheeks from Chris' grip.  
"I'm so sorry", Eddy sobbed quietly into his hands, feeling Brett pull him tighter into a hug. Brett kissed the top of his head carefully, not knowing what to say. It was obvious what had happened from the state of him and his clothes, but he felt too guilty to know what to say. He should have been there.  
 _Damn right it's your fault this is happening to him. You're the one who let it happen in the first place, and now he has to go through it a second time._  
Brett tried to carefully remove Eddy's hands from his face, and Eddy let him. Two red spots, one on each cheek, was visible as well as some white substance running from the corner of his mouth and down to his chin. His eyes were teary and scared, scared that Brett would push him away in disgust. Not once had he let Chris take advantage of him, but twice. How could Brett ever love him again?  
Of course Brett didn't push him away. Instead he searched his pocket for a napkin he had and used it to wipe his chin clean, carefully in case it would hurt. Brett felt some anger build up from the bottom of his stomach, not directed towards Eddy, but towards himself and the nasty man who did this.  
"It was Chris again, wasn't it?" Brett asked silently, trying hard not to let his anger sound in his voice. Eddy's eyes widened it panic. He couldn't tell him, never. But he couldn't make himself lie either. His mouth refused to form the words, his voice refused to make any sound.  
 _He's disappointed you let this happen to him again. You promised._  
Brett felt his stomach tighten with guilt. He had promised to protect him.  
"Please talk to me, Eddy, please", he whispered while wiping away Eddy's tears with his thumb. He felt his hands shaking amd tears trying to force themselves out. He held them back, but only barely.  
"I am so sorry I let this happen again, Eddy, I'm sorry I wasn't here to protect you... I..." Brett couldn't hold back his tears any more, the guilt eating him up from the inside.  
"I... no, Brett... no..." Eddy cried, not understanding why BRETT was apologizing. What could he have done? It was Eddy who stupidly had wandered off, knowing this could happen, knowing how vunerable he was. Knowing he was no match for Chris.  
"N...no... Brett... I'm sorry... I... I'm so sorry..." Brett leaned in to shut him up with a kiss. He could taste the saltiness from Chris still on his lips, but he tried to ignore it. Getting Eddy to feel better was more important than anything.


	62. Chapter 62

Brett eventually managed to calm Eddy, but couldn't get him to tell him what had happened. No reply when he asked if it was Chris again, not even a small nod. A tiny voice in the back of his head told him Eddy was actually cheating on him, but his anger showed that thought right back to hell where it belonged. Eddy would never do that. Never.

"Eddy, love, you don't have to tell me, alright? But... it would help me help you, yeah? Help me protect you..." He tried to sound like the voice of reason, even though all he wanted to do in that very moment was to turn Chris inside out. "Come on, let's get you back to the hotel and changed and everything, alright?" he continued before Eddy had a chance to reply. Eddy nodded lightly, letting Brett help him to his feet. Everything hurt, and he could sense something was up with Brett. It scared him to see Brett like this, he wanted the careful and loving Brett back. The Brett he had fallen for in the first place. The Brett who asked the barista to make little hearts in his coffee.

They got their violins packed and everything brought back to the hotel by some staff at the concert hall, who all were eager to help when they saw the state of Eddy. Eddy had insisted he was fine walking back, that they needed nothing. That he was fine. Nobody were convinced by this, but when Brett told everyone to just leave Eddy to him they didn't question it. The walk back felt like it took forever, and as they walked into the little concrete square in front of the hotel Brett caught sight of a too familiar face sporting the nastiest grin he had seen. It made him want to scream, puke and break something at the same time, and Eddy seemed like he just wanted to sink into the earth.  
"It was nice seeing you again, hot stuff", Chris called out to them while making kissing noises to them. Brett caught himself thinking about what the hell kind of drug he was on, but he didn't really care about the answer. Less than a split second later, he let the arm he had firmly held around Eddy's waist until that point go and sternly marched over to the way larger man grinning teasingly like he had just won some kind of game.  
"What's up little man, you angry I got some from your little whore?" he said, grinning wider, but less than a second later the crunch of his nose being squished into his stupid face was like music to Brett's ears. His hand hurt like hell, and he knew he'd get beaten up real bad in just a moment, but oh boy did that feel good.  
"Do not. Ever. Touch. My. EDDY. AGAIN!" he crescendoed, almost literally fuming with anger as he watched the blood pour from the tall man's nose.  
"Fucking shit!" Chris exclaimed, covering his face in pain before half blindly trying to swing his large arm towards Brett, but luckily he missed. The adrenaline was pumping through Brett's veins, and he felt absolutely invincable. It felt great to get that out if his system, to actually just punch his stupid little face. 

Fortunately for Brett, Chris was squirmish, and didn't try to fight more after that. Brett got lucky, but the tiny voice in the back of his mind was silently trying to tell him how bad of an idea that was. He didn't notice Eddy's scared eyes fastened on his back until he turned and met the horrified gaze.  
"Shit, Eddy, I'm so sorry you had to see that..." he quickly said, almost half running over to him and pulling him into his arms. Adrenaline was still making him braver than he really was, and he even told the voice in his head off for even trying to open its mouth.  
"I... I didn't know you could...?" Eddy stammered, still vaguely in shock from what he just had seen. Maybe he had underestimated Brett's abilities to protect him after all?  
Brett shrugged, still feeling the effect of the adrenaline. "Well uh, me neither? But shit that was some kick" he said, almost enthusiastically. "Let's get you inside, yeah?" He didn't notice the swelling of his right ring finger as he grabbed Eddy's hand with the left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Hope this satisfies y'all's needs for hurting Chris, even though it might come back and bite their asses idk. I'm kind of running out of shit to do, so if anyone's got a good idea of something that can happen pls pm me. Or else I might just??? end this weird ass story??? cause it's literally going nowhere at this point like some kind of soap opera???   
> Also, I kind of feel bad for letting it turn this dark? Like that was not my intention w this one?? Sorry 'bout that//  
> (AN from wattpad lol)


	63. Chapter 63

Brett tried really hard to hide the fact that his hand was hurting real bad when the adrenaline wore off. He had carefully tried to help Eddy out of his concert attire, all the time avoiding using his right ring finger for anything. A new set of bruises has appeared on different parts of Eddy's body, making the almost faded ones seem like nothing in comparison. Brett let his eyes glide over his slightly shivering boyfriend sitting on their bed in the hotel room. His stomach twisted at the sight of the bruises. He should have prevented this, but at least he got some revenge.

Eddy noticed Brett was looking at him, noticing how his eyes drifted to the bruising and he felt small and hideous. Brett could never find him beautiful looking like he did, like some kind of smurf.  
"D... don't worry about... the bruising, Brett... I'm sure it's gonna go away, so you can look at me properly again", he said silently, even though he wasn't sure if he was making sense. Brett sent him a confused look.  
"Look at you properly? I always look at you 'properly', whatever that means", Brett shot back while feeling the throb of his puls in his ring finger. It was really bad, and he felt the swelling of it push against the other fingers. Eddy still hadn't noticed Brett's finger, to Brett's relief.  
"Just... I know I'm not very attractive like this, and I understand if... you know, if you think I'm... not..." Eddy moved his gaze down to look at the faint bruises still forming over his knees from being forced to kneel. Brett went over to sit next to him on the bed.  
"Hey, Eddy, where's this coming from?" he said softly before carefully taking Eddy's hand with his non hurting one. "You're always gorgeous in my eyes, a few bruises can't change that." Eddy couldn't help but smile a bit, and feeling the heat rush to his cheeks. He didn't answer him, though, as he wasn't too convinced he actually meant it.   
"Besides, I'm not just with you for your looks, anyway. Your... well, your YOU is what makes you attractive, if that makes sense?" Brett was also blushing slightly now. He didn't particularily fancy talking about how he felt like that, made him feel exposed, but it seemed Eddy needed to hear it. And he meant every word.  
"Look who's talking", Eddy said, not even trying to hide his small smile, before turning to face Brett. He giggled slightly as a response and stroke the back of Eddy's hand with his thumb,  
"Hey, I love you alright? A scratch here and there won't change that, and I think I got that fucker good this time." Eddy laughed a bit and leaned in to give Brett a quick peck on the lips.  
"Nice punch, yeah. How's your hand?" Eddy reached out and took a careful hold of Brett's hurt right hand and gasped at the swelling. Brett gasped too, as the touch sent what felt like lightning all the way up his arm.  
"Shit..." he mumbled in an attempt not to pull his hand back.  
"Bretty! Your hand!" Eddy exclaimed while carefully turning it to look at the damage. "You idiot, you need this hand, remember? We have a concert in just three days!"   
Brett shrugged. "It's the right hand, I'll make it work. It was worth it anyway, after what he did." Usually Brett would have been hysterical about hurting his hand like this, but he honestly didn't care. He'd do it again in a heartbeat.  
"I need you for the concert, Brett, you gotta be more careful", Eddy sighed and kissed Brett's forehead quickly. He did feel slightly guilty about Brett hurting his hand, but also he thought it was really hot that Brett would sacrifice his hand to punch someone for him. "Let's get you to the ER, yeah?"


	64. Chapter 64

They had been at the ER for what felt like forever, but it was actually just a few hours. Eddy had fallen asleep halway in Brett's lap, and of course Brett didn't mind at all. He loved being able to carefully run his non damaged fingers through Eddy's hair. He absolutely ignored the rude stares from the elderly couple waiting across the room from them. He also attempted to ignore the little boy playing maybe a little too loudly in the play area, even though he thought he seemed like a good kid. Maybe two years old, if that much. He was there with his mom, who seemed to be the one they were in the ER for.  
Brett didn't want to seem like a creepy guy looking at the little boy, but his mind wandered to the future. Would he and Eddy ever get married? Maybe adopt a child? He smiled at the thought. He hadn't really given it much thought before, but the idea didn't seem too bad. He could see himself as a dad one day.  
 _As if the two of you will stay together long enough to ever even consider getting married._  
Brett wanted to scream when the voice spoke. He really thought he had it under control now, he really did.

"You alright, Bretty?" Eddy asked in a sleepy, raspy voice from his lap. He had turned so he could look up at him. Brett sighed.  
"It's the voice again, but it's fine, don't worry." He was determined to have it shut up, so it would be fine. It had to be fine.   
"You sure?" Eddy lifted his hand to carefully caress his cheek. Again Brett felt the rude stares from the elderly couple, but sent them a quick rude stare back before smiling at Eddy. He wanted to lean down and kiss him, but the angle was awkward.  
"Yeah, I'll tell that annoying bitch to shut up", Brett said in a joking manner and winked at Eddy, who giggled as a response.  
"You do that, little fighter man", Eddy teased and stroke Brett's arm with the hurt finger carefully. Brett stuck out his tongue at him at the new nickname. It was a silly nickname, he didn't really want to fight much. Chris was the exception.

The nurse came out and called out a name, but it wasn't Brett's. It seemed to have been the mother's, as she started collecting her child and their stuff. Brett followed them with his eyes as they left. His mind flashed an image of Eddy playing with a child in that same play area, and he couldn't help but smile at the thought. He wanted that at some point, with Eddy. To be a family. Not yet though. At least not the child part of it. The getting married part...  
"What are you smiling at?" Eddy asked curiously, still looking up at Brett. He loved seeing Brett's genuine smile, and this was a special one. The same kind he sometimes had on his face when dreaming.   
"Oh, nothing. I guess you'll see", he said still smiling and ran his good hand through Eddy's hair.

"Brett Yang?" the nurse called out, facing the two lovebirds with a welcoming smile despite the time nearing midnight. Eddy sat up to let Brett go with the nurse, unsure if he'd be allowed to come. Brett sensed his insecurity.  
"Uh, is it alright if... he comes too?" he asked the nurse, gesturing to Eddy. She smiled at them.  
"What's your relationship? I'm sorry, but I have to ask", she said, laughing a bit at the end of her sentence. Eddy looked at him, waiting for Brett to respond. Would he keep it low, like their deal had been? He hoped not.  
"He's my boyfriend", Brett said, looking back at Eddy with a smile. Eddy felt his heart flutter with happiness when he heard Brett announce him as his boyfriend. It felt so special, and the poor nurse didn't know how special she was to be the first stranger to know. Eddy bounced off his seat and went to go with his boyfriend.  
"Alright, that's no problem at all", the nurse said, still smiling that welcoming smile. "Let's get you checked out, Brett. This way."


	65. Chapter 65

Brett was lucky he didn't break his hand on impact, and he was more than lucky that he didn't need a cast. He had explained that he was a violinist and that he needed that hand. The nurse had joked that he probably should tone down the fighting if he needed his hands, as this was a common damage after fighting. Only a sprained finger, not a broken finger. He was given advice to keep it elevated and iced down to reduce the swelling and sent on his merry way with the hope that it would be better within the weekend.

They eventually got back to the hotel after being lost trying to find the right bus for probably an hour or two, and it was getting closer to morning than night now. Eddy was really struggling to stay awake, but he wanted to still be there for Brett. The low murring of the bus made that hard though.  
"Eddy, love, just sleep. I'll wake you when we get there", Brett mumbled and kissed the side of his mouth softly. Eddy sighed heavily, tiredly.  
"I wanna be awake with you", he mumbled back, leaning over to rest his head on Brett's shoulder. The bus was mostly empty, less than 10 other people including the driver in the large bus. He couldn't help his eyes gliding shut, no matter how hard he tried to keep them up.  
"Shh... just sleep, it's fine", Brett whispered and placed his arm securely around his sleepy boyfriend.

Getting off the bus wasn't too fun. It had started raining and the wind had picked up the pace. Eddy shivered when the cold air hit him, but tried to hide it. There was a short walk from the bus stop to the hotel, and it was starting to get light out. They walked slowly, Eddy feeling his eyes almost shutting where he stood.  
"Why did we even go there, they didn't do anything about your finger anyway?" Eddy complained, and Brett couldn't help but laugh, shutting down the voice attempting to get a say in his head.  
"Well, we could have just hoped it would pass and possibly ruined my finger though", Brett suggested jokingly, and Eddy stuck his tongue out at him.  
"You know I didn't mean it like that, stupid", he mumbled tiredly before sneaking his right hand to hold Brett's healthy hand. "I'm sorry you hurt your hand for me, but I think you were hot when you did it", Eddy giggled.  
Brett felt his cheeks warm up as they turned into the square where the hotel was.   
"You're suggesting I fight some people to turn you on, or what?" Brett joked and tilted his head up slightly to look at his boyfriend. "Cause I'm not sure I want to keep doing that..."  
"What? Why not?" Eddy said with a joking grin on his face. "I'm so disappointed right now." He kissed Brett quickly, and it was silent for a while until they reached the hotel. Eddy let out a huge yawn as they stepped into the elevator. He carefully leaned against the wall of it and closed his eyes for a second, only to be waken back up by the annoying "ding" as they reached their floor.  
"Let's get you to bed, yeah?" Brett said and lead his boyfriend to their room.


	66. Chapter 66

They decided to sleep in the next day, trying their best to shut the sound from the rest of the world out of their hotel room. At some point, Brett had been out of bed to get the "do not disturb"-sign up on the door, but apart from that the lovers had been cuddling the entire morning.  
Brett was resting his head on Eddy's stomach, looking up at the ceiling and feeling his boyfriend's soft fingers carefully run through his hair. He felt Eddy's breathing lifting his head up slowly and back down again, and Brett couldn't help but smile at how lucky he was to have all he wanted in life in that very moment.  
His mind went back to the waiting room in the ER, to the little kid playing in the playing area, to the idea of a family. It was a happy little thought, but he kept it to himself for now. He knew he had one little thing to take care of first.  
"What are you thinking about?", Eddy asked softly, and Brett felt his cheeks turn a slightly sharper shade of pink.  
"Just... the future and all...", he said with a content smile. Eddy smiled too, and sat up a bit more to get rid of the strange angle his neck had been in for a while now. Brett responded by placing his head more in his lap rather than on his stomach.  
"What do you think about the future, then?" Brett didn't really know what to respond, as he didn't want to scare Eddy. They had only been a couple for a few months anyway, and he didn't want to scare him away by going into family stuff right away.  
"That I want you to be a part of it", Brett responded simply.  
 _You sure he wants you to be in his future then?_  
Brett bit his tongue when the voice spoke. No, he wasn't actually sure he did. He had just assumed so, really. The fact that the only response he got from Eddy after that was a kiss to his forehead didn't help his doubts at all.

Of course Eddy could feel the shift in Brett's mood, and caught himself wondering what he said wrong. Had he made Brett say what he said? In a way it seemed like a very "correct" response if you didn't really want to say what you was thinking.   
"Bretty?" he whispered, as his voice failed him. Eddy knew, logically, that his doubts were groundless. He just needed to have it confirmed.  
"Hm?", Brett replied and looked up at Eddy, seeing the shadow of his bruises on the cheeks.  
"You still love me, right?" Brett furrowed his brows and couldn't hold back his slowly forming grin.  
"I was just about to ask you the same", he admitted, feeling silly for even considering something else might have been the truth. "I do, yes, I love you so much. You're my world, I don't know what I'd do without you."  
Eddy's cheeks lit up like a stop light. He had expected a simple "yes", and got a whole speech.  
"You're so sappy", he teased and leaned down to kiss him softly. "I love you too."

After a while the two of them decided to turn on the television. Brett had tried to reach for the remote with his right hand and had immediately regretted the descision once he tried to lift the controller.  
"Shit", he swore and dropped the controller back on the bedside table. "Wrong hand." He leaned over to grab it with his left instead and switched on the TV.  
There weren't a huge variety of channels available. Some channel called NRK which existed in three different versions, a TV2, TV Norge and the Norwegian version of TLC. They went with the last one as that was the only channel that showed some shows where they spoke English.  
They watched as a bunch of brides on the television tried on different dresses and laughed a bit about how silly their entourage were. In this episode though, there was also a poor nervous guy who was going to propose to his girlfriend in the store. She was told she was going with a friend to look at dresses.  
"Would you have wanted me to propose to you in front of everyone like that?" Eddy asked jokingly and poked Brett's cheek carefully. Brett huffed at the joke, but his mind was really racing at hundred kilometers per hour. Eddy propose? Brett had really seen himself do that.  
"What about you? Would you want to be proposed to like that?" Brett asked, trying to sound as joking as Eddy did earlier. Eddy laughed.  
"Well, I've never seen myself in the role of being proposed to, so I haven't really thought about it." Brett bit his lip slightly. Would he not want to be proposed to? Did he want to be the one to propose?  
"So you would like to be the one to propose?" Brett asked, heart racing. The second the word "propose" had left his mouth, he realized it sounded like it was some certainity that they would eventually get married. Or possibly like he had planned to propose.  
Eddy hadn't expected a question like that at all, never even given it a thought really.  
"Why, did you plan on doing it?" Eddy looked at Brett, studying his reaction. The theme from the wedding dress show played in the background as Brett tried to think of what to say. Eddy's reactions were hard to read.  
"Well uh, no plans for it like right now, but eventually?" Brett said, eyes fixed on Eddy's. "If you don't want to... to be the one to...?" Eddy couldn't help but laugh a bit. The entire situation felt a bit absurd to him, as he hadn't really thought about marrying Brett at all. Sure, he had thought they'd be together forever, but to actually get married? He didn't mind the idea, though. He actually liked the idea quite a lot.  
"You can do it, if you want. I don't mind either way", Eddy said, snickering at how weird the conversation they were having was. Brett pulled his boyfriend closer to kiss him, careful not to touch his bruises. When they pulled away, Brett watched as Eddy's smile widened.  
"Would you say yes, though?" Brett asked, feeling he already knew the answer. Of course Eddy would say yes, right?  
"You'll have to propose and see what I say", Eddy teased before connecting their lips again. 


	67. Chapter 67

Eventually Sunday came, and Brett's finger didn't hurt nearly as much as anymore. Hopefully, by tomorrow he'd be absolutely fine again. His entire body was itching to get back to practicing, and when Eddy had practiced the evening before it just made it even worse. Today, the restlessness was unbearable.

"I wanna practice, I don't care if it hurts", Brett suddenly said and sat up in bed Sunday around midday, but Eddy's hand on his arm held him back.  
"I know you want to, but the doctor said you should rest your finger as much as possible..."  
Brett shook his head and tried to roll out of bed. "I'm not moving it that much anyway, it's my right ring finger. It's just holding the bow", he argued, but Eddy still didn't let go of his arm.  
"Bretty, love, I need you for the concert. Please rest your finger." He really felt Brett's desperation, and in a way he felt a bit guilty about it. Trace their steps back and it was in a way Eddy's fault that Brett had hurt his finger.  
"I'm no use on the concert if it sounds shit", Brett sighed in defeat and leaned back to rest his head in Eddy's lap. Eddy cupped his hands around his face carefully and sighed.  
"I'm not sure you could sound like shit even if you tried." He was silent for a bit while trying to hold back a smirk. "Shit doesn't make a lot of sound, you know."  
Brett couldn't help but let out an annoyed groan. "Oh my god, that was like the worst joke... ughhh..." 

Eddy leaned down and kissed him, laughing against his lips. Brett couldn't help but smile, even when he pulled away. That smile faded quickly when Eddy spoke again, though.  
"I think I'm gonna practice though, gotta get my forty hours a day in, you know", he said and pushed Brett carefully off of his lap to go get his violin.  
"Hey, no fair!", Brett pouted and rolling over to try and grab Eddy's arm. He knew it was right to let Eddy practice, but he also didn't want to spend the next hours staring at the ceiling. Also, he wanted to just be with Eddy just like yesteday. Just lying about, daydreaming and talking. Looking at wedding dress shows together, just something.  
"I'll be right here though, where else would I go anyway?" Eddy said and sent a small smile to Brett as he opened his violin case. He hadn't touched it since the concert, and the memories of what happened after came rushing to him. His focus shifted from wanting to practice to trying to breathe. Brett, who noticed Eddy stop without taking his violin or doing anything knew something was up.

"Eddy? You alright?" he asked, but Eddy couldn't really hear him. It felt like he was under water, both hearing wise and breathing wise.  
Brett rolled out of bed and went over to him. "Eddy, love?" he said again and put his left arm around him carefully. This caused Eddy to breathe in harshly.  
"Brett..." he whispered and let the building tears overflow. Brett pulled him into a tight hug.  
"Shh, love, I'm here, alright. What's wrong?" He was confused, as Eddy's sudden emotional response to seeing his violin wasn't something Brett had seen before. He had his suspiscions for the reason though.  
"I... I don't know, I just... it came back to me... and..." Eddy sobbed, hiding his face in Brett's shoulder. Brett couldn't do anything but hold him tight and hope that would be enough.  
"It's okay, shh..." he whispered, but inside he wanted to punch Chris again for making Eddy feel like this.  
 _Turning to violence because you can't actually do anything for him? Awesome thinking, Brett!_

The venomous sarcasm was dripping of the voice's words. Brett felt a need to prove it wrong, that he could do something for him! But then again, he had no idea what to do to make him feel better. He was already doing all he knew might work, and judging by Eddy's continued sobs against his shoulder it wasn't working. In a way, he felt helpless.  
"I'm sorry", Eddy sobbed and tried to wipe his tears, but more just forced their way down his cheeks. "It's stupid, I gotta try and be normal..."  
Brett lead them to sit on the edge of their bed. "No, Eddy, I'm sorry. You can't help how you feel, you don't have to try and act fine around me if you're really not, alright? I want to help you."


	68. Chapter 68

Monday, rehearsal day. Brett really thought he had the voice thing calmed down a bit now, but it was really having a go at him. Eddy hadn't seemed too alright this morning, and nothing Brett did seemed to make him feel any better. They were in the wardrobe unpacking their instruments when mr Gardner entered.  
"Morning, boys! I hope you have slept well! I'm impressed by how well the concert went, I have to admit you had me worried for a second there, but you nailed it", he stated proudly and leaned against the door frame.  
 _And now you're gonna ruin it, Brett._  
"Thank you, sir. I'm glad you liked it", Eddy said, his tone slightly flatter than normal. Brett wanted to do some magic or something and make his boyfriend happy again.  
"Yeah, thanks. I think maybe it'll sound a bit off today, though", Brett commented and held up his hurt hand. "It's uh... not broken, but sprained. I'll do my best, though, sir."

Mr. Gardner laughed. "You guys, call me Edward, yeah? I have my faith in you two. It's actually a good friend of mine who sponsored this concert, Thomas Hansen. I believe you have already met his son, Christoffer?"  
Brett almost choked on air when he heard the name spoken. Eddy froze in his spot, feeling the shakes coming over him. Gardner furrowed his brows at their reaction.  
"What, did you not take to him or..?" the conductor asked warily, sensing the strange atmosphere. Eddy slowly moved his hand to touch where the bruise on his arm still was vaguely visible, and Brett felt the same anger from right before he had punched Chris bubble up inside him.  
"I... I guess you could say... uh... we didn't... uh... t... take to him..." Eddy stuttered, voice weak. He didn't meet Gardner's worried eyes even once, only keeping his eyes as if glued to the floor.  
"He hurt Eddy, alright? You asked what was wrong with Eddy's arm the other day? Christoffer was wrong with Eddy's arm." Brett was fuming. "We went to this party with Victoria in your orchestra, right, and he was there and he was supposed to make sure Eddy got home safe, right? And he hurt him. Touched him, even, alright?" Brett's anger had reached it's boiling point and was now bubbling over. "I fucking punched his stupid little face, okay?" he fumed. "That's why my finger is messed up now, kay? Cause he got what he fucking deserve."

Mr. Gardner was a bit taken back at what he heard, but he also realized they had no reason to lie to him. He went way too silent for Eddy to be comfortable, and Eddy felt his knees shaking worse than before any concert. He was so scared mr. Gardner would be angry at them, cancel the concerts. Spread a bad reputation about them around Norway so they wouldn't be able to perform there again, or just something bad that would affect Brett.   
"Hm", the conductor said, going through what he was told in his head. His voice was calm but worried. "I need to make some phone calls. Please, let the concert master lead the rehearsal today. Let them know for me." And then he disappeared out of their wardrobe, and moments after the door shut behind him Eddy broke down in tears.

"Why did you tell him, Brett?" he asked, scared of what was going to happen now. "It's not that big of a deal, what if we can never come here again or if he cancels the concerts or...?" Brett shut him up by pulling him into a hug.  
"Hey, hey, Gardner is something else, okay? I really think he is, it's gonna be alright", Brett said, even though he wasn't sure about that himself.  
 _You sure you didn't ruin your chance now? Way to control your feelings idiot. Also - you made Eddy cry! Two birds one stone, ey?_  
"What if though? It was fine, Brett, I... I wouldn't want you to risk anything for me, this is your carreer..." Brett didn't want to listen to Eddy's desperate worries anymore and just kissed him, not caring about who might come in and who might see. He had never cared about that anyway.  
 _But Eddy does. Don't you care what he thinks? Selfish._  
Brett really tried to ignore his mind, but he wasn't able to. He pulled away from Eddy quickly.  
"Sorry", he mumbled and tried to wipe Eddy's fast running tears with a shaky hand. "For... uh... kissing you here and for... for telling... the conductor..."

Eddy didn't understand why he was apologizing for kissing him, but the panic from having mr Gardner know what had happened hadn't let go yet.  
"I... I just... what if something bad happens? It didn't have to be known, nobody should have known, I... I shouldn't even have told you..." Hearing those words come from Eddy's mouth hurt Brett. It felt like someone was squeezing his heart as hard as they could to break it.   
"I... I'm sorry..?" Brett mumbled, not really sure what to do with himself. He took a step back from Eddy, whose panic spoke for him when he continued his stressed tirade.  
"I shouldn't have said anything, nobody would have known and everything would have been fine. What if Chris hears that I've told you, Brett? What then?!" Eddy's panic was interfering with his ability to explain what he meant. He hadn't told Brett about the threat Chris had made the last time, about hurting Brett. His mind wasn't functioning clearly enough to connect the fact that Brett didn't know this to the reaction he was showing now, and his panic didn't let him interpret the reaction properly either.  
"I don't know. I'm sorry", Brett almost whispered, feeling the wave of guilt hit him.  
 _You just can't keep your big mouth shut, can you?_  
Brett felt tears forcing themselves out from the corners of his eyes as he tried to make himself as small as possible. He really wanted to sink into the earth for simply causing Eddy to panic like that. The fact that Eddy now seemed scared that Chris would find out made it worse.  
 _What you really should feel bad about is letting this happen to him in the first place._  
The voice's perfectly timed comment was what broke Brett. He didn't deserve Eddy, he didn't deserve to even be in the same room as him anymore. He didn't really deserve anything.  
"I... I'll just... go t... to the bathroom..." he whimpered before putting down his violin quickly and running out the door, leaving Eddy alone in the wardrobe. 


	69. Chapter 69

Of course, when the soloists and the conductor failed to show to rehearsal, the concert master went looking for them. When he only found Eddy crying in the wardrobe, he didn't get much wiser. Eddy tried to tell him to just let everyone go home, but the concert master decided to rehearse the accompanying parts with the orchestra.

Eddy didn't understand why Brett left so suddenly. He knew it must have been something he had done, but he couldn't figure it out. Maybe Brett finally had realized he didn't want to be with someone as tainted and disgusting as he was? The hurt look in Brett's eyes didn't make sense with that, though. He felt like the world was crashing down around him, like the universe was mocking him. He just knew Chris would find out now. Gardner would tell his dad who would tell Chris and then he'd do something to hurt Eddy, or worse - Brett. Another wave of panic set in as he realized Brett was probably alone somewhere right now. With shaky hands he got himself onto his feet and stumbling out of the wardrobe to find Brett.

Brett had went to the same bathroom as he had the last time he had a breakdown at rehearsal. The one with the many yellow stalls. The voice in his head was beating him up, but Brett let it. He felt like he deserved it.  
 _You stupid, ugly piece of shit. You fucking idiot. You ruined him! You made him panic, you made him feel like that, you're the worst person he could ever have met!_  
Brett wanted to scream but no sound came out. He had curled himself up with his back against the wall by the door, clenching his fists as hard as he could. It hurt. Of course it hurt, his ring finger wasn't okay. He wasn't okay. His nails on his right hand were digging into the palm of it and he squeezed his hands hard against each side of his head.   
_What made you think you deserved him in the first place? You don't deserve anything. Nothing, you fucking moron. You don't even deserve to fucking die, you deserve to suffer for your idiocy. He'll never love you, he never did. You're a nothing. Eddy deserves so much better than you!_  
It was so hard to breathe. His entire body was shaking so much he knew he wouldn't be able to stand up. He felt like he was dying, like someone had placed a boulder on his chest and tried to squeeze him with it. He wasn't able to cry properly, wasn't able to even think. He had never had a reaction like this to anything ever, and just the experience of it scared him. He was scared he would die, scared something would happen and that he'd leave Eddy to fend for himself. He didn't want to leave Eddy like this, not on bad terms.  
 _You don't deserve to see him again, you don't deserve to be on the same earth as him._

He heard the door creeking open, but he wasn't physically able to see who it was. He had no idea how much time had passed. It could have been hours for all he knew, it could have been just ten seconds. Both felt equally likely.  
"Bretty!" Eddy gasped as he saw the shaking man on the floor. Quickly, he sat down with him and pulled him into a hug. Eddy felt tears running down his cheeks with guilt. He was supposed to make Brett happy, to help him through this.  
"N... n... n... o... do...don't, p..please... I... sorry..." Brett sobbed all on inhales, weakly trying to push Eddy away.  
 _Guilt trip him into thinking he's loving you again. You're such a selfish coward._  
Eddy didn't let go, though. Just squeezed him tighter. He didn't understand what Brett was going through, but he knew most of it was Eddy's fault. He knew he had so much blame in the pain Brett was going through in that moment, and it ate him up. Maybe Eddy wasn't good for Brett? Maybe they'd be better off not being together? Eddy didn't really want to think about it, but the thought had already manifested itself in his brain. Maybe this was a bad idea?

They just sat in the hug for what felt like forever. Brett's shaking was decreasing and he was eventually able to force himself to hug Eddy back. Eddy almost wanted to cry when he felt it. He didn't think he'd ever feel any affection from Brett again. He think he had ruined everything.  
"I'm so sorry, Brett. I don't know what I said, but I'm so sorry. I love you, I love you, I love you. Please forgive me for shouting at you, for not being more careful, for making you feel like this, please forgive me. Please, Brett. I love you. Please." Eddy knew he was rambling now, but words couldn't express how guilty he felt about making Brett like that. He didn't feel like he could ever make it up to him.

"I... I'm sorry... I'm sorry I told him, Eddy", Brett sobbed into Eddy's shoulder. "I don't deserve you, I'm so sorry..." Eddy wanted to hold Brett even tighter, but he knew it would probably hurt him to do so. He was scared he'd lose Brett after this. They had never fought over anything, really. Always found a way to talk through things, but this... This felt like they were trapped in hell, getting roasted on a hot fire while the Devil himself slowly pulled their hearts apart. 

It was silent for a long time except for the occational sobbing from both of them. When they pulled away, Eddy placed his hands around the shorter man's face.  
"I love you Brett, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I made you feel like this." Brett, who had calmed down a bit, shook his head.  
"I did this to myself. I deserve it. I should have shut up. I don't see how you can ever trust me again. I am so sor..." Eddy didn't want to listen to him talk like that anymore and with a new set of tears running in streams down his cheeks he pressed his lips against Brett's. The kiss was desperate, like both of them were worried they'd never see the other again. They never wanted to end it, never wanted to let go of the other. Both boys were convinced they were the one who had ruined everything, and their desperation to apologize to the other affected the kiss.

"I love you, I love you, I love you", Eddy whispered against Brett's lips. It still sounded like an apology. When they pulled away, neither of them let go of the other.  
"I love you too, Eddy. I'm sorry I told Gardner, I just... I want to protect you and... and... I'm not very good at it, am I?" He let his index finger carefully run over the vague bruise on Eddy's left cheek, wiping away a tear in the process. His voice was still shaky when he spoke, but definitly not as bad as earlier.  
"You shouldn't have to protect me, Brett. I should be the one to take care of you, and yet I am the one who's hurting you." Brett couldn't shake his head at the statement. Yes, Eddy had hurt hi before, but he didn't care. If that's what it took to get to be with Eddy, he'd take it.   
"I don't care if you hurt me, I know you never do anything to hurt me. Even if you did, I don't care because... because I love you, and I don't know what I'd do without you Eddy. You're my everything. Everything." Brett's voice, still shaky, was somewhat firm and desperate at the same time. His eyes were still red and puffy from all the crying, and his body felt weak from the shaking, but everything felt better when Eddy was there. "Please don't leave me, Eddy. I need you. I love you."  
Eddy let out a sigh, partly of relief and partly of guilt. He knew they needed to talk about this in a calmer sense, but right now he just wanted to forget everything. Go back to discussing who would propose, to cuddle in bed, to make love, to just being together.  
"I love you too, Brett."


	70. Chapter 70

The two had eventually managed to get into the rehearsal after the break, still no sign of Gardner. They apologized to the orchestra, who seemed rather annoyed with the unpredictable soloist duo, but the concert master sent them a death glare that shut everyone up. Brett had stabilized more and was fighting to keep his brain empty apart from the music during the rehearsal while Eddy couldn't help but move his eyes over to the audience seats every once in a while to make sure nobody was there, to make sure Chris wasn't there. The last half of the rehearsal passed slowly, and both the orchestra and the soloists felt they already had everything nailed for tomorrow's concert. A few minutes early, TwoSet and the concert master agreed everything was set and to end the rehearsal as the conductor hadn't showed up.

The two boys went to the wardrobe, both mentally exhausted. They went to put their violins into their cases in silence, but the need for physical contact was intense. Brett finished packing first and stood up to wait for Eddy to be done too. He watched as his boyfriend wiped down his violin and undid his bow. He carefully closed his case and stood up as well, turning to look at Brett. Moments later they were hugging tightly, still no words having been exchanged. They didn't need any words to know what the other needed. Brett buried his face in the crook of Eddy's neck and let out a content sigh. Eddy kissed the top of his head and tried to bury the guilt still lurking in the back of his mind. The guilt for making Brett have a kind of panic attack earlier, for lying to him when they first got together, for being the cause of so many of Brett's problems. He wanted to make it better, to make up for it. He wanted to be a good point in Brett's life.

"I love you so much, Eddy. You know that, right?" Brett mumbled into his neck, still with his shorter arms tightly wrapped around Eddy's waist.  
"I know, and I love you too. I promise to be better for you from now on." Brett didn't really understand his reply, except for the "I love you too"-part of course.  
"I don't think you could be better for me, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. Don't try to fix what's not broken", Brett replied and moved so he could look up at his taller boyfriend. "I want Eddy, not 'trying to be the perfect boyfriend'-guy."  
Eddy couldn't help but smile at what he was told. Brett seemed to always know what to say to make him feel better.  
"Can I at least take you out for coffee then, if I'm not allowed to br better for you? As a date, I mean?" Eddy asked, the feeling of guilt fading into the background. "I think I owe you a coffee with extra love in it."  
Brett's cheeks turned a warm shade of pink as he thought about the heart he had asked to make in Eddy's coffee on their first "date".  
"I'd love that", he replied and stretched up to kiss him.


	71. Chapter 71

The two were almost out the front door when Gardner came running after them.  
"Yang, Chen! Hold up a second, will you? I need a few words, if you don't mind." The two boys turned to face the conductor, who looked like he had serious matters to discuss.  
"What is it? We're heading out", Eddy said, wanting to leave Grieghallen behind for the day and just enjoy the evening with his boyfriend.  
"I know, I'm sorry to keep you, but it's about... what happened. I've spoken to Christoffer's father and he wants to meet the two of you for a dinner - as some kind of apology. He will pay for everythinf, of course." The conductor looked at the two boys who no longer was looking at him. They had their eyes at each other, discussing it just by looking at each other, Eddy being the desciding part in the matter.  
"We'll go", Eddy said eventually. "As long as I don't have to accept the apology if I don't feel like it." He was nervous abput the dinner, and felt like accepting an apology from Chris' father on behalf of Chris would never even barely cover the damage he had done.  
"I'll let him know and text you the details, alright? I truly despise what Christoffer has done and I don't think he'll ever be seen as trustworthy in the music community here ever again."

When they finally got out the door, out of the conductor's view, Eddy couldn't keep his brave face anymore and pulled Brett into a tight hug. Tears were forcing themselves out, but he wasn't properly crying.  
"I'm sorry, I just..." he whispered into Brett's shoulder, and Brett carefully stroke his back as they hugged.  
"Don't apologize. I'm proud of you, you're brave." He kissed the side of his forehead softly, really wishing he could be taller in that moment so he could wrap his arms around Eddy the same way Eddy did for him when he needed it. Instead, he almost tiptoed to even be able to hug him properly.  
 _Don't you think Eddy would prefer someone taller?_

"Thank you", Eddy sniffled, wiping his own tears. "I needed that hug."  
Brett smiled at him. "Hey, that's what I'm for, right?" The two shared a laugh and Eddy took Brett's left hand in his.  
"Ready for coffee date?", Eddy asked, leaning in to kiss Brett's cheek.  
"Let's go", Brett replied, leaning into the kiss.


	72. Chapter 72

The two boys made their way up the most intense hill either of them had gone up in a while to get to the café at what seemed to be the main university building. Both were a bit out of breath when they got up. They had passed a luthier's workshop on the way and almost got ran over by a tourist bus, but they made it. Around the building was a beautiful garden they had to walk through to get to the balcony where the café was.  
"This is beautiful", Brett mumbled while looking around at the beautifully planted flowers and the well trimmed trees. He felt Eddy squeeze his hand and pull him closer, ignoring the group of tourists staring at them.  
"To be a bit cliché, I could point out it's nowhere as beautiful as you..." Eddy replied, only half joking. He looked down at Brett's reaction as the gravel under their shoes was switched out with a set of stone stairs up to the balcony level.  
Brett's face turned as red as it could get at the comment. "Yeah, look who's talking", he said and stuck his tongue out at him. "I'm lucky to have a boyfriend that might as well have been like a model or something."

They entered the small, almost empty café. There was a group of mothers with their babies in a corner as well as an elderly couple still deciding between the cakes they offered.  
"Will you let me spoon feed you cake here, then?" Brett teased Eddy and got up on his tiptoes to kiss his cheek. Eddy laughed. "Sure, if you really want to, but only if the cake is good. I don't want bad cake, you know."  
"Hey, only the best for you", Brett replied sweetly and got a quick kiss as a reply.

They got up to the counter and clumsily ordered a fancy coffee each as well as two different kinds of cake. The whole conversation with the poor girl working there was very awkward as she spoke English with the thickest Norwegian accent. It was almost impossible to understand her, but eventually they got what they wanted, paid, and found a seat by the wall. Brett studied his boyfriend as he took his first sip of coffee. His upper lip curved perfectly over the edge of the cream coloured cup, some foam sticking to it when he moved the cup away. His hair, still a bit ruffled from their emotional ordeal earlier, but Brett found he liked him a little rough around the edges.  
Eddy's lips curved into a tiny smile when he caught Brett looking at him, feeling the butterflies go mad in his stomach. "Whatcha staring at?" he asked, feeling the hint of a blush creep from the back of his neck and over his cheekbones.  
"Well, my beautiful boyfriend, of course", Brett replied in an almost dreamy voice before taking a sip of his own coffee.  
 _Ugh, you're so sweet I'm gonna puke. Yuck._ _I'm sure he will too, if you keep this up._  
The redness in Eddy's cheeks was unmistakeable as a blush now, and as a response he leaned over to take Brett's hand carefully in his.  
"You're making me blush here", he mumbled, embarrassed he couldn't think of anything better to reply. He would have told him how he loved the little spike of hair sticking up from the back of his head, how his smile made his stomach do somersaults, how every touch felt like sparks of pure happiness... he just couldn't think of how to form it into words.  
"I try my best, I think you're hot when you blush", Brett replied, seemingly simply, even though the voice in his head tried to say something about Eddy not actually liking that kind of talk in public.

"Well, that explains why you keep being sappy all the time ", Eddy joked and grabbed his spoon to have some of the cake in front of him. Brett tried to grab his spoon as well, but soon realized his damaged hand wasn't up to it and his other was being carefully caressed by Eddy's long fingers. He didn't really want to let Eddy's hand go, so he waited. Just enjoying the feeling of Eddy's soft touch.  
"You're not gonna eat your cake or what? Cause I will if you won't", Eddy joked and pretended to lean over to steal some of Brett's cake.  
"Heyhey, now! I'm gonna eat that, alright? Just enjoying the moment, that's all", Brett laughed and pulled his hand away from under Eddy's to fend off the cake thief. "If you're stealing my cake, then I'm stealing yours", he challenged, taking his own spoon in his left hand to 'steal' some of Eddy's cake. It felt weird to use his left hand to eat with, as he would normally hold a spoon in his right, but he still managed to take a bite of the cake from Eddy's plate.  
"Heyy!" Eddy exclaimed. "You give that back!" The boys laughed, and Brett stuck out his tongue at him. "Nah, I think I'm gonna keep it" he said and put it in his mouth.  
"You big meanie", Eddy joked and quickly stole a piece of Brett's cake as revenge.  
  
The café around them felt like it had disappeared, like it was just the two of them left in the world. Like this moment of joking around with each other would never end. In a way, they didn't want it to either.  
Unfortunately, Eddy's phone let them know he recieved a text message, and the world came crashing back to them. He took hia phone out and read the message out loud.  
"Dear mr. Chen and mr. Yang. I hope you'll meet me at dinner tonight at 19:00 at Egon. It should be on the ground floor of your hotel, if I am not mistaken. Kind regards, Thomas Hansen."  
Brett nodded to confirm what he had heard. "So, are we going?" he asked eventually and put down his spoon. He wasn't too sure he'd be able to face the father of the scum that had done awful things to the person he loved the most in the world, but he left it up to Eddy to decide.  
"I guess", Eddy mumbled hesitantly. "I just... can't imagine what he could possibly say or do to make up for wh...what happened..." His hand moved slowly to touch the bruise on his cheek absent mindedly. Brett hated how the purple mark stained Eddy's beautiful face, and he hated anyone involved in the situation that let it happen.  
 _Like yourself, Bretty. You let it happen._


	73. Chapter 73

They had gone back to the hotel some time before they were supposed to go to dinner, and Eddy just couldn't stop his hands from shaking. Not even when Brett had tried to hold them still with his own, ignoring the pain moving from his right ring finger all the way up his arm as he did so.  
"Eddy, love", he said as they were sitting on the edge of their bed trying to prepare mentally to go down and face Thomas Hansen, their sponsor and the father of the guy who r... neither of them dared to say the word and by doing so making it real. The r-word. It felt too real just thinking the word.  
"Love, if it gets too bad we'll leave, alright? Just let me know and I'll have us outta there, yeah? It's gonna be alright." He could see Eddy's panic building in his eyes and he really wanted to let Eddy avoid the whole situation.   
"Yeah yeah, I know, I just..." His voice was all shaky as well, just like his hands. He felt cold and all he wanted was to crawl under the covers and have Brett tell him everything would be okay and that nothing bad would ever happen again.  
"I know", Brett said, softly touching his lips against Eddy's. "It's gonna be fine, I won't let anything bad happen, okay?" he mumbled when they pulled away.

They decided to take the stairs down instead of the elevator, giving Eddy a bit more time to calm down before facing mr Hansen. Eddy was probably squeezing Brett's hand a lot harder than what was comfortable, but he couldn't stop it. They made it down all the way to the fifth floor, the fourth floor, the third floor...  
As they passed the second floor Eddy suddenly pushed Brett against the wall and locking their eyes together. Brett had to tilt his head up slightly to look at his taller boyfriend, but he didn't really understand why Eddy was doing this right now.  
"J...just promise me... all will be fine... again... please", Eddy stuttered, looking from one of Brett's eyes to the other, hoping to find assurance.  
"It's gonna be alright. Trust me", Brett said, no hesitation in his voice. "Just trust me, alright? And when we're done with the dinner, we'll come back to the hotel room... to calm down..." Eddy felt his cheeks warm up and a small smile was playing on his lips.  
"Sure... calm down, yeah?" he said, the smile turning more teasing.  
"Yeah, however you want", Brett replied, catching on to Eddy's mood, inhaling sharply as Eddy's lips slid along his jaw and leaving a butterfly kiss just below his ear. "B...but if you keep going like that, we might have to skip the dinner... and that probably won't be good..."  
Eddy released Brett from his careful push against the wall with a small laugh.  
"Alright... we probably should get going, then..." he said hesitantly, taking a hold of Brett's hand for comfort as they moved down to what felt like Eddy's own personal doomsday.


	74. Chapter 74

The guy meeting them seemed like just any ordinary rich middle aged man, if that was a thing. His hair was possibly a bit more untidy than what you'd expect, but his suit was very obviously tailored even though it seemed like something he'd wear any day. The table he had reserved for them was in the back of the restaurant, a bit away from the other guests.  
"So, welcome to Norway, Chen and Yang, even though you've been here for a while", he begun once they sat down. "I hope my son hasn't ruined too much of your time here."  
Eddy sat almost frozen at the mention of Chris, and Brett took it upon himself to keep the conversation going.  
"Must say it didn't leave a positive impression, honestly. How's his face, by the way?" Brett said, possibly a bit sharper than nescessary. Eddy reached out to grab Brett's hand under the table, forgetting about the injury to his finger. Brett flinched when Eddy touched his hand, as the pain shot up his arm, but still let him hold it.  
"He'll be fine, nice punch", mr Hansen replied casually, followed by a laugh. "If what I've heard is correct, he deserved it. I hope your finger isn't too badly damaged? I was hoping to catch the concert tomorrow."  
Brett furrowed his brows, ignoring the question.  
"You seem to take this very lightly", Brett stated, trying hard to ignore the pain in his finger. Eddy sat like a deer caught in the headlights, scared to even breathe too loudly. Logically, mr Hansen seemed like a nice enough guy, but his brain was not about to let his fear go just yet.  
"Oh, I can assure you I do not. Let's discuss what I've done to deal with this once we've ordered, yeah?" he replied, waving for a waiter to come over.  
"Please, order whatever you'd like. My treat. I'd really try the cod, though. It's delicious."

The prices on the menu was ourageous. Brett caught himself thinking that this guy probably was made of money, and shat money every time he went to the bathroom.  
They ordered the cod, as he had suggested and he complimented them on their good taste in food. The food arrived quickly and they all had a few bites before Hansen re-opened the conversation. Eddy was starting to warm up to mr Hansen, but was still keeping his guard up.  
"So, boys, I don't really want to hear the details of what happened. I can see the bruises on your face, Chen, I can't emphasise how sorry I am on behalf of my son." He shook his head and took a new bite of his cod.  
"On behalf of him won't do", Eddy mumbled, not looking at the greying man across the table. Brett moved his gaze between Hansen and Eddy, waiting for Hansen's reply.

"I thought so. He's coming later to apologize in person..."  
Eddy quickly stood up, knocking his chair back with a loud bang. It felt like the restaurant stopped and everyone was staring, even though only a millisecond later the conversations around the tables started back up.  
"N...no...", Eddy stuttered, eyes widening with fear. "Nono, no... no..."  
Brett stood up and grabbed his boyfriend's hand with his own good hand.

"Shh, Eddy, Eddy, look at me, come on, it's gonna be fine, alright?" He moved to try and catch Eddy's panicked flickering eyes with his own, not really succeding.  
"He'll be totally harmless when I'm here, trust me", mr Hansen shot in, attempting to calm the fragile boy less than half his age in front of him. Brett shot him a death glare, though, as he partly blamed the guy for even being the cause of Chris' existance in the first place.

"Eddy, love, look at me, please", Brett said in a soft voice, ignoring the fact that they were public in a restaurant meeting their sponsor. "Look at me, Eddy. It's gonna be absolutely fine, okay?" He carefully placed his damaged hand on Eddy's cheek, softly as not to hurt himself or to scare Eddy more.

Eddy's eyes fixed on Brett's calming eyes. Everything around him disappeared into a blur ad he focused completely on the beautiful brown colour he was so familiar with.  
"It's going to be fine, I'm here, okay?" Brett's soft voice broke through the bubble of blur around him, and eventually Eddy felt the soft skin of Brett's hand on his cheek.  
"Okay", Eddy managed to say after a while, forcing his brain to trust Brett. He knew Brett wouldn't let Chris's hurt him, proved to him by his damaged hand. The very hand caressing his cheek in this very moment.

Eventually, Eddy managed to calm down enough to sit back down.  
"Sorry", he said to mr Hansen before taking a bite of his now almost cold fish.  
"It's alright, the fault is all on my side", he responded, genuinly worried about the poor young man in front of him. He felt guilty, in a way, as it was second handedly his fault. He should have taught his son better, but he'll definitly get the message through to him now. "I have prepared a few, let's call it punishments, for Chris. All driven by the threat of removing his allowance, a significant one that is. Oh, here he is!"  
Brett's head quickly turned to face the tall viking of a man who had laid hands on his boyfriend. The purple colour of his nose was evidence of Brett's previous bravery and he could feel himself tense up just at the sight of him. Eddy sat frozen again, luckily not running away.

"Hei pappa" _(Hi dad)_ , he said in Norwegian to mr Hansen and went to sit next to his father. Brett wasn't really able to judge the tone of his voice or what hr was saying, but his face told him he was rather embarrased to be there.  
"Du glemte noen, Christoffer. Ta deg sammen, gutt." _(You forgot someone, Christoffer. Pull yourself together, boy.)_ Mr Hansen's voice was bery obviously stern, no matter how little Norwegian both Brett and Eddy understood.  
"Hi Brett, Eddy", Chris said hesitantly, not really looking at either of them. Brett couldn't help but think that he seemed like a child being asked to apologize.  
"Hi. How's your nose?" Brett asked flatly, feeling Eddy's fingernails dig into his arm through his shirt. The panic in the grip var very obvious, and he really wanted to take Eddy away from the situation. To protect him.

"It's alright, thanks for asking", he replied simply, looking away. Mr Hansen sent his son a stern look.  
"You have something else to talk about, something your new therapist wanted you to say, right?"  
"Pappa!" _(Dad!)_ Chris exclaimed in an annoyed tone. "Alle trenger ikke å vite at jeg..." _(Everyone doesn't need to know that I...)_ He lowered his voice. "At jeg går i terapi." _(That I go to therapy.)_  
"Hvis du ikke får snakketøyet i gir snart, skal jeg love deg at det blir offentlig kunnskap." _(If you don't get talking soon, I'll promise you it'll be public knowledge.)_ Mr Hansen's voice was threatning in the way only a father could be with his misbehaving son.  
"Alright, Eddy. I want to apologize to you, really", he said, but Brett didn't feel like the apology was something he really meant. It felt like he was being forced to say it. "I wish I could go back and prevent myself from doing it."  
"Why, so you didn't have to go to therapy?" Brett spat, struggling to not punch him again. He felt rage bubbling in his stomach, but Eddy's hand moved calmly to rest on Eddy's forearm.  
"Brett, let him talk", he mumbled, way more calmly than Brett was expecting. Way more calmly than Brett was feeling. In a way, Eddy's valm tone was more worrying than any shaky voice he could get when distressed.  
"I just... I realize what I did was wrong, alright? I have... a..." His voice trailed off and he turned to his dad. "Må jeg si det, virkelig, pappa?" _(Do I really have to say it, dad?)_ he pleaded his dad.  
"Christoffer Hansen, ikke tving meg til å si det igjen" _(Christoffer Hansen, don't make me repeat myself)_ , mr Hansen replied, again sternly, and Chris let out a defeated sigh.  
"I well, have a problem with alcohol, and... I'm going clean. I'm so sorry for the pain I caused you, for what I did. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I hope the apology will help you move on from this."

The converstion went silent as Eddy considered the apology. Brett was not ready to forgive, but he wanted Eddy to do what he wanted so he kept quiet, even though he was certain his viewpoint was getting across to Chris simply from the aura of anger radiating from him. He hoped he did, as the disgusting man in front of him deserved nothing but bad things in life, in Brett's opinion.


	75. Chapter 75

Eddy's mind went completely blank. On one side, he had decided to never forgive Chris before he was even asked to this dinner. What he had done was still hurting him, physically and mentally. The calm relationship he had with Brett was permanently altered, and they had yet to see if it was for better or for worse.

On the other hand, would he ever be able to move on if he didn't?

"I just... I don't know", he said honestly, trying his best not to just run out if there to avoid the entire situation. He felt Brett's anger like a heater next to him, and he could also tell he was working hard to hide itm to let Eddy decide. What would happen if Brett snapped? Would Eddy try and stop him? He wasn't sure. Chris did deserve another punch, that was for sure...  
"I don't expect you to forgive me, but if you ever would want to, just contact my father on the number he texted you on."

The dinner ended shortly after that and the elevator trip back up to their floor consisted mostly of silence and Brett trying hard not to punch anything out of sheer anger. Eddy didn't dare to say anything, feeling uncomfortable with Brett's state of mind.  
"I don't think you should forgive him. He doesn't deserve it", Brett eventually said once the door to their room was closed behind them. The sharpness in his voice put Eddy a bit aback, but he tried to collect himself before answering.  
"If I were to forgive him it wouldn't be for him anyway", he mumbled, unsure of how much he really could say against Brett's anger.  
"Forgive him silently then, don't tell him!" Brett exclaimed, frustratedly throwing a pillow hard against the wall before swearing because his finger hurt doing so. Eddy stood frozen again. The quiet, calm Brett he had wanted, the sweet Brett he needed in that moment was missing.  
"Brett...", Eddy mumbled, feeling tears pressing on even though he didn't feel like it was the correct response to how he was feeling. What he needed was a hug and some reassurance, not more violent emotions and anger. It felt too close to the threats Chris had thrown at him, too close to the hard grip on his arm, the forceful spreading of his thighs...  
"You're crying", Brett stated, suddenly seeming much calmer. Eddy hadn't realized how obvious the flow of tears was until Brett pointed it out, but he didn't want him to try and wipe his tears away. Not until he had calmed down properly.  
"Eddy, love..." Brett took a step over to him, but Eddy moved away, now with his back against the wall in the room. Brett's eyes went from worried to confused, and it stung Eddy's heart.  
"J... just... don't... don't be angry, okay? You're sc... scaring me..." Eddy forced his mouth to form before closing his eyes as if he was waiting to be slapped.

_Look what you're doing to him, Brett. Take a good look. Are you even any better than Chris at this point? Maybe he'd be better off with Chris that with angry Brett? You're scaring him, he literally said so himself._

Brett's heart sank into his stomach and he felt like he was suffocating. He was scaring Eddy. He was the cause of Eddy's fear in that moment. His mknd went around in circles, trying to think of a response. Nothing came out. Any hint of anger he had disappeared like dew in the sun.  
"I..." Brett stuttered, trying to find words again. He took a step back from Eddy, trying to give him space. To not seem threatning.  
 _Look at you go, having to TRY to not seem threatning to your boyfriend. Way to go._  
"S...sorry..." he whispered, retreating as far against the other wall he was able to. The voice in his head kept yelling at him, and he let it. He made no attempt to stop it feeling he deserved it.

The next time Eddy opened his eyes, his vision was blurred with tears. He lifted his hand to wipe them, seeing Brett's panicked eyes all the way in the other side of the room. He knew that look, recognizing it as the voice talking to him in his head. Eddy didn't know what to do at this point, desperately needing the safe harbour Brett normally represented for him but feeling like he had to be BRETT'S safe harbour. He caught a thought passing that maybe they weren't good for each other. That maybe Brett would be better off without Eddy there and the other way around? He didn't want to think about it though, as every little bit of him wanted to be with Brett forever. Every little bit except that tiny little passing thought.


	76. Chapter 76

After a few seconds of trying to decide what to do with himself, Eddy went over to Brett and hugged him tightly, feeling him bury his face against the crook of his neck.  
"Whatever the voice in your head is telling you right now, Brett, don't listen to it, please."  
Brett nodded vaguely, really wanting to do what he was told. The guilt was still taking large bites out of his heart, making it harder for him to stop the downward spiral in his head.  
 _Way to make everything about you._  
"Everything is just a bit much right now, for both of us..." Eddy continued, trying to think of the right thing to say as he went along. He felt the smaller man tremble slightly in his arms, and he responded by carefully stroking his back. "But we'll work through it. Like we always do."

Brett took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself, letting the calming sweet scent of Eddy fill his nose. He tried to focus on him, on the light touch on his back, on his cheek resting against Eddy's neck, on Eddy's calm breathing. He tried to breathe with him, match his tempo.  
"We'll work through it", he echoed Eddy, trying to convince himself. He knew, logically, that he was right. They would work through it. All that was left was to convice his heart.

It was dark out by the time both of them had calmed down completely. At some point they had moved to sit on the bed, Eddy with his back against the headboard and Brett sitting between his legs, resting his back against Eddy's chest. The taller boy's arms were carefully wrapped around the smaller's torso, and the smaller man was silently scrolling through the comments on the orchestra's instagram post from the last concert on his phone. The post was a picture taken of them on the dress rehearsal by the official photographer, and Brett had taken a lot of time studying how gorgeous Eddy looked when he was playing before snapping out of it and moving to the comments. He didn't know what it was exactly that made Eddy look so much more beautiful in the playing situation, if that was even possible. Maybe it was just the concentration, or that he was doing something he really loved?

"What are you thinking about?" Eddy mumbled, moving his head to place a careful kiss on Brett's cheek. "You've been quiet for a while." He worried the voicein Brett's head was saying things without Eddy realizing.  
Brett felt the heat creep over his cheekbones, colouring his cheeks slightly pink.  
"You, for the most part", he replied honestly while reading a comment on how the two of them were "relatioship goals" based on how Brett had been looking at Eddy in the picture.  
"Well aren't you sweet", Eddy said, in a half teasing voice. "For the most part, though?" The last part was more worried.  
"Yeah, and what it is that makes you so gorgeous when you play." Brett's voice was serious, and this time it was Eddy's turn to blush. "Like, I can't put my finger on what it is, it's just... breathtaking..."  
He was silenced when Eddy turned his head to kiss him.  
"You're making me blush", Eddy mumbled once they pulled away, still with their eyes locked together. The tingling in Brett's stomach intensified when he noticed how red Eddy's cheeks were.  
"I see that. I love having that effect on you though", Brett said teasingly and softly and quickly touching his lips against Eddy's again.  
"Yeah? You wanna know what effect I love having on you though?" Eddy said, a sly smile playing on his lips as he let his slightly cold fingertips slide just underneath the lower hem of Brett's shirt and touching his bare skin. Of course, Brett responded just as expected, inhaling sharply at the touch. Eddy leaned in to Brett's ear, breathing hot air into it.  
"This effect", he breathed and placed the top of Brett's ear carefully between his teeth. He really REALLY loved having this effect on Brett.


	77. Chapter 77

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

Brett felt goosebumps travel down his back as Eddy's hot breath tickled his neck. He felt slightly cold fingers fumble with the lowest button of his shirt and Eddy's lips almost touching his neck. He wanted to turn around so he could make his boyfriend feel good too, but the way Eddy's arms snaked around him made it impossible. 

The shirt button finally came undone after too long spent fumbling with it and Eddy touched his lips against Brett's jaw again.

"Your neck is pretty sensitive, isn't it?" he giggled softly in his ear, watching as the redness spread across Brett's cheeks again and he nodded softly. "So this..." He made a point to drag the tip of his tongue from the crook of his neck and all the way to just below his ear. Brett couldn't help but let out a whimper and moved his hand to tangle it into Eddy's hair. 

"Eddy", Brett whimpered, tilting his head back, resting it more on Eddy's shoulder subconsciously for him to have better access. Eddy happily took the invitation, placing a butterfly kiss on the side of his neck while placing his hand teasingly softly over the front of Brett's trousers. Brett responded by pushing his hips up to get more pressure, groaning when Eddy just moved his hand with the movement. He felt Eddy smile against his neck.  
"Shhh, so impatient..." Eddy mumbled teasingly and snickered shortly.  
"That's because you're so..." He inhaled sharply, looking down at Eddy's hand currently being dragged lightly over the bulge in the front of his pants and just above the waistline of his trousers. "... so arousing."

Eddy loved hearing him talk like that, react like that. Even more so, his body loved hearing Brett's sharp inhales and groans of frustration.  
"Really? Tell me more." It was more a demand than anything else, and to encourage the whimpering mess he had in his arms, he made an attempt on the second button of his shirt, making sure to brush a fingertip over the bare skin of his lower stomach every once in a while.  
"W...well..." he begun, trying to focus on his breathing so he could continue his sentence. Eddy's fingers were moving so slow to undo the shirt buttons, just that was almost too much. "I don't... know what... what to say... it's all just so... good... I love you."

Another of the shirt buttons came undone, leaving only the top two. Brett's shirt slid open, revealing his bare stomach to the cool air in the room. He shivered slightly. Eddy traced circles with his fingers starting all the way up at where his shirt was still closed and moving further and further down. Brett's hand closed to grab a proper handful of Eddy's thick hair, pulling it lightly as the tickling feeling moved closer to what looked like a tent even in the tight black jeans.  
"Shit", Brett breathed as Eddy let his lips touch the side of his neck again, leaving an angry red mark that would soon turn purple. Everything was moving so slow, and Brett felt more and more desperate for Eddy to just do something more.

Brett's prayers must have been heard, as Eddy finally moved to release him from the prison that was his jeans. The button came undone and Brett tried to help himself out of the dark blue boxers he was wearing, but was stopped by Eddy's larger hands.  
"Come on, Eddy, please", Brett pleaded, pushing his hips up in desperation. He felt like his mind was getting clouded, his judgement impaired by what felt like an eternal tease. It felt so good, the tension building, but there was no release. Not yet.

"What, still impatient?" Eddy grinned, moving one hand underneath Brett's almost open shirt to pinch his nipple. Eddy could feel his body react to just hearing and seeing Brett's desperate whimpers, see his slightly parted lips as he gasped for breath, his pleads. He felt himself poking Brett's lower back, but he wanted to please Brett first. Wanted to see his face twist with pleasure.

"Eddy please, anything, touch me already..." Brett turned his head and barely reached his chin to place a kiss there. "Please, Eddy..." Eddy let Brett's hands go and moved to pull down his boxers. He had never seen Brett so big before, and the thought of all of that inside... He placed a hand firmly around the base of it, feeling Brett jolt at the touch, arching his back.  
"Ahhh fuck Eddy, fuck yes!" Brett exclaimed, thrusting his hips desperately against Eddy's hand. "I fucking love you so much!"


	78. Chapter 78

Tuesday. Second concert. Dress rehearsal at 12:00, concert at 18:00.  
Eddy quickly sat up in bed. Dress rehearsal at 12:00! What time was it? He fumbled for his phone and lit up the screen. 11:37. Shit.  
"Brett!" he exclaimed, shaking him awake. "Brett, we're gonna be late, come on!" The grunting from the rolled up covers next to him indicated to Eddy he was about to wake up.  
"Come on, there's just 20 minutes until dress rehearsal", Eddy continued while rolling out of bed. He absolutely had to shower after last night's lovely activities, which was not good when they had this little time to get ready.  
"20 minutes?!" Suddenly Brett was wide awake as well and sat up quickly. "Shit, didn't we put an alarm or...?" He got out of bed as well, not caring that he was naked.  
"Dude, you think THAT is what was on my mind last night?" Eddy asked, feeling the stress of running late. He should be used to it by now, seeing as it wasn't exactly the first time he wad late for something, but it felt extra bad as they had caused the poor orchestra so much trouble already.  
"I'll hop in the shower, at least", Brett said calmly. "Wanna join me?"

They ended up running to rehearsal, only three minutes left as they passed The Blue Stone heading for the park. Eddy had felt a hint of panic build as the pavillion moved closer, and reached out to grab Brett's hand while they ran to make it. Fortunately, Brett gladly took it and they got to Grieghallen with a few seconds to spare.

Dress rehearsal went awful, honestly. At least for Brett. His finger was still bothering him and it made all his bowstrokes uneven and he had an awful case of shaky bow.  
 _Proving you don't deserve to be here, are you?_  
He carefully watched Eddy, looking just as gorgeous as he had during the last dress rehearsal and concert. He wanted play as good as Eddy did in that moment, feeling more like he was tainting his godlike playing instead of playing a duet with him. Mr Gardner told them as he dismissed the orchestra after the dress rehearsal that he was sure the concert would be great despite some small troubles now. Brett wasn't too convinced, though, and Eddy was picking up on it.

Brett sunk down in the couch in their wardrobe and looked at his right hand. He had ran before Eddy to relax as Gardner wanted a few words with Eddy alone. It looked fine, but moving his ring finger hurt, sending what felt like lighting bolts of pain up his arm. That was bad, like really bad. No way he'd be fine before the concert. He groaned in annoyance. How was it possible that everything had to go wrong at once? Were they controlled by some kind of evil god writing out their lives for their own entertainmemt? Whatever it was, Brett was sick and tired of it. Couldn't they just get a break?


	79. Chapter 79

Mr Gardner had wanted to suggest a few improvements to Eddy's melodic part in the new piece neither of them had even attempted to pronounce the name of yet.  
When he eventually got back to the wardrobe, he could tell Brett was deeply lost in what the voice in his head was telling him. It really broke his heart that he wasn't able to help him fight it more. He felt like a failure, not only as a boyfriend but as a best friend. He put his violin in its case an sat down next to Brett. He carefully snuck his arm around his waist and hugged him.  
"Hey, what's going on?", he mumbled, letting Brett rest his head on his chest. He stroke some of his hair away from his forehead. "What are you thinking, Bretty?"

Brett didn't know what to reply. He felt like he was taking up too much space all the time with his talkative mind.  
 _Heck yeah, Eddy was groped and you still managed to make it about you. What a joke of a boyfriend you are._  
He didn't want to cry, though. He really felt like it, but forced himself to keep it in, pinching his arm hard out of Eddy's sight to cope with it.  
"I'm fine", he lied, but Eddy knew better than to believe Brett's lies. He could also tell he was lying, but he didn't need that skill to know in this particular case.

"Why won't you let me in? Did I do something? In that case, I'm sorry", Eddy mumbled, still not releasing Brett from the hug. He carefully rubbed his hand slowly up and down Brett's back, trying to comfort him even though he had no idea what was going on.  
"You didn't do anything, Eddy. It's me who keeps fucking stuff up. I'm sorry", he mumbled, but his voice broke into a whisper at the end. He felt his breath becoming shaky, and it was getting increasingly harder to keep the tears from flowing.  
"Bretty love, you haven't done anything wrong, but what is it you think you've done, so we can clarify it?" Eddy said softly and leaning down to kiss the top of his head.

"I just... I'm doing it now, I'm always making everything about me, but I don't mean to it just..." He took his glasses off with the closest hand and wiped some tears with the back of his hand, moving slightly away from Eddy in the process. Eddy let him go, but still kept a hand resting on his arm.  
"I don't see it like that", Eddy said, reaching out to wipe a stray tear from Brett's cheek. He hated seeing Brett cry, and since they'd started dating and become boyfriends it seemed to happen a lot. He tried not to make the connection, but it sort of connected itself. After the connection was made, though, he tried to ignore it.  
"I mean... y...you was... the whole thing with Chris... and in the end, after the dinner, all I did was scare you and cry so you had to comfort ME? That was not how it was supposed to be, I mean..." he sniffled and wiped his tears before continuing. "I wanted to be there for you, but I ruined it like I always do. "  
"Bretty, you're allowed to have emotions too. I know you got angry because you care, not because you wanted to scare me." He pulled Brett back into the hug. "Please believe me, Brett, I don't think you're making things about you."

Brett had said he believed him. He didn't though. He wanted Eddy not to worry, not to always have to comfort him. After what felt like forever, they had managed to let go of each other and pack their violins properly before heading out to grab some lunch before the concert.

They ended up at a pizza place at Eddy's wish, and ordered a pizza they could share. Eddy could tell Brett was completely out of it, but any time he asked what was wrong he insisted it was nothing. He knew it was likely he didn't do anything, but a tiny little voice in the back of Eddy's mind tried to tell him it was his fault. What could he do to help him, though, if he didn't want to say what was wrong?  
"Hey, we should put something on our instagram story", Brett interrupted Eddy's train of thought and pulled out his phone.  
"Are you sure you're feeling up to it?" Eddy asked, leaning over the table in their booth to touch his arm, but Brett just shrugged.  
"Of course I am fine, come on." He found the record button on the instagram story and pressed.  
"Hey Eddy", he said to the camera he held up so that both if them were in the frame. Neither of them noticed that Eddy's hand still was resting on Brett's arm in frame. "Tell us what we're up to right now." His upbeat tone felt fake to Eddy, but hopefully less so to the fans.  
"Well", Eddy began in an equally fake upbeat tone. "We're currently grabbing pizza at a pizza place here in Bergen before our concert!"  
"Yes, come to out concert, vikings! See ya there!"


	80. Chapter 80

Brett wasn't sure he had been this nervous before a concert before ever, really. He felt unprepared, even though their last concert had been marvelous, because he hadn't been able to practice like he wanted. His hands were clammy and made him not want to touch his violin. Currently he was in front of the mirror in their wardrobe, all restlessly trying to make his hair do something useful. Something that didn't make him look like a radio tower.

What didn't help was Eddy's slow, perfectly intonated scales in the other end of the room. Of course Eddy's playing would be perfect and Brett would screw it up by sounding like a four year old with a viola. He gave up on his hair and sunk into the couch of their wardrobe, placing his head in his hands in despair.  
"You okay?" Eddy asked and checked the time. Still 20 minutes left until the concert.  
"I don't think I can do this, Eddy", Brett whimpered, feeling his hands shake as he admitted to it.  
 _Look at you go, making everything about yourself again!_  
"Why of course you can, you sounded amazing during the dress rehearsal!" Eddy said, trying to encourage him. He could tell it wasn't working by the light sob Brett was trying to hide from him.

"Bretty love", Eddy said all softly while putting down his violin and sitting down next to him. "Shh, why are you crying?" He carefully placed an arm around him, but Brett didn't react.  
 _Well done making him stop warming up to worry about your stupid ass._  
"I'm not, I'm sorry for worrying you. You should continue warming up. I'm fine", Brett rambled, trying to stop himself from crying. He hated not being remotely able to hold back his tears, something he had been rather good at before the voice had started speaking to him. He hated worrying Eddy, and the voice wss absolutely right about the attention hogging.  
"Bretty, you are very obviously bit fine, please talk to me." Eddy moved to stroke his knee gently. "You're gonna sound amazing, if that's what you worry about."  
"I'm gonna sound like a four year old with a viola, I'm gonna ruin this concert for you just because I was stupid and reckless, and.. ." Brett sounded almost annoyed, desperate, and Eddy didn't want him to feel that way. He placed a kiss on his lips to shut him up for a second.  
"Hey, you've hurt your finger, but you're still an amazing violinist." He moved some of Brett's slightly long hair out of his face. "I don't know anyone who could hurt their finger like that and still sound pretty much like a world class soloist. You're amazing and I love you so much."

Brett's cheeks flared up, and his crying died down. The directness of Eddy's words were really making an impact on him.  
 _Except he's just lying to make you feel better. You are really an idiot who would believe anything._  
"I want to believe you", he said, moving his gaze away from Eddy's honest eyes. Eddy let out a sigh.  
"But the voice is telling you I'm lying?" Eddy asked, intertwining the fingers of Brett's good hand with his own. Brett nodded quietly, knowing that he wasn't making sense accusing Eddy of lying like that.

"I don't know how to make it up to you for lying when we first got together, but I am sorry it has made it impossible to trust me." Eddy took a deep breath before continuing, feeling slightly guilty, but attempting to push it away before the concert. "I am telling the truth though, it was your playing that pulled me in to be your best friend in the first place."  
Brett pulled Eddy into a hug so that ye wouldn't see the tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Five minutes", someone outside their wardrobe said, and the two boys had to pull away from the hug.  
"Come on, we can do this together, yeah?" Eddy said with a smile and wiped Brett's tears.  
"Yeah", Brett replied, and grabbed his violin. "Together."


	81. Chapter 81

Eddy was right about it being fine. The concert went absolutely fantastic, and he didn't really understand how. It didn't really make sense, considering his finger still hurting, but in the moment he didn't feel it. His technique, the musicality, and even how he and Eddy played together went absolutely fantastic. The moment they got off stage after the last round of standing ovation, Brett was full of adrenaline and pure happiness.  
"I told you it would be fine, I did!" Eddy said excitedly and hugged Brett tightly, careful not to hurt any violin.  
"You did! And you sounded amazing too!" He placed his available hand on Eddy's cheek and going up on his tiptoes to kiss him.

Eddy loved the positive energy Brett had getting off the stage, and the passionate kiss he was currently experiencing was really making his brain into a mush. He caught himself wondering how much Brett's depression was dulling how he felt, but didn't want to worry about that right now. He just wanted to be with him right now, to experience the intense feelings neither of them really were used to.

Eddy expected Brett to pull away and immediately go and put his violin in its case. He was taken by surprise by Brett's tounge slowly gliding over his lower lip and from the corner of his mouth and down to just below his jaw. Eddy inhaled sharply.  
"I love you so much, Eddy" Brett whispered, letting his hand slide down to rest on Eddy's chest. "And you look so incredibly hot when you play, I don't know how I keep myself from jumping on you on stage."  
Eddy couldn't help but let out a giggle at the last part. That was not really how he saw himself when playing, but hearing it from Brett still felt good.  
"You're not exactly bad looking yourself out there", Eddy murred, almost touching his lips with his own, feeling Brett shiver so close to him. He leaned in against Brett's ear and took a deep breath before he spoke.  
"Let's put away our violins and then you can jump on me, if you want" he whispered and was immediately dragged by the hand to their wardrobe.


	82. Chapter 82

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

Eddy shut his violin case with trembly hands. They had never done anything like this in a place they could be caught before, but he found it exciting. Brett had locked the door after them, just to be safe, but they knew some staff members had keys that could open it from the outside. Neither of them cared.

Moments later, Eddy had Brett with his back against the only bare wall in the room, making out furiously. The shorter man's hands fumbling with the taller man's shirt buttons even though he still was wearing his suit jacket while feeling the tug of the taller's hands in his hair. Eddy's hands traveled down Brett's body, sliding his jacket down from his shoulders and throwing it towards a chair nearby.

Eddy tore himself away from Brett's lips to be able to mark his neck in purple, listening for Brett's quiet moans of pleasure. The sound of them was more arousing than any dirty movie Eddy had seen, and he loved being the cause of them. His hand moved to cup the front of Brett's trousers, and at that point he had to force his knees to keep him upright. He closed his eyes.  
"Fuck, Eddy..." Brett moaned and put his arms around Eddy's neck to keep himself up. His entire body felt like pleasant little sparks danced on his skin from where Eddy touched him.  
"You like that, hm?" Eddy murred softly in his ear while opening Brett's trousers with one hand. What Eddy really wanted right there and then was to just fuck him senseless, but he knew Brett wouldn't be able to be quiet enough if he did. He decided to please him in another way.

Brett's trousers dropped down to his ancles, exposing his dark red underwear.  
"Mmm you're so hard, aren't you?" Eddy whispered in his ear while painfully slowly unbuttoning Brett's white shirt. He nodded, feeling a blush creep over his cheeks. Fuck, Eddy was moving so slow. He needed him to move quicker, to touch him.

Eddy opened the last button of Brett's shirt and let it slide to each side to reveal his bare stomach and chest. He kissed Brett on the lips before trailing down his neck, his chest, giving his nipple a light flick with his tongue. Brett leaned his head back, hands tangling into Eddy's soft hair. Eddy moved down to his knees in front of him, kissing just above the waistband of his shorts before grabbing the elastic of it with his teeth. He let it go and it snapped back and Brett whimpered.  
"Eddy, p...please..." he gasped, and looked down at Eddy who looking back up at him with lustful eyes. Just the sight made Brett moan again.  
Eddy grabbed the elastic wuth his teeth once more and this time he pulled Brett's shorts down.

Brett's eyes rolled back when Eddy closed his lips softly around him. He had never experienced something like that, they had never done it like this before. He noticed his hands were still in Eddy's hair when he yanked it hard and felt the pain in his finger. He didn't care much about that, because he had never felt this good before ever. Eddy moaned, still with Brett in his mouth, which in turn caused Brett to groan in pleasure.

"Fuck, Eddy, shit yes oh my god fff..." He froze when he heard someone pull the door handle followed by a tiny knock. Brett didn't know if he should answer or what he should do. Eddy looked up at him with a cheeky expression, expecting him to answer. Brett felt the intense feeling of deja vu at this scenario.  
"Eddy? Brett? You there?" they heard Victoria's voice outside the door. Shit, they were supposed to mingle with the audience now. Brett spent some time, considering whether he'd find his voice or not if he tried to reply. Eddy stopped what he was doing, silently demanding Brett reply before he'd continue. Brett pleaded with his eyes, but Eddy's mind was set.  
"Y... Yeah, we're h... here", Brett replied, inhaling sharply after the last word as Eddy took him in again. He felt so close to blowing his load, and he tried to tell Eddy but felt unable to form words. He yanked his hair hard again and choked back a moan.  
"You guys coming to meet the audience? There are people who want to congratulate you." Victoria's voice was worried, but Brett wasn't able to care as he groaned slightly louder than planned and blew into Eddy's mouth, who swallowed while trying not to make a face. This was new to him too.

Brett sunk down against the wall, completely out of breath, and Eddy took it upon himself to reply.  
"We'll be there in a sec, just freshening up", he said as if he hadn't just had Brett's dick in his mouth.  
Brett looked at Eddy with dazed eyes, noticing the tent in his dress pants.  
"You sure you're up for it?" Victoria was definitely concerned, not realizing what could take them so long.  
Eddy was about to reply, when he felt Brett's hand on his boner, and the word he was trying to form turned into a gasp instead. Brett smiled slyly at him and pulling him over to sit between his legs with his back resting against him.  
"Revenge time", Brett whispered in his ear while undoing his trousers.  
"Y... Yeah, just a few minutes." Eddy took advantage of the slight break in touching needed to remove his trousers.  
"Alrighty then, be quick boys", Victoria said, stepping away from the wardrobe. Brett slid his hand inside Eddy's boxers and rubbed his fingers teasingly light over Eddy's hard member.  
"Fuck, she said we had to hurry", Eddy complained, leaning his head back on Brett's shoulder.  
"I'm sure you won't last that long, no worries", Brett grinned and touched his lips against Eddy's neck, msrking him similarly as he had been marked earlier, much to Eddy's pleasure.


	83. Chapter 83

After Eddy came and both found their breath again, they began hurriedly cleaning up and getting properly dressed again. Brett wasn't really in the mood to mingle with people after that, he just wanted to cuddle up with Eddy in their couch. He knew they couldn't do that, though.

"How do I look?" Eddy said as he closed his suit jacket. Brett turned to look at him, still struggling with his shirt buttons.  
"Absolutely gorgeous", Brett replied in a serious tone, even though he knew that wasn't the answer Eddy was after.  
"I mean, does it look like I just gave my boyfriend a blowjob?" Eddy said, challenging him with his eyes. Brett felt the blush creep over his cheeks, and he swallowed hard, stuttering at he replied.  
"Uh, I mean, except from the... hickey..." Eddy turned to the mirror and inspected it. A very obvious purple mark had formed on his neck, peeking up just beneath his collar. He swore quietly to himself.  
"Dude, how do you expect me to hide this?" Eddy complained, turning to Brett who was smiling cheekily at him.  
"Do you need to hide it, though?" he replied and stepped over so he could whisper in Eddy's ear. "You can just show everyone you belong to me, you know..."  
Eddy shivered at how incredibly hot Brett's voice was when he was almost whispering, and the hot breath on his ear didn't help.  
"Mmm... people will know what we did, though..." Eddy mumbled, and began buttoning Brett's shirt for him. Brett looked down at Eddy's long fingers as they moved from the lowest button he hadn't buttoned yet and up.  
"So?" he said while tilting his head up to look at Eddy again. "I don't mind people knowing I love your body as well." The taller of the two had a smile playing on his lips. He loved hearing Brett saying things like that.  
"Alright, but I'm blaming you if anyone comments on it", he mumbled as he buttoned the second to last button of Brett's shirt. "Do you want the top one open? I think I am leaving mine open."  
"Yeah, thanks", Brett replied and tiptoed to give Eddy a peck on the lips. "Let's head out then."

To say that Eddy was conscious about the bright purple mark on his neck would be the understatement of the year. Nobody had commented on it, but he felt like everyone was staring at it. He stayed close to Brett throughout the whole mingling process, and jumped ten meters straight up when Victoria tapped him on the shoulder.  
"There you are! What have you been...? Ohhhhh..." She held a hand in front of her mouth to prevent herself from giggling out loud when she spotted it. "Oh no, did I interrupt...? Ohhhh nooo!" Eddy tried to shush her, but it didn't really work as she couldn't contain her laughter anymore. Eddy shot Brett a glare, but he just grinned up at him.  
"I told you people would see it", he whispered desperately at Brett, feeling his cheeks light up, but the response was just a playful poke on his arm.  
"I knew they could, I just said I didn't mind." Victoria made an attempt to hold back her giggles at Brett's reply, but Eddy wasn't really amused anymore and Victoria was picking up on it.  
"I have some makeup in my case, if you want some coverage?" she suggested to Eddy, wiping a tear from all the laughing. This is when Brett realized what was going on. Eddy nodded.  
"Yeah, that would actually... yeah", Eddy replied quietly, and went with Victoria to the backstage area, leaving Brett to mingle on his own. Brett watched them leave, and stood there with an empty feeling in his stomach.

_Well done Bretty boy, making him feel humiliated in public. What a GREAT boyfriend you are._

He blinked twice to try and force himself to move from being trapped inside his own head to come back to the real word. A small group of people approached him and tried to make conversation with him, and while he was able to answer their questions and seem like a normal human being, he didn't feel like he was mentally there anymore. He had really made Eddy that uncomfortable. One of the guys in the group shook his hand, and he could feel the sting in his finger as he did so, but he didn't really care at this point. The chatter of the people around him disappeared into just background noise immediately after they left him.

_You just had to ruin that nice moment, didn't you? You can't do anything right._


	84. Chapter 84

Brett quickly spotted the slightly lighter patch on Eddy's neck when he and Victoria returned, it obviously, from the colour of it, being Victoria's foundation. He really tried not to think about that it very likely was Victoria who applied it, to not be jealous of her being so close to Eddy. He would have succeded too, if it wasn't for the voice sneaking up on him again, ruining any chance of rational thinking.

_He probably liked the intimacy of having make-up applied by her on his neck, don't you think?_

"Hey, she fixed it", Eddy said, giving Victoria a pat on the shoulder. "A proper life-saver, don't you think?" He was asking Brett, but was looking at Victoria.  
"Yeah, a life-saver", Brett echoed Eddy, trying to force himself to focus on keeping afloat. He smiled at them, feeling like it was forced, but hoping it looked real.  
"Most people seem to be heading out, though, maybe you guys would want to hang out a bit closer to the entrance?" Victoria suggested to the two, seeing as they had been gone for most of the mingling after the concert. Eddy agreed enthusiastically and the group went to talk to the last couple of people, Brett dragging his feet along a few steps behind the ither two.  
 _Because anything she suggests is a good idea, right? Eddy seems to think so._

When they finally got back to their wardrobe around 45 minutes later, Brett wasn't sure how long he would be able to keep it together anymore. The last thing he wanted was to break down in front of Eddy, making everything about himself again. He hoped Eddy hadn't picked up on it yet, but he knew it was only a question of time. Maybe he could get a shower to himself when they got back to the hotel? Would that be enough to keep him going, though?

"There were sooo many people", Eddy sighed when they closed the wardrobe door behind them. "Stresses me out." Brett kept his face away from Eddy in an attempt to hide the emotions passing over his face.  
"Yeah, that's... really stressing me out too", Brett mumbled, his voice cracking at the end of the sentence. It wasn't what bothered him the most, but everything was just too much for him with the voice and the guilt and all that. Eddy, of course, immediately noticed the change in Brett's voice and almost ran over to comfort him.  
"Bretty mine..." Eddy half whispered, wrapping his arms around Brett just as tears started streaming down his cheeks. He hid his face on Eddy's chest, and the taller man kissed the top of his head. "Shh, it's okay. No more people today, okay? Just me. It's fine." In a way, Brett felt relieved that Eddy hadn't understood why he really was crying at this point, but at the same time he felt bad for keeping it from him.   
_As you should._  
"It's fine, it's gonna be fine, love." Eddy took Brett's soft face between his hands and wiped a tear with his thumb. Brett's eyes flickered from Eddy's worried, caring eyes to the slightly paler patch on his neck.  
 _He's ashamed to be with you._ _You don't deserve him._

"Bretty... is it just the stressful people? Or is it...?" Eddy ended the question before he could complete it, as he realized where Brett's eyes were flickering to. "What is it, Brett? Talk to me, please", Eddy said softly, letting Brett's face go and instead taking his left hand in his.  
"It's... it's nothing... I'm fine... I'm sorry..." Brett sobbed, taking off his glasses with his available hand and wiping his tears with the back of it. Eddy's heart broke in a thousand pieces at the sight unfolding in front of him.  
"Please, Brett, just talk to me." He felt so helpless, watching his boyfriend break down in front of him and refusing to tell him what it was. "Is it something I did? Please, I'll do anything..."


	85. Chapter 85

Brett hadn't been able to tell him what was wrong. It felt like someone turned his vocal cords off and removed all of his vocabulary. Eddy had wrapped his arms around him again, holding the shaking man tightly.  
 _You don't deserve to be held like this, he's just with you at all because he feels bad for you. You're taking up too much space, Brett._

Eddy could tell Brett's brain wasn't being friendly simply by following his increase and decrease of shaking. He wanted to make it better, but Brett wouldn't talk to him. Eddy was going through anything he had done and said to Brett ever in his head. It felt like he had done something wrong, but he couldn't think of anything recent that could cause the breakdown.  
"Please tell me what I did, Brett. Please", Eddy whispered into Brett's hair, fighting to not cry as well.

Brett let the hug go and tried to wipe his tears and collect himself, listening to the voice telling him to stop making Eddy feel bad.  
"You didn't do anything, it's just... My brain and just everything..." Brett said in a weak voice, forcing himself to meet Eddy's worried eyes.  
"You... I mean, you... You were so happy when we got off stage, and even when we... But then suddenly? I don't understand, Brett. I want to help you, I just don't know how." Eddy's voice got weaker at the last part as he struggled to keep himself from crying, failing to keep back a single sob.

_Look what you did, Brett, you absolute moron. Did you hear that sob? Do you see that tear? You are hurting him._

"Please let me help you", Eddy whispered, wiping the single tear from his cheek with his palm. He had to be strong for Brett when he needed him.  
"You are helping me, I'm just... I always make things about me and I... I don't mean to, I just... All I do is make you worry and hurt you and you deserve better than... than this." He gestured towards himself with shaky hands. Eddy carefully pulled him into another hug, as if Brett would break if he wasn't careful.  
"This is going to sound a bit cliché, but I don't care what I deserve or don't deserve, I just want you, okay?" Eddy's voice was calm, but his desperation to help Brett was bleeding through.  
"I'm sorry for making it about me again", Brett mumbled into Eddy's chest and wrapped his arms around Eddy's waist, his breathing slowly calming down. The voice couldn't argue with Eddy in the same way as it could argue with Brett.  
"My WORLD is about you, Brett. Do I not tell you that often enough? Everything I do is about you in one way or another, and I wouldn't want it any other way, okay? I freaking love you, alright?" Brett felt a tiny smile form on his face, but he hid it on Eddt's chest while the blush creeped over his face.  
"I love you too", Brett said in a tiny voice, feeling more embarrassed than anything else about the breakdown by this point. Should probably try and avoid that in the future.


	86. Chapter 86

They had somehow made it back to the hotel, even though Brett really didn't have any proper recollection of how that had happened. He had just latched onto Eddy, who guided him through the rain and the people. He felt Eddy's mood change as they passed the pavilion in the park, only then realizing the route they took back.

Eddy decided to pass the pavilion, to prove both to Brett and to himself he was fine. Turned out, he wasn't really fine. He wasn't really ready for that, and still he powered through the park, doing his best to avoid seeing the lamp post he had his back against that night. They made it through the park without Eddy crying, but he would never tell or show Brett how close he was. He had to be strong for Brett.

Both were soaked by the time they got to the hotel, and they almost had to peel their clothes off to hang them up to dry. Brett noticed the foundation on Eddy's neck still pretty much intact and felt his stomach twist at the sight of it. He looked away while slowly unbuttoning his own white shirt, trying to keep himself and his mind busy. To not think. The silence in the room made it hard for him, and his brain went into overdrive.

But before the voice could formulate anything mean to say him, Eddy had taken over the unbuttoning og Brett's shirt, and Brett noticed how shaky his own hands were.  
"Let me help you, yeah?" Eddy mumbled, standing closer than he needed, and Brett let his shaky hands drop to his sides. He noticed Eddy had already gotten his own shirt off, and while it was hard not to stare, he just wasn't feeling it like he had just a few hours earlier.

"I'm sorry for earlier", Brett mumbled as Eddy slid his shirt down from his shoulders and the cool air in the room hit him.  
"You don't have to apologize to me, Brett. You were obviously distressed." Eddy brought Brett's shirt to the bathroom to hang it to dry. Brett didn't move from his spot on the floor. He could feel his emotions melt off him and disappear and let out a sigh, not really sure if it was relief or distress.  
Eddy reappeared from the bathroom and stepped into the room, still a bit stressed from the walk through the park he brought upon himself. He didn't want to worry Brett, but all he wanted was to cry.  
"You're right, I was distressed", Brett said after too much time had passed for it to feel like it belonged to the conversation they were having. He unbuttoned his trousers and let them fall to the floor before sitting down on the bed. It was soft and inviting, almost begging Brett to just go to sleep and put this exhausting day behind him.  
"I'm sorry I couldn't help you feel less distressed", Eddy replied, copying Brett's actions and sitting down on the other side of the bed, their backs towards each other. "I worry it's something I did that you won't tell me what is, and it's eating me up."  
Brett sighed and grabbed his pillow to hug it against his chest to provide comfort for himself. He didn't want to bother Eddy.  
"It's just me who's overreacting to stupid things", Brett mumbled, staring at the corner of the night stand to keep himself focused on something other than the voice trying to force it's way through.  
"What did you overreact to, then?", Eddy said quietly, knowing in the back of his head it must have been something he did or said and he could feel the guilt bubbling in his stomach.  
"The... The foundation", Brett mumbled hesitantly, and Eddy moved his hand to touch the slightly lighter patch on his skin.  
"What about it?" Eddy asked, fighting to keep his voice steady. Brett heard the change of tone in Eddy's voice and hugged the pillow in his lap tighter.  
"Just... It's stupid, but both that I made you uncomfortable... making the... the hickey... so it would show? But also... I mean, it's stupid, I'm just overreacting and I know it's stupid, but..." He hesitated for a second, trying to stop himself from rambling. "It felt like you were embarrassed of being with me when you covered it up."

The silence in the room was deafening after the words had been spoken. Eddy didn't really know what to say or do at this point. He felt awful about the fact that the thought could even cross Brett's mind.  
" I don't know what to say. That's not how it is, at least", Eddy mumbled, not really daring to turn around to look at Brett. "I just felt it was inappropriate to show it at the concert hall. I'm sorry I was the cause of your breakdown." He sniffled before a sob escaped and his voice broke as he continued. "That's not how it's supposed to be, I'm sorry."

Brett regretted telling him. He didn't need the voice in his head to tell him it was stupid, because it was just him overreacting to nothing.  
He put the pillow aside to crawl over the bed to be able to hold Eddy. His arms snaked around Eddy's waist and he hugged him just as tightly as he did the pillow.  
"I just overreacted, you didn't do anything", he tried to explain, but Eddy's sobs in his arms told him he wasn't convinced. "Please Eddy, I don't want you to cry. Please." Eddy leaned his head back on Brett's chest, unable to stop his tears.  
"I just wish I could be good for you instead of dragging you further down, you know?" Eddy sniffled, trying to wipe his still running tears. Brett moved to sit better on his knees behind Eddy, still with his arms tightly around him. He kissed the top of his head.  
"Honestly, if you want to know, you make me feel better. It just seems like I'm getting worse because you see more of it, I think", Brett mumbled into Eddy's hair.  
"What do you mean?" Eddy asked, turning slightly so he could see Brett's face.  
"I spent most days in bed", Brett said, not sure how to explain. "Unless you came around, I just didn't do anything. Everything felt too exhausting. You are kindof the sun that heats me up from hibernation, if that even makes sense?"  
"It does", Eddy mumbled, wiping the last of his tears and crawling into bed to hug Brett better. "I love you Brett, but it's so hard to help you when I don't know what you're thinking."  
"I'll try and be better, promise", Brett mumbled as the hug tightened. "I love you too."


	87. Chapter 87

Brett had quietly snuck out of bed, careful not to wake Eddy, and went out into town following the route his phone provided for him to the other side of the small park with the pond and to a small shopping centre. There wasn't much happening in his mind, really, as the draining of his emotions was still in effect, but he knew he needed to do this as soon as possible. He was just glad the voice had left him alone for once.

After spending nearly an hour in there, he walked out of the relatively small shopping centre, finding himself in a tiny square between what seemed like the local library and the shopping centre. He sat down on a bench and watched the people around him. A group of kids were playing Pokémon Go, which made him think of Eddy, which in turn made him stick his hand in his pocket to touch the silky box in his pocket. He hoped he had chosen the right one, that Eddy would like it. The wind was cold, but the sun was almost peaking through the clouds now.

When Brett returned to the hotel, Eddy was practicing. Brett caught himself just standing around by the door and listen for a while until Eddy stopped and turned to look at him.  
"Hey", he said softly, a small smile forming on his lips at the sight of Brett's rosy cheeks from being out in the wind. "Where've you been?"  
Brett instinctively stuck his hand in his pocket to check that the silky little box was still there, but he had decided now was not the time. Instead he slowly started taking his jacket off and hung it in the wardrobe.  
"Just... out for a walk. Fresh air and all", he replied, not really lying but not really telling the truth either. He had been walking outside, and he even took a longer route than nescessary to get back to the hotel simply because he felt like it.  
"That's good then. Got a bit worried when I woke up and you weren't here", Eddy said while putting away his violin before walking over and giving Brett a hug. Brett gladly hugged back.  
"You don't have to worry about me, I'm fine Eddy", Brett said, truthfully. He wasn't really able to feel fine or not fine with his state of mind, so saying he was fine was equally as true as saying he wasn't. He somewhat tilted towards fine, though, thoughts drifting over to the silky box in the pocket of his jacket.

Brett knew it was weird to think about proposing to Eddy when both of them were so emotionally unstable, but after their converstation last night he just wanted to formally let Eddy know he'd deal with anything for him.  
The day had passed with the two of them mostly doing their own thing, Eddy mostly practicing or taking a break from practicing. Brett was mostly reading through some scores on his laptop, sometimes sneaking glances over at Eddy's concentrated face, feeling the butterflies rummage around in his stomach. He really thought they had worked through what happened last night, that things would be better moving forward.


	88. Chapter 88

"Wanna take a walk with me?" Brett asked Eddy the next day, feeling his palms sweat from nervousness. He tried not to let it show, not to let Eddy know that he had something special planned. Eddy looked up from his phone and smiled the tiniest smile at him as if he wasn't sure how else to react.  
"Uh, sure", he said, looking like he was trying to figure out what Brett was up to. "Just gotta get dressed properly first", he said, gesturing to the sweatpants he was currently wearing before grabbing some clothes and disappearing into the bathroom.

Brett sat down on their bed, fumbling nervously with the sleeve of his jacket. He was really going to ask Eddy to marry him, it was really happening. He took a deep breath and tried to calm his heartrate to a semi normal level. The silky box rested heavily in his pocket, making him nervous simply by being there. Would Eddy even like it? He supposed they could change it for something else if he didn't, as he hadn't had any engraving done on it, but he had been so sure when he picked it. How could Eddy possibly refuse it?

Eddy finally came out of the bathroom, and the two boys went out for their walk. It took them past Bryggen, the old buildings creaking in the light wind. They stopped for ice cream at a kiosk, Brett treating the two of them to one each and enjoying it while the light breeze from the sea ruffled their hair. They went into an old castle garden, and Brett couldn't help but feel excited when he saw the beautiful grass lawns with flowers and old trees. It was the perfect place.

They sat down on a bench under a large, old oak, overseeing some ruins of something they didn't know what was. Brett felt in his pocket just to double check that the box was still there. It was, and it was making him nervous again. He looked over at Eddy's calm, beautiful face, thinking about lucky he was. He spotted the fading hickey on his neck and smiled a bit to himself. The mark that had crushed him and made him brave enough to do this. The sun peeked through the clouds, ans he took it as a sign. Now. He'd do it now.

"Brett, I want to talk about something", Eddy said quietly before Brett could even collect his thoughts enough to formulate the kind of little speech he had been preparing in his head since he bought the ring.  
"Okay?" Brett asked, feeling his nerves tighten at the tone of Eddy's voice. He wasn't prepared for Eddy to say anything, and it pushed his bravery back a few notches.  
"I think we should take a break from being boyfriends and go back to just being best friends."

And with that, Brett's heart shattered into a million pieces. He felt dizzy and nauseous, and he struggled to find his voice.  
"Wh... What?" he stuttered, clenching his fist around the silky box in his pocket, now feeling like it mocked him. Like it was the physical form of the voice in his head.  
"I'm sorry, but I think it'll be better for us that way. I worry we're actually drifting apart like this, and I don't want that." The sadness in Eddy's voice was almost as crushing as the words. Brett couldn't make himself cry or anything. He felt like he was being suffocated, like someone had placed a large boulder on his chest.  
"If you really think so, then what can I say", Brett half whispered, his voice refusing to work for him. He pulled his hand out of his pocket, leaving the silky box behind.


	89. Chapter 89

They hadn't really had a conversation after that, neither of them knowing what to say. Today was Thursday, another day of rehearsal with the orchestra, and Brett worked so hard to not listen to Eddy showering, to not think about him. The voice was telling him he was an idiot for thinking about Eddy like that and he agreed with it. The silky box was still resting heavily in the pocket of his jacket, reminding him of how much of an idiot he was.

Eddy fought not to break down into tears in the shower, the empty feeling not letting him go. He missed Brett's arms tightly around his waist, his soft lips, his laugh, his voice. He missed Brett, but it would be better for Brett this way. Eddy knew he was the source of so much of Brett's suffering, of the decline of his mental health, ans he wanted so badly to protect him. Eddy was protecting Brett, not caring how much it was hurting himself.  
Eddy knew he had to get out of the shower, put on some clothes, and face hours of rehearsal. The thought of it made him want to puke. He knew he had brought it upon himself, but it was done out of love. He loved Brett so much, but in his mind he wasn't good for Brett.

The two boys walked in silence together to rehearsal, as usual. As best friends. Both kept their hands in their pockets, and neither moved their gaze from the ground. Brett set the path around the park, avoiding the pavilion he knew would hurt Eddy. His hand was touching the stupid ring box in his pocket, triggering the voice in his brain. He let it happen. He didn't care, he probably deserved it.

The wardobe felt small, way too small. The only bare wall in the room brought back memories Brett wanted to bury. He didn't feel like he deserved such good memories.  
He kept his eyes trained on his case as he unpacked his violin, doing his very best to ignore Eddy's presence in the room.  
Eddy wanted to just run out of there. He could feel Brett's mood like an aura, and it made him feel bad. He tried to tell himself it would be better for Brett, at least in the longer run. When they were able to go back to actually be best friends again.

Brett ignored the concerned looks from Gardner. He ignored the concerned looks from Victoria. He pretty much tried to ignore everything that wasn't the actual music happening around him. Every he played was perfectly in tune, not one single wrong note. The only thing lacking was emotion.  
He wasn't really able to ignore Eddy, no matter how much he wanted to. The voice in his head whipped him every time his gaze moved from his own playing to rest on Eddy for just a bit too long, and he let it. He didn't see any point in fighting it, in getting better.

The break came along, and Brett didn't know where to go. The wardrobe wasn't an option, as Eddy would be there. He ended up just standing around by the stage.  
"Brett?" he heard Victoria's concerned voice behind him.  
"What?" he mumbled, having to clear his throat after as he hadn't really spoken at all that day.  
"What is going on? Are you guys alright?" Victoria lead him to sit on the front row seats of the concert hall, and Brett just let her.  
"Uhm, we... He... broke up... with me?" Brett mumbled, clearing his throat again to avoid crying. He felt his chest tighten as his body tried to force him to cry.  
"Wh.. What?" Victoria said in disbelief. "What the hell is that boy thinking? Oh my god... Are you alright?"  
Brett just shrugged, very obviously not fine. He couldn't talk without crying, so he didn't. He tried to blank out his brain, not really managing anymore when Victoria hugged him tightly.  
"It's okay to cry, Brett", she whispered to him, but he shook his head. It was fine. He was fine. Crying was just a display of weakness, that's what the voice had told him. He had no reason to doubt it anymore.


	90. Chapter 90

Eddy tried desperately to think of something other than Brett's sad eyes. He was sitting in their wardrobe, eyes trained on his phone showing some funny videos he found on YouTube. It was a desperate attempt, and it wasn't working. Everything made him want to show Brett, to laugh with Brett, to hug Brett. He had to constantly remind himself that in the long run, this would be better for Brett. It didn't matter how much he himself was hurting, because maybe if he just didn't have to worry about Eddy, he would have time to focus on his own mental health. Brett was more important. Always.

A light knock on the door snapped him out of his own thoughts and made him aware of a single tear running down his cheek. He wiped it away quickly.  
"Who is it?" he asked out loud, his voice cracking halfway.  
"Victoria", he heard from outside, but the door opened slightly immediately after. "Can I come in?"  
Eddy shrugged, realizing he wouldn't be able to reply without crying. Victoria sat down next to him on the couch.  
"Will you tell me what's going on?" she asked softly, placing a hand gently on his shoulder. "You and Brett are obviously not fine."  
"I'm fine, you should talk to Brett", he said, but choked on tears immediately after the word "fine". He hid his face in his hands and sobbed, not able to hold it back.  
"I did", Victoria sighed, moving her hand to rub his back carefully. "What on earth were you thinking, Eddy?" The last part wasn't really accusatory, but more attempting to understand.  
"H... He's... He'll be better off... Like this..." Eddy sobbed, trying to wipe his own tears and sniffling. "Ever since we... Since we got together... He's been worse, his mental health... And it's got to be because of me? I'm causing it..." Eddy was for the most part rambling at this point, and Victoria pulled him into a hug.  
"Shh, Eddy, who told you that? Did Brett tell you that?"  
Eddy shook his head hard, still being hugged. He hated feeling weak like this, and he could feel his willpower slipping. He just wanted Brett to hug him, no mstter how selfish that would be.  
"Then that's probably not true, Eddy", she sighed, letting the hug go. "Comeon, go talk to him about it. Tell him what you think, I'm sure he'll twll you that you're wrong."  
Again Eddy shook his head hard.  
"Why of course he'll say I'm not causing it, 'cause he's trying to protect me!", Eddy exclaimed through his tears. "He doesn't understand that he'll be better off without me, that I'm doing this to protect him. I just love him so fucking much, alright? I'll do anything to protect him."  
Victoria looked like she wanted to just slap some sense into the boy, but remained calm.  
"Honestly, Eddy, I think you're letting your own mental health cloud your judgement. I hope you'll reconsider it."

And with that, she left the room, leaving Eddy alone with his thoughts for the renainder of the break.


	91. Chapter 91

Brett had gone off immediately after the rehearsal, not wanting to deal with being around Eddy. Everything felt heavy. He didn't care about the rain and the thunder over his head. He wandered to the other side of the small pond they had seen many times before.  
He sunk down on a bench just as the rain picked up its pace. The bench was already wet when he sat down and the cold water was quickly absorbed by his dark jeans. He placed his hands in his pockets and felt the silky box brushing against his fingers.  
 _How stupid you were, thinking he'd ever want to marry you._  
He sighed. It was stupid. Of course that would never happen.  
He took the box out of his pocket and studied it for a second, but just looking at it made him feel sick.

"Did he say no?" a familiar voice asked from next to him on the bench, and he jumped in surprise. He hadn't heard anyone sit down.  
"Oh gosh, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, young man", the sweet old lady who had helped him find Eddy after the concert that time said with a smile.  
"No, I just didn't see you there",Brett said, trying to put his brave face on. "And I never got to ask before he broke up with me." He sighed and moved his gaze back to the stupid box in his hands. It was so tempting to just toss in into the pond, so it would stop mocking him.  
"That's a shame, he's missing out on a great boy", she said and patted his arm assuringly, but Brett just shook his head.  
"I appreciate that you think so, but you've gotten it wrong", he said, pulling some of his rain wet out of his face. "I'm having some... Problems? I don't know how to explain, but I'm just too much for anyone to deal with." He wasn't really sure why he opened up to this lady he didn't know. There was something about her calm and soft presence he just couldn't put his finger on.  
"Oh what nonsense, I've seen you two together." She got up from the bench with her little purse hanging from her arm. "Come on, boy, I'll make you some dinner. You look like you need it."

The next thing Brett knew, he was sitting in the lady's apartment on the fourth floor of a tall apartment complex. Apparently her name was Berit, and she was currently in the kitchen making some kind of thick vegetable soup.  
"Lapskaus is food for your soul", she had said as she placed the large pot on the kitchen table after calling him in from the living room.  
"You're too kind, Berit. Thank you", he said as they sat down. It felt so normal to sit down at her table with her, not awkward like eating at a stranger's house should feel.  
"Oh it was no trouble, you looked like you needed it", she said in her sweet Norwegian accent and took some of the lapskaus onto a plate for him and handed it to him.  
"Still very grateful", he said, taking some of the thick vegetable soup on his spoon and blowing on it so he wouldn't burn himself. He tasted it, and honestly it wasn't bad. A bit bland, but definitely edible. It was hard to get a proper home cooked meal while on tour.

They ate in silence, and Brett was astonished at how filling this food was. He had only had a small bowl, but was completely full.  
"Thank you for the meal, Berit. You were right, I did need it. Let me do the dishes, that's the least I could do", he said, standing up.  
"Aren't you sweet, such a good boy", she said all grandmotherly as he went to the sink with the dishes.

After dinner , Berit offered him some coffee and a few hours later he was still sitting in Berit's living room with the flowery wallpaper and family pictures on the walls. A very grandmotherly house, all in all. He took a sip of the black coffee from the tiny flowery cup and placed it back on the saucer.  
"You know what I think, Brett?", Berit said, putting her cup down on the coffee table. "I think you should talk to him, and if he stays by his decision you take care of yourself first. But if he changes his mind, make sure to make each other strong." Brett nodded, taking another sip of the coffee.  
"I don't think he will change his mind, though. I don't even know what I did wrong..." Brett sighed, but Berit interrupted him.  
"That's what you have to talk about. Communication is the key to both friendships and relationships alike. Take that from a woman who was married for 50 years!"

When Brett walked home from Berit's apartment that night, he felt a lot better, even though nothing had changed. He had promised to come visit her before going back to Australia, and he intended to keep that promise.


	92. Chapter 92

Eddy simply couldn't help it when he found Brett's hoodie on the floor of the hotel room. His intention had been to just throw it onto Brett's suitcase, but when he picked it up he could feel Brett's scent fill the air around him and immediately tears pressed on. He felt like an absolute idiot for missing him, but he simply couldn't help it. He crawled into bed, holding Brett's hoodie close to his chest.

When Brett opened the door to the hotel room around an hour later he found Eddy asleep in their bed, his face partially buried in a hoodie Brett immediately recognized as his own. It took a second before Brett's brain clicked. Maybe he regretted breaking up?  
 _Don't get your hopes up, even if he does regret it you're probably going to fuck it up again pretty soon._

Brett bit his lip when the voice spoke. He tried to conjure some of the bravery Berit had helped him get earlier to allow himself to ignore the voice. He took off his shoes and tiptoed over to Eddy, who seemed to be shivering slightly lying there without any blanket. He considered it for a moment, but reached over and pulled the duvet carefully over him before heading for the shower.

Eddy woke up to the sound of the shower running and humming barely possible to make out. His brain panicked when he realized Brett had come home and likely seen him with the hoodie. That must have been weird, considering they weren't boyfriends anymore. Shit.  
He sat up and realized the duvet was covering him from the waist down. When had he put the duvet on?  
The shower was turned off and Eddy scrambled to fold up the hoodie and put it on Brett's side of the bed, even though he logically knew that wouldn't make sense. Brett had likely seen him with it when he came back. A minute or so later, Brett came out of the bathroom with only sweatpants on. Eddy blushed hard and looked away. He hadn't exactly stopped finding Brett attractive just because he broke up with him.  
"Oh, Eddy, you're awake?" Brett half asked, half stated. "I thought you were sleeping still. I'll get some clothes, sorry." He immediately grabbed the sweater from the bed without thinking twice about it before he had put it on. When he put it on, he realized which sweater it was.  
"Y... Yeah...", Eddy stuttered, moving to sit with his back against the wall and pulling the duvet up to his neck. He still didn't look in Brett's direction, guilt bubbling in the bottom of his stomach.

Brett sat down on his side of the bed, biting his lip. He really wanted to just get the talk done, but he feared for the outcome. What if Eddy decided they couldn't be together? What if he thought he was too pushy and decided they couldn't even be friends anymore?  
"Eddy? Can we talk?", he heard himself say, hands shaking in his lap. He crawled up to sit with his legs crossed on the bed so he could face Eddy.  
Eddy just nodded, his bottom lip trembling slightly. His brain went into a full panic mode, worrying about everything and anything that could possibly come out of Brett's mouth in that moment.  
"I... I don't really know what to say, I just... I'm trying to understand why things turned out like this, because I don't want it to be like this." He looked down at his hands, the still slightly sore right ring finger he had hurt punching Chris.  
Eddy didn't say anything. What could he even say? He really missed Brett a lot, but the tiny voice in the back of his head was truly convinced Brett would be better off like this.  
The next time Brett spoke, his voice was cracking up.  
"I just don't know what I did wrong, I guess? And..."  
"You didn't do anything, Brett", Eddy interrupted quietly, breathing in shakily after the last word. "I only did it because you're better off like this, Brett. I'm obviously making your mental health thing worse, and I don't want that. I want you to be alright."  
Brett pulled a hand through his wet head, trying to think of how to respond. Of course, Eddy had gotten it all wrong, but how could he say that in a way that didn't just seem like he was just saying what Eddy expected to hear?  
"That's... I mean, you've gotten it all wrong, but... but I'm... I'm grateful for the lenghts you're willing to go for me." Brett looked up at Eddy again, seeing his sceptical look. "But it's not really helping me, if I'm honest."

It was quiet for a very long time while Eddy tried to collect his thoughts. Brett sat patiently, waiting for an answer from him. All his instincts told him to hug the confused boy in front of him, but he didn't.  
"I miss you so much, Brett. I'm so sorry", Eddy whispered, tears overflowing at the last part. Brett leaned forward and carefully wiped Eddy's tears, just like he normally would.  
"Shh, it's alright it's alright. Don't cry, Eddy, it's alright." Brett's voice shook as he spoke, and he was fighting the voice in his head. It could not get to ruin this.  
"I don't know how I can stop hurting you, Brett, it seems that's all I do no matter what I do", Eddt sobbed, desperately wanting to bury his face in Brett's chest and forget about everything. He got his wish fulfilled when Brett pulled him into a hug.  
"Listen to me Eddy, you're the reason I'm still here today, okay? You make my life worth living, you're the sun that keeps me warm, alright?" He kissed the top of Eddy's head, just like he normally would. "I love you, okay? Please, let's just go back to being boyfriends and forget about the last few days."  
Eddy nodded, still sobbing into Brett's chest. "I'm so sorry I messed up", he cried, grabbing a fist of Brett's hoodie. "I love you."


	93. Chapter 93

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

The evening became longer than any of them had expected, just holding each other and making sure the other was okay. At some point, Eddy fell asleep clinging onto Brett for dear life while Brett kept himself awake for a while longer just to make sure Eddy actually slept properly before he too fell asleep.

The next morning was concert day, and Brett had woken up long before he needed to. Eddy was still using him partially as a pillow, so he just waited.  
Eddy was so gorgeous when he slept, and Brett couldn't help but run a hand carefully through his soft hair. It was starting to get light in the room, and Brett tried to reach his glasses on the bedside table without waking Eddy.  
"Bretty?" Eddy mumbled, eyes fluttering open. Brett put on his glasses and checked his phone for the time.  
"Shh, it's fine. You can sleep some more if you want", he mumbled back, running his thumb carefully over Eddy's cheekbone.  
"Mmm..." Eddy replied, closing his eyes again. "What time is it?"  
"A bit over seven. Don't have to be up for another two hours", Brett replied, pulling the duvet tigher over them. Eddy moved a bit further up on Brett's chest before settling back down.  
"Could be nice to just spend that time together, though", Eddy mumbled, still half asleep. Brett smiled a bit.  
"I mean, yeah, but you can sleep if you want", Brett said, running his hand through Eddy's hair again before stopping at the back of Eddy's neck and just carefully run his fingertip over the backbone in his neck. Eddy felt goosebumps travel down his arms.  
"Mmmm nah, I'll rather spend time with you", Eddy mumbled before lifting himself up on his arms. "If you don't mind", he added before kissing Brett's soft lips, feeling the light stubble brush against his chin. Brett smiled into the kiss, placing his hand carefully on Eddy's cheek again.  
"Mhm definitly don't mind", Brett mumbled when Eddy pulled back to get a better look at him.  
"Did I mention how sorry I was for breaking up with you? Because I really am", Eddy said, his eyes locked on Brett's. The older boy let out a sigh.  
"You did what you thought would help me, you don't have to apologize for that." He used his thumb and caressed Eddy's cheek softly. "I'm just glad we sorted it out. I missed you so much."

Eddy pressed his lips against Brett's again, with more intensity this time. His hands moved to tangle into Brett's hair, tugging lightly before he moved to kiss down the side of Brett's mouth, down to his jawbone. He followed it to his ear, took his earlobe lightly between his teeth for a second, breathing hot air in his ear.  
"Is this alright?" he whispered shakily, feeling Brett shiver under him.  
"Y...yeah..." Brett whispered, tangling his fingers in Eddy's hair again. "Please."

That was all Eddy needed. He made sure to make a small mark just below Brett's ear before placing butterfly kisses down past his adam's apple and down just over the neckline of his t-shirt. Brett tilted his head back and let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.  
Eddy's hands slid under Brett's t-shirt and pulled it over his head before throwing it to the side. Brett adjusted his glasses so he could see the his hot boyfriend as he went back to placing the butterfly kisses down, down...  
"Fuck, Eddy", Brett whined as Eddy's lips passed his bellybutton on it's way to the waistband of his underwear. Eddy looked up at him with a grin. He loved hearing Brett like that again.

"You're so hot from this angle", Eddy said with a teasing grin, and Brett's cheeks got a brighter shade of pink than they had before.  
"You're hot from every angle", he countered, slightly out of breath from Eddy's treatment. His hands were still tangled into Eddy's hair and he closed his fists hard when Eddy placed his hand firmly on the front of his boxers. He pushed his hips against the hand and let out a groan of pleasure.  
"Holy sh... Oh my god", Brett moaned, and Eddy grinned, pleased with his doing.  
"You like that, yeah?" Eddy said in a low, raspy voice, pressing his hand against him again. Brett just gasped, unable to reply, his hands tugging Eddy closer to him by the hair. Eddy placed a kiss on his lips, still with his hand cupping the front of Brett's boxers.  
"I love you so fucking much", Brett half whispered against Eddy's lips, making eye contact with him through dazed eyes. Eddy's lips curved into one of those butterfly infusing smiles that Brett loved so much.

Brett sat up a bit more in the bed, taking a hold of Eddy's t-shirt and pulling him with him back down into bed, leaning slightly over Eddy now. Eddy loved it when Brett took charge, and felt a shiver go down his spine. Brett's hand slid under his t-shirt, teasingly light dragging his fingers over the soft skin of Eddy's stomach. He leaned down and kissed the faded mark on Eddy's neck from their adventures in the wardrobe, the voice reminding him not to make a new one.  
"Hhhh you're so careful, Brett please..." Eddy whimpered, already quite aroused from causing Brett pleasure earlier, but Brett just grinned at him.  
"I love it when you beg for it", Brett mumbled, sneaking his hand up to Eddy's chest and pinching his nipple lightly.  
"Please, Brett, just have me already... please", Eddy begged as a whimper, wrapping his arms around Brett's neck to pull him down for another kiss. Brett moved his hand to touch Eddy through his underwear, causing the taller boy to arch his back and roll his eyes back. Brett grinned and placed another kiss on his neck on the spot just where his neck and his shoulder met, where he knew Eddy loved it.  
"Jesus, Brett, just fuck me already!" Eddy exclaimed, and Brett was more than willing to fulfill his wishes.  
  



	94. Chapter 94

The two snapped out of their cuddling when Brett's alarm went off.  
"Nooo", Eddy whined, pulling Brett's naked body closer.  
"Gotta go to rehearsal, love", Brett sighed and leaned up to kiss Eddy's cheek. He would much rather like to just stay in bed and snuggle into Eddy's chest, but they had to go. Their last concert was tonight and then they could do whatever they wanted for a week.  
"Shower with me, then?" Eddy pleaded, leaning down to touch Brett's lips with his as a way of persuading him. Brett smiled against Eddy's lips.  
"Alright, but no messing around, we really have to go to rehearsal."

Eddy couldn't help but stare as the warm water ran down Brett's naked body, following every curve of every muscle, making him look almost ethereal, like some kind of water elf.  
"I'm not one hundred percent sure, without my glasses and all, but I think you need to close your mouth", Brett joked, poking Eddy's arm lightly as he spoke. Eddy's felt a blush creep over his cheeks, realizing he had been caught staring.  
"I can't help it, you're too beautiful", Eddy mumbled. He wrapped his arms around the smaller man, who tiptoed to kiss him quickly.  
"We really gotta get ready for rehearsal", he said, trying to focus on Eddy's eyes. He reached to grab the nearest shampoo. "Here, let me soap in your hair."

Eddy almost fell asleep as Brett's careful fingers massaged his head, getting the vaguely scented shampoo probably into his hair. He just wanted to stay at the hotel woth Brett forever, but he knew he couldn't.  
After Eddy had his shampoo all rinsed out, it was Brett's turn to feel Eddy's long fingers on his scalp. It felt nice, like a head massage.  
"I love you so much", he mumbled, all sleepy from the shampooing and the constant white noise of the rain hitting the tiled bathroom floor.  
Eddy smiled and let Brett rinse his hair out.  
"I love you too."

Once they had dried off, they immediately got into their matching suits. Neither bothered to change before the concert. Brett was in front of the mirror, trying to get his tie to hang straight, but it seemed it just wouldn't. Something red caught his eye, and he turned slightly to see what it was. And angry red mark, soon fading to purple just below his ear.  
 _Everyone's gonna see you had sex._  
Brett frowned when the voice spoke. He did not need that right now.  
"Yeah, and everyone's gonna see I belong to Eddy, so shut up", he answered the voice under his breath, causing Eddy to turn to him.  
"Did you say something?" he asked as he attempted to make a nice knot on his own tie, but Brett shook his head.  
"Nah, nothing. Let me help you with that, though", he said, taking a hold of Eddy's tie and making the same tie knot as he had on his own. Eddy looked down at his elegant hand as they loved.  
"Thanks, love", he smiled, kissing his forehead. "Your knots always look better than mine."

They walked hand in hand to the concert hall, around the park, meeting Victoria on the way.  
"Hey boys! Ohh you look so much better today, I'm glad you sorted it out." She gave them a quick hug each, noticing the now purple mark just below Brett's ear as she did so. She snickered.  
"Your turn to borrow some makeup today, Brett?" she joked, playfully boxing his arm. He just grinned back.  
"Nah, I'm good actually", he said, turning to Eddy, who looked redder than a tomato at this point knowing that it was obvious to anyone who knew them who made that mark. "If you think it's fine I don't cover it, of course."  
Eddy shrugged. "Nah, I mean, it's fine by me, if you don't think it's too much, I mean..." Brett tiptoed up to kiss his cheek in an attempt to stop Eddy's rambling.  
"I wear it proudly", he said with a wide smile, and Victoria laughed a bit.  
"You guys are so cheesy", she snickered. "We have to go to rehearsal, lover boys."

Dress rehearsal went alright, except Eddy kept staring at Brett's little mark, feeling the butterflies in the bottom of his stomach from the memories it brought up. Brett of course noticed, and sent him a sly smirk, knowing what Eddy was thinking about.

The break before the concert was spent actually socializing with the orchestra for once, but Eddy had real problems keeping his hands to himself as the hung out in the concert hall's canteen neither of them knew excisted before now, even though this was where most of the musicians spent their break. Most had brought packed lunch, something the duo hadn't really even considered, but the canteen also had some kind of sandwiches they happily had.

They sat down at a table along with Victoria, and soon the table was filled up with various players who wanted to talk to the mysterious soloists neither of them really had a chance to talk to yet. Eddy's hand was resting on Brett's thigh under the table, possibly a bit higher than what would be appropriate if anyone saw. Brett was very aware, and worked hard not to let it affect him.  
"So, you're the duo", a massive teddy bear of a guy said as he sat down on the chair just across from them. His smile was friendly, and his general vibe was that of a kind uncle. "Nice to meet you, I'm the tuba player", he said, holding out a hand that was way larger than either of their hands. Brett took it and shook it slightly.  
"Nice to meet you, yes we're the duo", he said with a polite laugh. Eddy took the large man's hand as well, but didn't say much. His other hand was still resting heavily on Brett's thigh, and in the process of shaking the tubaist's hand, he 'accidentally' moved it higher up. Brett inhaled a bit heavier than he normally would, but quickly regained his posture. That was, on the surface at least.


	95. Chapter 95

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

The large man had so much to say, and while Brett was able to answer politely to the questions he had, Eddy was getting more daring. His hand was only centimeters from touching a place that should only be touched in private, and Brett was really struggling now.  
"I think I want to go through a few parts of the pieces, if you don't mind", Eddy suddenly said with the most innocent voice Brett had ever heard while standing up. "Will you join me, Brett?" Eddy placed a hand on Brett's shoulder, awaiting a reply. He knew the reply, though.

A few moments later, they were walking towards their wardrobe again through one of the many empty corridors in Grieghallen.  
"You know, that was really mean", Brett said, taking a hold of Eddy's hand. Eddy just grinned innocently.  
"I have no idea what you're talking about", he said, trying to sound like he was telling the truth, but ended up overdoing it. He tried to suppress a laugh, failing miserably.

Just as they rounded a corner, Brett had waited long enough and pulled Eddy with him behind one of the large round concrete pillars and kissed him passionately. Eddy couldn't help but smile against Brett's lips as the smaller man pushed him gently against the concrete.  
"I thought we just did this..." Eddy teased in a moment's break from the intense kiss. Brett scoffed at Eddy's playful tone.  
"Yeah, that was fine until you couldn't keep your hands to yourself", Brett said before attacking Eddy's neck with kisses, careful not to leave a mark. The taller boy exhaled heavily.  
"What can I say?" he mumbled through heavy breathing. "It was just so tempting."  
Brett's hand slid down Eddy's chest, down his stomach. He could feel Eddy tense up mire the further down his hand travelled, and he couldn't help the vengeful smile forming on his lips.

Moments later, steps from around the corner could be heard, and Brett pushed them into the small corner behind the pillar so they would be hidden from anyone walking past. He made a sign for Eddy to be quiet and got a quick nod as a response. What Brett didn't do, though, was to move his hand from it's position around Eddy's belt.  
The steps moved closer, and Eddy could feel the adrenaline pumping. He made eye contact with Brett, but immediately realized the situation he was in. Ohhhh shit.  
Brett's hand slid painfully slowly further down, and Eddy had to place a jand firmly over his mouth to keep himself from making a noise. He could feel his knees shaking, and just as the steps moved past the pillar Brett stroked so insanely lightly over the front of Eddy's dress trousers. A tiny choked and muffled moan escaped Eddy's lips as he tried to keep himself from pushing his hips against Brett's hand. "Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit", Eddy repeated over and over in his head, both from pleasure and from the stress of possibly getting caught.  
Luckily, the steps continued moving past until they heard the door at the end of the corridor open and close.  
"Shit Brett", Eddy exclaimed once he was certain they were alone again, and Brett just grinned at him.  
"Let's head to the wardrobe, yeah?"


	96. Chapter 96

_Keep_ _him_ _happy and satisfied, show him how much you love him. What you want doesn't matter. Be better for him. Don't screw it up again._  
Eddy kept repeating it in his head, desperate for it to work. He had of course enjoyed the session in the wardrobe with Brett, loved seeing Brett's satisfied smile and pink stained cheeks when they were done. The problem was: What now? They couldn't constantly have sex, obviously, but Eddy didn't know how else he could prove to Brett how much he loved him.  
 _Don't screw it up again. What you want doesn't matter. Keep him happy._

They were still trying to get put back together when Brett felt a pair of strong arms sneak around his waist and a soft kiss on his neck. Eddy rested his chin on Brett's shoulder, just holding him. Brett leaned his head back, resting it on the taller boy's shoulder.  
"How long until the concert?" he asked as a mumble, closing his eyes. This felt nice.  
"A bit over an hour", Eddy replied, turning his head to kiss Brett's cheek. "No need to stress yet."  
"I love you, Eddy. It'll be great to just see Bergen with you when we're done with the concert."  
"I love you too", Eddy replied, holding Brett tighter. Brett placed his hands over Eddy's, caressing the top of his hand with his thumb.

"Half an hour until showtime!" a female voice said outside their door after knocking once. Brett opened his eyes and moved out of Eddy's comfortable embrace.  
"Gotta warm up then, and you know, actually get dressed again." The last part was added with a grin, and Eddys cheeks got slightly pinker. "Don't think we've done it two times in such a short time before." Eddy shrugged and pulled a hand through his hair.  
"I mean, it was just so tempting?" he mumbled, sounding more like he was asking a question. "And you seemed to like it, so...?"  
Brett laughed a bit while grabbing his jacket from a chair. "Oh yeah, I liked it. Why would I not when you're so good at it?" Eddy nodded mostly to himself and found his own jacket on the floor next to the couch. Brett had liked it, which was important. Brett was important.  
Eddy was dragged out of his thoughts by the sound of Brett tuning his violin, and he scurried to get his own violin out and ready. _Get it together, for Brett. Play well for Brett. Play for Brett_.

Standing backstage the last two minutes before going in stage was always the worst. Eddy was pacing back and forth, while Brett tried to get his sweaty palms a bit less sweaty. Last concert today, the concert hall was filled to the brim, critics confirmed in the audience. Everything that one could possibly be nervous about was happening.  
"Bretty?" Brett heard behind him, now a lot closer than the last time he had looked at Eddy. He quickly turned around.  
"Yes, love?" he said, looking up at Eddy's intense eyes.  
"I love you so much, you know that?" he said, giving him a quick kiss. "You know that, right?"  
Brett smiled at him and reached up to move one stray hair from his forehead.  
"Of course I know that. I love you t..."  
"And you're going to sound great on stage today, like you always do", Eddy interrupted before he could finish, still with the intense eyes locked on his. Brett furrowed his brows.  
"You will too, Eddy", he said, a bit more wary now. Something felt off about Eddy, and Brett didn't know what to make of it.  
"I hope so", Eddy said, quieter than before before kissing Brett again, softer this time.  
"It's time", a crew member informed them, and the two broke away and headed for the stage.


	97. Chapter 97

The concert went great. Eddy's concentration was completely on Brett, making sure to match every little tempo change, every dynamic, every hint of rubato while Brett poured his love for Eddy into every note. The orchestra seemed to sense their passion and matched them, and everything combined made this the best concert they had played.

Backstage with the orchestra was fantastic with champagne and hugs and celebration. Brett kept his arm firmly around Eddy's waist, which Eddy thought was nice, but felt as a very public move. He didn't say anything. If Brett wanted it, then that's all that mattered.  
"Congratulations, you two! I must say, you made those planks sound great!", the large tuba man joked, patting Eddy on the shoulder.  
"Thank you! Your solo in there sounded amazing as well!" Brett replied with a large smile.  
"Cheers, boys!" he said, holding up his glass and clinking it against theirs before leaving them to talk to someone else, not wanting to hog their attention.

"Bretty?" Eddy mumbled into Brett's ear after a few hours of first hanging out with the audience and then with the orchestra. Brett nodded, knowing what Eddy was going to ask. He was ready to go back to the hotel soon too, feeling tired from all the socialising. He hadn't had much time to think about Eddy's weird behavior before they went on stage, but he hadn't really noticed anything when they got off stage. Maybe he was just nervous? It was a big concert after all. Probably nothing to worry about.

They had said goodbye to the orchestra, promising to come to one of their concerts the following week and the two were finally on their way to the hotel.  
"You played so well today", Eddy said to his boyfriend, placing a kiss on the side of his head as they walked, ignoring any people who could possibly care what they did. Brett smiled up at him as they passed the statue of Edvard Grieg outside Grieghallen.  
"You too, I don't think we've ever sounded so good together, honestly." Eddy let out a mental sigh of relief, happy that Brett was satisfied with his playing.  
"That's all because you're so amazing, you know", Eddy said in a flirty tone, moving the two of them into an embrace and kissing Brett tenderly. Brett giggled a bit into the kiss, feeling his cheeks heat up as people passed them on the sidewalk.

"Hei homser!" (Hey gays!), they heard from across the street, from a group of teenagers who certainly didn't sound friendly. Brett flinched and pulled away from Eddy.  
"What?" Brett asked, trying to sound like he wasn't affected by their threatening appearance. The boys laughed at them.  
"Fucking faggots, do you understand me now, huh?" he yelled over the road with the same kind of nasty grin as Chris had just before Brett had punched him. Brett did not feel like testing his luck again.  
"Leave us alone, look away if you don't like it", Eddy shot back at them, ignoring Brett's tugging of his sleeve and soft pleas of just leaving.  
"What did you say?!" the guy who seemed to be the leader of this nasty hyena gang said and signalled to the rest of the group to cross the street. Brett made a last attempt at pulling Eddy's sleeve, his voice failing him. Eddy had realized his mistake by now too, and was frozen like a deer caught in the headlights. Shit.

"Kom igjen, beveg dere videre gutta. Dere er bedre enn dette" (Come on, move along boys. You are better than this), a familiar voice said from a bit down the street, and the boys turned to the massive man who came walking down the street with a proportionally tiny tuba strapped to his back.  
"Fuck off gammer'n!" (Fuck off old man!) one of the other boys yelled at the tubaist, but he just laughed at them.  
"Kom dere av gårde" (Move along), he said a bit more sternly as he approached Brett and Eddy, standing with their backs almost pressed to a shop window of what seemed like a closed flower shop. Incredibly, the hyena gang did what he said, and the tuba man stood with them until they had disappeared from sight.  
"Are you two alright?" he asked in his Norwegian accent, eyeing them up. "Those boys were drunk and stupid, don't let it affect you."  
"Th.. Thank you", Eddy stuttered out when he finally regained control over himself. Brett still hadn't found his voice back.  
"Don't worry about it boys, be safe. We need good plank players like you."


	98. Chapter 98

After the tuba player had left, who they after a short chat learned was called Knut, they went on their way to the hotel. Both were a bit shaken from the encounter, but their hands were still intertwined as they walked past The Blue Rock and past the little kiosk and McDonald's to their hotel.

The receptionist greeted them as they walked past to the elevator, and Brett gave her a small wave back. The elevator door closed behind them and Eddy wrapped his arms around Brett again, not taking notice of the little hard cube in Brett's left hand jacket pocket.  
"I love you so much, you know that right?" Eddy whispered, looking into Brett's eyes. That intense look from earlier was back.  
"I know, you've said it like a million times today", Brett replied, warily. "I love you too, Eddy." Eddy kissed him quickly before the doors opened and stepped out with him. Brett grabbed his hand.  
"Eddy, what is this about?" he asked, stopping them just outside the elevator. Eddy froze and bit his lip. Brett couldn't worry about him, his job was to be happy and it was Eddy's job to make sure he was.  
"I just want to be sure you know", Eddy said before turning around and facing him again. "It's important to me that you know." Brett looked up at him, trying to read his facial expression. He couldn't, and it really worried him.  
"Eddy..." Brett began, but was interrupted by another kiss.  
"Let's go to our room", Eddy said quickly, pulling Brett with him by the hand towards their room. Brett couldn't do anything but let out a sigh. Something was wrong, and Berit's words kept repeating in his head. Communication is key.

Brett had barely put his violin case down and gotten his jacket off when Eddy's arms were wrapped around him again, this time in more of a hug. He hugged Eddy back, rubbing his back carefully.  
"Eddy, love... Talk to me please", he said as a sigh, still holding the hug. "I can't help you if you don't talk to me."  
Eddy moved to kiss the mark he had made underneath Brett's ear that morning in an attempt to distract Brett but was pushed away.  
"Eddy", Brett said sternly, looking up at him. "Please, just talk to me. What's wrong?"

Eddy's smile didn't comfort Brett at all. It felt fake, almost desperate, and it kind of creeped Brett out.   
"Nothing's wrong, why do you think that?" Again he placed a kiss on Brett's forehead, but Brett moved away from the touch.  
"Because you're acting weird, and if I'm honest it's creeping me out right now. Eddy, please talk to me." He placed a hand softly on Eddy's cheek, looking up at him. "What is wrong, Eddy?"

 _I can't keep him happy, I can't make him stop worrying, I screwed up again. I screwed up. Stop it. Fix it. I have to fix it. Whatever I have to do. Anything for him. Anything for Brett._  
Eddy's head was running fast, trying to find the correct way to fix this. The correct way to make sure Brett was happy. He didn't find any solution that made sense to him, and when he felt the tears trying to force their way everything became worse. Brett would worry if he cried, and Brett shouldn't have to worry about him. He had to be fine.

Brett saw Eddy's panic build even though he didn't say anything. He pulled Eddy over to the bed, making him sit next to him.  
"Eddy, look at me", he said firmly, waiting for him to listen to him. When he finally did, a single tear ran down his cheek. His hands were shaking, and he was on the verge of hyperventilating. The broken look in his face crushed Brett's heart, but he didn't let Eddy see that.  
"Breathe with me, Eddy, come on", he said, taking demonstratively a deep breath, watching as Eddy tried to do the same but only getting a row of hiccups.  
 _You did this to him, Brett. Remember that._  
Brett forced the voice all the way to the back of his brain, attempting to ignore it. They did not need Brett to have a breakdown as well right now. Fix Eddy first, break down later.

After almost half an hour of breathing, Eddy had finally calmed down again. He was looking down at his hands, feeling like an idiot and like he was trapped in a fridge.  
"I'm so cold", he mumbled, still not looking up from his hands. Brett stood up and grabbed his own jacket, as it was the closest, not even thinking about the very obvious duvet they were sitting on. He hung it over Eddy's shoulders, rubbing his back in an attempt to heat him up faster. Eddy pulled the jacket tigher around himself.  
"Better?" Brett asked quietly, feeling the guilt brewing in the bottom of his stomach. They had to talk about this.  
Eddy nodded quietly, not moving his gaze from his hands. Brett sat down next to him again and placed his arm around him, feeling slightly relieved when Eddy rested his head on his shoulder.

They just sat there for a long time, neither really knowing what to say. Surprisingly, it was Eddy who broke the silence.  
"I was trying to keep you happy", he said, almost as a whimper. The words hurt him just as much as they hurt Brett.  
"You don't have to try to do that, you keep me happy just by being here", Brett tried to comfort him before placing a kiss on his cheek. Eddy shook his head.  
"You seemed a whole lot happier today, though", he countered, biting his lip. "I really did my best, Brett. I'm sorry I couldn't keep it up."  
Brett placed one hand on each side of Eddy's face and made him face him.  
"Eddy, listen to me please. You don't have to do that, I don't need to be happy all the time. What I need is for my boyfriend to be alright too, okay?" He took a deep breath before kissing Eddy quickly on the lips. "And we need to talk about things, and be truthful. Like right now, that voice in my head that keeps telling me stupid stuff is trying to tell me I did this to you, and honestly, I don't know if it's right or wrong anymore."

Eddy pulled Brett into a hug, knowing he was right.   
"You didn't do anything, Brett. That's the truth. I think I just wanted to... I don't know, make it up to you for breaking up? I don't feel like I can ever make that up to you, honestly."  
Brett closed his eyes, focusing on Eddy's voice. He wanted it to be true, he willed it to be true. Even when the voice told him it had to be a lie he convinced himself it was the truth. He swallowed hard.  
"I don't think I've ever been so heartbroken in my life, which is why I was so relieved when you took me back. I'm not mad at you for it."  
"Okay", Eddy said, closing his eyes and just holding the hug. His instincts told him to apologize, but he knew that wasn't what needed to be said right then. "I think I need time to forgive myself for it, anyway."  
"We have until the end of the world, I hope. Take your time."  
"To the end of the world", Eddy repeated, moving slightly to kiss the mark on Brett's neck again just as his stomach growled loudly, causing both of them to giggle slightly at the weird situation.  
"Hungry?" Brett asked with a tiny smile while pulling away from the hug. Eddy nodded, mirroring his smile.  
"Let's get something to eat then", Brett decided before kissing Eddy softly. It felt so good to finally have talked properly about something.


	99. Chapter 99

Brett had gone out to get food for them, leaving Eddy to heat up alone in the hotel room. Logically, Eddy knew that they needed food, but emotionally he just wanted Brett there. He pulled Brett's jacket tighter around him, making sure to breathe in as much his scent as he could. It smelled nice, and it had a calming effect on him.

Brett had only been gone for a few minutes, but Eddy already missed him. Again, he pulled the jacket tightly around himself, not really taking much note of the light poking on his arm from something in Brett's left pocket. He noticed it was something, but didn't want to reflect on what it was. The obvious phone or wallet were ruled out, as he had seen Brett with both as he left. What could it..?  
No, he wouldn't be that psycho boyfriend who went through his personal stuff. If it was something he wanted Eddy to know about, he would tell him.  
He tried to ignore it for a while, keeping himself busy by going to the window and look down at the little square. Maybe he could see Brett? It felt like he had been gone forever, and it was making Eddy uneasy even though he knew he had only been gone around ten minutes.  
He pulled the jacket tighter around himself again as he sat down into one of the comfy chairs by the window, still looking for Brett. Again, the little cube shaped object poked his arm, and he looked down at the pocket, trying to think of an object Brett owned that would be this shape. He couldn't think of any, which made him more curious. Maybe Brett wouldn't mind if he looked? He wouldn't have given him this jacket if he kept secrets in it, right?

The next thing he knew, he had his hand down Brett's left jacket pocket, trying to feel what this strange cube was. It felt kind of like a box, which he had assumed it was anyway. He pulled it out and furrowed his brows. A jewelry box? Why would Brett have...?  
The tiny voice in the back of his head gave him an equally tiny idea. Noo, it couldn't be..? Eddy bit his lip hard, staring at the little box. Brett hadn't..? Really?  
His hands trembled as he slowly opened the box. His breathing accelerated along with his heart rate when he saw the little gold band stuck into the soft inside of the box.  
"Oh my god", he whispered to himself, watching with big eyes as he took the ring out of the box as if under hypnosis. He turned it to look at it in a different light, almost dropping it because of the adrenaline that rushed through him and made his hands tremble more intensely.  
When had he gotten this? His thoughts bounced back to the conversation they had, about who would propose. Eddy had never expected it to happen so soon. But again, Brett hadn't proposed yet either. He just had a ring...  
He couldn't help it, he just had to try it on. It felt so right when he slid it down his left ring finger, awakening the butterflies in his stomach.

He quickly stood up, taking the ring off and looking at it resting in his palm.  
"Holy shit", he muttered to himself, not able to take his eyes off it. It felt like his heart would beat out of his chest. He took the box and carefully placed the ring back in the soft inside, but didn't close the box. He paced a few times around the room, trying to calm himself, but the butterflies simply wouldn't stop tickling him and in turn causing him to smile like an idiot.  
The bed creaked as he sat heavily down on it, still with his eyes glued to the golden ring in the box. He didn't even register Brett returning until he spoke.  
"What've you got there?"


	100. Chapter 100

"What've you got there?" Brett asked, kicking off his shoes by the entrance. It had just started to rain as he got out of the Chinese restaurant he found just a short walk away, and to avoid getting all wet again he had decided to make a run for it. Still slightly out of breath, he took off his glasses and wiped them clean of rain drops. Rain didn't mix well with glasses.  
"Wh... When did you get this?" Eddy asked, still a bit shaky. He looked up at Brett who furrowed his brows in confusion.  
"Get wha...? Oh..." When he put his glasses back on, he realized what Eddy was talking about. His stomach made a twist, nervous. "I uh... A few days ago...", he stuttered, feeling his cheeks warm up. He went to put the takeaway on the little table between the comfy chairs, not really brave enough to look properly at Eddy.  
"When were you going to...? Were you actually going to..? " Eddy followed Brett with his eyes, seeing how he nervously fiddled with his sleeve like he normally would before a big concert. Brett inhaled heavily, feeling his shoulders tense up.  
"I, well, uh... In the castle garden...", Brett mumbled, scratching the back of his neck with a shaky hand. "But I never got to uh... Do it."  
Eddy stood up quickly.  
"You're joking, really? Nooo...", he said, still with the ring box in his hand. "Nono, you weren't. No way, no. No! You're joking." Eddy's voice sounded almost panicked, but the undertone of it wasn't fear.  
Brett tried to smile up at him, but the nerves made it look weird.  
"N... No, I really was gonna..." He licked his dry lower lip nervously during the prolonged silence that followed. "But uh, if you don't... Uh... Want that, I guess? I'll just keep it and uh, we'll just pretend this never happened." There was a clear sting of insecurity in his voice, a sting that went straight to Eddy's heart. It explained a lot of the weird behaviors Brett had shown that day in the castle garden, that Eddy earlier only had attributed to him possibly sensing what Eddy was planning.  
Brett reached out and took the ring box from him, closing it quietly and placing it back in his pocket before Eddy had collected his thoughts enough to say anything.  
"Just forget about it, Eddy, I understand if it's too soon", Brett said, trying to smile his way through it and sound like he was actually fine with it. He had kind of known he was moving too fast when he got the ring in the first place, so one would think he'd be prepared for a potential "not yet". He discovered that he certainly wasn't ready for something like that, though.

"You gotta do it properly", Eddy suddenly said, snapping Brett out of his thoughts.  
"What?"  
Eddy swallowed hard, trying to bury some of the nerves building in his stomach, making his voice weak and hands tremble.  
"You gotta propose and see what I say." His voice was shaky, and his eyes were locked on Brett's in anticipation. Brett searched Eddy's brown eyes for any sign of hesitation or joking, but found none. He too tried to swallow his nerves.  
"O... Okay", he breathed, reaching into the pocket of his suit for the silky box. He opened it carefully, almost dropping it with his shaky hands. Slowly, he went down on one knee in front of Eddy. He took Eddy's right hand in his left and held up the ring with the other. He hesitated for a second, trying to think of what to say.  
"I... I kind of knew what.. What I wanted to say... But it all disappeared for me when I got down here..." Brett tried to half joke nervously, making Eddy giggle. "So I think... I'll just improvise."  
Eddy nodded, tears already threatning to form in the corner of his eye.  
Brett took a deep breath in an attempt to calm his nerves.  
"Eddy, y... you've been my best friend for a very long time now... And honestly, looking back, I... I don't think there's anyone else I could possibly have ended up with." Again he took a breath, trying to remember to smile through his tense nerves and the emotions tearing through him. "And I was... Really hoping that I could have the honour of spending the rest of my life with you, in a m... more formal sense." Both boys had to blink away a few tears, Eddy shaking just as much as Brett at this point.  
A single nervous tear ran down Brett's cheek. Eddy's hand rested warmly in his, and when Brett spoke his voice almost broke up completely as his shaky breathing failed him.  
"Eddy Chen, will you marry me?"


	101. Chapter 101

Time stopped for Brett as he waited for Eddy's reply. He hadn't even considered what he'd do if he said no at this point, honestly.  
Eddy couldn't help but smile, and Brett mirrored his smile without even thinking about it, still on one knee in front of him. His heart rate was going through the roof, he could hear it in his ears. He almost fainted when Eddy finally gave his answer.  
"Y... Yes of course, Brett", he stuttered out, pulling Brett to his feet to kiss him deeply, one hand placed on his cheek. He hadn't been prepared for the speech beforehand, and Brett broke the kiss when he felt Eddy's tears on his face.  
"Shh, Eddy love, don't cry... Shh..." he whispered, even though he himself was crying. He took the ring out of the box and with shaky hands slid it onto his left ring finger. Brett kissed his hand softly, before looking up at Eddy again.  
"I love you so fucking much, okay?", he said, sniffling and wiping away some tears. Eddy just nodded and pulled him into a tight hug.  
"I love you too."

After the first minutes of adrenaline and nerves had worn up, the two finally remembered their Chinese food getting cold on the glass table by the comfy chairs and sat down to eat finally. Eddy caught himself looking down at his hand with the ring on it, taking note of how it shimmered in the light from the streetlights outside the window and feeling the butterflies start up all over again.  
"You're insane, is this real gold?" Eddy asked with food in his mouth, still looking at the ring. Brett nodded to himself, swallowing his food before replying.  
"It is, real proper gold. I don't know why that makes me insane though, it just felt right, you know?" He shrugged as if it wasn't important how much money he had spent on the ring before he took another bite.  
"Can I ask how much?", Eddy asked, looking at Brett in the other chair without taking another bite of his food. "It looks hella expensive, and I wanna know exactly how insane you are."  
Brett shrugged again.  
"I dunno, like 7000 Norwegian money? I don't really know how much that is in dollars", Brett said casually, taking another bite. "I didn't really look that much at the price when I chose it. Is it alright, though? The ring I mean?"  
Eddy pulled out his phone and made a quick search of how much money 7000 Norwegian kroner was in Australian dollars and almost fell out of his chair.  
"Brett Yang, you are actually insane!" he exclaimed, leaning over to playfully punch Brett's arm. "And of course I like the ring, you picked it, you idiot." Brett laughed a bit at the "idiot"-remark.  
"Well, this idiot is gonna be your husband, so get used to it. How much is it?" Eddy's cheeks lit up at the word "husband", again feeling the tickles in his stomach. The word felt almost unreal.  
"Like a bit over a thousand dollars", he said, looking over at Brett for a reaction. He shrugged again.  
"Not too bad, then", he said with a smile, grabbing another bite of his food. Eddy snorted.  
"Not too bad? You're insane, honestly", he mumbled, taking another bite of the food, getting yet another glimpse of his ring, feeling that giddy feeling in his stomach again. 

"It's a bit insane in one aspect, though", Brett said while placing the empty takeaway container on the table. Eddy did the same moments later before replying.  
"You're finally realizing how insane you are? That's great, Bretty, a step in the right direction", he joked with a wide grin. Brett stuck out his tongue at him.  
"I mean, the fact that we haven't really told anyone we're boyfriends yet and now we're jumping straight to fiancés." Eddy felt the blush creep over his cheeks again. He hadn't even told his mom yet, not that he was looking particularily forward to that.  
"I mean, yeah, that is a bit insane." He looked down at his ring again, biting his lip. "I should probably tell mom..."  
Brett reached out and took Eddy's hand.  
"I was thinking of calling my parents later tonight, when it is a reasonable time in Australia. We could do it together, if you want."  
"That would be nice, yeah", Eddy mumbled, feeling the nervousness attack him again. He really had no idea how his parents would react to something like this. Sure, they were really fond of Brett. Sometimes to the point of comparing him to Brett, using Brett as a good example in school, in violin playing, socially... Maybe it could work to his advantage now, the affection his parents obviously felt towards Brett.  
"Cool, I'm thinking to call in a few hours, a bit after midnight."  
"Alright", Eddy said, leaning over the edge of his chair to kiss Brett's cheek. "We'll call then."


	102. Chapter 102

Waiting for midnight to come around was worse than waiting for a concert to start. At least that's how Eddy felt. More than once he had paced around the room, much to Brett's frustration.  
"Come on, it'll be fine. Come relax with me", Brett sighed from his seated position in bed, holding his arms out towards Eddy.  
"Will it, though?", Eddy mumbled as he crawled back into the bed and into Brett's embrace, still feeling stressed. "They don't even know I've ever liked a boy before."  
Brett sighed and kissed Eddy's cheek softly.  
"I mean, your parents seem to like me, I guess? That'll be an advantage?" It sounded like a question when it really was meant as a statement. Eddy bit his lip.  
"I hope so. Would suck to be disowned."  
"They wouldn't, you're their son and they love you."  
Eddy turned slightly to rest his head on Brett's shoulder, his nose touching his neck softly.  
"Hope so."

They stayed like that for a while, Brett not really sure how else to comfort Eddy. In a way, he felt bad for putting Eddy in that position at all. If only he hadn't fallen for him in the first place, Eddy wouldn't have to feel nervous now. The voice in the back of his head was trying to lure its way up from the back of his mind, but he shut it down. Eddy wouldn't have said yes if he didn't want this as well. He just wouldn't.  
 _Or...?_

"Aren't you nervous about telling your parents, Brett?" Eddy asked after a while, eyes closed. "Or is it just me who's overreacting?"  
Brett thought about it for a second, stalling for time by running a hand through Eddy's soft hair.  
"Hm, I guess I'm a bit nervous. It would be nice to have their blessing, but I don't need it, you know?" he shifted slightly. "But I don't think I would get disowned over this. They must have seen it coming."  
Eddy nodded at his answer, tightening his grip around Brett's waist.  
"How obvious was your crush again?" Eddy asked teasingly with a short laugh. Brett stuck his tongue out at him.  
"Not obvious enough for you to notice for a very long time, at least", he replied, leaning down to kiss Eddy's head again.

"I'm not sure I wanna tell them yet", Eddy mumbled quietly. "I think it would be better to tell them in person." Brett tilted his head down to kiss the top of his head.  
"I mean, it's up to you", he mumbled, shifting slightly to avoid getting backpains.  
"I know, I'm just trying to find excuses because I'm nervous", Eddy sighed.  
"It's okay to be nervous. You should have known how fricking nervous I was earlier when I saw you with the ring." Brett laughed a bit, and Eddy looked up at him.  
"You really thought I'd say no, didn't you?" he asked, turning slightly so he'd be able to face Brett easier.  
"I thought you'd think it was too soon, yeah", Brett replied, feeling his cheeks warm up slightly. "But it turned out alright." Eddy nodded.  
"Yeah, except you're still insane for getting such an expensive ring." He lifted his hand to look at it, the gold of the ring glimmering in the dimmed lights of the hotel room.  
"I was more worried it might not fit you, honestly. Seems I made a good guess, though."  
Eddy tried to suppress a laugh at something he thought, using his ringed hand to cover his mouth.  
"What?" Brett asked, unable to not smile at how adoreable Eddy was.  
"Nono, nothing nothing", he snorted, turning his head away from Brett to try and hide how hillarious he found his thought.  
"Dude, tell me, what's so funny?" Brett asked, laughing at how red Eddy's face became from the laughing.  
"I just..." he snickered, hiding his face in his hand. "You should know how wide my finger is, you know." His wide grin accompanied with the occasional giggle made Brett furrow his brows.  
"What, how am I supposed to knoe that?" he asked, immediately met by Eddy curling up laughing in his lap. After a few seconds of Eddy trying to calm himself, he looked back up at Brett. He worked hard not to just burst out laughing again.  
"Because.." he began, snickering at his own thoughts again. "You've had my finger up your..."  
Brett was absolutely certain his cheeks would catch on fire any minute after learning what Eddy was laughing about.  
"Oh my god, Eddy, you need to get your brain washed I swear to god", he groaned, hiding his red face in his hands. Eddy lost it laughing.  
"Come on, that was hillarious", Eddy wheezed, wiping a few tears forming in the corner of his eye from laughing so hard. Brett couldn't help but smile at Eddy's laughing.  
"I guess from that logic, you know my ring size too, then, for when we pick out or wedding rings." Eddy quickly sat up, looking like he was thinking about it, before crawling to sit on his knees next to Brett.  
"I'm not sure... It's been a while, I think I might need to measure that again", he said cheekily, locking his eyes onto Brett's.  
"So we're gonna do that before we call our parents, hm?" Brett asked with a grin, not because he didn't want it. Eddy leaned in to kiss him.  
"Hmm it might help my nerves..." he breathed into Brett's mouth as Brett placed his hands on Eddy's hips.  
"Alright then, if you think it'll help. Anything for you", Brett laughed, sneaking his hands under Eddy's shirt.


	103. Chapter 103

They had just gotten dressed again when the clock on the tv showed midnight. Eddy sat cross legged on their bed while Brett was plugging his phone into its charger by the comfy chairs.  
"Maybe we can call your parents first? My phone died", Brett suggested, placing his phone on the table. Eddy turned to look at him.  
"I suppose we just have to get it over with", he mumbled weakly, unlocking his phone. The ring felt like it was getting heavier for every passing second.  
Brett crawled onto the bed next to him and rubbed his back.  
"It would be easier that way", he mumbled, trying to assure Eddy it would be okay by the tone of his voice.  
Eddy found his mom's phone number in his contact list, his thumb lingering over the "call"-button for an extra second before pressing it. He put the call on speakerphone and took a firm hold of Brett's hand. He was shaking with nervousness at this point, listening to the ringing.  
 _"Hello?"_ he heard his mom say in the other end after a few rings, and at that point Eddy realized he was holding his breath. He exhaled.  
"Hi, mom. How are you?" he said, trying to seem calm and collected while he really was freaking out. Brett squeezed his hand carefully, listening to the conversation unfolding.  
 _"Oh! Eddy! It's so nice to hear from you! How are you up there in Sweden?"_ Eddy couldn't help but smile a bit.  
"It's Norway, but it's good. Very good, actually. That's why I'm calling." His voice shook more at the end of the sentence, the nerves building. The ring sat heavily on his finger, and it took so much of his attention.  
 _"What is it you wanted to call about?"_ his mom asked, and he could hear her move about. He took a deep breath, feeling Brett wrap his arm around his waist to comfort him.  
"Uhm, you know how Brett and I have known each other for a long time...?" he began, voice giving in before he could continue.  
 _"Yes of course, Brett is such a sweet boy. Is he there? You have to say hi from me!"_  
Brett grinned at the comment, pulling Eddy closer.  
"Hi, mrs Chen", Brett said with a quiet laugh.  
 _"Oh, little Brett! How are you? Are you boys having a good time in Sweden?"_ she said enthusiastically, and Eddy couldn't help but snicker at "little Brett".  
"We're in Norway, but we're great. I think Eddy has some news for you, though." Brett looked at Eddy, waiting for him to continue.  
 _"Ah, Sweden, Norway, same thing! What did you want to say, Eddy? It's expensive to call abroad, you know."_ She sounded stern, and Eddy knew that at that point it was just to get the message out and hope for the best.  
"Uhm, me and Brett are uh kinda a couple now? And uh, he proposed to me a few hours ago, and uh, I kinda said yes?" He sounded like he wasn't sure what he was saying, and it went quiet for a while in the other end. Eddy held his breath and closed his eyes, leaning onto Brett for support. Brett would never let Eddy see how worried and nervous he was during the several seconds Eddy's mom was quiet.  
"Mom.. ?" Eddy asked quietly to check if she was still there, and was met with a high pitched happy _"Ahhhh!"_  
 _"Ohh how nice news to hear, Eddy sweetie! Finally you see how little Brett feel, yes? Couldn't ask for better son in law, except a doctor, but that's fine he'll take care of you anyway!"_  
Eddy's jaw fell at his mother's reply, and Brett placed a kiss softly to his cheek and smiled widely. This went way better than expected.  
" R... Really, you're not mad that I'm... With a boy?" Eddy asked, trying to make sense of his mother's words. His view of his mom was completely altered.  
 _"Any other boy would not be nice, unless he was a doctoe, but Brett is good. You be nice to my Eddy, Brett!"_

And after that joking threat, Eddy's mom had insisted they talk more about this when they got home as calls abroad were too expensive. Eddy put his phone down and threw himself around Brett's neck.  
"Oh my god she still loves me, oh my god", he laughed, hugging and kissing Brett over and over. Brett couldn't help but laugh.  
"We survived!" he said, almost jokingly, kissing Eddy quickly. "Now let's do it again!"


	104. Chapter 104

Brett hadn't been expecting to feel as nervous as he did as they listened to the ringing through the tiny loudspeakers on his phone. He reached for Eddy's hand, and he took it instinctively. He heard the familiar click of his mom picking up the phone.  
"Hello?" he said, to the phone, waiting for a reply for a second.  
 _"Ah, Brett! Hello! How are you, son?"_ his mom replied in the other end, and Brett tightened his grip on Eddy's hand.  
"I'm fine, very fine actually. How are you, mom?" His voice was more shaky shaky than he liked, but he calmed down slightly feeling Eddy rub his thumb on his hand. It would be fine, it had to be fine.  
 _"Why did you not call before, huh? Need to remember your mom, Brett. Family is important!"_ Brett couldn't help but smile a bit. He knew that family was important, especially to his mom, which is why he hadn't been worried about what she would say before he made the phone call.   
"I'm sorry, mom, I promise to call more often", Brett said, smiling up at Eddy who sat next to him on the bed. "But mom, I have something I need to tell you, which is why I called."   
_"What is it, son?"_ his mom replied, a bit worried. _"Are you sick?"_ Brett laughed a bit before assuring his mom that everything was fine.  
"No, it's something good, mom. Uh, Eddy and I kinda got engaged earlier."  
The silence in the other end of the line was intense until they heard the breaking of glass through the phone.  
"I'm sorry Brett, I have to go", his mom said before quickly hanging up.

Brett stared at his phone for a few seconds, not really sure how to respond.  
 _Get ready for a life without your family, Bretty, because you fucked up real bad now._  
Eddy reached out and placed his arm around Brett's shoulders.  
"Someone probably just dropped something, and she had to deal with that. Just call her back later, or tomorrow." Eddy tried to sound positive, but in the back of his mind he was panicking. He knew sort of what to say if his own parents didn't accept it, but he had no idea what to do about Brett's parents not accepting them.  
"Y...yeah..." Brett stuttered before clearing his throat. "That's... yeah, that's probably it... yes." He wasn't sure if he was trying to convince himself or Eddy at this point. Eddy pulled Brett into a tight hug.  
"It's going to be fine, Brett", he mumbled, kissing the top of his head. He wasn't actually sure of his own words. It was more a hope than a fact.  
"Yeah, totally", Brett mumbled, taking off his glasses and hiding his face in Eddy's chest.  
"Bretty, your hands are shaking", Eddy commented, and Brett hadn't realized that was the case until Eddy pointed it out. He looked down at his hands, trying to will them to stop shaking. He couldn't.  
"Oh, yeah. You're right", he mumbled, trying to put his glasses back on but almost stabbed his eye out instead. Eddy took his glasses from him and carefully put them on him.  
"Talk to me", Eddy said, looking into his eyes. "You're scared?"  
Brett nodded quietly, looking down at his still shaking hands.  
"It's stupid, I thought I would be fine if they didn't accept it..." he mumbled quietly.  
"You still don't know if they accepted it, though", Eddy tried to point out, but was only met with a sarcastic laugh.  
"Sure, as if hanging up after hearing that wasn't confirmation enough", Brett replied, a lot sharper than he intended. Eddy flinched slightly, but realized Brett probably was just distressed.  
"I'm sorry it turned out like that", he sighed, not really sure what else to say to comfort Brett. He looked down at his ring again.

"At least I know YOUR mom loves me", Brett mumbled sarcastically, trying to lighten his own mood without it really having any effect.  
"She really does", Eddy confirmed, taking Brett's hand again. "If it is as you think, that they don't accept it, it's not like you won't have a family, okay? We will be family and then my family will be your family." Brett looked up at him. "I mean, they are practically your family already."   
Brett smiled a tiny smile.  
"I guess", he said, actually feeling slightly better. "Unless she becomes a monster-in-law now that we're engaged, because I'm not about to deal with that."  
Eddy snorted, trying not to laugh.  
"You really think mom have the potential of being a monster-in-law?"  
Brett didn't even try to hold back his laugh now.  
"I mean, she IS an asian mom..." he said, grinning at Eddy, who responded by playfully punching his arm.  
"Hey now, that's my MOTHER you're talking about", Eddy said, jokingly offended.  
"Okay, okay, sorry sorry!" Brett laughed and kissed Eddy quickly. "But if she does become a monster-in-law, I'm not coming for christmas dinner."


	105. Chapter 105

Eddy had been asleep for a while when Brett tried to call his mom again a few hours later from the bathroom, but he was sent to voicemail after around a minute of ringing. He wiped the single tear running down his cheek, trying to keep himself from crying. His mind was trying to make sense of how his own mother could abandon him just like that, for loving Eddy. He sunk down with his back against the tiled wall, placing his head in his hands. He looked down at his phone resting in his hand for what felt like an eternity. Maybe if he called his dad? At least he could say goodbye?  
He found his dad's number in his contact list, but didn't press "call" right away. He felt his hands shake again, getting nervous again. His mom would surely have told him. How had he reacted? Just the same as his mom?

He pressed the call button and slowly raised his phone to his ear. One ring, no reply. Two rings, no reply. Three rings. Brett felt his heart sink into his stomach as the fourth ring came followed by the pre-recorded "the person you're trying to reach is unavailable"-message. A sob ripped through his body as he lowered his phone and hung up before he got to the "leave a message after the tone"-part.  
He tried to cry silently, as not to wake or bother Eddy, but after a few minutes he heard a soft knock on the bathroom door.  
"Bretty?" he heard muffled from the other side. "You okay?"  
"I'm fine", Brett sobbed, very obviously not fine. He tried to wipe his tears, but new ones appeared faster than he could wipe them.  
"Can I come in, love?" Eddy asked through the door, leaning his head softly against it. His heart was breaking with every sob he heard from Brett, and he desperately wanted to comfort him.  
"The door is open", Brett sighed, trying to wipe his tears again before Eddy came into the bathroom.

"Bretty, love", Eddy said once inside, sitting down next to him and pulling him into a hug. "It's okay, talk to me. What's happening?"  
Brett hid his face in the crook of Eddy's neck, sobbing quietly.  
"I... I called mom... and dad... They're not answering", Brett whispered, trying to will himself to be comforted by Eddy's hug.   
"Maybe they're busy?" Eddy offered, even though he didn't really believe it himself. He rubbed Brett's back, not sure what to say to comfort his fiancé.  
Brett shrugged, pulling away from Eddy's hug.  
"I guess", he whispered, wiping another set of tears rolling down his cheeks.

 _Eddy probably thinks you're pathetic with all that crying.  
_ He winced at the sound of the voice in his head, but made more of an effort trying to stop his crying after that. He knew, logically, that he should tell Eddy what the voice in his head was telling him. He also knew, logically, that Eddy would tell him he didn't think so, and that it was normal to cry when you have just been abandoned by your parents. That it was okay to cry.

"Let's go back to bed, Brett. We'll try and call them again tomorrow", Eddy said softly, reaching out to wipe away a tear from Brett's cheek.   
"Okay", the smaller boy sighed shakily and went back to bed with his fiancé.


	106. Chapter 106

Eddy woke up first the following morning to Brett's shaky grip around his waist and unintelligible mumbles in his sleep. He yawned silently and carefully caressed Brett's cheek in an attempt to calm his distressed sleeping boyfriend. Or well, fiancé. The thought of the word made Eddy smile to himself and butterflies rummage around his stomach.  
What made Eddy snap out of it was Brett's silent sob as he buried his face into Eddy's t-shirt, still asleep. Eddy's heart shattered seeing him like that, and he had to work hard to not blame himself for it. He knew blaming himself didn't make sense, but maybe if he'd done something different. Maybe if he had become closer with his parents or something like that, they would've reacted like his own parents had? 

"Brett, love?" he whispered, carefully trying to shake him awake. "Come on, gotta wake up." He leaned down to kiss his hair just as his eyes fluttered open. Brett looked up at his with teary, sleepy eyes.  
"Hey", Eddy mumbled, reaching out to wipe a singular tear running down Brett's cheek.  
"Hi", Brett sighed, burying his face into Eddy's t-shirt again. He didn't feel ready to deal with the world just yet. Everything felt heavy, like that day where his blanket felt like lead and he stayed in bed for a while day instead of practicing before Eddy came over with their takeaway dinner. The main difference between that day and today was that not even Eddy's soothing touch and calm voice made him feel better today.  
"How are you feeling?" Eddy asked, even though the answer was obvious. Brett sighed heavily.  
"Fine, obviously", he mumbled into Eddy's chest with a hint of attempted sarcasm that sounded more like he was breaking apart.  
"It's okay not to be fine, you know", Eddy said, running his finger feather lightly over the back of Brett's neck. "But you haven't really talked to them, maybe they're just busy with something."  
Brett groaned at Eddy's remark, grabbing a fist of his t-shirt in an attempt to comfort himself.  
"Sure, because hanging up after learning your son has gotten engaged, not calling back and then not picking up when he calls again sure sounds like parents who still love their son. Sure." The pain in Brett's voice cut through Eddy's heart once again.  
"I'm sorry, I don't know what to say to make you feel better", Eddy sighed in defeat, still tracing the shape of the bone in Brett's neck softly with his fingertips. He wanted to make Brett feel better, but nothing he could possibly do would make the situation they were in better unless time travel were invented soon.  
"Don't apologize for that, I'm just... ugh, I don't know, but it doesn't help if I'm pulling you down with me." He turned his head so that his ear was still resting against Eddy's chest, but he could look up at his face.   
"You're not, I'm just worried about you", Eddy assured, running his hand through Brett's hair, moving some strands away from his forehead. "I love you, you know."  
Brett nodded quietly.   
"I love you too", he mumbled back, with a the tiniest smile. 

They stayed in bed for several hours, Eddy waiting patiently for Brett to feel like doing anything. When the clock on the tv showed way past noon, Eddy ran his hand over Brett's back softly to get his attention.  
"Do you wanna go out and get some food with me? Just to move a bit today?" Eddy suggested quietly, for the most part expecting Brett to refuse him so that he would have to go get food for them on his own. He didn't mind, but he didn't really believe it to be healthy for him to stay in bed all day.  
"Do I have to?" Brett sighed. Just the thought of going out and seeing people felt like the hardest task in the world. Eddy ran his hand through his hair softly.  
"I mean, I can't make you, but I think it would be good for you."  
Brett sighed again and pushed himself up to a half sitting position, rubbing his eyes.  
"Okay", he mumbled, not even trying to move further from there. He already felt mentally exhausted. Eddy reached over to the nightstand where Brett's glasses were. He grabbed them and carefully put them on Brett's face.  
"Let's take a shower first, yeah?" Eddy suggested, and Brett just nodded quietly.

A few moments later, Brett was leaning heavily onto Eddy under the warm water.  
"I'm sorry I'm so difficult to deal with", he mumbled as Eddy reached for the shampoo and put some in his hand to wash Brett's hair.  
"You're not difficult, you're going through some stuff. There's a difference", Eddy replied as he started massaging the shampoo into Brett's hair.  
"I just feel bad. One's supposed to feel happy after getting engaged, right? I feel like I'm ruining that for you. I'm sorry." It felt nice getting his hair shampooed, but he couldn't make himself actually enjoy it.  
"Does it seem like I'm not happy from the engagement?" Eddy asked while carefully tilting Brett's head so that he could rinse out the shampoo from his hair without it getting into his eyes.  
"I don't know", Brett sighed, moving his head back when the shampoo was all rinsed out. "Maybe I'm just being stupid again. I'm sorry."  
Eddy started shampooing his own hair, not wanting to ask more of Brett than nescessary.  
"Don't apologize, you haven't done anything wrong", he said firmly, still working the shampoo into his hair. Brett looked up at him.  
"Oh I uh... I could have... done that for you", he mumbled, feeling like an idiot for not paying attention.  
"It's alright, I'm a big boy and know how to shampoo my own hair", Eddy smiled at him before starting to rinse out the shampoo. Brett moved his gaze away again.  
"I know, sorry", he mumbled, feeling silly for suggesting it.   
Eddy placed both his hands around Brett's face and kissed him intensely.   
"You don't have to apologize for anything, you have done nothing wrong", he said after pulling away again, but Brett just looked up at him with sad eyes.  
"Sorry", he mouthed, barely with any sound, willing himself not to cry again. Nothing went right that day, and that was why he should have stayed in bed.


	107. Chapter 107

They eventually made it outside in search of anywhere they had some good food, Brett just doing whatever Eddy suggested. All he wanted right now was to go back to sleep and not wake up in a while. If maybe this day would just pass, everything would be better tomorrow. Maybe Eddy was right, that his parents were just busy with something, and that they would call tonight and tell him how happy they were for him.  
Hoping wasn't prohibited, right?  
"Maybe we could go there?" Eddy suggested, pointing to a Brazilian bbq place that popped up on the map on his phone. Brett just shrugged.  
"Whatever you want", he mumbled, not really feeling hungry.  
"Or we could go to that Italian place where I got takeaway for us?" Eddy suggested, trying his best to pull Brett out of his grey cloud. Brett shrugged again, pointing to his last answer. He put his hands in the pockets of his jacket and stared down at the stone tiled ground in front of him. Eddy sighed in defeat.  
"Italian, then?" he half decided, receiving only a tiny nod from Brett before they started walking there.

"I'm sorry", Brett mumbled on the way, making his hands into tight fists in his pockets.  
"You don't have to apologize, Brett", Eddy repeated. "I'm just worried about you."  
Brett bit the inside of his cheek for a moment until he felt the laste of blood in his mouth.  
"You shouldn't have to worry about me", he said eventually, quietly. "And that's what I'm sorry about."  
Eddy reached out and took Brett's hand out of his pocket to hold it tightly. He stopped their walk for a second.  
"And that's exactly what you don't have to be sorry about. You are going through some stuff, and I worry about you because I love you and want you to be okay."  
Brett looked up at Eddy, and the intense and honest look on Eddy's face made the corner if his mouth twich slightly upwards.  
"I love you too", he said, tiptoeing to kiss Eddy's cheek. "Thank you, you always know what to say."

They decided to just eat at the restaurant, to avoid just staying in their hotel room all the time. They shared a pizza and discussed possibly vlogging a trip up mount Fløien, which Eddy had read about online. Appearently, there would be some kind of railroad to get up, which Brett tried to make sense of.  
"But, isn't it, you know, very steep? We have to check that out", he said, taking another bite of his pizza.  
"I mean, yeah, but do we vlog it?" Eddy asked, sipping the coke he had gotten.  
"I mean, sure, why not?" Brett said with a shrug, still chewing the pizza. "Need content, and that's possibly good content. Should we maybe even play something up there? Like, I don't know, Grieg?"  
Eddy laughed a bit at the suggestion.  
"I mean, he is literally everywhere, we should totally play some Grieg."

Their conversation was suddenly interrupted by Brett's phone vibrating against the table top. He furrowed his brows when he saw the name on the screen.  
"Looks like mom's ratted me out", he mumbled, grabbing the phone from the table and answering.  
"Hello?" he said to his brother in the other end, running a hand through his hair nervously.  
 _"Bro, I got some bad news"_ , was the only reply he got. Eddy reached out to hold Brett's hand on the table when he saw the change in Brett's expression. Brett just sighed.  
"If you're calling to tell me mom's disowning me, I kinda figured already", Brett said quietly, concentrating on how soft Eddy's fingers felt in an attempt to stop himself from crying again.  
 _"What, no? Why would she disown you anyway? Actually, tell me later. I have something important to tell you."_  
Brett's face moved from sad to confused, and Eddy's followed close by. He tried to understand the conversation just from hearing one side, which was difficult.  
"What is it, then?" he asked his brother, his mind racing to figure out what could be the bad news.  
It went silent in the other end for a moment before the sound of his brother inhaling sounded through the phone.  
 _"Dad's dead",_ he finally said, half choked. _"He was sent to the hospital in an ambulance after suddenly collqpsing in the kitchen. He died last night, Brett."_  
Brett's face blanked, trying to understand the words his brother spoke.  
"What?" he said, feeling his throat tighten.  
 _"Dad's dead. I'm sorry, mom didn't tell you before because she left her phone at home. I just arrived at the hospital myself."_ It hurt to hear the sadness in his brother's voice.  
"Are you okay? Are mom okay?", Brett asked, not even thinking about how he was feeling himself. Eddy squeezed his hand, definitely noticing the change in Brett's voice without realizing why it had changed.  
 _"I'm okay, mom... Not so much",_ his brother said with a sigh.  
"Take care of her for me, please", Brett said quietly. "Take care of mom." His voice cracked at the last word and a single tear ran down his cheek.


	108. Chapter 108

Brett went completely quiet after hanging up. It felt like all his energy were drained from him, and like it was hard to breathe.  
"Brett? What's happening?" Eddy asked carefully, stroking his thumb over the top of Brett's hand. "It was your brother? What did he want?"  
Brett placed his phone gently onto the table, not really moving his eyes from it. He swallowed hard.  
"Uh, dad's dead", he said, sounding almost like it was the normal thing in the world to say. He forced his eyes away from the phone to look up at Eddy. "And uh, mom didn't pick up her phone because she was in the hospital with him."  
Eddy placed his other hand also around Brett's in an attempt to comfort him.  
"I'm sorry to hear that", he said, feeling a bit silly for not knowing what else to say. "How are you feeling?"  
Brett shrugged.  
"Uh, alright, I guess? At least I'm not disowned, I suppose." He used his available hand to grab a fork and stab the last piece of his pizza. "I should probably feel worse than this, I suppose." He stuck the last bit of pizza in his mouth and chewed slowly.  
"There's no way you're supposed to feel", Eddy assured, letting Brett's hand go to get another bite of his pizza. Brett sighed.  
"Yeah, maybe it'll hit me eventually."

It did hit him eventually. They in the hotel room and were watching the same stupid wedding dress program as they had the day after Brett punched Chris when the tears overwhelmed him. Luckily, Eddy noticed and quickly wrapped his arms tightly around the shaking boy.  
"Did it hit you?" he asked quietly, feeling Brett squeeze his face against his chest, nodding carefully.  
"He's not gonna be there for the wedding", he whispered in between sobs, feeling stupid for crying again. He shrugged the feeling off, reminding himself that losing his dad was a valid reason to cry.  
Eddy leaned down to kiss the top of Brett's head, holding him tight.  
"No, he won't", he sighed sadly.

Brett kept sobbing into Eddy's chest for a while, the wedding dress program still running in the background. Eddy just held him, not sure what else to do. It had hit him too, of course. Brett's dad was practically like a second dad to him too with the amount of time he had spent at their house, but just to be there and comfort Brett was enough for Eddy. It was his way of dealing with it.

The wedding dress program was long finished, but the two boys still hadn't moved from their position on the bed. Brett had eventually stopped crying, but was still holding on to Eddy for dear life.  
"You know, one of the many things that's admirable with you is that you always put others first", Eddy said, running a hand through Brett's hair.  
"What do you mean?" Brett asked into Eddy's chest. "I'm the biggest attention hog of all."  
Eddy smiled a bit.  
"You recieve the news of your dad's passing, and your first reaction is to ask if the one giving you the news are okay? And then if your mom is okay? I don't know anyone else who'd do that as their first instinct."  
Brett felt a tiny blush creep over his cheeks, but tried to hide it in Eddy's hoodie.  
"Of course I had to ask if they were okay", he mumbled. "Mom's probably crushed, and I'm not there to help her."  
Eddy carefully caressed Brett's cheek. "And that's one of the many things I love about you", he said with a tiny smile before kissing the top of his head again.  
"One thing I love about you is that you let me use you as a giant teddy bear for hours on end without complaining", Brett tried to joke, but it sounded half-assed. Eddy still laughed, to make him feel better.  
"I love you, Brett", he said, tilting Brett's head up to kiss him quickly on the lips.   
"I love you too", Brett replied with a smile when they pulled away. "I really do."


	109. Chapter 109

Eddy was the first to wake up the next morning, loving the feeling of Brett's arms tighty around his waist and his slow, warm breath against the crook of his neck. He ran his fingers through Brett's hair to move it from tickling his face. He ran a finger softly over Brett's cheek, loving the light pink colour they had when he slept peacefully.  
Some butterflies danced in his stomach when he thought about how nice this scene was, and he knew he loved the idea of waking up like this every morning.

Brett's eyelids fluttered open and he moved his hand to rub his eyes, still sleepy.  
"What time is it?" he asked in a low, groggy voice that made Eddy shiver.   
"Hmm, around ten I think", Eddy answered before leaning down to kiss the top of Brett's head. "You can sleep some more if you want."  
Brett snuggled closer against him, letting his lips touch the side of Eddy's neck.  
"Nah, I'm awake, promise. We can stay like this though."  
Eddy ran his hand through Brett's hair and ended up resting it against the soft skin on his neck.  
"Okay", he whispered back with a smile playing on his lips. Brett moved his hand underneath Eddy's t-shirt and softly stroked his back.  
"I like it better when you don't wear a shirt", Brett mumbled, still in that low, hoarse voice, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. He grinned against Eddy's neck, though, revealing his playful intent.  
"You feeling better today, love?" Eddy asked, enjoying the feeling of Brett's soft fingertips running up and down his spine. He wanted every bit of Brett's touch, but he wanted to make sure he was okay first.  
"Kind of okay, I think I've just... accepted there's nothing I can do about it right now?" Brett mumbled with a sigh. He didn't want to think about that right now. "I'll call mom about it tonight, figure out if I have to go home early for the... the funeral, or what will happen with that."  
Eddy nodded, kissing his head again.  
"Okay, let me know if that changes, though", he mumbled, feeling Brett's hand continue running up and down his spine again after a short break while he spoke.  
Brett shifted slightly so he could reach up to place a soft peck on Eddy's lips.  
"I promise", he said with a small smile. "But for now, I just want to spend some time with my fiancé, if that's alright with you."

Eddy grinned at him, trying to focus his eyes on the very close man in front of him.  
"Oh man, that fiancé of yours is a lucky guy who gets to spend time with you", he joked, kissing Brett again.  
"Not as lucky as I was when he said yes to marrying me", Brett replied, moving his hand from underneath Eddy's shirt to rest on his cheek. It felt so funny to mention marriage in relation to Eddy, but in a good way.  
"I still can't believe the price of the ring you gave me, man" Eddy laughed and moved a strand of hair from Brett's forehead. "I hope you didn't think I'd say no if the price of the ring was too low."  
Brett snorted back at him.  
"Nah, as I said, I just picked the one I thought you'd like the most."  
Eddy pressed his lips against Brett's again, feeling him tangle his hands into his hair. The kiss deepened, tounges touching heavier and breathing accelerating.

Brett was the first to pull away to make a trail of kisses down Eddy's jaw, to the soft spot under his chin to his Adam's apple.  
 _Remember not to make any marks, he doesn't like that._  
Brett immediately flinched and moved away when the voice spoke. He let the fingers he had tangled into Eddy's hair drop to rest in the tiny space between them, and he closed his eyes hard in frustration.  
"What's wrong?" Eddy asked, worrying he did something Brett didn't want. He bit his lip slightly, feeling how it was slightly sore from the intense kiss. He didn't mind it getting more sore, though.  
"It's my brain ruining things again, I'm sorry", Brett sighed, rubbing his eyes.  
 _Well done, making him worried about you._  
"It's just, that voice in my head. And I sound fucking crazy when I say it like that, but I guess I am a bit crazy." Eddy studied his face for a second.  
"You're not crazy", he stated firmly, taking a hold of Brett's hand resting between them. "What is it saying? Maybe we can sort it out?"  
Brett sighed heavily, feeling like an idiot for ruining a moment that could be perfectly fine by hogging all the attention again.  
"It reminded me you don't like getting marks on your neck, and it reprimanded me for making you worried about me", Brett mumbled shamefully. "It's nothing, I'm fine."  
Eddy caressed Brett's hand with his thumb in an attempt to calm his now downwards spiraling fiancé.  
"I like getting marks on my neck as long as we're not soloists in focus at a formal concert hall", Eddy said, kissing Brett's nose quickly. "And I'm honestly just glad you're telling me what's wrong instead of shutting off. I want to help you, you know."  
Brett sighed again.  
"Can we just kiss and hopefully make love after?" Brett sighed, trying to focus his bad eyesight on Eddy's beautiful face, seeing how it widened in a grin.  
"Sure, I'd love that", he snickered and pressed his lips against Brett's again.


	110. Chapter 110

They had eventually managed to get out of the hotel, both still a bit giddy from their activities earlier. Now, Eddy was holding the camera, filming them as they made their way across the square.  
"Hey, Brett, tell us what we're up to now?" Eddy asked, holding Brett's hand below the camera's view. He didn't actually care if it showed on camera, it just happened to be out of frame.  
"We are... going up a mountain!" Brett replied enthusiastically. "By some kind of train, or that's what we've heard at least. I'll be very grumpy if we have to walk up the mountain."  
Eddy laughed a bit at the last sentence.  
"Don't worry, I'll carry you", he said and winked to the camera before turning the camera off again and letting his arm drop with a groan.  
"We need a lighter camera, I swear to god." Brett giggled and placed his other hand on Eddy's biceps.  
"OR you need to work out more to be able to hold the camera", he said with a grin. Eddy playfully stuck his tongue out at him.  
"Hey now, let's see how you do next time we film", he said and kissed the side of Brett's head when they reached a zebra crossing.

They stopped for ice cream on the way, the same place as they had when Brett was going to propose the first time. Eddy paid for their ice cream this time, and they sat down on a stone block in yet another little square, in front of a large yellow building with the word "ART" written on it.  
"Will you film us eating ice cream?" Eddy asked, handing him the camera with a smile playing on his lips, thinking about earlier.  
"I have an idea", Brett said, standing up. He propped the camera up on the ground in front of them on it's little tripod and pressed record. "See, now both of us can enjoy out ice cream and we can just make it double speed so people won't get bored looking at us eating ice cream." He went to sit back down next to Eddy again and had a bite of his ice cream. It wasn't really the weather to have ice cream, but at least it wasn't raining.  
"Work smart, not harder", Eddy laughed. "That's another thing I love about you."  
Brett felt a blush creep over his cheek, and he play punched Eddy's arm.  
"You're really going there on camera, huh?" he asked, trying his best to look annoyed when he really wasn't.  
"Weren't we going to speed it up anyway? We'll just add music over the sound", Eddy countered, licking his ice cream cone. Brett sat stunned for a second, his mind flashing a picture of what they had been up to a short hour ago.  
"Adding music over the sound won't make me look less of a tomato", Brett said, trying to shove the picture away while they were on camera. Even if they weren't actively hiding their relationship anymore, there was a thing called modesty. The very not hidden marks on both their necks weren't exactly conforming to that, though.

They finished their ice cream, packed up the camera and got ready to head up the small hill to the end station of the railway up the mountain when Brett spotted a bit of ice cream on Eddy's face.  
"Stand still", he commanded, reaching up to Eddy's face and wiping away the ice cream with his thumb like a mother would with her child. Eddy just stood there, confused to what was happening.  
"You had ice cream on your face", Brett explained once he let his hand drop. "Let's go."  
Eddy stood dumbfounded for a second while Brett took a few steps ahead, but he quickly closed the gap with his longer legs and grabbed a hold of Brett's hand and held him back.  
"I think you got something on your face too. Here, let me get that for you", he said with a sly smile before leaning in to kiss him.

They eventually got to the entrance of the white stone building that was the entrance of the railroad they were getting on, and Brett had his hands occupied with the camera.  
"Flllløøøøøiiibanen", he read out loud, filming the large letters over the entrance. He pointed the camera towards Eddy, who also was looking up at the sign.  
"It's pretty far up that mountain", he commented, partly to the camera and partly to himself. He turned to face the camera. "Appearently, according to that sign over there, there's an app you can get tickets on, so I'm just gonna do that on my phone real quick", he said, grabbing his phone from his pocket. He had already downloaded the app before they started filming, so it was real quick.  
"Hey Brett, do you think we are "barn" or "voksen"?" he asked with a short laugh, showing Brett the screen of his phone while he was still filming.  
"I feel like a barn, you know, with hay and stuff", Brett grinned behind camera. "Nah, I dunno? What does that even mean?" He turned the camera to face himself.  
"Guys, if you know Norwegian? What does that even mean? Let us know in the comments below."  
"I'm getting the "voksen" ones, because they are the most expensive. To be safe and stuff, you know?" Eddy said, tapping on his screen.  
"Alright, tickets are ready. Let's head inside!" Eddy said enthusiastically and went ahead into the station.


	111. Chapter 111

They shut off the camera while queueing. Appearently, quite a lot of other tourists had the same idea as them of going up this particular mountain, and the line stretched far into what looked and felt like a cave. The two boys had gotten themselves a spot on a wooden bench along one of the walls, and Brett was resting his head on Eddy's shoulder while they waited for the large Japanese tourist group to move onto what looked like some kind of tram, except it was traveling steeply uphill. The whole group didn't fit, so some of them had to wait for the next one.

The two boys didn't mind waiting for the next one to avoid being in the cramped space with the other tourists. Besides, just sitting on the bench together like this was nice. Eddy's hand was resting on Brett's knee, the gold of his ring glimmering in the dimly lit station. He caught himself looking at it and smiling to himself. The idea of marrying Brett felt so strange, but yet right.  
"Do you think we should wear matching suits at our wedding?" Eddy suddenly asked, jolting the half asleep Brett awake.  
"What, uh... I don't know? What do you want?" Brett asked, sitting up straighter and rubbing his eyes gently. The question caught him off guard, but in a good way. To actually talk about the wedding gave him butterflies.  
"I don't know either. Won't get that 'wow'-moment then though, because we'll know what the other is wearing", Eddy considered, trying to imagine it in his head.  
Brett placed his hand on top of Eddy's.  
"You mean like when the groom sees his bride for the first time in the dress?" he asked as the tram finally left the station with the first part of the Japanese tourist group. Brett followed it with his eyes as it went up the hill on its tracks.  
"Yeah, except neither of us will be wearing a dress. Unless you really want to, of course. I won't stop you." He grinned and looked down at Brett who stuck his tongue out at him.  
"I feel no deserate need for that, no", he said with a jokingly annoyed snort. "But if you want that moment, just with suits, we can do that. It would be nice."

Another couple of minutes passed as the two of them watched the crowd in silence. Brett's hand was resting comfortably over Eddy's on Brett's knee.  
"I don't even know how we'll have time to plan a wedding, if I'm honest", Brett eventually interrupted the silence, looking up at Eddy again. "I didn't think that far."  
"We'll figure something out. It would be nice to have an actual wedding, though, and not just head up to the courthouse to get it sorted", Eddy replied, leaning over to kiss Brett's forehead. Brett snorted.  
"I hope you didn't think I wanted that kind of wedding, because then you might not know me as well as you think", he said, squeezing Eddy's hand lightly.  
"Have you thought about how you want it then, since you've had the opportunity to plan longer than I have?" Eddy asked, turning slightly on the bench to look into his fiancé's gorgeous brown eyes. His pale cheeks got a hint of colour, and Eddy couldn't help but smile a bit. "You have, haven't you?"  
Brett kissed him quickly to try and stop Eddy's lips from forming that teasing smile he knew so well.  
"I have", he finally admitted, cheeks turning redder as he did. He watched Eddy's expression carefully, but that teasing smile didn't come. Instead, Eddy turned about as red as Brett was. "Especially after I got the ring."  
Eddy leaned in to kiss him again, longer this time. Brett followed his lead willingly, moving his available hand to Eddy's cheek. When they pulled away, Eddy's smile was wide.  
"'Especially' after you got the ring?", he asked, still way closer to Brett's face than what was considered normal in public. Brett blushed harder.  
"The... the thought of it crossed my mind... you know when we did the most overplayed pieces video?" Brett asked, trying to not die from embarrasment. Eddy's face was a mixture of joking shock and actual shock in that moment.  
"We are not having Canon in D in our wedding, Brett, that's where I draw the line", he said followed by giggles. The actual shock came from the fact that Eddy genuinly had no idea how Brett had felt at the time.  
"Nono, that was a joke, I promise, but you know wh...when you asked when my wedding was gonna be?" Brett stumbled over his words now from embarrasment. He was finally realizing how long he had been crushing on Eddy, and it had been a while, despite the fact that he had been denying it to himself for a very long time.  
"That's when you first thought of it?" Eddy asked, almost in disbelief. "I was blind for so long, oh my god." The last part was added as a whisper, sounding almost sad.  
"Or I was actually somewhat good at hiding it, you know", Brett said, kissing him again to stop him from having that sad look on his face. "For a while I even hid it for myself, so I must have been good at it."  
"I'm sorry you had to hide it, Brett. I should have realized sooner", Eddy said, biting his lips, but Brett just shook his head.  
"It wouldn't have ended like this though, would it? If you'd found out before, I mean", he said, taking Eddy's hand between his, touching the ring carefully with his index finger. "Because I probably wouldn't have had that breakdown, and you wouldn't have felt sorry for me in the same way, wouldn't have said you liked me even though you didn't and then wouldn't have fallen for me." He took a deep, shaky breath before looking back up at Eddy's eyes again. "I wouldn't have wanted it any other way, honestly."

Eddy swallowed hard, trying to grasp the fact that Brett was right. Had Brett calmly told him he had a crush on him, he wouldn't have reacted the way he did, and while there still was a chance he'd eventually develope a crush on Brett it wouldn't be the same. Maybe Brett would have gotten over him by then? Tears stung his eyes, but he tried to play it off by laughing.  
"Well, I was an idiot for not falling for you before, then", he laughed as the first tear ran down his cheek. Brett furrowed his eye brows and reached out to wipe it away for him.  
"It's okay, Eddy. I'm just glad it sorted itself out. You don't have to cry, it's okay", he said, trying to find the right thing to say to stop Eddy's tears.  
 _That's it, Bretty, make him cry. Drive him away. It's probably better for him to stay away from you, anyway._  
Brett bit the inside of his cheek hard when the voice spoke in his head. He tried to tell it to shut up in his head, but it wouldn't. Instead he opted to ignore it for now, despite the fact that its words echoed through his head.  
"I must have been blind anyway, to not fall for you before it got to that", Eddy said, trying to wipe his own tears. He felt weird, he wasn't really sad. It was a mixture between tears of happiness and tears from guilt. He was so happy it had turned out like this, but at the same time he felt so guilty about decieving Brett, about lying, about the fact that he could have been the only reason this wouldn't have happened.  
"I'm just glad you did, Eddy. Please don't cry, I don't want you to cry." Brett's voice was cracking up at the end, the voice's words still repeating in the back of his mind. He wanted it to shut up, but it just wouldn't.  
"I love you so fucking much, okay?" Eddy said firmly, taking Brett's face between his hands carefully. "And it's gonna stay that way forever now, okay? We're gonna be together forever."  
The voice in Brett's head paused at Eddy's words, and Brett's eyes locked onto Eddy's, who was searching for confirmation in his expression. Brett nodded, weakly at first, but then firmer.  
"Forever", he said, a smile forming on his lips again, not only from the fact that he felt like the luckiest man in the world, but also from the fact that Eddy had made the voice in his head shut up. "That's why I gave you the ring."  
Eddy leaned in and kissed him again, and Brett wouldn't want it any other way.


	112. Chapter 112

Finally it was their turn to step on what looked like some kind of tram, but in steps. They got a compartment with only one seat available, but Brett offered to stand so Eddy could sit in exchange for Eddy holding the camera.  
"You could sit on my lap, though", Eddy suggested, patting lightly on his thigh to emphasize. Brett smiled, loving the idea, but realized they couldn't do that right now.  
"We're making a video, love, remember?" he said apologetically followed by a kiss to the top of his head. "Maybe on the way back down?"  
Eddy nodded, not exactly disappointed, but not happy either. He grabbed the camera from the backpack and got it ready while Brett leaned against one of the walls.

A few minutes later, the driver climbed on board and up they went. Eddy started the camera, and pointed it at Brett.  
"Hey Brett, what are we doing right now?" he asked in a cheery tone, zooming in closer on Brett's face.  
"We aare... Going up the mountain!" he cheered just as they stopped on the first stop of the railway. "Or not anymore, appearently." He laughed after the last part.  
"It's just a stop, Bretty, no worries", Eddy laughed sweetly behind camera, moving it to show the stop where a few people had gotten off. "Looks like we're already pretty high up though, and appearently there's more stops. How high does it go, anyway?"  
Brett looked out the window as they started moving upwards again.  
"Dunno man, but this his already making me nervous", Brett commented, looking out the sky window of the carriage.  
"You scared of heights, bro?", Eddy asked teasingly, still from behind the camera.  
Brett flashed his deadpan face for the camera.  
"Nah, nope. I'm not scared of anything, and you know it", he said, trying to sound convincing for the camera despite the fact that he felt slightly dizzy from looking out the window. He wasn't scared of heights normally, but there wss something about the angle of the hill or the carriage or... Something. He swallowed hard, leaning to one of the few walls without a window. They just kept getting higher.  
"You sure you're not scared then?", Eddy teased, reaching over to poke Brett's arm, but got slapped away.  
"Stop Eddy, it isn't funny", he said stiffly. Eddy reached out again, not realizing Brett was serious, but this time Brett actually smacked his hand hard.  
"Stop it, I'm not joking! Turn the fucking camera off", he said, more panic visible in his voice now. Eddy furrowed his brows and put the camera away.  
"You okay?" he asked Brett who looked like he'd seen a ghost at this point. Eddy stood up from his seat and stepped over to him. "Bretty?"  
Brett shook his head hard, sinking to a seated position on the floor to avoid passing out. Some of the other passengers were staring at this point, but nobody said anything. Eddy followed him down, sitting on his knees and placing his arms tightly around Brett.  
"Shh, it's okay", Eddy mumbled, feeling Brett use him to hide his face.  
"I've never been scares of heights before", Brett whispered, still not daring to look. Eddy rubbed his back gently.  
"I felt the butterflies from this too, though. I don't usually feel that", Eddy replied, trying to calm the shaky man in his arms as they passed what seemed to be the last stop before the top.  
"You're not panicking", Brett countered bitterly. "It's just stupid, I'm sorry." He still hadn't dared to open his eyes, worried he'd panic harder if he did.  
"It's not stupid, it's a natural reaction", Eddy mumbled, kissing the top of Brett's head. The carriage sliwed down before easing its way into the final stop. "Looks like we're here, though", he said, running a hand through Brett's hair, and Brett just nodded quietly, making no sign of moving.


	113. Chapter 113

After a lot of coaxing and assuring, Eddy finally convinced the older man to get off the carriage and back onto solid ground. Brett was still clinging tightly to Eddy's arm while the adrenaline wore off.  
"I don't know what the fuck that was", Brett said, annoyed with himself for acting so weird. "I've never been scared of heights, never!"  
Eddy kissed the side of his head and laughed a bit.  
"I know you haven't, which is why I thought you were joking at first." They sat down on a bench quite a bit away from the observation platform they had noticed just outside the railway stop, Eddy thinking it would be a good idea to calm Brett's adrenaline before going to look at the view of the city.  
"I swear I thought I'd puke all over the place", Brett sighed, leaning his head on Eddy's shoulder. "Hope I survive the trip back down."  
Eddy placed his arm around him.  
"You will. Maybe it was because you were standing?"  
Brett shrugged and took Eddy's other hand between his.  
"We'll see."

Eventually, Brett decided he was ready to get back to filming and grabbed the camera from Eddy's backpack. The wind was quite intense, so they decided to try the fluff cover for their external field microphone. They had a joke about it being a hamster, but the joke died down eventually.  
"Alright, I'll film, you'll talk", Brett decided with a grin, watching his fiancé struggle to get his hair away from his face in the wind.  
"Okay, whatever you want, love", Eddy said, still focusing on his hair. Brett couldn't help but stare at how gorgeous he looked for a second, but he quickly snapped out of it.  
"Ready?"  
"Yeah", Eddy replied, giving up on his hair. Brett started rolling.

"Hey guys, we are here at Fløyen, which is basically a mountain. We took the carriage thing up, Brett almost died, but we made it!" Eddy told the camera and gesticulating around him at the right moments.  
Brett huffed behind camera at the mention of the incident earlier.  
"Hey now, I don't rat you out when you freak out over roaches", he commented behind camera with a snort. Eddy laughed at the comment.  
"Anywayyyy... We're definitely checking out that café over there after seeing the view", Eddy continued, pointing to the café behind him.  
"Your treat, right?" Brett asked jokingly, zooming in on Eddy.  
"Sure, since you spent all your money recently", Eddy replied with a grin, scratching his shoulder with his left hand to low key show of the ring.  
Brett turned the camera towards himself, filming himself from a weird angle.  
"Just for the record, it wasn't all my money", he commented with a laugh. "Now go practice, y'all."

He turned off the camera again and went over to Eddy to put it back in his backpack.  
"I'll take that as you're definitely not into keeping it a secret for the fans anymore?" Brett asked with a grin while zipping up the backpack. Eddy turned back to face him again once the backpack was closed.  
"I mean, they can speculate for a bit, right, but we'll still have to tell them properly eventually", he said, taking Brett's hand. "But if you don't want them to know just yet, we can just cut that part?" He sounded unsure, and honestly he was worried he'd taken it too far.  
"No, no! I want the whole world to know I love you so fucking much, alright?" he said, tiptoeing to kiss him quickly. Eddy smiled into the kiss, his worry disappearing like dew in the sun.  
"Love you too, fiancé", he grinned, squeezing his hand lightly. "Ready to see the view?"


	114. Chapter 114

Brett held the camera as Eddy walked down the few steps to the observation platform, leaning against the railing.  
"That is... Wow, that's a view!" he exclaimed, feeling the wind tug his hair. He turned to face Brett and the camera with an amazed smile. "If any of you get the chance to come here... Just wow."  
Brett grinned behind camera at how insanely cute Eddy was when rambling about the view. Eddy turned again to look at the view.  
"That's The Grieg Hall over there, right?" Eddy asked, pointing to it. Brett did his best to zoom in on it from where he was standing, slightly away from the edge. He was not keen on another panic attack.  
"Looks like it", he commented behind the camera, zooming back out to focus on Eddy again.  
"Wow, well guys, you should totally check this place out, this is... Insane, I have no words. I get where Grieg got inspiration from now", Eddy said with a laugh, and Brett laughed with him.  
"Dude, I don't think this was built yet when Grieg was alive", he said, trying to stop himself from laughing so that it would be possible to hear Eddy's reply, but some giggles still escaped.  
"Ohhh right... You might have a point."

After some more comments and a few jokes, they turned off the camera to actually be able to enjoy the view together. That was, except the fact that Brett didn't dare to step any closer to the edge.  
"Come on, Brett, gotta face your fears. I'll hold you", Eddy said, offering his hand. He didn't want to push Brett into it, but he didn't want Brett to regret not having a proper look either.  
"It's fine, I don't need to see it", Brett said, feeling his stomach twist. "We should totally go check out that café though."  
Eddy sighed a bit.  
"Come on, you'll regret not coming over here. The view is gorgeous."  
Brett shook his head.  
"I can see most of it from here, it's... It's fine."  
 _He already knew you were a coward, but you just keep on confirming it. Good job._

Brett wanted to scream when the voice spoke, but wrapped his arms around himself instead.  
"It's fine", he repeated, quieter this time, moving his eyes down to the grey stone step he was standing on.

Eddy finally caught on and stepped back onto the level Brett was standing on.  
"Shh, Bretty, you don't have to if you don't want to...", he said, moving to wrap his arms around the smaller man who looked even smaller now.  
 _He thinks you're being stupid for ruining what could have been a nice time. You always ruin everything. First the ride up, now looking at the view._

Brett shrugged Eddy's arms off, taking a step back. It felt wrong after what the voice had said.  
 _Good boy, finally learning. You don't deserve him touching you._

"Brett, what's going on?", Eddy asked with furrowed brows. "Talk to me. What is happening in your head?"  
Brett shook his head quietly and turned to head back to the railway stop. If he just went back to the hotel, maybe Eddy could have a nice time on his own, and he wouldn't be in the way, ruining the mood.  
Eddy grabbed Brett's hand and oulled him into a tight hug, ignoring him struggling to get away. The tears finally forced themselves out, and Brett broke down crying again.  
"L... Let me go...", Brett whispered in between sobs. "I just ruin everything."  
Eddy rubbed his back gently, trying not to think about how he still seemed to be bad for Brett despite them having a plan to talk about things. He knew it wasn't true, but the hint of doubt was still itching in the back of his mind.  
"You haven't ruined anything, Brett. Did the voice tell you that? It is not true, I promise."

Eddy sat them down on the stone step, still with his arms tightly around the smaller man. They ended up sitting there for a while until Brett's breathing was slightly more stable. Eddy shot some annoyed glances at people staring at them, but kept rubbing Brett's back calmly.  
"I'm sorry, I don't know what that was", Brett mumbled. "My brain is just all over the place today."  
Eddy kissed the top of his head softly.  
"It's okay, you being okay is always the most important", he mumbled, feeling Brett hold him slightly tighter.  
"You shouldn't have to worry about me", Brett sighed, hiding his face in Eddy's neck.  
"I don't mind, honestly", Eddy replied, feeling a drop of rain hit his head. He looked up at the greying sky, and another droplet hit his cheek. "Wanna go check out the café? My treat."


	115. Chapter 115

Brett was watching their things at one of the bright yellow chairs of the café. He was sitting with his back towards the door, seeing Eddy by the counter ordering them coffee and some pastries. Brett was actually getting kind of hungry by now, and the café smelled like freshly baked pastries.  
Eddy came back with their coffees and went to the counter again to grab their pastries.  
"Thank you", Brett said with a tiny smile, trying to force himself back into the happy mood he was in earlier. He wanted this to be a good experience for Eddy, and the fact that he might have already ruined that was scraping through his mind.

Eddy sat down across from him and placed his hand on top of Brett's.  
"I think I owe you that much", Eddy said, rubbing his thumb over the top of his hand. "For making my life a million times better."  
Brett looked down at their hands, seeing Eddy's ring glimmer as the daylight from the window hit it. The sight of it made his stomach tickle, but it also made him feel guilty.  
"Do I, though?" he mumbled, leaning his head on his available hand. "It feels like I'm forcing you, or tricking you, into caring about me."  
Eddy took a sip of his coffee, burning his lip slightly in the process. He tried to think of the right thing to say.  
"I don't know how to prove to you that's not the case, honestly", he finally said, putting the cup down. "All I know is that I love you, and that it hurts to see you struggle. I want you to be alright."  
Brett looked away, tears stinging his eyes. He tried to blink them away.  
"I'm sorry I'm not alright", he whispered, trying his best to hide the fact that he was crying in public again.  
"It's not your fault, Brett." Eddy reached over the table and wipes a tear running down his cheek. "We'll figure it out, I promise."

After a couple of minutes of wiping tears and breathing, Brett finally calmed down enough to have a sip of the coffee Eddy has bought for him. It was a good coffee, and the feeling of the warm drink running down his throat calmed him down further. He noticed he was holding tension in his shoulders and let it go and relaxed.  
Eddy could see and feel his fiancé calm down, and he smiled a bit to himself as he turned into the sweet, calm Brett he remembered noticing in the classroom when they met for the first time all those years ago.

"I think I wanna try to havea look at the view later, if that's alright with you", he said softly, taking a bite of the lukewarm pastry Eddy had gotten him. Eddy looked up from his coffee.  
"Sure, if you're sure you want to. You don't have to if you don't feel up to it."  
Brett shrugged.  
"I feel alright right now", Brett said, actually not completely lying. He felt fragile, but not really out of it like he had earlier. "But only if you're there with me, though, so if you're done with the view we can do something else."  
Eddy smiled and leaned over the table to touch his arm.  
"I'd love to look at the view with you, let me know when you want to head out."

Brett nodded and had another sip of his coffee along with a bite of the sweet pastry. Eddy had a taste of his pastry too, and made an impressed face.  
"Damn, I didn't expect this to be that good", he commented, still chewing. Brett snorted.  
"You're spitting it all over. You sure it's good?" he joked with a smile, putting his cup down on the table. Eddy swallowed it before giving him a look.  
"It was good alright? I can't help my need to express it."

The two boys shared a laugh just as the door opened behind Brett and an old lady Eddy didn't recognize stepped in. He didn't really take much notice of it before she walked past their table and over to the counter, because when she stepped into Brett's line of sight he lit up.  
"Berit?" he asked, looking more cheery than before, and the old lady turned around.  
"Oh my, Brett? What are you doing here? It's so nice to see you!" She put her hands together and smiled like she had just met a long lost grandchild. She turned to Eddy with a warm smile. "And you must be Eddy! It's nice to finally meet you! Do you boys mind if I join you? I'll just get me a coffee, give me a second", she said without waiting for an answer, and headed over to the counter to place an order.  
Eddy turned towards Brett again with a questioning look. How on earth did Brett know anyone, especially an old lady, in Norway?  
"Oh uh, she helped me out twice. The first time when I couldn't find you in thw concert hall, and then again when you broke up with me. Got some sense into me again, and all", Brett explained quickly, running a hand through his hair with a shy smile. "Is it okay with you that she..?"  
Eddy shrugged and smiled.  
"I mean, she seems nice, and if she's a friend of yours I guess I should know her too."

A minute later, Berit sat down next to Brett with a big smile.  
"It's so nice to see you boys made up", she said, mostly to Brett, but giving Eddy a smile too. Brett smiled back.  
"I'd say you really helped that, honestly, Berit", Brett said, reaching over to grab Eddy's hand on the table. Eddy didn't really know what to say, so he didn't say anything.  
"Oh, and I didn't get to tell you, Eddy, your playing on the concert was fantastic! I have never heard anything as well played as that evening!" Her old lady vibe eased Eddy up quickly, which wss a relief to Brett.  
"Thank you, it's always nice to hear", he replied, sipping his coffee.  
It was quiet for a second while Berit sipped her coffee, and Brett tried to think of something to say. Berit put her cup down on the table and wraooed her hands around it.  
"So, why are you up here, Berit?" Brett asked, still with his hand touching Eddy's on the table top.  
"Oh, I come here every day. It's always nice to see the different tourists coming by!" she said with a warm smile. "And did I not find some tourists to talk to, hm?"  
Brett laughed at the last part.  
"You did, you did", he smiled. "Oh, Berit, would you like a pastry? It's the least I can do after the nice dinner you made."

Eddy followed Brett with his eyes as he walked over to the counter to buy Berit a pastry. He turned his eyes back over to the old lady across the table and smiled politely, not sure what to say. He ran a hand through his bangs to move them away from his eyes. Berit smiled at the sight of the gold ring on his finger.  
"So you did say yes?" she asked with a smile, sipping her coffee again. Eddy looked down on his finger with a smile.  
"Yeah, I did", he said, smiling fondly at the memory. "But I have to say, thank you for what you've done for Brett. I don't really know the details, but anyone who's there for him when I'm not is a hero in my eyes, honestly."  
Berit laughed a bit at that comment.  
"Who wouldn't help him in the state I found him in, honestly?" she said with a short laugh. "And also, you're friendly with my granddaughter. What kind of grandmother would I be to not help her friends out?"  
Eddy furrowed his brows in confusion.  
"Your granddaughter?" he asked, not really understanding what she was talking about. Just as he said that, Brett sat down and handed the green plate with the pastry over to Berit.  
"There you go, I had them warm it up for you", he said with a smile, and Berit patted him on the shoulder.  
"Aren't you a good boy", she said, all grandmotherly and taking a bite. "Ohh, that was a good one. Thank you, young man."  
Eddy couldn't help but smile a bit. Berit seemed like a nice lady. Then he realized who she was.  
"Oh! You're Victoria's grandmother!" he exclaimed, probably slightly too loud for the little café. Brett looked shocked from Eddy to Berit and back to Eddy.  
"What?" he asked, giving Eddy a confused look. "Is she?"  
Berit almost spat out her coffee at the confusion.  
"Yes, I am!" she laughed. "You hadn't figured that out yet, Brett?"

After almost an hour of chatting, Berit decided it was time for her ro head back home as she was expecting a friend over for dinner. Brett gave her a hug, and she took initiative to give Eddy a hug as well.  
"Thank you, boys, for keeping me young", she said before heading out, leaving Brett and Eddy in the café.  
"So she's the one who put you back together when I fucked up?" Eddy asked, intertwining their fingers on the table top.  
Brett shrugged.  
"Well, yeah. I'm just glad it worked out", he said, his eyes resting on Eddy's ring again.  
"She's my new hero, then", Eddy said. "I can't believe I didn't know the woman who gave me my man back."  
Brett looked up at Eddy quickly before his eyes was drawn back to their hands again.  
"We would've figured it out eventually", Brett mumbled, running a finger over the back if Eddy's hand. Eddy let out a sigh.  
"Would we have, though?" he asked, feeling Brett's touch tickle him slightly. He loved the feeling.  
Brett became quiet for a while, and Eddy had to look up to check that he wasn't breaking down again.  
"No, we wouldn't", Brett finally concluded with a sigh. "I don't think I would have managed to live with it, if I'm honest."  
Eddy squeezed his hand lightly. He didn't want to think about what could have happened, but the thought flashed through his mind and made his stomach hurt.  
"I guess Berit saved us, then. Saved our relationship."  
Brett nodded.  
"Yes, she really did. I'm eternally grateful for it."

It was quiet again while Brett had a sip of his coffee. Eddy watched as his lips laid softly over the edge of the cup, smiling fondly.  
"You know what, we'll invite her to our wedding, okay?" he stated, and this time it was Brett's turn to almost spit out his coffee.  
"I'm not sure if she can afford the travel though, I haven't asked about stuff like that...", Brett said, furrowing his brows. "Isn't that a bit much to ask of her?"  
Eddy leaned over the table and kissed Brett's coffee stained lips, smiling into it.  
"I'll pay for it. That'll be my engagement gift to you."  
Brett stared stunned at him for a second before snapping out of it.  
"You're serious?" he asked, a smile spreading on his face. Eddy nodded and smiled bsck at him before Brett threw himself around his neck in a hug.  
"I love you so much. Thank you", Brett whispered, kissing him again.  
"I love you too", Eddy replied, hugging him back. Seeing Brett this happy was the best thing Eddy knew.


	116. Chapter 116

A couple of days later, the two boys had checked out of the hotel with their suitcases in hand and violins on their backs. They were heading to the light rail stop by the park, and Eddy could feel his hands get clammy and his stomach twisting just from the thought. It was early in the morning, the sun would have just gotten up if it wasn't for the heavy clouds resting over their heads. The few people around them were all cleverly dressed in rain coats, despite the fact that it wasn't raining just yet.

"You okay, love?" Brett asked as they approached the park. They had to walk close by it to get to the light rail stop, and Brett could feel Eddy getting uneasy.  
"I.. Uh, yeah, it's fine", Eddy mumbled, not really convincingly. His breathing was picking up its pace, and it was making him slightly dizzy.  
Brett reached out to grab his hand and stopped them a few meters before the stop.  
"You never really told me what happened, Eddy. We have some time now before we have to get on the light rail. Want to talk about it?"  
Eddy tried to calm his breathing as he tried to decide what to say to Brett. His entire body screamed to just get the hell out of there, to escape this place with the bad memories. Logically, though, he knew that it wasn't unlikely it would help him feel better if he talked about it. He knew he wanted Brett to talk about stuff, at least.

"C... Can I just... Show you?" he asked, swallowing hard. He did absolutely not want to retrace his steps of that night, but there he was.  
Brett nodded and followed Eddy to where they would get on the light rail later.  
"Uh, he... He was holding... My arm...", Eddy stuttered, showing on himself how his arm had been held, not sure how to explain. He paused.  
"Use me to show, you'll be Chris and I'll be you. Maybe don't hold as hard, though", Brett offered, despite the fact that they still had their suitcases. Eddy swallowed again, trying to collect his thoughts. Maybe it would be easier if he wasn't acting like himself while explaining.

He placed his larger hand on Brett's arm, just like Chris had done to him that night. The ratio of hand to arm was relatively accurate, snd it made Eddy's stomach hurt.  
"I was... Drunk, so I didn't realize where he..." His voice trailed off as he pulled Brett with him, following the path Chris had that night.  
Brett followed willingly, paying careful attention to Eddy's mood. It felt weird for Eddy to hold his arm like that, but he wanted to understand.  
"I swear, I tried to fight back when I realized..." Eddy said, getting choked up with tears.  
"I know you did, I know you would. It's not your fault, Eddy", Brett assured, not really able to physically comfort him with Eddy's hand around his arm like that. Eddy nodded quietly, moving ng them further towards the bush and the lamp post he had felt against his back.  
"H... He...", Eddy began as they approached the bush. He gently moved Brett to stand with his back against the same lamp post, careful not to push him against it wihen he had his violin on his back. Then he leaned down and kissed Brett. The kiss was soft, but he understood that on thst night it hadn't been.

Eddy's tears ran down his cheeks, and his hands were trembling intensely.  
"This is when he... T... Touched me, but I'm not gonna..." Eddy stuttered, removing his hand from Brett's arm and wiping his tears. Brett didn't really know what to say,so instead he let go of his suitcase and hugged his fiancé.  
"I'm so sorry you had to go through that", he whispered to the trembling man. "But thank you for showing me."  
"Thank you for dealing with me", Eddy replied, hugging him back. He hadn't expected it to actually help as much as it did.


	117. Chapter 117

Finally, the two boys sat down on the light rail with their violins and their suitcases. Eddy had calmed down quite a lot from the park situation, and was resting his head on Brett's shoulder while Brett rested his head against the window.  
"I can't wait to get home, but I also don't want to go home", Eddy mumbled, closing his eyes as sleepiness hit him. It was too early to exist yet, and he'd already used up all his mental energy for the day.  
"I get you", Brett replied, placing his arm around Eddy. "It'll suck to not be with you all the time anymore."  
Eddy furrowed his brows. That was a part of going home he hadn't really thought about before Brett mentioned it. He had gotten so used to falling asleep next to Brett, he wasn't sure he'd be able to sleep without him.  
"That will suck", Eddy sighed as the out of tune music played and the light rail pulled into Fantoft light rail stop.

A few moments later, Brett spotted a familiar girl get onto the same carriage as them. Her long wavy hair was in a high ponytail, and her violin case was unmistakable.  
"Victoria?" Brett asked, and she turned around with a surprised smile.  
"Brett? Eddy?" she asked surprised. "I thought you guys left yesterday?" She walked over to stand closer to them.  
"No, no, the flight is at eleven", Brett said, moving his arm to let Eddy sit up. "Why on earth are you up so early, though?"  
"On my way to meet a friend for breakfast", she said with a wide smile that revealed something more.  
"Right, a friend", Eddy mumbled, trying to hide his laughing. He was still fighting to stay awake.  
"Okay, okay, my new duet partner. I admit it", she laughed. "Gotta be careful about those, suddenly you're engaged to them."  
Brett and Eddy looked at each other, both questioning who told her they actually got engaged, before Victoria broke the silence.  
"Grandma told me. I'm glad you figured it out. Can I see the ring, though?"

A few of minutes and a lot of chatting later, Victoria got off the light rail, hugging both of them and making them promise to stay in touch before disappearing with the crowd. Eddy leaned back onto Brett again, to try and rest some the last few minutes before the stress of an airport would hit them. Brett placed his arm around him again, kissing the side of his head.  
"I love you, Eddy", Brett said, smiling to himself.  
"I love you too", Eddy mumbled, followed by a yawn. "But bow I want you to shut up so I can sleep for a bit. Wake me up when we get there, please love."  
"Of course", Brett replied, kissing his head again and letting him sleep.

The out of tune music played again and the lady announced they were approaching Flesland, the airport. Brett started to gather their things, trying not to wake Eddy before they were actually there.  
The light movement of his human pillow did wake Eddy up, though, and he yawned.  
"We there?" he asked tiredly, rubbing his eyes. Brett jumped when he heard Eddy's voice.  
"Arriving right now, actually", he said, giving him a peck on his lips. "Let's go."

Eddy was dragging his suitcase to the bag drop after they had checked in. He was so ready to get rid of it and just get going. Brett half ran behind his long-legged fiancé to keep up.  
"Heyhey, not everyone has three meters long legs", he called out to him with a laugh. Eddy groaned.  
"You'll have to wait for me to send the luggage anyway", he jokingly complained, but slowed down so Brett could catch up just as they reached the little conveyor belt. Eddy put his suitcase down and scanned the tag, watching it disappear into the machinery that was the luggage handling system of Bergen Airport. Then he took Brett's suitcase and did the same.  
"Dude I could do that myself", Brett said with a small smile, actually liking Eddy taking care of him. Eddy shrugged.  
"Or I could do it for you", he said before taking his hand and heading through the ticket scan.

Brett watched as the security officer asked Eddy to join a different queue to get the line to move quicker. Eddy did as requested, leaving Brett in the line they had been in. Nothing completely unusual, really. It haooened every once in a while.  
Brett placed his violin case to send through the scanner and got one of the grey trays for the rest of his stuff.  
He sent the tray through and was about to go through the scanner when the tiny, even tinier than Brett, middle aged lady who worked there stopped him.  
"Sir, please take your glasses off as well", she said politely, finding another gray tray for him to send his glasses in. Hesitantly, he took his glasses off, blinked a few times before placing them in the gray blob that was the tray. He wasn't completely blind without his glasses, but was pretty much useless at seeing anything but vague shapes

"Step right through here, sir", Eddy was asked by a tall, muscular man. He was very surprised when the machine beeped. Instinctively, he checked his pockets for any lose change or maybe his keys. He had a habit of forgetting small stuff like a single coin, but this time they were empty.  
"I think you may have forgotten your ring, sir", the security officer pointed out to him when he saw his confused look, and Eddy quickly realized his mistake.  
"Oh, shit, sorry. Just got engaged, first time flying with it", Eddy said and reached to grab a tray for his ring. He carefully placed it in, and it was sent off into the scanner.  
He stepped through the metal detector again, and this time it was quiet.  
"All clear. Congrats on your engagement", the security guard said with a smile.  
"Thank you", Eddy mumbled, blushing, before heading over to gather his stuff.

Meanwhile, Brett was realizing how little he could actually see without his glasses. Most importantly, he could not see his glasses.  
"Shit", he mumbled to himself as several blobs that he assumed would be the trays passing through the machine started gathering in the pickup area. He had no idea which ones were his.  
He tried to get the attention of an officer, but he couldn't really see which of the blurry people were officers anymore. Around him, people were grabbing their stuff and new trays came through the scanner. A mild panic hit Brett. How the fuck would he get his stuff? Eddy was in a different line, probably waiting for him.  
"You need any help with that?" a familiar voice asked behind him, and he turned around quickly to a soft peck on his lips. It was Eddy.  
"Thank god, do you see my glasses anywhere?" he asked, running a hand through his hair in relief.  
Eddy reached into the tray right in front of Brett and handed him his glasses.  
"Sometimes I forget how blind you actually are", he said followed by a snicker.  
"Shut up", Brett mumbled, not really annoyed, while putting his glasses back on and started gathering his things. They had a flight to get to.


	118. Chapter 118

The flights had gone smoothly except a bit of running in between flights, they had fetched their luggage and was finally standing outside Brett's house. Eddy had insisted he could walk home from Brett's house, but neither of them moved from outside Brett's front door.  
"So... I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" Eddy said, feeling a bit unsure. It felt weird to go home, to not join Brett inside and cuddle up with him. He did need to wash his clothes and stuff, though, and they would see each other tomorrow anyway.  
"Yeah, for dinner as usual, right?" Brett asked, licking his lower lip. He didn't really want Eddy to go home yet, but he knew logically it would be easier that way.  
"Of course", Eddy replied with a smile, reaching out to take Brett's hand. "I'll see you tomorrow."  
"Text me when you get home, so I know you made it home safe, yeah?" Brett requested, looking up into Eddy's eyes. The taller boy laughed a bit.  
"I've walked home, the same route, every day for years. You've never asked me to text you when I get home before", he laughed before kissing him softly. "But I will. Love you."  
"Love you too", Brett replied as Eddy let his hand go and turned to head home.

Brett watched until Eddy was out of view before dragging his suitcase inside his house and kicking his shoes off. He set his violin down and dragged his feet over to the couch and laid down, face down. He felt absolutely exhausted, both mentally and physically. His stomach growled, reminding him of their meal together at a restaurant in the airport in Dubai, where they had a few hours between flights.  
"I should eat", he muttered to himself, turning around on the couch to lie on his back. Getting up felt like so much work.

He eventually placed his phone on the living room table and turned to stare at it, waiting for Eddy's text. It felt silly, and he caught himself wondering if he had become too dependent on Eddy. He concluded that he just needed to know he had made it home, to be sure he'd be there tomorrow at dinner.  
He sat up quickly with a large smile when his phone lit up, seeing Eddy's name on the notification.

 _23:56_ **Eddy:** Made it home, didn't die x

Eddy locked his phone again as he dragged the suitcase with him to the washing machine. Much easier access to his dirty laundry from there. His laundry-doing was interrupted when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out.

 _23:57_ **Brett:** Good to hear <3 Miss you, though

Eddy smiled at his phone, feeling his heart flutter. Brett was such a sweet guy, something Eddy really loved about him. He touched the ring on his left hand with his thumb before replying.

 _23:59_ **Eddy:** I miss you too <3 It's gonna be hard to sleep without you

Brett blushed at the message, smiling like an idiot. He was feeling the tiredness from a long travel hit him, and decided to get ready for bed while texting Eddy back.

 _00:03_ **Brett:** I'm gonna have a hard time sleeping without hearing you say good night at least <\3

By the time Eddy recieved Brett's message, he had already brushed his teeth and laid down in bed. He tried to make himself comfortable, no position really felt right. Hebgrsbbed his phone from the bedside table and read Brett's message.  
"Pft, we can fix that", he mumbled to himself, finding Brett's contact and giving him a call.

Brett jumped when his phone rang, but felt his heart melt into a puddle when he saw the photo of Eddy on the screen. He packed the duvet tighter around himself and answered the phone.  
 _"Hey, love",_ he heard in the other end, and he smiled to himself.  
"Hey", he said in a sleepy voice, feeling that warm fuzzy feeling inside. "It's so nice to hear your voice."  
He heard Eddy's giggles through the phone.  
 _"You saw me not even two hours ago",_ he said, and Brett imagined Eddy's smile as he did.  
"Oh shut up, don't pretend you don't miss me. You wrote it earlier", he laughed, closing his eyes. He told himself it was to hear Eddy better, to imagine his face better.  
 _"You're right, I miss you a lot. Can't get comfortable without my favourite pillow",_ Eddy replied, and Brett heard the rustling of bedsheets through the phone.  
"Mhm, would be nice to cuddle", Brett mumbled, yawning. Eddy's voice was calming, and Brett was so tired.  
 _"We'll cuddle tomorrow, love. Get some sleep now",_ Eddy said, and Brett could hear him smiling to himself through the phone.  
"Would be nice. I love you so much", he yawned, feeling himself drifting off. The last thing he heard before falling asleep was Eddy's soft voice.  
 _"Good night, Bretty. Love you too."_


	119. Chapter 119

Brett woke up relatively early the next morning, the sharp day light spilling into his room. He reached for his phone to check the time. Nine. Way too early.  
He groaned and hid his face back in the pillow. Waking up alone was awful, but he would have to get used to it again. Eddy couldn't always be there, he had to gome home every once in a while.  
Brett only lit up slightly when he felt his phone in his hand vibrate. He unlocked it to see a message from Eddy that would make his heart flutter.

 _09:12_ **Eddy:** Good morning, love <3

Brett read the message over and over, smiling to himself. It felt like a weird cliché, but he absolutely did not care.

Morning <3 Slept well? **:Brett** _09:13_

He rolled over in bed, pulling the duvet around himself while waiting for Eddy's reply. It would still be hours until he would cone arouns for dinner, and Brett didn't feel like getting up.  
He jumped when his phone rang instead of just receiving a text message, and he smiled at the pictuee of Eddy on his screen before teplying and putting it on speakerphone so he would have to hold his phone.  
"Hey, love", Brett said, noticing how hoarse his voice was. He cleared his throat.  
 _"Hey, Bretty",_ he heard softly from the other end. _"Sorry, I missed your voice."_  
Brett couldn't help but smile at that.  
"You heard it just last night, though", Brett said with a mild laugh. "But I get you, sleeping without you sucks."  
Brett could almost hear Eddy's smile through his phone.  
 _"Did you hear anything from your mom yet?",_ Eddy asked, sounding like he was moving around a bit while talking.  
"No, was gonna call her later", Brett replied with a sigh. He didn't really want to deal with it yet, but he knew he had to eventually.  
 _"You should call her soon, she probably misses you."_  
Brett sighed heavily.  
"I know, but I don't want to come back to the real world just yet. It was too nice to just be newly engaged in Norway."  
Eddy's soft laugh through the phone made Brett smile again, and he hugged his duvet.  
 _"Now we move on to be newly engaged in Australia instead. How different can it be?"_ Eddy said, sounding like he was smiling again. Brett huffed.  
"Feels a whole lot different, actually. I just woke up without getting any kisses. Do you have any idea how traumatizing that was, huh?" He tried to make it sound like a joke, but the lack of comfort was more intense than it should have been.  
 _"I'm sorry, love. I had to do some laundry and unpack and stuff."_ The fact that Eddy sounded like he was genuinely apologizing made Brett's stomach twist. Did he come across as clingy? Needy?  
"No no, I get it. I wish you just... I don't know, lived here or something", Brett said with a sigh while pulling the duvet over his head. He could feel the voice in his head wake up and get ready for the day, and that was not gonna go well.  
Eddy sounded like he got something stuck in his throat, and coughed for a while.  
 _"Are you asking me to move in with you, Brett?",_ Eddy asked, sounding like he thought it was a joke.  
Brett sat up quickly.  
"Uh I mean, that wasn't what I meant, but if... I mean...?" He was stumbling over his words, feeling himself getting flustered. He took a deep breath in an attempt to get his brain to work again. "I definitely wouldn't mind that, if you actually want to deal with me full time, that is. I understand if that's a bit much"  
It got quiet in the other end for slightly too long, and Brett could feel his heart sink into his chest, certain he'd fucked up everything. The voice tried to speak up in the back of his head, but he already knew what it would say.  
To say that Brett was surprised when he heard Eddy's soft laughter through the phone would be the understarement of the year.  
 _"Brett, I'd love that! You really think I would have said yes to marry you if I didn't want to deal with you full time? Let's talk about it tonight, yeah?"_  
Brett blushed hard, not sure what to do with himself. The idea of living with Eddy made him want to giggle like a girl, smile like an idiot and dance around the room while squealing like some of their fangirls sometimes did.  
"Yeah", Brett confirmed, giving in to the urge to smile like an idiot.  
 _"I'll go do some laundry and stuff now , okay? But I'll see you later, okay?"_ Brett could hear Eddy's smile for sure this time.  
"Okay, see you tonight. Love you."  
 _"Love you too, idiot",_ Eddy laughed before hanging up, leaving Brett to squeal like a fangirl.


	120. Chapter 120

Everything moved relatively quickly after that, with Eddy just kind of staying more and more at Brett's house and bringing more and more of hiss stuff. Brett loved suddenly finding Eddy's hoodies among his laundry or his coffee mug suddenly clean back in the cupboard. It was nice going to bed with Eddy's arms snaking around his waist and a quick "I love you" before he nodded off, tired from whatever they had been up to that day. It was all Brett could ever wish for.

Today was his father's funeral, and the pair was getting into their dark suits. Brett didn't feel much, for the most part. He had shoved all his sadness into the bottom of his stomach and put a brave face on. Today he was to be strong for his mother.  
"You okay?" Eddy asked just before they went out the door, placing his hand gently on Brett's arm. This almost pushed him over the edge. Almost. He cleared his throat.  
"I'm alright, let's go. Mom's probably waiting."

Hours later, after the funeral and all that cale with it was over, Brett was exhausted. Emotionally exhausted, that was. To see his brother cry like that, to watch his mother break down, to see even Eddy fighting tears as an uncle read some words he had written about the man in the coffin. It almost pushed Brett over the edge. Almost. He had to be strong for his mother today.  
"You okay?" Eddy asked as they entered their house, closing the door behind him. Brett nodded, knowing his voice would betray him if he spoke. He just wanted to go to bed and be done with the day.  
"You sure?", Eddy's voice had a hint of worry seeping through that almost pushed Brett over the edge. Almost.  
He nodded again, undoing his black tie. He was fine, absolutely fine.

"Bretty, love, I know it's a lie." Brett felt the sting of tears in his eyes, but quickly blinked them away.  
It was when Eddy helped him with his tie he realized how much his hands were shaking.  
"It's okay to not be fine, Brett. Let me help you." Suddenly, it wasn't almost over the edge anymore, and Brett broke down in a violent sob.  
"I'm sorry, I...", he began, but was silenced by Eddy's strong arms around him. He hid his face in Eddy's shirt, and Eddy ignored how it grew a large wet spot from Brett's tears.  
"It's okay, I promise. You're allowed to be sad", Eddy said softly, kissing the top of his fiancé's head. "Being sad when you lose someone is normal."

Once Brett had calmed down slightly, Eddy helped him out of his suit and into something more comfortable. Brett crawled into bed early and just laid there, unable to sleep but unable to get up either.  
Eddy had decided to make some soup for them, to make both feel better. Brett's dad had been some kind of second dad for Eddy too, and he felt tears press on as he stirred the soup. He fought them, but they kept winning. He poured some soup into bowls for each of them and made sure to stop crying before bringing the souo up to Brett. This wasn't the time. Today, he would be strong for Brett.


	121. Chapter 121

"Hey, can you do the laundry today?" Eddy asked during the breakfast he had cooked for both of them. It was a few weeks since Brett's dad's funeral, and Brett was finally spending whole days out of bed, much to Eddy's relief. Brett looked up from his phone for a second with tired eyes.  
"Sure, I'll get to it", he replied before turning his attention back to the cats pushing stuff off of tables. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to Eddy, he just felt so guilty. Everything felt heavy, like a lead blanket was forced around his shoulders, holding him back. He knew Eddy was picking up the slacks where he would have left it to pile up before Eddy moved in, and it felt awful. It wasn't that he didn't want to help out, it was just that even getting out of bed felt like he was running a marathon while failing his music theory exam.  
"Please actually do it today, then", Eddy sighed, stabbing a piece of the eggs he had cooked with his fork. "I'm running out of hoodies."

Eddy wasn't really mad at Brett, knowing Brett couldn't help being depressed and grieving his father's death. He was just tired and frustrated. They were trying to plan a wedding with one of them only barely managing to get out of bed, and Eddy was really struggling to keep everything else running at this point as well. The channel, their new household, maintaining a relationship. To put it in short: He was struggling to stay strong for Brett.

"Have you thought more about getting help, Brett?" Eddy asked, leaning over the table to touch his arm and get his attention. "Like a therapist or something?"  
Brett shook his head and put his phone down on the table while taking a bite of the food Eddy was making him eat, kind of to prove a point.  
"I'm fine, I just need to pull myself together", he mumbled, running a hand through his greasy hair. "I'm sorry I didn't do the laundry when you asked the first time. I promise I'll get to it today. Promise." He pulled his arm away from Eddy, who pulled his hand back as well. A tension was building.  
Eddy sighed in frustration. It had been weeks since they came back to Australia and Eddy had discovered that he obviously wasn't enough to pull Brett out of the dark hole that was his depression.  
"It's not about the laundry, Brett, and you know it", Eddy said, involuntarily letting his frustration shine through in his voice. "I love you, and I worry about you. Please see a therapist, Brett. It can't hurt."  
"I told you, I just need to pull myself together. Just give me some time", Brett said, standing up. "I'm gonna... I'll be in bed if you need me."

They had discussed potentially going to the therapist every day for the past two weeks. Eddy knew Brett needed it, and Brett was convinced he just needed to pull himself together, and consequently felt guilty about not being able to do so. It was an unbreakable cycle.  
Eddy tried to be strong for Brett, to help him as best as he could. He had hugged him when he needed it and kissed him when he needed that. Anything Brett needed, Eddy would fix for him.

That's why it hit Eddy so hard when he found the laundry still not touched by the washer that evening. It was such a small thing, and Brett had promised. He didn't even realize he was crying until a tear fell off his face and hit his hand as he loaded one of Brett's sweaters into the washer. He felt weak, and ended up sitting down on his knees in front of the washer, crying his eyes out.  
This was not how he had imagined living with Brett, constantly feeling like he couldn't do enough, that he wasn't enough. He curled up, pressing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. Brett was probably asleep by now, and Eddy tried to keep his sobs as quiet as possible, to not wake Brett. Brett needed his sleep, and Eddy would make sure he got it.  
He had to be strong for Brett, but right now, sobbing in the laundry room and trying to be as quiet as he could, all he wanted in the world was for Brett to hold him and tell him it would be fine.  
It felt like he was wishing for the world.


	122. Chapter 122

Eddy went to sleep on the couch that night, after starting the laundry. Going to bed would wake Brett, and that would only make it worse. Besides, he didn't really want to be with Brett in that moment.

Brett had heard Eddy's breakdown last night. He had heard the soft sobs, the desperate whispers of "I can't do this". He should have knocked on that door, should have wrapped his arms around Eddy, should have told him it would be fine. His palm had rested on that door handle for a long time before he chickened out. He was the reason Eddy was feeling like this, and the thought of it made him want to puke. He caused Eddy to have a breakdown and not even come ask for reassurance ir even a hug.  
 _You're hurting him. He would be better off without you. He deserves better than you treating him like some kind of maid._

When he woke up the next morning and found Eddy sleeping on the couch, he didn't know what to do with himself. He had gone back to bed, hoping Eddy would come back to lie down with him. That was his plan, to be sure to wrap his arms extra tightly around him as an apology. Instead, he fell asleep waiting.  
Now he was staring at him lying there on the couch with a blanket wrapped around himself, feeling his breathing accelerate and heart rate go up. Eddy didn't want to come to bed last night. He had fucked up. His heart rate sped up even more and he felt tears pressing on. The panic set in and he felt the need to get out of there. He had to go. Now.

Eddy woke up to the sound of the front door slamming shut, and he sat up on the couch, confused.  
"Brett?" he asked, feeling his throat being sore from the crying last night. No reply. He threw the blanket he had around himself to the side and stood up.  
"Brett?!" he called out, louder this time, but the only sound he heard was the echo of his own voice bouncing off the walls. He reached for his phone to check the time. Half past seven. Why on earth would Brett need to head out at this hour? He unlocked the phone and quickly called Brett. There was probably some kind of explanation for him heading out at this hour. Eddy hoped there was some kind of explanation.

Hours passed and the knot in Eddy's stomach grew heavier the longer it took for him to come home. He lost count of how many times he had called, all leading to the sound of Brett's cheery voice explaining how voicemail works. The sound of it made Eddy feel sick. He hadn't heard it like that in weeks, and it only reminded him of how little he was able to help Brett.

As the sun was setting, Eddy decided to go out and look for him. He didn't care about the dark clouds luring in the distance or the sharp wind as he went from one place he thought Brett might be to another. It was nearing midnight when he went into the park he had found himself after running away before Eddy admitted to his lie. He sunk down on the bench he had been sitting on the last time, feeling tears running down his cheeks as the rain started to pour from the dark clouds over his head.  
"Fuck", he sobbed to himself, hiding his face in his hands. He didn't know what to do at this point. What if Brett had hurt himself?  
Eddy gave up when the rain picked up speed, and he headed home. He didn't dare to hope that Brett had gotten home safely, knowing he'd probably be disappointed.

"H... Hey..." Brett said quietly as Eddy entered their home. Eddy was drenched, shivering and scared, but all of that was forgotten when he saw his fiancé sitting on the couch he had woken up on hours ago. He just stared at him in disbelief.  
"I'm.. Uh.. Home?" Brett tried, fiddling with the sleeve of what Eddy recognized as his sweater, seeing how big it was on him.  
Brett stood up and went over to give Eddy a hug, but Eddy pushed him firmly away, seemingly snapping back to the real world as he did.  
"Don't fucking touch me", Eddy whispered, trying to sound tough. Brett took a step back, and placed his arms tightly around himself instead.  
"Sorry", he mumbled, tilting his head down.  
"Where the fuck have you been?" Eddyy demanded, trying to make his voice work for him, but failing miserably. He wanted to break down and cry right there and then, from relief and from frustration.  
"Just... Out?" Brett replied, not really daring to meet Eddy's intense eyes. He already knew it was stupid to run off like that, which was why he came home. He didn't need Eddy to tell him that.  
"I thought you'd done something stupid Brett, that you'd gone out to kill yourself or something", Eddy said, tears stinging his eyes again and running down his cold cheeks. "Did you ever fucking think about how much I fucking worry about you, Brett?" His voice crescendoed into shouting at the end, and Brett made himself as small as he possibly could. He closed his eyes as if he waited for Eddy to slap him or something, as he'd never seen his fiancé this agitated before. He didn't answer as he didn't know what to say.

"I can't live like this, Brett. Please get some help. Please", Eddy said, quieter now. Their eyes locked together, and Brett took another step back.  
"I... I'm... I'm fine...", Brett stuttered after a long silence. "I feel a lot better, I promise."  
Eddy wanted to scream when he heard Brett's reply, but he kept it to a mental scream. He shook his head slowly before removing the golden ring from his finger and handing it to Brett slowly.  
"I can't live like this, Brett. I literally fucking can't. I love you, Brett, and I'll gladly take it back when you see a therapist."  
Brett's heart fell down into his stomach and his breathing got shallow.  
"Eddy, please", he whimpered, following him with his eyes as he walked past him.  
"I'll have a shower and sleep in the studio tonight, if that's alright with you. Let me know if you need help making an appointment tomorrow."

And then he left Brett standing alone in their living room as if he was frozen in place, the ring still resting heavily in his hand.


	123. Chapter 123

The following morning, Eddy woke up to the scent of freshly made eggs with bacon and the sound of plates being juggled around. He sighed and rolled off the couch in the studio, stretching his stiff back. Lying on the couch wasn't comfortable at all, but if that's what he had to do to get Brett to a therapist then that's what he'd do. He put on the sweater from yesterday and slowly went to the kitchen.

Brett was not in the kitchen anymore. He had left breakfast for Eddy with a small note that it was for him before retreating to the living room. Everything felt hopeless, like the only few strands of hope that kept him grounded was forcefully pulled out of his hands. He hadn't slept that night at all, making sure to wake himself every time he almost fell asleep by pinching his arm or slapping his face. He didn't deserve sleep, just like he didn't deserve the breakfast. And now he wasn't even able to use Eddy as an excuse to eat and sleep.  
He listened as Eddy entered the kitchen and picking up the note. He heard him place it back on the table and shuffle over to peek into the living room.  
"You gotta eat, Brett", Eddy said, sounding more like he was annoyed than anything else, which just pushed Brett further into the hole he had dug for himself. He shook his head.  
"Why do you care, anyway?" he mumbled, looking away. "Enjoy your food, I made it for you."

Eddy sighed heavily before going over to sit next to Brett on the couch, but Brett just squeezed himself into the other end to avoid him.  
"Go eat, I made it for you", Brett repeated, fighting his tears. He had cried enough that night as it was.  
"I care because I love you, Brett. I want you to get help because you're obviously not fine", Eddy said while pulling his legs into the couch.  
"I'm fine. Go eat", Brett mumbled, wiping a single tear running down his cheek. He still wasn't looking at Eddy.  
"Brett, please, I..." Eddy began but Brett interrupted him quickly and loudly.  
"You wanna fucking help me? Go eat the stupid food I made you. Leave me the fuck alone about that, I am fucking fine." Brett stood up and started heading to his room, but a large hand around his waist stopped him.  
"Come eat with me Brett", Eddy pleaded, feeling his heart shatter at Brett's tone. Their eyes locked for a second, but Brett pulled his arm out of Eddy's grip.  
"Stop fucking toying with me", Brett almost snarled before half running to his room and slamming the door behind him.

Eddy didn't move his eyes from the spot Brett had stood just a moment ago, his words echoing through his head, shattering his heart more every time they repeated. Was that how it looked? Like he was just toying with him? Playing around with his feelings?  
Finally he blinked slowly and moved to place his head in his hands. All he wanted was for Brett to be fine, but it felt like he was the reason for everything. If only he had left Brett alone all those years ago, Brett would have been fine. Maybe if he'd accepted that spot in music uni in Europe instead, or if he hadn't chosen music at all and become a doctor like his parents wanted? Maybe even a lawyer?  
All Eddy knew was that the all of Brett's problems started with Eddy, and that he'd do anything for Brett to feel better. He'd do anything for Brett.


	124. Chapter 124

Brett stared at the wall in front of him, but not really taking in what he was seeing. He looked calm, like he didn't care about anything in the world. The reality was that everything hurt so much he didn't know how to express it. He saw no way out of this, really. Sure, he could go to a therapist but then what? Eddy obviously didn't actually love him, seeing as he'd broken up with him not once, but twice. He was just one of Eddy's playthings, someone to entertain him until he found someone better.  
He dug his nails into his underarm, not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough to leave angry red half circles in his skin. Of course Eddy would find someone better, someone mentally stable, someone actually musically talented, someone tall maybe. Eddy probably preferred tall people. Someone who didn't ruin every nice thing that could possibly happen, at the very least.

There was a knock on the door, but Brett didn't move. He knew Eddy's soft voice would lure him in again, fool him into thinking he actually mattered to anyone.  
The door creaked open and Eddy peeked inside.  
"Brett?" he asked weakly, but Brett didn't even seem to acknowledge his presence, not even turning to look at him.  
"Brett, please, I'm sorry. I know I took it too far, I'm just so worried about you", he whispered, stepping into the room slowly. Brett's fingers dug deeper into his arm in an attempt to ignore Eddy. Even when Eddy sat down on the bed next to him he didn't even bat an eye. All he took in was the pale wall in front of him and the sharp sensation of his nails digging through his skin little by little until they broke through. A drop of blood ran down his arm, but he didn't even pay attention to it.

"I know it's no excuse, but... I just... I'm so tired Brett, 'cause it seems all I do is hurting you. You said that wasn't the case when we were in Norway, but..."  
"Stop fucking playing around", Brett snarled through clenched teeth. He tried to be tough when he really wasn't. "You never loved me, you never will. I don't matter to you or anyone else."  
Brett was shaking now, crying. Eddy desperately wanted to hug him and assure him he was wrong, but he felt paralyzed with guilt.  
"How far did you intend to drag out the lie, Eddy? Just until you found someone better, or what?" Brett sounded betrayed, almost angry. Eddy was crying now, too, not sure what he could possibly do or say to convince Brett it hadn't been a lie, that he did in fact love him. "Nothing we ever did mattered to you, did it? I don't fucking matter to you. Wouldn't it have been so much easier if I just fucking died?"  
Brett stood up, blood still running in thin streaks down his arm from where his nails had punctured his skin.  
"Give me some more lies, please, I'm curious about how stupid you think I am", Brett cried, looking down at Eddy who was still sitting silently on Brett's bed. His lower lip was trembling and tears flowed like a river down his cheeks.

Eddy stood up quietly and wrapped his arms tightly around Brett, who stood frozen for a few seconds before trying weakly to push Eddy away with trembling hands.  
"S... Stop... Stop that...", Brett whispered half-hearted, letting out a quiet sob after. Eddy just held him, trying his best not to break down completely himself.  
"I just want you to be happy, Brett", Eddy mumbled, still not letting him go. "But I can't make you better on my own, no matter how much I want it. You have to help me."  
Brett hid his face in Eddy's sweater and nodded quietly.  
"If I get better, will you love me then?" Brett asked weakly, still with his face hidden in Eddy's sweater. His hands grabbed small fists of it just in case Eddy tried to run off, staining Eddy's sweater with blood as he did so. Eddy swallowed hard to stop himself from crying again.  
"I do love you, Brett", he whispered as his voice failed him before leaning down to carefully kiss the top of his head. "I'd love the ring back, if you still want me. I completely understand if you don't, though." Eddy's voice broke at the realization that he might have ruined that halfway through the first sentence. Brett reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring, but hesitated for a second.  
" Y... You don't have to wear it if you don't actually want to... I mean, I..." Brett began, but Eddy just took the ring from him and slid it onto his finger.  
"Much better", he mumbled before taking Brett's hand. Brett looked up at him, feeling like an idiot for everything he said earlier. Eddy's soft voice had calmed him down, made him realize how silly it was to even consider that he wouldn't love him. It had lured him back in.  
"I'm sorry I ever took it off, Brett. It was stupid, and I only did it because I thought it would help you. I'm so sorry."  
Brett stood up on his tiptoes and kissed Eddy's cheek gently, half expecting to be pushed away.  
"It's okay. Sorry for being so difficult to help, I just don't want to be a burden", Brett mumbled, trying to ignore the voice telling him tjathe was being a burden simply by being alive.  
Eddy kissed his lips softly, placing his arms around him again.  
"Let's start by finding you a therapist, yeah?, Eddy suggested, feeling Brett relax into his embrace.  
"Okay", he mumbled despite feeling extremely nervous and anxious about it. "If you think that'll help."


	125. Chapter 125

They found and made an appointment for the following week with a therapist that very day, despite three rounds of crying and a panic attack from Brett. It had to be done, both of them knew that, but they had different reasons. Eddy knew they had to do that so Brett could get help, to get better and be the calm and happy Brett Eddy knew. Brett knew he had to see a therapist so Eddy would love him again.

"You want some breakfast?" Eddy asked on the day of Brett's appointment, but the smaller man, who looked even smaller than usual today, just shook his head.  
"Come on, you need to eat. It'll help you get better", Eddy tried to coax, and he could see Brett stiffen at the words "get better".  
"Okay", Brett whispered, biting his tongue. He had to get better so Eddy would move him again, and Eddy said he had to eat to get better.  
A couple of minutes later, Eddy placed a plate with some eggs in front of Brett with a smile.  
"Hope it doesn't taste horrible, I did my best", he said, kissing the top of Brett's head. Brett nodded quietly and took the smallest bite of the food he could manage.  
 _Why didn't you cook breakfast yourself instead of treating Eddy like a slave again?_  
Brett winced at the sound of the voice. It had been quiet all morning, ever since he finally fell asleep from exhaustion in Eddy's arms last night. He was so scared of seeing a therapist, scared of being labeled crazy or to just be told it was nothing, that he was just overreacting. He had told Eddy this, but not even Eddy's calm assurance convinced him otherwise.  
"Not liking the eggs?" Eddy asked after watching Brett chew on the tiniest piece for several minutes, and Brett hurried to take another bite.  
"Nono, sorry, they're perfect. I'm sorry", he said quickly, feeling the hand that held the fork tremble. Eddy leaned over the table and placed a hand om Brett's arm.  
"Bretty, love, you don't need to apologize. There's nothing to apologize for", he said softly, seeing a tear escape Brett's eyes.  
"I'm sorry", he whispered, pulling his arm away from Eddy's touch. Eddy didn't love him. Not yet, not until he got better.

Hours later they stood in a waiting room, waiting for their turn by the front desk behind behind a young girl who was there with what looked like an older sister. Most of the people in the waiting room looked like people with real problems. A middle aged man regularily taking a sip from a hipflask he hid under his coat, a young boy currently having a screaming fit directed towards what looked like his mother, and the girl in front of them in the queue picking on a scab on her arm.  
 _Look at you wasting people's time like this. What are you even doing here? Eddy won't love you anyway._

Eddy felt Brett tense up and placed an arm around his waist to calm him down, which didn't really make it better but at least it seemed to prevent it from getting worse. The giel in front of them moved to sit down with her sister and the middle aged lady behind the desk waved them towards them.  
"Good morning, who are we seeing today?" she asked with a kind smile, looking from one to the other. Eddy encouraged Brett to talk, but he had shut down completely at this point.  
"Uhm, it's him. Brett Yang", Eddy finally said, nodding towards Brett who's breathing was accelerating into what Eddy recognized as a beginning panic attack. He tightned his grip around his waist, hoping they could get to sit down soon so they could breathe through it like they had a couple of days ago.  
"Alright, just a second", she said, typing something into her computer and reaching behind her into a tray containing a couple of clipboards with some paperwork on them. Brett was really losing it now, and Eddy could feel it despite Brett's calm expression outwards.  
"There you go, fill this in, give it to me when you're done and dr. Davies will come see you soon", she said, handing it to Eddy but smiling at Brett.  
"Thank you", Eddy said with a small smile, leading the faltering man in his arms to the furthest corner of the waiting room to sit down.

"Brett look at me", he said quietly and calmly, still holding his hand between his. "Let's do some breathing, yeah?"  
Brett shook his head hard, with tears now streaming down his face.  
"I'm just wasting their time, Eddy, they probably have people with real problems waiting while they're seeing me, I don't... I mean..." he whispered, trying not to attract any extra attention and by doing so waste more people's time.  
"Shh, Brett, what you're going through is real too. Come on, breathe with me. It'll help you feel better", Eddy said before demonstratively taking a deep breath. The last sentence Eddy said worked like a spell on Brett, and he immediately did what he said. He had to. He had to get better so Eddy would love him again.


	126. Chapter 126

Eddy had abandoned him. Or, not really, but it felt like it when the big lady who introduced herself as Dr. Kimberly Davies said Eddy had to wait in the waiting room.  
She led him to an office that looked nothing like how Brett imagined a therapist's office with no bench to lie on or anything like that. Just some regular public building type chairs, a small table, a large desk and a sad plant.

"Please, have a seat, Brett. Would you like some coffee or tea?" she offered, but Brett just shook his head quietly, trying to make himself as small as humanly possible as he sat down on one of the chairs. The therapist went to sit in the other chair and smiled warmly at him.  
"You can call me Kim, by the way, if you want", she said, and Brett just nodded again, avoiding to look at her. He just wanted to disappear, to melt into the chair he was sitting on or something.  
"So, Brett, why don't you tell me something about yourself, just so I can get to know you a bit?" she suggested, sounding friendly. Brett just shrugged.  
"Don't you already know from the papers we filled out?" he replied, trying not to sound rude but failing. Luckily, Dr. Kim seemed to not tske notice of his rudeness.  
"Oh not those kind of things, I meant things like if there's something you like doing or what you do for work maybe?" she explained, taking a sip of the coffee she had made for herself earlier.  
Brett shrugged again.  
"I uh... Play the violin", Brett mumbled, still not looking at the therapist. "For work, I guess."  
Dr Kim scribbled it down onto a little piece of paper on the table.  
"Do you like doing that then?" she asked, looking up from the paper and tried to get Brett to look at her. Brett kept his eyes fixed on his hands.  
"I guess", he said, rubbing his thumb over the hardened skin on his fingertips. She wrote that down as well.  
"And the lovely man in the waiting room? Eddy, was it? Who is he to you?" she asked, still all smiles. Her smile widened even more when Brett tilted his head up to look at her for a second before moving his eyes back to his hands.  
"He's... My fiancé", he mumbled, feeling like somebody punched him in the stomach as he said it. If this was all therapy had to offer, he wouldn't get better. He didn't want to think about what would happen if he never got better, but the thought snuck in anyway. Eddy would leave him and find someone who actually deserved his love. Someone he didn't have to slave around for.

Eddy tried to look calm and collected as he waited for Brett, but he noticed how much his hands were trembling when he got a coffee from the single coffee machine in the room. The screaming angry boy had been collected by a different doctor, much to the relief of Eddy's ears.  
It soon became apparent that Eddy was nowhere near calm and collected when he spilled some of the coffee on himself just from having trembly hands, and someone who looked like a nurse or something came over to him with some paper towels. He looked like he was too young to be a doctor or a therapist at least.  
"You alright there?" he asked, taking the styrofoam cup from Eddy and placing it gently on a small table with some magazines. "Are you here to see someone?"  
Eddy shook his head and tried to dry off the coffee stain with the paper towels given to him with just as trembling hands as before.  
"No, no, I'm waiting for my fiancé. He's seeing Dr. Davies", he explained with a sigh. "I finally talked him into seeing someone."  
The nurse looking guy nodded and smiled warmly.  
"Sounds like you're a good guy, and Dr. Davies is a great therapist. I'm Dr. Cole, by the way", he said, offering his hand and Eddy took it and shook it lightly. "Be more careful with your coffee in the future, yeah?" Dr. Cole said with a blidning white smile, taking the used paper towels and going to throw them away on his way back towards the offices. Eddy looked after him as the door towards the offices closed behind the tall, brown haired man.  
"Good to hear dr. Davies is good", he mumbled to himself, reaching for the coffee and taking a sip.


	127. Chapter 127

Almost half an hour after Eddy's encounter with Dr. Cole, Brett appeared in the doorway followed by dr. Davies. Eddy quickly got off his seat and almost ran over to them.  
"I'll see you next week, okay?" Dr. Davies said with a smile to Brett, and he nodded weakly without looking up at her. He didn't move when Eddy's arm snuck around his waist either, and not when Dr. Davies disappeared into the hallway with the offices again.

"How did it go?" Eddy asked on their way to the car, still holding his arm around Brett's waist. Brett just shrugged and didn't say anything. Eddy kissed the side of his head, not noticing how Brett winced at the touch.  
Dr. Davies had, after a lot of digging, gotten out of him that he didn't feel all that great. Brett did not want to be there. He felt like an idiot, and even more so when Dr. Davies explained stuff he knew to him. Stuff like "eating, sleeping and exercise will make you feel better". Brett translated that in his head to him just being lazy for not doing any of those, and in turn it being his fault he had problems. In the back of his mind he knew it wasn't right, but when the voice had shot in that he probably skipped meals on purpose just for attention he was convinced.  
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to", Eddy mumbled, opening the car door for him. Brett slowly climbed into the car, feeling like a child. What was next? Would Eddy put his seat belt on for him?  
Eddy walked around the car and sat in the driver's seat, looking over at Brett who leaned over to rest his head against the cool window.  
"Do you want to stop for bubble tea on the way home?" Eddy suggested, attempting to cheer Brett up and lift the heavy cloud that was choking both of them. Brett shook his head quietly.  
"You can get some for yourself, if you want", Brett mumbled, adding "because I don't deserve any" in the back of his mind.  
"No, I'm fine", Eddy sighed as the attempt was shot down. Brett bit the inside of his cheek hard to avoid crying when hearing Eddy's disappointed voice.  
 _You couldn't give Eddy one positive thing? All you ever do is pull him down._  
Brett shut his eyes hard to hold the tears back, wrapping his arms around himself as Eddy started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

They just sat in the car after Eddy stopped it outside their house, neither saying anything. Brett was looking down at his hands, fiddling with his sleeve.  
"You know I love you, right?" Eddy asked, turning to look at Brett.  
"You keep saying that, yeah", Brett mumbled, still not looking up at Eddy. "I don't understand why. You deserve a lot better."  
Eddy reached out and took Brett's cold hand between his and held it for a few seconds. He glanced down at his ring.  
"Even if there were anyone better, I would only want you anyway", he mumbled, and Brett finally turned to look at Eddy with tired eyes.  
"You keep saying that", Brett sighed, looking away again. "I want to believe you, but it doesn't make sense to me, Eddy. Why would you bother with me when you could have someone tall and handsome, someone... Someone who isn't acting like a spoilt child and who... Who actually makes you happy... and..." Brett was breaking apart little by little as he spoke, but he fought his tears.  
"Shh, Brett, you're the most gorgeous person I know, okay? And you're not behaving like a spoilt child, why do you think that?" Eddy desperately wanted to hug him, but being in the car made it difficult.  
"Crying all the time, refusing to eat and sleep, attention issues..?" Brett mumbled, wiping a single tear from his cheek. "Appearently I'm just lazy and stupid for not feeling better already."  
Eddy furrowed his brows, confused, and Brett took the moment get out of the car. Eddy quickly hurried after him, locking the car.  
"What makes you think that?" Eddy asked as he watched Brett unlock their front door with shaky hands.  
"It's just to eat, sleep and exercise, appearently", he mumbled as he turned the key. "I'm just wasting everybody's time." Brett went inside with Eddy following close behind, grabbing his wrist to stop him.  
"Hey, pause now. Did dr. Davies say that? That you're wasting everybody's time?" he asked, not letting go when Brett tried to pull his hand to him.  
"She might as well, spending half an hour telling me I need to eat as if I was five years old", he said, trying to pull his hand out of Eddy's grip again.  
"That's stupid", Eddy admitted, loosening the grip around Brett's wrist. "You already know that."  
Brett didn't try and pull his hand away this time, and let out a sigh.  
"I'm just being stupid by ignoring it", Brett mumbled. "I'm sorry I can't even exist right, Eddy. It would be a lot easier for you if I just disappeared or something."

Eddy shook his head slowly, not sure how to react. He slowly moved to place his arms around the now shivering man that was his fiancé.  
"Don't ever say anything like that ever", he whispered, half choking on a sob. "I swear to god, Brett, you're my literal fucking everything. Don't you ever say anything like that." He wanted to be stern, but he ended up just crying.  
Brett went quiet seeing Eddy's reaction. While it was expected, hearing it hit him hard.  
"I fucking love you, Brett, and if anyone or anything is telling you otherwise then they can go fuck themselves", Eddy whispered, taking Brett's face between his hands and kissing him passionately. Brett felt his cheeks warm up for the first time in weeks. He blinked a few times when they pulled away.  
"I love you too, Eddy."


	128. Chapter 128

"Eddy?" Brett asked during breakfast a couple of days later. "Can we... Film something today? Get some work done, you know?" Eddy looked up from his bowl of cereal, as they had ran out of eggs the day before. Brett had actually started eating almost all meals again, and suddenly they ran out of eggs twice as fast.  
"Oh yeah, sure. What video should we do?" Eddy asked, putting his spoon down. "It's been a while since we've done a LingLing40hrs, as a suggestion."  
Brett's lips curved up into a tiny smile. It had been too long since they had filmed anything regular at all, as Brett hadn't been feeling up to it. He wasn't exactly in perfect shape now either, but the voice had been quiet almost two days now at least, which helped s whole lot.  
"We can do that, I'm sure there's lots of new memes now", he said, taking a spoonful of the cereal in front of him.

Eddy flashed him a shy smile, which made Brett raise a questioning eyebrow.  
"And uh, there's... The announcement video, I guess", Eddy mumbled after a while, blushing, and Brett nodded. He had gone through the comments of the vlog from Norway the day before. People had seen Eddy's ring, of course, and some of the speculations were insane. Some connected him with Victoria because of the picture Chris had snapped of them, some connected him with Brett because of the video Chris had posted of them, some thought it wasn't an engagement ring at all... Every possible theory about that ring floated in the comments.  
"I mean... Have you read the comments on the Norway vlog?" Brett asked, taking another spoonful. "They're like ninety percent about the ring."  
Eddy couldn't help but grin at that.  
"Well, I mean, it's a nice ring", he said, running a finger over it, sounding almost dreamy. "Will be a shame to replace it with a wedding ring."  
Brett leaned over the table and touched his hand.  
"We'll find an equally nice replacement for you, no worries", Brett said, and their eyes met.  
"I know we will, but this one will still be special", Eddy said, seeing the hint of a blush creep over Brett's cheeks.

"But... Yeah, the annoumcement video...", Brett said, to get them moving again after getting lost in each other's eyes for a moment. "I'm thinking we should tease them a bit more first."  
Eddy raised an eyebrow.  
"And what do you mean by that?" Eddy asked, a joking spark in his eye popping up. "Are you planning to be a tease in more way than one?"  
Brett stuck his tongue out at him, blushing. It had been quite a while since they had...  
"We both know it's you who are the tease, but I'm thinking to uh... You know, be less... restrictive on how we act in videos and stuff, maybe?" Brett felt his cheeks burn warmer as he spoke. It felt like he had just asked if they could have sex on camera when he really only had suggested not insisting on acting "purely platonic".  
"But just for a while though? We'll make an announcement eventually?" Eddy asked, running a hand through his hair. He didn't want to continue being a secret, and most people knew by now anyway. "Just because... You know, I don't want this to be secret anymore."  
 _You knew it was stupid, Brett, and still you opened your stupid mouth._  
"N... No, I don't want that either, I just... I'm sorry, it was stupid. Forget I said anything", Brett mumbled, moving his eyes down to the cereal. All of the good mood and the energy he had just a moment ago disappeared.  
"No no, Brett, listen to me, it wasn't stupid. I think it's a good idea, to build up to an announcement, and to not have to stop myself from staring at you for too long when you play or hold your hand or..." Eddy's voice trailed off when he ran out of points. He felt like an idiot for not thinking before speaking. He should have known better than to shoot down his idea like that.  
"Just forget about it, I don't actually want to wait either. I just thought it could be fun to see how people would react, but it's more important to get it out there, I guess." Brett's voice moved down almost a whole step like it always did when his mental energy got drained. Eddy hated hearing it happen.  
"No, we'll do your idea. It'll be great, and I mean we'll just act natural anyway so there won't be much change for us, right? We'll still be as public as we have been up until now."  
Brett nodded weakly.  
"Okay", he mumbled, not reacting when Eddy stood up from his chair.  
"Hey, c'mere", Eddy mumbled, taking a step over to hug Brett. "I love you, okay?"  
Brett rested his head against Eddy's chest, feeling the hoodie bury him.  
"Love you too", he replied as Eddy's long arms wrapped around him.


	129. Chapter 129

They had went with the idea during filming, and was no watching back the raw footage to make sure nothing too inappropriate was on there. Eddy suddenly paused the video and pointed to Brett on the screen.  
"I love that smile right there", he commented, and Brett blushed hard. "Like, that little smirk when you nail something when you play? That's some adorable shit right there." Eddy pressed play on the video again without even looking over at his fiancé dying from embarrassment next to him. Honestly, he didn't even know he did that, it just happened on its own.

Brett watched himself on the screen, looking at Eddy as he spoke, blushing hard. He remembered thinking about how incredibly hot of a fiancé he had, watching his arm muscles flex as he gesticulated or how he pulled his hair away from his eyes. It was getting kind of long, but Brett loved it.

The screen got dark after Eddy in the video turned the camera off, and Eddy shrugged.  
"I think that's good to go, to be honest", he commented, looking over at Brett next to him who still had a red taint over his cheekbones.  
"I mean, yeah, except I look like an idiot staring at you all the time when..." His voice trailed off and he looked down. He already knew it was probably stupid and that Eddy would tell him he was wrong.  
"When what?", Eddy asked, placing an arm around him. Brett looked away, feeling like an idiot.  
"When you don't even look at me once", he mumbled, tensing up.  
 _Eddy's probably gonna be annoyed with you now, fucking attention whore._  
"I don't think we've been watching the same video if you think that, honestly", Eddy said with a short laugh. "Let's watch it again, yeah, and let's see how much of an idiot I turn into when you talk, yeah?"

Eddy started the video over, immediately noticing himself smiling like an idiot on the screen when Brett made a silly entrance to the video.  
"That's an example", Eddy mumbled, turning as red as he did in the video. Brett bit his lip and nodded quietly.  
"I'm sorry", he whispered, wrapping his arms around him self.  
 _Attention whore._  
"Hey, what are you apologizing for?" Eddy asked, pulling Brett into a hug. "It's okay, if you want me to point out I'm actually very obviously mad about you, I'll do that any day."  
 _Attention whore._  
"You shouldn't need to. I'm sorry", Brett mumbled, feeling his face get buried in Eddy's hoodie again, feeling tears pressing on.  
 _There we go, crying like a baby again. How long until Eddy finds someone who's actually grown up, huh? Attention whore._  
"If you're questioning it, I'm not saying it enough", Eddy concluded. "And I'm sorry for not telling and showing you often enough. I love you so much, and I am so insanely in love with you it's embarrassing how much of a mess I turn into when you're being all cute."  
Brett couldn't help but snort and smile at that, despite the single tear running down his cheek.  
"Yeah, like that", Eddy said, cheeks reddening. "That's so fucking adorable, I don't even know what to do with myself."  
"That's silly, stop it", Brett mumbled, trying to contain a laugh, having it instead come out as a weird giggle. Eddy kissed the top of his head and smiled, loving the sound of Brett's laugh after so long.  
"I love you so much, I'm probably the luckiest person ever", he said, running a hand through Brett's hair. Brett moved away from the hug slightly.  
"No, that's silly", he stated with an attempted serious face. "I'm the luckiest." Eddy shrugged and kissed him softly on the lips, causing Brett tp blush again.  
"I think we have to agree to disagree on that one, love", Eddy said, moving some hair away from Brett's forehead.


	130. Chapter 130

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //TW: Self harm//

Brett knew he had gone too far this time, that despite what the voice had told him. This was wrong. It did feel like he could breathe afterwards, but he knew that the sting was just a temporary relief. He knew as he watched the single line of red spill over and run down his arm that this was a big step across the line, and that he needed to stop. That this was not okay.

A few droplets of red hit the white porcelain of the sink. Brett stared at them for a second before turning on the faucet and making them disappear.  
He calmly held his arm under the sink to rinse away some of the red. It felt as if he was in a glass bubble with all his thoughts and feelings stuck just outside the glass. He could see his desperation from earlier cling to the glass, the fear from seeing the blood forming in droplets, the worry that Eddy would find out.

A silent knock on the bathroom door snapped Brett out of his bubble.  
"Bretty? Are you okay?" Eddy said from the other side of the door in a sleepy voice. Brett didn't know what to respond. He was kind of feeling okay now, which worried him. It felt wrong to feel okay.  
"I uh... Don't know...", Brett replied shakily, moving his eyes down to his arm again. The droplets had dried out slightly on his arm now, but only barely enough to prevent it from forming new droplets.  
"Can I come in?" Eddy asked, more gently this time. Brett felt his stomach tighten. Eddy was bound to find out anyway, but it felt like he was about to admit to accidentally sitting on his violin or something. He leaned over to unlock the door, and Eddy slowly opened it.  
"Please don't be mad", Brett mumbled, not facing Eddy. "I know it was stupid."

Eddy spent a few seconds taking in the view in front of him. He couldn't help but see the sharp red line first followed by the glimmer of silver resting on the sink. His eyes moved up to see Brett's regret written all over his face, and Eddy's first reaction was to hug him gently.  
"It's okay, Brett. Let's get you cleaned up and put together again, yeah?"  
Brett closed his eyes hard and hid his face in Eddy's shoulder, making sure not to touch Eddy with the red stained arm.  
"I'm sorry", Brett mumbled as Eddy grabbed a clean cloth from the cupboard to clean off some of the blood that had run down his arm.  
"You don't have to apologize to me, Brett", Eddy replied calmly, and dug through the little basket they had for stuff like bandages and band-aids. He found a large band-aid that would be long enough to cover the red line Brett had made on his arm.  
"I'm sorry anyway", Brett sighed as Eddy made him sit down on the toilet seat. Eddy gebtly cleaned off some more of the blood with the cloth and put on the band-aid. Brett flinched as it stung, but let him do it anyway.  
"And I'm saying you don't need to apologize to me", Eddy said, placing a gentle kiss on Brett's forehead and helped Brett up. "You know this was stupid, and I really hope you won't do it again."  
Brett didn't look up at Eddy, feeling shameful. Yes, he did know it was stupid.  
"Thank you for not being mad", he mumbled, and Eddy pulled him into another hug.  
"I wouldn't be mad at you for that, Brett", Eddy sighed, kissing his head. "I just wish you'd talk to me instead of doing this."  
Brett hid his face in Eddy's shoulder again, closing his eyes.  
"I'm sorry", Brett mumbled again, feeling more like an idiot than before.  
"Let's go back to bed, yeah?" Eddy suggested, and Brett nodded quietly, letting Eddy lead him back to bed.


	131. Chapter 131

Brett wasn't looking forward to seeing Dr. Davies again, and just the thought of it was making him feel sick. He had been eating and sleeping properly the last few days, though. It did help a bit, but he wasn't sure if it was the food and sleep that was helping or if he was eating and sleeping because he was already feeling better.

He was setting the table, though, while Eddy made the usual eggs for breakfast. Everything felt a whole lot lighter, and he had even told the voice in his head to shut up.  
After placing the last plate on the table he went over to wrap his arms around Eddy's waist from behind and kiss his neck.  
"Love you", he mumbled, resting his head against Eddy's back as he wasn't tall enough to reach higher. Eddy smiled while flipping the eggs.  
"Love you too", he replied, wanting to turn around to kiss him. "The eggs are almost done."

Brett ate slowly, nervous about the appointment, but had decided to get everything down. The band-aid Eddy had placed on his arm that night was taken off now, and just a thin, pale red line was left of his idiocy. It reminded him to not behave stupidly, to not worry Eddy.  
"You want me to come with you to the appointment today?" Eddy asked, chewing on a piece of bacon. Brett looked up at him from being lost in his thoughts and staring at the eggs.  
"I mean, I'm sure you have better things to do than to come with me. You don't have to", Brett said, even though he so desperately wanted Eddy there. It was more important not to worry Eddy.  
Eddy shrugged.  
"Not really, I can scroll through potential wedding venues on my phone while waiting, you know", he said with a grin that made Brett blush. "And besides, they have some damn good coffee in that waiting room."

Two hours later, they were seated in the waiting room. The schedule was running a little late apparently, whixh seemed to worry nobody other than Brett.  
"That means they probably have people who need to be here more than me, Eddy", he whispered, trying to remain calm even though he was failing hard. Eddy took his hands between his and kissed his forehesd gently.  
"Bretty, love, you need their help as much as anyone else here, okay?", Eddy mumbled, reaching out to run a finger gently over Brett's underarm. He winced slightly at the memory it brought up. He sighed and looked away, feeling shame wash over him.  
"I'm sorry", he mumbled, and Eddy pulled him into a tight hug.  
"Don't be, love. I'm just glad you are getting help."  
"Brett?" Dr. Davies cheery voice called from the door to the pair. Brett let Eddy go and stood up slowly, feeling like he was about to hyperventilate right there and then.  
"I'll find some nice venues while you're in there, okay?" Eddy said with an assuring smile, winking at him. It seemed to do the trick as Brett's cheeks turned slightly pinker and his lips curved up a bit.  
"Just so you know, we're not doing Disney World", he commented with a widening smile just before walking over to Dr. Davies and following her to her office.

Just as Brett disappeared from view he went to the coffee machine and got himself some coffe, watching as the styrofoam cup filled up slowly.  
"Careful so you don't spill that again, then", Dr. Cole commented behind him with a smile Eddy couldn't really place. Eddy turned around to look at him.  
"Thanks for the reminder, Dr. Cole. I'll certainly try not to spill it", he said with a short laugh before grabbing the cup from the machine.  
"Please, call me Mike", Dr Cole said, matching Eddy's laugh. "Dr. Cole sounds too formal. Not even my patients call me that."  
"Okay, thanks again for the reminder, Mike", Eddy said with a smile and sat down on the slightly uncomfortable waiting room couch. Mike sat down in the other end of the couch.  
"Do the therapists here always hang out in the waiting room?", Eddy inquired, thinking it was odd. Mike laughed and ran a hand through his brown hair that was falling slightly in his face.  
"Well, no, but I often find that it's not just the patients who need someone to talk to", Mike said and leaned his elbow on the back of the couch. "It's hard to be a support person, too. That's why I try to catch the support people in the waiting room, to see if they need something or someone."  
Eddy nodded and looked down at the coffee in his hands. It was hard being a support person, always having to be the strong one. He could never tell Brett that, though.  
"And so you saw me and thought 'this guy needs help', huh?" Eddy asked, still not looking up at Mike. "Is it that obvious?"  
Mike leaned over and placed an arm gently on Eddy's arm.  
"I saw a guy who keeps swallowing his feelings to keep Brett safe, to the point of spilling coffee all over himself. That's some strength right there, but you know you can't hold on forever."  
Eddy turned to face Mike and felt his cheeks redden at the surprise of how close he really was. Not super close, but closer than a normal stranger would be.  
"Wh...what do you suggest I do?" Eddy said, stammering on the first word and feeling embarrassed over it. Mike flashed him another smile and stroke his thumb on his arm.  
"I could give you therapy sessions while Brett has his, if you want? I have this slot open anyway."  
Eddy gave it some thought. Sure, he was feeling okay now, but he knew it couldn't last forever.  
"As long as we can finish slightly before Brett so I can be here waiting for him. I don't want to worry him", came Eddy's reply, and Mike nodded.  
"Of course, no need to worry him more than necessary." He stood uo and held out his hand to help Eddy up. "Come on, let's get you registered and we can start next week."


	132. Chapter 132

Brett didn't feel too bad after the talk with Dr. Kim, or Dr. Davies as he had called her the entire time despite her reminding him to call her Kim. Now he was walking down the hallway by himself while Kim finished typing what they had talked about into her computer. He passed a few people who seemed to be working there, including a tall guy who looked like he should have been a model and not a therapist who just came in from the waiting room.

Eddy looked up from the coffee Mike had bought for him when Brett entered the room. Or well, "bought", he had used his employee code to give him one for free, but the point was that Eddy ended up with a coffee because of Mike. It was a nice gesture.  
"Hey, love", Eddy said with a big smile, getting up to hug Brett, careful not to spill the coffee. "How did it go?"  
Brett hid his face in Eddy's hoodie and exhaled, relaxing as he did.  
"It was okay, she said it's good that I've been eating and stuff", Brett mumbled, tiptoeing up to kiss Eddy gently, ignoring the looks from some of the people in the waiting room. Eddy smiled into the kiss, still balancing the cup in his hand.  
"Let's go home, yeah?" Eddy said, kissing his forehead again before downing the rest of his coffee and throwing away the cup.

They had gotten takeaway on their way home, and now they were sitting in an end each of the couch, eating their takeaway. Brett sat for the most part in his own world, and Eddy kept looking up from his food to make sure he still seemed fine.  
"Did you find any venues?", Brett asked suddenly, still looking down at his food. His cheeks got a mild shade of pink, and Eddy looked up at him, trying to figure out what to say.

Eddy hadn't been looking for venues in the waiting room. He had been chatting with Mike, drinking coffee, and generally having a good time. It had been nice, but right now Eddy felt put on the spot. He hsd said that's what he would do while waiting.  
"Not really", Eddy answered truthfully after a while, taking some food from the takeaway box and shoving it in his mouth. He felt guilt brew in the bottom of his stomach.  
"Oh, okay", Brett replied, very obviously trying to hide the fact that his voice was saying something. Eddy felt his heart sink knowing he caused that.  
"Just because I don't know any good places", Eddy added, lying, feeling almost panicked. "I haven't planned a wedding before, you know."

Brett just nodded, not sure how to respond. The voice in his head told him Eddy didn't care about the wedding and in turn about him. He knew it wasn't true, but the voice was so loud. It felt like he was getting whipped mentally, like he was being punished for thinking things could actually be fine for once.  
"God, Brett, I'm sorry I didn't find anything", Eddy croaked, trying his best not to cry and failing. The guilt took over, despite it being such a small thing to feel guilty about. Or wss it? "I'll try harder, I'll find some places, I... I'm sorry."  
Brett looked up at Eddy, feeling confused and worried. It wasn't that big a deal, really. A hug and a kiss would've made it fine again, but Edfy feeling so strongly about it kind of scared him.  
"It's... Eddy, it's okay. Why are you crying?" He put the box of food on the table and crawled over to Eddy on the couch. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say anything wrong. Please don't cry, Eddy."  
Eddy placed his own takeaway on the table next to Brett's and pulled him into a hug, a sob ripping through his body.  
"I'm sorry, Brett", Eddy whispered, and Brett just hugged him back, not sure what was happening.  
Eddy knew what was happening. He had let his own enjoyment by talking to Mike come before Brett's needs, before promises he had made to Brett. Eddy had promised Brett to check out venues, and he hadn't. It was that simple. Or, that's how simple he wanted it to be.  
It felt wrong to need Brett's comfort. He was the one to comfort, not to need comfort. He was supposed to be the strong one now.  
"Why are you apologizing, Eddy? It's okay, I shouldn't have expected that of you. Please don't cry, I'm sorry", Brett said, moving slightly away from the hug to wipe Eddy's tears. Eddy caught Brett's hand and leaned in to kiss him instead.  
"I'm fine", he said weakly after pulling away, still holding Brett's hand in his. "I'm fine, just a bit stressed I guess. I'm fine." He reached out to wipe the tear on Brett's cheek before kissing him again.  
"I'm fine", he repeated, but he wasn't sure if it was himself or Brett he was trying to convince anymore.


	133. Chapter 133

Brett had fallen asleep resting his head on Eddy's chest. He looked peaceful with his slightly pink cheeks and ruffled hair, his calm breathing and light snores.  
Eddy felt like he was suffocating, but moving wasn't an option. Waking Brett wasn't an option. He didn't even know why he felt like that, really.  
It had been calm after the outburst with cuddles and kisses and "I love you"s. Brett had drifted off, and it had been nice for a while just listening to his breathing, ruffling his hair, kissing his head. He had no idea why all these emotions overpowered him now.

He tried to stop himself from shaking or sobbing, tried his best to only let his tears flow silently. Everything got a lot harder when a sob escaped through his lips. He couldn't wake Brett. He needed the sleep to help him feel better.  
He almost lost it when Brett adjusted his position, biting his hand to stop himself from sobbing, but the shaking only got worse.

He snuck out from under Brett, leaving him alone on the couch and almost ran to the bathroom, sinking down next to the door as it closed. It felt like he was dying, like the floor was collapsing under him and that he was constantly falling. He closed his fists and pressed them hard on each side of his head to try and get the shaking to stop.  
"Nothing's wrong, nothing's wrong nothing's wrong...", he repeated over and over as a whisper as if trying to convince himself and forced his eyes shut.

There was a light knock on the bathroom door and Eddy shook his head at the sound, realizing what it meant. It meant Brett had woken up and that it was his fault if Brett wasn't feeling well tomorrow.  
"Eddy?" he heard muffled from outside, Brett's voice sounding sleepy. "Are you okay?"  
"I'm fine, I'm sorry for waking you. Please go back to sleep", Eddy sobbed, wrapping his arms tightly around himself.  
"What's wrong, Eddy?" Brett replied, sounding worried now, which only made Eddy panic harder.  
"Nothing. It's nothing, please go back to sleep. I'm sorry for waking you, I'm sorry", he half whispered as his voice was failing him now.  
"Eddy, please let me in. Let me help you", Brett said, and Eddy hesitated for a moment before unlocking the door.

Brett sat down on his knees next to his shivering fiancé, pulling him into a hug.  
"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine", Eddy repeated as a whisper with tears streaming down his face. Brett rubbed his back gently, feeling his heart sink into his stomach.  
"You don't have to be, Eddy. I'm sorry I put all that pressure on you", Brett mumbled, but Eddy just shook his head. It was his fault Brett wasn't fine, if only he cared for him better or hugged him tighter or if he hadn't lied in the first place. If he'd stayed away, if he'd...  
"Eddy, love, talk to me please", Brett said calmly, kissing the top of his head. "What's going on? Why are you crying?" He wiped some of Eddy's tears again and kissed the topnof yis head. "Come on, you always tell me talking will help. It'll help you too."

It took some time for Eddy's breathing to calm down enough to actually speak, and he felt in general much better at that point exceot tye fact that he felt like an idiot for breaking down over nothing.  
"I... I'm sorry... for waking you...", he half whispered, still with his face squished into Brett's chest. "I should be more stable to help you better. I'm sorry."  
Brett hugged him tighter, trying to force the voice to shut up. This was not the time.  
"I couldn't ask for better, Eddy", Brett mumbled, kissing his head. "I should probably tell you more often, but you always know how to make me feel better."  
Eddy took a few deep breaths, not knowing how to respond. He wanted to say it couldn't be true, because he was the reason Brett was feeling bad in the first place.

"Please let me take care of you too, Eddy. I love you", Brett whispered, running a hand gently through his hair and listening as Eddy's breathing calmed down. Eddy nodded weakly, not sure how to deal with his thoughts.  
They sat in silence, just hugging for a long while. Eddy tried to make sense of his thoughts, and when he did he spoke.  
"I'm sorry I'm so selfish", he said, and he could feel the confusion run through Brett and the furrowing of his brows.  
"What do you mean?" Brett asked, kissing the top of his head again.  
"F... For holding on to you. You would've been better off if you hadn't met me", Eddy mumbled, realizing it wouldn't help to apologize for that now anyway. The damage was already done.  
"That's stupid, all my best memories are with you. I wouldn't change that for the world", Brett replied simply, running his hand through his hair again.  
"Even for being a soloist? Because you would've been", Eddy mumbled, closing his eyes. It was starting to hurt to sit on the hard bathroom floor, but it felt nice to be held. Brett snorted.  
"That's more stupid, I wouldn't have. I'm nowhere near good enough for that", Brett said, shaking his head. Eddy sighed.  
"You would've been if I had stayed away", he mumbled, shifting slightly. Brett furrowed his brows.  
"I don't think you understand how big part you played in my development as a musician", Brett mumbled, still with furrowed brows. This time it was Eddy's time to snort.  
"That's stupid, you were always ahead of me. You were my inspiration. Actually, are still", he said, turning to look at Brett who got a pink stain on his cheeks.  
"And I worked so fricking hard for it to stay that way. Every time I had figured something out you were right behind me, so I had to practice so much to actually be ahead of you", Brett admitted, a small smile playing on his lips. Eddy couldn't help but smile back.  
"I was only right behind you because you practically gave me extra lessons several times a week when we practiced together", Eddy said, a short laugh that made Brett's stomach flip. Brett leaned down to kiss him softly, causing Eddy to blush.  
"So basically, we made each other better", Brett concluded after pulling away, and Eddy nodded.  
"I guess. Thanks for making me feel better."  
Brett kissed his forehead.  
"Just doing what you do for me everyday because I love you, but can we go sit somewhere else now? My knees are dying."  
Eddy nodded and quickly got off the floor and helped Brett up.  
"Let's head to bed, maybe?" Eddy suggested, still holding Brett's hand after helping him up. Brett looked at their hands, Eddy's wearing the ring.  
"Sure", he said, tilting his head up, and kissing Eddy quickly.


	134. Chapter 134

The following morning consisted of Brett sitting on the counter after setting the table while Eddy cooked them some breakfast. Brett was actually feeling rather okay, but caught himself staring at his fiancé every once in a while.  
"Do you have any idea how gorgeous you are?" he blurted out, cheeks turning slightly pinker after realizing what he had said.  
"Hah, you're funny", Eddy mumbled, flipping the eggs. "There's a reason all the fangirls are after you, you know."  
Brett furrowed his brows at the reply, not really liking how he turned down the comment.  
"I don't get why you think they would want me when you, a tall, strong and handsome guy, are literally right there, but that only means I'm lucky you don't realize how much better you could do, I guess", Brett said simply, and Eddy's brain used quite some time to process that sentence. He shook his head.  
"You're wrong. I don't get why you'd settle for me, honestly, but I'm glad you did."  
Brett grabbed Eddy's t-shirt and pulled him closer, catching standing in front of the counter in front of him. He placed his arms around his neck to keep him there for a second.  
"Listen to me, I did not 'settle' for you or whatever the heck that's supposed to mean. I chose you because I love you and as a bonus you also happened to be the most gorgeous man I know and I should probably tell you more often, but I really fucking mean that okay?"  
Brett looked down at Eddy who actually was shorter than him when he sat on the kitchen counter, ignoring the eggs for a moment as he kissed Eddy gently.  
Eddy stood there, between Brett's legs, a bit shocked at first, but snuck his arms around Brett's waist when he was kissed.  
"Suppose I'm lucky you have a weird taste in men, then", he mumbled when they pulled away, and he broke free of Brett's grip to tend to the eggs again. Brett sighed.

"Where's this coming from, Eddy?", Brett asked, biting his lip.  
 _It's probably your fault he thinks that._  
"Did I say something wrong or did someone tell you that?"  
Eddy had his eyes trained on the hot frying pan.  
"Nothing happened, I just have eyes, that's all", he mumbled, shrugging as if it was nothing. "I don't think I'm ugly or anything, just that you definitely settled for this." He made a gesticulation towards himself before lifting up the frying pan to put the eggs on the plates.  
"You can't honestly mean that, Eddy, you're literally like a greek god or something. A glimpse of that body and I'm on my knees begging for you to have me, I mean..."  
Eddy couldn't help but blush at the last sentence, despite feeling slightly sad about it.  
"We haven't done anything in a while, though. Doesn't seem like it's working anymore." Eddy placed the frying pan back on the stove to cool down and sat down in his usual spot. Brett furrowed his brows and slid down from the counter.  
"That's what this is about? I just thought you wouldn't want it, if I'm honest", Brett said, trying to hide his reddening cheeks as he sat down in his spot. "I haven't exactly been keeping the mood of the relationship up."  
Eddy couldn't help but snort at that.  
"I don't know if that's actually what this is about, but I have missed that", he said, cutting up his eggs with a smile playing on his lips.  
"Well, I do think you're a fucking hottie, and I'd love to have some fun later if you want that", Brett said, wiggling his eyebrows before taking the first bite of his eggs. "And heck these eggs are good. You should consider changing career to egg chef."  
Eddy laughed, holding his hand in front of his mouth so no eggs would fall out.  
"You're so silly, I love it."


	135. Chapter 135

It was soon clear to Brett that having a nice day wasn't something he could do. The conversation they had made his brain start up and throughout the day it would remind him how Eddy felt about himself and definitely how that was Brett's fault while also shooting in a few reminders of how it actually was the other way around, that Brett definitely wasn't good enough for Eddy.

So when Eddy snuck his arms around his waist and kissed him gently, Brett's reaction was tearful.  
 _You don't deserve this, especially after how you've been treating him._  
"Brett?" Eddy asked after pulling away for a moment, realizing he was crying. "Why are you crying? Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry." Eddy's hand moved to wipe Brett's tears, but his words only made him let out a sob.  
"Shit, Brett, shh, please don't cry", Eddy mumbled, sounding almost desperate now. He used his thumb to wipe Brett's tears as they fell, but they were running faster than Eddy could keep up.  
"I'm sorry", Brett sobbed, really wanting to hug Eddy and hide his face in his chest, but even the thought of it made everything worse.  
 _Idiot! What makes you think you deserve his comfort? All you do is hurt him, push him down so you can feel better yourself._

Eddy pulled the smaller man into a hug, ignoring his half hearted attempts to push him away.  
"I'm sorry I make you feel bad about yourself", Brett whispered, shutting his eyes hard to try and stop the crying.  
 _The pathetic crying again. Way to manipulate someone into liking you, if you can call it that._  
"You can't help being born so beautiful, Brett", Eddy mumbled, running his hand through the back Brett's soft, dark hair.  
"Stop that", Brett sobbed, grabbing a fist of Eddy's hoodie for a moment before pushing Eddy away. He looked up at him with tearful eyes. "You're everything I could ever want, and I can't even make you believe it. You deserve better than that, Eddy."

Eddy moved his arms to hold himself and looked down to his feet. He shouldn't have told Brett how he felt about that. Just look what that had done, making Brett feel bad again after everything had been so well for so long.  
"You're everything I could ever want", he echoed Brett, not daring to look up at Brett as he went silent. He took a deep breath before continuing.  
"And I can't even make you believe it. We're in the same boat, Brett."

"I'm sorry I'm so difficult to deal with", Brett said quietly, taking a step closer to Eddy again and holding his arms out, waiting for Eddy to complete the hug.  
Eddy hugged Brett tightly, closing his eyes.  
"I'm sorry I'm not better at dealing with it", Eddy sighed. "I'll keep trying to the end of the world if I have to, though."  
"You shouldn't have to."  
"I don't have to, I choose to."

Brett looked up at Eddy, taking deep breaths to not just start bawling again.  
 _You don't deserve that. You don't deserve anything._  
"I'm sorry I even made you choose, then."  
Eddy kissed his forehead gently, wiping the single tear escaping Brett's eyes.  
"You didn't. Brett, you're sick, okay? It would be like apologizing for having me make you soup when you have a cold. It's stupid, because of course I'd make soup for you."  
Brett nodded quietly, not looking up at Eddy.

Eddy felt a wash of uncertainty run through him.  
"And I guess sometimes I get sick too, and we'll have to make soup for each other, but because I'm so used to getting up to make soup for you, I just keep doing that even when I could ask you to do it, and you'd happily do so."  
Brett nodded quietly.  
"I should be better at seeing when you need soup", he mumbled, taking Eddy's hand.  
"Or I could be better at telling you", Eddy added, placing his hands around Brett's hand. The cool metal of his ring touched the back of Brett's hand.  
"Let's do both. I'll look better, and you tell me. I'd love to do something to feel like I deserve you", Brett said, looking up at Eddy now. He was determined not to cry again, but he could feel the sting of the tears behind his eyes anyway.  
"Stop saying what you deserve and not, please", Eddy sighed, leaning forward to touch their lips together gently. "If you want me, I'm yours, okay? You don't need to earn me in any way."  
Brett nodded.  
"I do want you. I love you."  
"I love you too, Brett."


	136. Chapter 136

Brett was slowly realizing how little he wanted to go to the therapist as the morning progressed, and by the time they reached the waiting room, he was centimeters from hyperventilating.  
Eddy snuck his arm around his waist, trying to calm him down as they waited for Dr. Davies.  
"Shhh, Bretty love... It's okay , you're okay. Breathe with me", Eddy mumbled, kissing the side of his head. "Remember how great you felt after last time we were here? It's gonna be like that. We'll get takeaway and bubble tea. Breathe with me, Bretty, come on."  
Brett took a shaky breath, but when he couldn't hold it like Eddy did, he just shook his head, giving up. He felt like an idiot, and everyone was for sure staring.  
"Yeah, you were doing great. Come on, one more time", Eddy encouraged as Dr. Davies entered the room. Brett was seated with his back towards the door, but Eddy had spotted her, signalling for her to wait.

Brett tried to follow Eddy's breathing pattern, and after several minutes he finally succeeded and was breathing with Eddy when Kim decided to approach.  
"Well done on that breathing, Brett", she said, cheery as always. "You ready for our talk?" She gently placed a hand on Brett's shoulder, and he nodded quietly before getting up.  
"See you on the other side", Brett mumbled before going with Dr. Davies behind the door to the offices. He looked back at Eddy before the door shut, and he flashed him a smile just as the door closed. It would be fine. Eddy was out there waiting for him.

Just moments after Brett had disappeared, Mike sat down next to Eddy in the waiting room couch.  
"Good morning, Eddy. How are you feeling today?" he asked, placing his hand on Eddy's shoulder. Eddy jumped a bit.  
"Mike, you're here already", he answered, feeling his cheeks get a hint of pink on them from how he had reacted. Stupid, really.  
"All day every day", Mike said with a laugh. "Wanna head to my office, Eddy? My couch is more comfortable than this one."  
Eddy shrugged.  
"I mean sure, we just have to ve back here before..."  
"Before Brett's finished. Gotcha, that's no problem", Mike finished for him, flashing him one of the whitest smiles Eddy had seen. "Let's go."

Eddy followed Mike through the door Brett had gone through, always checking and making sure Brett wasn't nearby. It was silly, really. It was just a therapy session after all, right?  
Mike's office was a cozy room with a large, very comfortable looking couch, a comfy chair, a desk and two loudspeakers covered in some kind of light wooden panels.  
"Please, sit down. Make yourself comfortable", Mike offered, gesturing towards the large couch. Eddy sat down in one end of it, sinking into the large cushions.  
"That is a comfy couch", he admitted with a smile as Mike sat down in the other end, kicking off his shoes and sat cross legged in the couch, facing Eddy.  
"Please do make yourself comfortable like this too, if you want", Mike said, and Eddy did. As he crossed his legs in the couch, he couldn't help but feel like this was more like hanging out with a friend than having a therapy session. He supposed that was the point.

"So, Eddy", Mike said, smiling at him. "What's going on in your life right now?"  
Eddy opened his mouth to answer, but didn't really know what to say.  
"Uh, I guess... Not too much? I take Brett to therapy, we go home..." Mike laughed a bit.  
"I mean, bigger. You're wearing an engagement ring?" he suggested, reaching out and touching Eddy's hand lightly, emphasizing what he meant. Eddy blushed.  
"Oh uh, I'm getting married. If we sort everything out, at least", he said, still feeling the tickle of Mike's touch on his hand. "I don't know how we'll even plan a wedding with both of us being as messed up as we are, honestly."

Mike nodded, leaning his elbow on the back of the couch.  
"Maybe you can explain what you mean with messed up?" Mike asked, resting his head in his hand. "Because you look quite in control of things."  
Eddy couldn't help but notice how Mike had some light stubble accenting his jawbone, which looked rather good on him. He also caught himself noticing it and immediately brushed the thought aside.  
"I guess we both just constantly think we don't deserve the other, and Brett thinking that is just stupid. He's on a much higher level than me when it comes to everything." He placed his head in his hands and sighed. "I don't know how I ever could believe I deserved him, honestly. Why would he settle for me, anyway?"  
Mike took Eddy's hands in his and looked him in the eyes with an assuring smile.  
"Hey Eddy, honestly, you're a good guy. I've seen how great you are at dealing with what Brett's going through, and in general you're a guy that's easy to like."  
Eddy's cheeks lit up, not expecting Mike's slightly larger and strong hands to hold his like that. It was just so different from when Brett held his hands, more protective in a way.  
"I just want Brett to be happy", Eddy admitted with a sigh. "And I feel like a faliure when he's not even vaguely fine. It feels like he would be better off without me, honestly."  
Mike stroke the back of Eddy's hands with his thumbs, and Eddy felt the calming effect it had.  
"Honestly, Eddy, I think you should take care of yourself better. You can't help him if you're not okay, you know."

Eddy gave what Mike had said some thought, trying to make sense of what he had said.  
"I guess that makes sense", he admitted after a while. "Thanks, Mike."  
Mike smiled at him and let his hands go.  
"Hey, come here", he said pulling Eddy into a hug. "You did great today, okay? Make sure you take care of yourself until next time, and we'll meet again next week, yeah?"  
Eddy found himself hugging the strong man back, cheeks reddening.  
"Okay", he mumbled, and Mike pulled out of the hug with a blinding smile.  
"Let's head out of here now before Brett's done, yeah?"


	137. Chapter 137

Brett had been pleasantly surprised when Eddy had asked him to go out with him for a drink. He had been looking forward to drunken giggles with Eddy, supporting each other on the way home afterwards, drunken flirting...

That was until Mike showed up. Brett had seen Mike before, in the corridor outside Dr. Kim's office.  
Appearently, he was working there too. Apparently he had been chatting some with Eddy while he was having his sessions with Kim. Appearently enough to have an interesting chat Brett didn't really understand anything of, causing Brett to sit quietly with his drink watching his fiancé laughing with some tall, handsome and appearently really funny guy.

 _Of course he'd rather talk to Mike._ _He's a smart guy, a doctor, he's handsome, he's funny. Everything you're not._  
Brett really tried to push the voice aside, but it didn't really work. He knew the voice was right.

His drink became empty quicker than he expected, and he let out a small sigh as he stood uo and put on a kind smile and sweet voice.  
"I'm getting another drink, you guys want any?" he asked, smiling at them. Eddy looked up at him.  
"You know, another one of these wouldn't be too bad actually", he said, smiling back at Brett quickly before turning his attention back to Mike.  
"Nothing for me, thanks", Mike said gently, placing a hand on Brett's arm as he walked past. Brett shrugged him off.

"I'll be right back", he mumbled, heading over to the bar with heavy steps. There wasn't a lot of people at the bar and the bartender took his order right away.  
"I can come over with them, it's not so busy", she said, flashing him a polite smile. Brett shrugged.  
"I actually kinda want to take a break from that for a sec, so if you don't mind me taking them myself..."  
"No worries. You alright?" she asked kindly as she mixed up Eddy's drink. "You've been looking down all evening."  
Brett sighed, and leaned his head on his hand.  
"I don't know, it's probably nothing and I'm overreacting like I always do, but I guess I'm just jealous of Mike."  
The bartender looked up from pouring some vodka.  
"You mean that guy flirting with the other asian guy over there?" she asked, nodding in their direction. Brett flinched at the word "flirting" and sighed heavily.  
"Yeah. That 'other asian guy over there' is actually my fiancé, so I guess you can see why I'm feeling a bit down."  
The bartender started on Brett's drink with a thoughtful look on her face.  
"Well, I guess it's quite an asshole move of your fiancé to allow that", she said, concentrating for a second on the amount of vodka she was pouring into Brett's drink. "You should talk about that."  
Brett sighed.  
"I trust Eddy. He probably doesn't even realize what's happening. He's always had someone after him, anyway. I mean, look at him."  
The bartender did as Brett said and looked back at Brett again.  
"Don't know man, I think he should take a closer look at what he has before he throws it away on some hottie obviously only after sex."  
She placed the drinks on the bar in front of Brett with a smile.  
"Anyway, enjoy your drinks. Hope you work this out. Don't let them walk all over you."

With that, Brett walked back to the table with both drinks and set one down on the table in front of Eddy who threw him a quick smile before resuming the conversation with Mike. Brett tried to figure out what they were talking about, but he kept spacing out thinking about what the bartender had said.  
"I'm just gonna head to the men's room for a sec, please have mw excused", Mike said, pulling Brett out of his thoughts, flashing Eddy a smile that caused him to blush and Brett to want to puke before heading off.

"Mike's a nice guy, don't you think?" Eddy asked, taking Brett's hand resting on the table.  
"Sure", Brett mumbled quietly, taking a large gulp of his drink. Even when Mike wasn't there it had to be about Mike. Stupid Mike.  
"Brett, are you okay? You seem off", Eddy asked concerned, stroking the back of his hand with his thumb. He was surprised when Brett pulled back his hand.  
"Very okay, I love watching my fiancé flirting with a guy that's very obviously much better than me", Brett spat through gritted teeth, keeping his eyes trained on his drink. "You sure you don't want me to leave so you can be alone with him?"  
Eddy's jaw dropped to the floor at the accusation that was thrown at him, and the confusion was clear in his eyes.  
"What? I'm not flirting with Mike!" he insisted, hurt that Brett would even suggest that. Brett laughed bitterly.  
"Sure, and I was born yesterday. I have eyes, Eddy! I've been literally right here all evening, but I guess you forgot I even existed right? It's all about Mike Mike Mike." He took another gulp of his drink, setting the glass hard back on the table.  
"You're seriously out of it with jealousy now, Brett", Eddy said through gritted teeth, trying not to let his annoyance with Brett's stupid accusation affect the way he spoke.

Brett quickly threw back his drink as Mike returned.  
"You know what? Screw this, I'm going home. Have fun with Mike", Brett spat and got up. "Sorry to disturb your fucking date."  
And then he grabbed his jacket and walked off, leaving a confused Mike and a shocked Eddt behind in the bar.


	138. Chapter 138

"What was that about?", Mike asked as he sat down, furrowing his brows. Eddy didn't reply. His eyes were glued on the door Brett had exited through, several different emotions passing over his face.  
"I... don't know?" Eddy mumbled and took another sip of his drink, setting it back on the table with shaky hands. "He kind of accused me of flirting with you, got mad and then left?"  
Mike laughed and smiled that blinding smile at him, making Eddy move his eyes from the door to the man in front of him.

"Were you flirting with me, though?" Mike asked, laughing a bit as if the suggestion was absurd on its own.  
"I don't think so?" Eddy answered, sounding unsure and running a hand through his hair. "Not on purpose?"  
Mike leaned over the table and placed a hand gently on his forearm, trying to assure him.  
"If you weren't, then Brett has nothing to worry about anyway. He shouldn't go off on you like that over nothing."  
Eddy sighed and looked down into his drink that Brett had bought for him.  
"I probably did something to trigger him", he mumbled quietly, feeling Mike stroke his forearm with his thumb. Mike shook his head firmly.  
"You deserve to have a nice time with friends without getting accused of flirting, Eddy. You can't lock yourself up to contain his jealousy."  
Eddy sighed and grabbed another sip of his drink, feeling the light burn down his throat from the alcohol in it.  
"I guess", he mumbled, rubbing his eyes to stop himself from breaking into tears.

"Hey, come here. It's gonna be fine", Mike said, pulling him into a gentle hug with Eddy's face hidden against his neck. Eddy let out a sigh, allowing himself to be comforted by the strong embrace. "You'll talk about it and it'll be fine."  
Eddy closed his eyes, biting his lip.  
"If he'll talk to me, yeah. It seems I can never do anything right", he mumbled, still with his face squished into Mike's light blue shirt. He could feel Mike's hand rub his back, and it was nice to just be comforted without worrying about saying or doing something wrong.  
"Eddy, you're a great guy. He's lucky to have you, and I'm sure he feels that way too. He's sick, and one of the symptoms he has is that he's scared of losing people he loves."  
Eddy nodded quietly, not really able to take in what Mike was saying.  
"And I'm sure he'll realize this was just a misunderstanding, and that you'll make up quickly."

Eddy nodded again, still not moving from Mike's hug. It was just too nice to let himself feel small, to actually be not fine for a while. To be sure Mike would have the answer to everything.  
"Why do you even bother comforting me? You don't even know me", Eddy mumbled after a while, moving slightly away from the hug. Mike reached out and moved some of his hair that was falling into his eyes. Eddy's cheeks got a mild shade of pink.

Mike smiled and shrugged.  
"I guess you looked like you needed it, and you seem like a great guy", he said. "You deserve to be treated well, and Brett doesn't seem to be able to give you that right now."


	139. Chapter 139

When Eddy finally got to the front door of their house, he wasn't really sad or angry about Brett's outburst anymore. Mike had held him for hours, making sure he was fine, before giving him his numver and convincing him to go home and make sure Brett was okay. Eddy hadn't really wanted to go home. He knew Brett wasn't fine, even though he had no reason to. Mike was just a friend and Brett was overreacting.

It was late, but he knew Brett was still up from the sound of the tv coming from the living room. He kicked off his shoes and went to the living room, surprised to find Brett curled up in the chair, pressing an almost empty half litre bottle of vodka to his chest.  
"Bretty?" he said carefully, sitting down in the couch. Brett just scoffed but didn't reply, eyes trained on the british crime show on the tv. He took a swig of the bottle, leaving only a tiny mouthful for the next go.  
"Brett, have you had the entire bottle?" he asked, getting concerned. Brett shrugged followed by a choked laugh.

"Whyyy the FUCK do you care, huH?" he said, obviously slurring his words. "Thought you were too BUSY fucking Mike or some shit."  
Eddy sighed and moved to sit in the end of the couch that was the closest to Brett.  
"Brett, I swear, Mike's just a friend. Nothing happened", Eddy said, trying to rest his hand on Brett's arm only to be swatted away followed by him emptying the bottle.  
"Just a friend my ASS. I'm not fucking blind, Eddy!" Brett exclaimed, smashing the glass bottle on the floor next to his chair. Eddy jumped at the unexpected move, but decided against mentioning it.  
"I swear, Brett, it's nothing. He's literally just a guy I've been chatting to while waiting for you to be done with your sessions in therapy."  
"Sure, Eddy. 'Chatting'", Brett said, laughing bitterly. "Did you fuck in his office? Was it good, huh?"  
"What do you want me to say, Brett? I haven't done anything with Mike", Eddy said, feeling defeated.

Brett stood up quickly, struggling to stay on his feet from all the alcohol he had consumed, and Eddy immediately stood up as well to try and support him.  
"Leave me alone", Brett slurred, voice breaking at the end. "Go fuck Mike or something."  
Eddy sighed and just wrapped his arms tightly around him, ignoring the clumsy struggling from Brett to get away from him. After a while Brett settled and hid his face into Eddy's chest.

"If I died, Eddy, you could be free of all this", Brett whispered after a while, barely able to form the words. He closed his eyes. "You could go be with Mike if you want, and not have to worry about me anymore."  
Eddy shook his head, shocked that was even something he could think about.  
"Don't say that", Eddy whispered desperately back, pulling Brett closer. "Do not fucking say that. I'm nothing without you, Brett."  
Brett sighed heavily, using just slightly too long to find his words.  
"I'm sorry I'm so much to handle. That's why you're with Mike, right? To get a break from me?" Brett could feel his speech getting slurred more as he spoke, as the alcohol he had earlier was absorbed into his system. He felt drowsy, and leaned more heavily onto Eddy.

"That's not true, Brett...", Eddy began, but felt himself holding more and more of Brett's weight, which caused him to pause.  
"Brett?" he asked, but the smaller man only mumbled an incoherent reply. Eddy furrowed his brows, but then remembered the smashed bottle by the chair.  
"Brett, come on, you gotta stay awake", he said, getting more worried now, but it was too late and Brett passed out in Eddy's arms.


	140. Chapter 140

The next time Brett opened his eyes, he was in a very white room with a mask over his face and a needle in his hand. He groaned in frustration, realizing what must have happened, and immediately noticed some movement to his right.  
"Brett?" Eddy asked carefully with a hoarse voice, sounding like he had been crying. He stood up and went over to Brett, taking the hand without a needle in it between his. "How are you feeling?"

Brett shook his head softly, and closed his eyes again.  
"Why are you here?" he asked, only getting out a small whisper. It wasn't accusatory, more like he didn't understand. Eddy stroke his hand gently.  
"Because I love you, Brett, that's why", Eddy replied, moving some of the hair that was falling in his eyes from his forehead.  
Brett sighed.  
"I'm sorry about what happened", he whispered, looking up at Eddy who was rather blurry due to Brett's lack of glasses.  
"No, I'm sorry Brett. I shouldn't have talked to Mike at all, no matter how innocently. I'm sorry I pushed you to this."  
Brett shook his head again.  
"No Eddy, of course you should be able to have friends. It was stupid. I'm sorry", Brett sighed and rubbed Eddy's hand with his thumb. "I'll try not to do that again, but I'm obviously crazy, so I guess I shouldn't promise anything."  
Eddy leaned down and kissed his forehead gently.  
"You're not crazy", he mumbled, stroking his hair. "Don't say that."  
"Sure cause trying to drink yourself to death and hearing voices doesn't count as being crazy", Brett said followed by a short, hoarse laugh. "Let's just call it what it is."

Eddy sighed and moved to pull his chair closer to Brett's bed to sit next to him, still holding Brett's hand.  
"Do you have my glasses somewhere?", Brett asked after a while, trying to focus on Eddy.  
"Yeah", he said, reaching to the little table next to Brett's bed and found his glasses. He gently placed them on his face, careful not to interfer with the oxygen mask on his face. Brett blinked a few times and looked up at Eddy.

"Dude you look like you haven't slept in weeks", he mumbled, lifting his hand up to touch Eddy's cheek. "Are you okay?"  
Eddy shrugged.  
"It's a few days I guess, but I'm fine", he said as if it was nothing. "Don't worry about it."  
Brett reached over and slapped his arm weakly.  
"Get some sleep, idiot. I've just been lying here anyway."  
Eddy scoffed.  
"I'll say that to you after almost dying on you and see how you feel", he said bitterly, rubbing his eyes.

It got quiet for a while as Brett processed what Eddy had just said. He furrowed his brows.  
"Dying? I wasn't drunk enough to die, was I?"  
Eddy looked down at their hands, sighing.  
"Yeah no, you almost choked on your own vomit in the ambulance."  
Brett nodded weakly.  
"How long have I been here?" he asked, not really imagining it could be that long. He'd only had alcohol after all.  
"Like three days?" Eddy said, sounding like he wasn't sure. He grabbed his phone from the bedside table and lit it up to see the date. "Yeah , three days", he confirmed, putting back his phone.  
"Fucking hell", Brett sighed. "I'm sorry, Eddy. I really am."

A few moments later, a nurse knocled gently on the door before letting herself in. She was a smiling, middle aged lady who looked like someone's aunt.  
"Oh my, you've finally woken up! So nice to see. How are you feeling, dear?" she asked while checking the IV and the oxygen. Then she paused and looked down at him.  
"I'm fine", he said, feeling annoyed but sounding polite. He did not want someone's aunt peeking into his business. He was fine. "When can I go home?"  
She looked uncomfortable for a moment but kept up her smile. Brett turned to look at Eddy, who also looked just as uncomfortable. It was the nurse who broke the strange silence.  
"Someone will come see you within the next hour, and they'll know, okay sweets?" she said with a smile, and Brett watched as Eddy shifted uncomfortably.  
"Just ring if there's anything you need, alright?" the nurse said as she whisked out the door. Brett furrowed his brows and turned his attention to Eddy again.

"So, what was that?" he asked, and Eddy cleared his throat, obviously looking uncomfortable. Brett squeezed his hand gently.  
"Dude, tell me! Is anything wrong? Am I still dying or something?" Brett asked, becoming more nervous now. Eddy's eyes widened.  
"Oh, no no! It's nothing like that, don't worry about it", he said, stroking Brett's hair again and leaning down to kiss his forehead. "It's really nothing to worry about. Don't worry about it, okay?"  
Brett groaned in frustration.  
"Eddy Chen, tell me what's going on" he demanded, sounding more stern now, despite his hoarse voice behind the oxygen mask. Eddy cleared his throat and looked like he wanted to sink through the floor. This had to be bad.  
"Please promise not to be mad", he half whispered, not daring to look at Brett.


End file.
